Difficult friendships

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BarneyplusBarneyBuckets

BarneyplusBarneyBuckets

New member
#1
Jan 19, 2021
28
16
3
#1
Hi everyone, I’d like to preface this by saying I'm not sure if this forum is the correct place for this, but it seemed the best fit.

i have a friend who is gay and he seems to believe he is the authority figure on all gay individuals now, furthermore he is now guessing who around him is gay but stating those assumptions as fact. He has a massive ego and is a handful at the best of times but we work together so I can’t really avoid him. if anything negative happens in his life he will just declare it as being down to everyone being homophobic even when he is just suffering the consequences of something he’s done wrong. Do I tell him his behaviour is unacceptable or do I stay quiet and pray? I fear other people have tried to talk some sense to him in the past and he declared them homophobes.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#2
#2
BarneyplusBarneyBuckets said:
Hi everyone, I’d like to preface this by saying I'm not sure if this forum is the correct place for this, but it seemed the best fit.

i have a friend who is gay and he seems to believe he is the authority figure on all gay individuals now, furthermore he is now guessing who around him is gay but stating those assumptions as fact. He has a massive ego and is a handful at the best of times but we work together so I can’t really avoid him. if anything negative happens in his life he will just declare it as being down to everyone being homophobic even when he is just suffering the consequences of something he’s done wrong. Do I tell him his behaviour is unacceptable or do I stay quiet and pray? I fear other people have tried to talk some sense to him in the past and he declared them homophobes.
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He already knows that people find his life unacceptable (and that people find homosexuality a sin), so no point for you to repeat it. I see two options, either introduce him to Christianity, or leave the friendship but first give a reason. Don't leave silently.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#3
#3
As it is a workmate, there is not much you can do about this situation. Your company's HR policies probably state that the company welcomes everyone irrespective of gender, sexuality, race, age, etc. You have no choice but to work with him, but you can probably spend less time with him as a friend (chit chat, lunches, etc.). If it really bothers you, best option is to work in a more conservative Christian environment.
 
GardenofWeeden

GardenofWeeden

Well-known member
#4
Jul 27, 2018
411
369
63
The Garden of Weeden
#4
As I get older, I am learning to lay it all on God's lap, and let God handle things. I am still learning this, and I fail miserably at times, but with that in mind, I would do my best to not say anything, pray that God shows him, and that God will use me to show him God's love working in my life, in a way that makes him want to know more. Let God guide you, as much as you can. Peace!!
 
EternalFire

EternalFire

Well-known member
#5
Jan 3, 2019
642
339
63
#5
BarneyplusBarneyBuckets said:
Hi everyone, I’d like to preface this by saying I'm not sure if this forum is the correct place for this, but it seemed the best fit.

i have a friend who is gay and he seems to believe he is the authority figure on all gay individuals now, furthermore he is now guessing who around him is gay but stating those assumptions as fact. He has a massive ego and is a handful at the best of times but we work together so I can’t really avoid him. if anything negative happens in his life he will just declare it as being down to everyone being homophobic even when he is just suffering the consequences of something he’s done wrong. Do I tell him his behaviour is unacceptable or do I stay quiet and pray? I fear other people have tried to talk some sense to him in the past and he declared them homophobes.
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If he is doing the things you stated in your post in the workplace, I would report him to HR. Discussing the sexuality of co-workers is unacceptable in the workplace.
 
L

Live4Him

Guest
#6
#6
BarneyplusBarneyBuckets said:
Hi everyone, I’d like to preface this by saying I'm not sure if this forum is the correct place for this, but it seemed the best fit.

i have a friend who is gay and he seems to believe he is the authority figure on all gay individuals now, furthermore he is now guessing who around him is gay but stating those assumptions as fact. He has a massive ego and is a handful at the best of times but we work together so I can’t really avoid him. if anything negative happens in his life he will just declare it as being down to everyone being homophobic even when he is just suffering the consequences of something he’s done wrong. Do I tell him his behaviour is unacceptable or do I stay quiet and pray? I fear other people have tried to talk some sense to him in the past and he declared them homophobes.
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Seeing how homosexuality isn't his only sin, why not just take a more generic approach by showing him his need for salvation regardless of his sexuality?

I mean, he's obviously committed a host of other sins (you mentioned his massive ego or PRIDE), so you really don't have to focus on that one particular sin.

If you can help him to see his need for Christ in a more general sense, then that could easily open the door for you to address the particular sin of homosexuality in the future.

Just a suggestion.

Whatever you do, don't discount how effective your own holy lifestyle can be in bringing conviction upon others.

I know a lot of people who almost start foaming at the mouth just when I'm in their presence because my lifestyle and my own devotion to Christ convicts them.
 
Nehemiah6

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
#7
Jul 18, 2017
24,446
12,931
113
#7
BarneyplusBarneyBuckets said:
Do I tell him his behaviour is unacceptable or do I stay quiet and pray?
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Since you work together, why not report this to your supervisor and let him handle this person? It is unacceptable behavior, and for many it is offensive. People need to speak out.
 
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TheIndianGirl

Guest
#8
#8
Reporting him since he is gay would be a tricky situation. If he was straight and accused others of being gay, that would be considered homophobic. However, since he is gay, HR might not take a complaint against him seriously. They might even approach it as, what's wrong with being gay. Also, nowadays, a rumor spreading around that you are gay doesn't ruin your life (maybe middle school and high school, but not adult life); in fact nowadays it is even favored. Do his comments fall under the category of sexual harassment? I think you would have a stronger case there.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#9
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#9
Is he your personal friend or your workmate
You might just want to keep things professional if hes your workmate.

It will actually be difficult to be friends with somone who is gay and does not share your christian beliefs as believers cant really fellowship with unbelievers, it wont work.

If someones just being obnoxious, then you can call them on it just like you would anyone.
I have had gay workmates in the past who could at times be real obnoxious, but it wasnt always about the gay thing. That was just one of the things. If hes always bringing up the topic, you can just say you tired of hearing about it, as not everyone is gay or wants to be. The world does not revolve around being gay.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#10
Jul 3, 2015
55,886
26,050
113
#10
BarneyplusBarneyBuckets said:
Do I tell him his behaviour is unacceptable or do I stay quiet and pray?
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It needn't be an "either/or" situation. You could say something more neutral and lighthearted to this workplace drama queen without being offensive, a standard type of good humored reply when he blames others for his woes. Example: "You always say that." :)
 
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