Something good I learned and am learning about relationships.

First off, if anyone remembers reading my last post from about a month ago, I was down in the dumps. I was hoping to start something with this woman, and, long story short, nothing came out of it. Anyway, since then, I've been debating on pursuing a single's life for as long as I live. Sounds somewhat grim, and at the time, it felt like it.

However, during the course of the last month, I've taken up ballroom dancing. I actually started it up last year, but COVID hit and a bunch of other personal stuff came up, so I recently got back into it. I've been learning the basics of styles like waltz, salsa, and swing. I never thought I could do it, let alone actually dancing, but every week, I find myself in the same studio, taking private lessons and attending their dance parties. As odd as it sounds, I'm finding myself having a lot of fun, meeting new people, acquiring a new skill, and being the happiest and most enthusiastic I've been in a while. I'm currently learning cha-cha and bachata for anyone who's curious about what I'm learning currently.

Back on topic, since that awkward moment with that other woman, I haven't had much of a care as to what happened since I've been doing this. Along the way, my instructors have been getting better and better, and one of them, I believe, is trying to get me into the more advanced lessons, which I'm REALLY excited about taking. In addition to that, there have been other women there that are not only talking to me but also are having fun whenever we dance together. So now my options are now open, and for the first time in a long time, I'm feeling really good and confident about myself. This might be bad to say, but whenever I see that other woman at church now, I think to myself "her loss" and move on. Reason being, how many men do you know that get excited to go out and dance, especially ballroom dancing? Not many, and we all know women LOVE, and I mean LOVE, to dance. So yeah, you can now say I'm over that woman, which I don't feel bad about (go back and read my last post as to what happened, if you haven't already, and, no, I don't hate her).

Even though it sounds cliched, and it is to some extent, what I've learned and currently learning about relationships is this: God really does have plan for each one us. It requires Him breaking us down first then remolding us. In my case, I think He wanted to me see that just because someone that YOU would think is good, based on the person's background, doesn't mean that they are or not as virtuous as you would hope. If that moment happens when you realize the truth, it's best to get out of it. What happens next is God then points you at something or someone to go towards. Finally, good things begin to happen and you feel happy with yourself.

Right now, because of where I'm at today, I don't know if I will be single the rest of my life or not, but whatever happens-happens. However, I'm far more joyful than what I was a month ago. I met new people, I'm having fun, and I have a new skill that will be with me the rest of life. My dancing ability is also getting better and I want to learn more, especially when I'm now at my lightest weight in nearly 20 years (makes it easier to move). And what I've been noticing is as my skill improves, the women at the place I go to have been more eager to dance with me because I have got a lot better and they notice how confident I am while I dance with them. Who knows, maybe a future spouse will come out of it. I won't say that it will happen, but you never know. That's what I have been learning about relationships. They don't always start off romantic, and God makes sure that friendship is established first before any of that. So for any man, or any woman for that matter, don't give up. Good things happen or begin to happen when you least expect it. All you have to do is put it in God's hands and have faith that He will provide what is needed. Now, being Friday 6/11/21, I have a 50s/60s dance party to attend, so I hope this helps those who are in the same boat I'm in!

I appreciate your post . . . your honestly.

Question for you: The Apostle Paul taught us to remain in the position that we are in when He Circumcises our Heart. If we are married, stay married. If we are single, stay single. He also taught that if we cannot control ourselves, that it would be better to marry that burn in continual lust. Have you spent much time thinking about being single for the rest of your life, and living your New Life for Him and Him alone? Can you imagine that . . . and what it would be like?

I went to a lot of dance classes where I learned to dance, but I always sort of knew how to dance in my own way before that rather than follow everyone elses steps and I much prefer that freedom.

Ballet and anything coreographed by someone else was actually really hard for me. I think if everyone does their own moves it can be a bit chaotic, but spontaenous dancing is something I value. Instead of prescribed moves, you listen to the music and move your body according to the music. Much more fun!

the thing with ballroom dancing is its sooo old fashioned. You need the right dance shoes and dress. You need to have a partner so tall. You need this that and the other. Not for me.

To be honest, I have had a few ideas about it. Nothing's in stone, but I have had some plans on making it happen. One of the ways to serve is to serve others. My second job is working with the special needs community. I had originally worked for an agency my brother owned part time, and just recently, after his business dissolved (he disbanded it for personal reasons, not financial because business was great), I became an independent provider. So with this job, I can help those who need assistance becoming independent themselves (or if they need constant care, depending on the condition). Christ had helped those in need, and I feel as if that is part of my calling, in addition to my primary job (which is opticianry).

Also, I've met more people, who are now friends of mine, and we're doing more things together. I've been making my bonds with my family stronger. And I have been encouraging people to become healthier. Long story short, I was very overweight (330 pounds was my heaviest), and over the years, I lost over 140 pounds (making me between 185 to 190 pounds). In the end, I want to be a testament to what God can do, if you allow Him to.

And something to keep in mind, just because we are single now, doesn't mean we will be tomorrow. If we decide to be single for the rest of our lives, great, but if someone comes along that you really like, well, who's to say that person isn't a blessing? That person could even help you grow spiritually. So where I'm at now, I don't know what's going to happen, but whatever it may be, God must be the center. Hopefully that answers your question.

Consider giving ballroom a second look. I'm meeting a lot of good people and they're really helping me out. Here are the styles I've learned with their basics so far:

-waltz
-rumba
-tango
-merenge
-bachata
-cha-cha
-salsa
-swing
-east coast swing
-fox traut

Again, basics. Right now, only thing I'm getting are dance shoes. That's it. Don't worry about the other stuff, unless you're gonna compete, which I haven't ruled out yet. Fun and meeting new people is the purpose, so keep that in mind, if you'd consider having at it again.

This right here... you have learned something real important. Them last four words is about the best thing you can apply to relationships in particular and about all of life in general. If you meet somebody, you meet somebody. If you don't, keep living your life and having fun where you can anyway.

not really my style

sorry
I learned ceroc, salsa, waltz, cha cha, hustle, capoira, swing and all those. I probably forgot a lot of them now. I used to flat with a dance instructor. I did a ballet class.
A friend wanted me to try zumba. It was ok, but it was more for oldies.
I felt like I was copying everyone elses moves and couldnt express the dance but always following the instructor.
I dont go in for competing, lol. Plus classes cost to go to and it all adds up.

The only dance I do now is organise 'statues' with year 0-2 children in the library. The dance is really easy. You can do any moves you like, to whatever music (I usually put on 'wonky donkey' ) but when it srops you have to freeze. if you move, you are out.

I used to do this dance when I taught Bibles in schools, it was to the 'Gods Love' song, and consisted of singing, a few hand actions AND spinning round in circles until you were dizzy. I just made up the actions to the songs. It was so easy anybody could do it.

I do agree that if you want to meet people go dancing, though I think set classes arent for me.
I think what ought to happen is have a dance social about four times a year in church hall open to anybody. Have prizes for best costumes, best dance etc. The organised dances, recitals, contests etc I have been to have all been a bit rigid.

Ginger Rogers said she did everything Fred Astaire did, just backwards and in high heels.

any female will tell you that walking in high heels all day HURTS. That is why they are really only meant for dancing because it makes women tall enough to be eye to eye with their partner.

At end of the dance, those shoes come off.

That's where I'm at today, and I think that's where a lot of single men (and women for that matter) need to be. I have a cousin who's in his 50's. He is saved, a very nice guy, and wants to do fun activities. Problem is he's not letting things play out. There's a woman he likes and he thinks she likes him, when hearing more and more about it, she's nothing more than a tease. Plus she's seen with another guy. I'm trying to find a way to convince him to get away from her and start talking to a few of the women that I see up at this ballroom studio.

There's one woman that has been coming up to me and, I don't know about flirty but, wants to dance with me and go over dance moves. It kind of feels like she might have a thing for me because we're almost always dancing together and I'm THE guy that she wants to dance with. Now, I can't say if she likes me or not, but it feels like it, and even though she is very nice and fun, she's closer to my cousin's age (and she's good looking for her age, I'd say between 45-55 years old, roughly). And she IS a grandma (again, a good looking one), and I'm not ready to be a 35 year old step grandpa. I'm trying to get my cousin to come with me more to this place and start talking to her. She actually likes doing stuff and isn't with anyone, oppose to this other woman he talks about, where all she does is tease him and get him to spend money on her singing gigs while she's with another guy.

What's sad is there are guys out there, like my cousin, who hold out hope that the one, whoever it is to each one, only to end up disappointed while passing up on other women who very well may be interested in them, if the guys just talked to them. I know this because I WAS one of them, and I can't tell you how depressing it is being in that mind set and, I guess, that way of living. Ever since I got over the last woman, I feel much better, think clearer, and my confidence is much higher. I'm talking to more women now, and, as I said earlier, whatever happens-happens. If I meet someone there I like, I'll ask them out, and if I don't, that's cool too because I'm learning a new skill that'll last forever (and it's fun).

So to any man (or woman) reading this that has intentions of starting a relationships: don't pass up on life. God wants you to live happily while serving Him. Don't hold out on that one person that you think has feelings for you if they don't make time to spend it. Don't pursue that one person if they are not giving the time you're hoping they'd give you if they're seen with another man (or woman). It'll drive you into depression and you don't want that. Do the things you enjoy, and if you think you don't have enough (or any hobbies), start up new ones. Acquire new skills, get out of your shell, get out of your comfort zone, and start living life. Who knows, you may just end up meeting that special person. Remember, we're on God's time, not ours. Just be patient and enjoy the good times presented!

hmm I wouldnt interfere or meddle with someone elses choices even though I think they might be stupid ones.

But thats just me. Some peoples hearts just have to be broken before they learn.
But why are you telling us, just be straight up with your cousin and say its in your best interest to drop this lady and dance with the other one cos I dont really want her and Im one hundred percent positive shes perfect for YOU

SHE might not agree though.

You're probably right. He just keeps telling me about this woman, and I should just tell him "hey, drop this woman and consider talking to the one at the ballroom because (x, y, and z) and she seems really nice." Sure, she may not go for him, but wouldn't hurt to find out.

isnt it a drag when your friends or family go out with the wrong person and you have to endure their troubles with said person.

But a lot of the time they are going out or staying with them because they just cant see any alternative. Or they might be smitten, but you have to wait till the honeymoon is over for them to see sense.

I recall when my sis went out with this guy and went BACK to him even when he was clearly cheating on her with someone else. But she wasnt going to listen to her family or friends.

But then dont be the doofus who introduces the new lady and then your cousin might think why not I can cheat on this one and have both. Cos some guys cant do the break up thing properly. And then your lady will be like 'the other woman'

Definitely won't do that. What I learned about this woman my cousin's into is she's a nurse and can sing, which is good and nothing wrong with either one. However, she doesn't do anything except wait until he gets to the place where she sings so she gets more money off and talk to him (a little) while he's there, and he talks to to her through Facebook messenger. That's the extent of their relationship. Beyond that, the only other thing I can gather is the guy she's seen with is her boyfriend. It's sad, but my cousin is holding out hope that isn't there.

Now, this other woman I'd like to see him talk to. She's a counselor, sky dives, ballroom dances (obviously), and does roller derby. This woman is active and sounds like a lot of fun, in addition to her being very nice. I bet if he, at least, got to know her a little bit, he'd like her more than the other woman. I won't shove him on to her, nor do the same with her, but I'd like to see my cousin happier.

well put it to God and see what He does.

I mean God is big enough to handle our matchmaking suggestions.

If you actually want to wager something, then why not put your money where your mouth is. I dont know anyone who do this, go out with someone to win a bet...but maybe guys do it. Who dares wins...?

Is that why its called a dating game? You want the gold ring?

sounds like your cousin is a fan of this lady, and like most fanboys have a crush that is not really going to go anywhere. They just like the feeling of being crushed. Some people dont grow out of that phase and you cant make them. I observed this in a neighbour that idolised stars. Ok this singer or star has been dead for over 30'years and you STILL have feelings for them...what is that. They are dead! They were married to someone else. They lived in another country. They cant even talk to you, and if you listen to their songs, its always going to be a one way conversation, the only thing fanboys or fangirls can really get is an autograph maybe.

He probably only likes the nurse lady for her music or songs, so he might not even look at your skidiving lady if she cant sing.

what are the odds that the nurse lady sings about love or relationships.

I am willing to bet.. a cup of.

Hmmm, you might be on to something there. I'll have to ask him what kind of songs she sings. At the same time, skydiving lady can dance and she's part of a roller derby league. She can fight all his battles. SHE'S PERFECT FOR HIM!!!!....... I don't know. I figured she would be far more interesting and more fun, making him very happy because, to me, this singing nurse sounds, more or less, like a heartthrob rather than someone to have an actual relationship with. Maybe it's the idea of her that has him bewitched. Either way, we'll be getting together soon and we'll be having our normal conversations, so I may ask a little more about the woman he likes.

... maybe she's a big Metallica fan... Master of Puppets and For Whom The Bell Tolls... maybe she sings stuff like that...

that is funny
I wonder if other people ever think of any random guy and say 'hes perfect for Lanolin' and then. Im like. meh.
I dont see it.

I remember kids used to do this at school. They would think just cos someone else looked a bit like me, that he would be 'perfect' for me. Or...at church, just because someone happened to be single, they were 'perfect' for me.

Perfect for what exactly. I was perfectly happy without having to hold hands with anyone.

as for making people happy...isnt that what clowns are meant to do....?

Peoples tastes are strange, I was reading this novel everyone was raving about but I couldnt really finish it. I mean yay a book, but you cant just give me any book. I'll read it, give it a go, but wont necessarily enjoy or have the same reaction to it someone else might have.

anyway...just be careful you dont turn into the family busybody. Nobody really likes those people who try to micromanage other peoples love lives.

For sure, and it's not my intention to do so. I see him and, if I continued down that road of pursuing the person that I only think "maybe she likes me" instead of knowing that she does (and you can tell if they do), I would be stuck the rest of my life with heartbreak over and over again. It pains me seeing this with someone else, especially family.

But, at the same time, it's his choice and not mine. All I can do is give my opinions and leave it be. Although, he did invite me to go down with him next time this woman sings, and I have no problem playing wingman. The only issue that would arise is after we leave and he asks me what I think. Brutal honesty would be easy, but why ruin a friendship by being mean and condescending to the guy and talking down about the woman he liked?

I can see you're pretty up front about things, but, where there's nothing wrong with being honest and stating your opinions, you would have to of been in my shoes to really understand what's going on inside my head before I realized my mistake, let alone my cousin's.

So please don't think this as me being foolish about helping someone else because I have no desire to control his love life. This is simply one person who went through an extremely similar situation who might be able to say "hey, have you considered 'x'" then leave it be.

Helping doesn't mean to micromanage, nor does it mean do everything for someone else, but rather to assist. And that's what I want to do, and I hope this does lead him towards being happy.

Btw the clown analogy seems a little uncalled for and out of place, so sorry for sounding snarky and a little snappy, but that's a bit insulting and you know most of that statement isn't true. I can take honesty and constructive criticism, and I hope this wasn't comparing me to a fool, but next time, you might want to choose your words and analogies more carefully. That's my advise to you because that's one major way on how to drive non-believers who might be trying to be saved by Christ away. I know I'm not perfect, but neither is anyone else here.

Now, I take your point about what others think about one thing or the other oppose to what I think, and I fully agree. I know this all too well because I had other family members and friends trying to set me up with someone, only to be disappointed and not what I was looking for. So, again, don't think of this as me being foolish. I know my boundaries in this situation and will be careful not to overstep them.