When you feel you do not belong ( in a church)

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

oyster67

Senior Member
May 24, 2014
11,887
8,705
113
#21
As others have said in this thread, church's can be awkward places to navigate socially.
The modern "church" has strayed far from what God originally intended it to be. I believe CC fulfils the role far better than most denominational church-houses do.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
60,131
29,444
113
#23
I do not know for sure. My small group is the functionally assistant pastor, of our satellite church. Wouldn't I be a hypocrite if I invite people to attend where I do not feel welcome or where I feel like an outsider?
I do not see how that would be hypocritical, since you are being welcoming... besides, others may not feel as you do, and also, even if people you invite really do like your church, it is no guarantee they will stay... and the reasons they might leave could have nothing whatsoever to do with feeling welcomed, accepted, part of, belonging, etc..
 
Mar 4, 2020
8,614
3,691
113
#24
What should one do if one feels he does not belong to/ in a church/ group in the church? Should one keep volunteering/ serving?
I realized at some point that even churches need missionaries to reach out to them. That being said, being member of a church congregation that you don't like can actually be a cause to help them. Don't take for granted that just because a church has a lot of money, large attendance, and does many good things that they're good and you can move on. Though there certainly can come a point where it's better to move on.

One such church I attended (felt welcome there but didn't like it there many a reason) needed help in many areas. I feel like I reached two or three of the areas of improvement before moving on.
 

Seeker47

Well-known member
Aug 7, 2018
1,128
962
113
#25
The modern "church" has strayed far from what God originally intended it to be. I believe CC fulfils the role far better than most denominational church-houses do.
I think so too!
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
60,131
29,444
113
#26
The modern "church" has strayed far from what God originally intended it to be.
I believe CC fulfils the role far better than most denominational church-houses do.
Do you see a lot of unity here? :unsure:

Admittedly, even the early church had factions.

That is not to say God intended it that way ;)
 

oyster67

Senior Member
May 24, 2014
11,887
8,705
113
#27
Do you see a lot of unity here?:unsure:
I believe that unity based and built upon ear tickling and backslapping is worse than no unity at all.

Many modern churchmen are like queers who value each other's approval over the approval of God. They prefer to line up behind one another rather than to line up behind God's Word.
 

Marcelo

Senior Member
Feb 4, 2016
2,359
859
113
73
#28
I believe that unity based and built upon ear tickling and backslapping is worse than no unity at all.

Many modern churchmen are like queers who value each other's approval over the approval of God. They prefer to line up behind one another rather than to line up behind God's Word.
Let me give you just one example of this: Some brothers frown on me because my church attendance is low. They say: "A faithful servant never misses a service." They don't know, however, that my attendance is low because I feel the sermons are poor.

I believe that staying home, examining and meditating about God's word, is sometimes more profitable for my soul than going to church just to be seen by others.
 

Seeker47

Well-known member
Aug 7, 2018
1,128
962
113
#29
Staying at home and meditating about God's word is profitable and beautiful as can be church attendance (I do attend-sometimes). However, it cannot be the fulfillment of your faith or of your responsibilities to Yeshua. We have to walk.
 

Marcelo

Senior Member
Feb 4, 2016
2,359
859
113
73
#30
Staying at home and meditating about God's word is profitable and beautiful as can be church attendance (I do attend-sometimes). However, it cannot be the fulfillment of your faith or of your responsibilities to Yeshua. We have to walk.
You're right! Members should not be encouraged to stay home. But it would be nice to see some improvement in the quality of sermons.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
13,094
10,660
113
#31
I belonged to a church that felt more like family than my blood family. They fully accepted me into the ranks (clique). I was preaching and helping with the youth group and other classes. Their wives, didn’t accept my wife though. As much as she tried to be a part and serve, they unfortunately snubbed her. We tried to find a church that accepted her but never did.

What is interesting is when I saw these brothers and sisters after that, I greeted them like long lost family and they acted like I was just another dude on the street. For the better part of a decade we prayed, ate, celebrated, laughed and cried together. We didn’t even get invited to a reunion they had although other families we brought there did. Maybe the wives made the guest list. Several times I reached out to members I was particularly close with. They just say, “We should meet for lunch. I will call you,” but they never do. I guess that’s the difference between belonging to “a church” or belonging to “the Church”. Christ never makes me feel like an outsider.
What is your thinking on why the snubbed your wife out of all the wives?
 
Jun 12, 2021
416
91
28
#33
Nonelects=body of Satan

2 Timothy 4:3-5
New King James Version


3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; 4 and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables. 5 But you be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

Yea the sermons on most churches are dead as a door nail. I assume less than 1% of the world are God's elects. Ex: Only 8 people on Noah's ark.

Pray to God to feed you.
God's elects=body of Christ

Total Depravity - As a result of Adam’s fall, the entire human race is affected; all humanity is dead in trespasses and sins. Man is unable to save himself (Genesis 6:5; Jeremiah 17:9; Romans 3:10-18).

Unconditional Election - Because man is dead in sin, he is unable to initiate a response to God; therefore, in eternity past God elected certain people to salvation. Election and predestination are unconditional; they are not based on man’s response (Romans 8:29-30;9:11; Ephesians 1:4-6, 11-12) because man is unable to respond, nor does he want to.

Limited Atonement - Because God determined that certain ones should be saved as a result of God’s unconditional election, He determined that Christ should die for the elect alone. All whom God has elected and for whom Christ died will be saved (Matthew 1:21; John 10:11; 17:9; Acts 20:28; Romans 8:32; Ephesians 5:25).

Irresistible Grace - Those whom God elected He draws to Himself through irresistible grace. God makes man willing to come to Him. When God calls, man responds (John 6:37, 44; 10:16).

Perseverance of the Saints - The precise ones God has elected and drawn to Himself through the Holy Spirit will persevere in faith. None whom God has elected will be lost; they are eternally secure (John 10:27-29; Romans 8:29-30; Ephesians 1:3-14).
 

unabashedlly

Junior Member
Mar 15, 2018
33
8
8
#34
better to just serve where n when one can in church, it seems. I should always immediately forgive what I perceive to be hypocrisy when I feel welcome n accepted only when I am giving or serving. I find it better to just stay away from them when I am not serving. perhaps something is amiss with me. perhaps, I should go to another church for feeding and fellowship. however , I think one should serve where one feeds. still I am reluctant to leave this church that as probably the best discipleship program, materials, and other mentoring.
 

unabashedlly

Junior Member
Mar 15, 2018
33
8
8
#35
I believe that unity based and built upon ear tickling and backslapping is worse than no unity at all.

Many modern churchmen are like queers who value each other's approval over the approval of God. They prefer to line up behind one another rather than to line up behind God's Word.
sadly true. our greatest need hs always been, and still is, to hear from God.
 

unabashedlly

Junior Member
Mar 15, 2018
33
8
8
#37
What is your thinking on why the snubbed your wife out of all the wives?
all of us on earth are flawed. we need to forgive always and immediately. 'tis a chance to really practice Christlikeness. God heal your pains andembrace you so you feel it deply, both you n your wife.
You're right! Members should not be encouraged to stay home. But it would be nice to see some improvement in the quality of sermons.
I rhink you are being led to find another church. Heb 10 v. 24 n 25
 

unabashedlly

Junior Member
Mar 15, 2018
33
8
8
#38
I do not see how that would be hypocritical, since you are being welcoming... besides, others may not feel as you do, and also, even if people you invite really do like your church, it is no guarantee they will stay... and the reasons they might leave could have nothing whatsoever to do with feeling welcomed, accepted, part of, belonging, etc..
thanks
 

Evmur

Well-known member
Feb 28, 2021
5,219
2,618
113
London
christianchat.com
#39
yes. What if one does not find it there in church?
You must seriously consider upon what basis you will have fellowship with brethren, are you looking for perfection in behaviour or manners? it's a good job Jesus did not come and fellowship with you on that basis. Is it perfection in doctrine and knowledge? Jesus would have sat on His tod on the mountain, He would have built Himself a pillar and climbed on top shunning all human contact like the hermits of old. What? what do you want?

Love people ...