Is mate from God or No, need help

Forgive me if this is not the correct place to post, but I needed thoughts and prayers from other Christians. After much meditation and prayer , I reconnected ( talking ) with a guy I dated before. I was convinced this was a man, Jesus picked. Without going into long details I’ve had dreams for over 10 years about this person including many dreams that came true, dreams when he’s having challenges and many indicating this is my life partner. He’s definitely someone I have feelings fo. He is Christian, but when I asked him to pray about us his response was no. Since we are not in a relationship , he said never prayed about someone he is “just talking too“. Obviously this is a red flag and also indicates no intention for long term relationship, but I’m so conflicted with what we’re sure signs from God. He seems to be a little hardened right now , ( some recent reminders of previous trauma he’s had) and don’t know What to do ? Leave or wait it out.

I'd suggest that you forget it. Decades ago I got utterly deceived over a relationship that I wanted way too much. I saw "signs" in all kinds of incidents. I was sure it was from God. I knew better. I had no peace, a sure sign that I was wrong. I ignored 6 months of insomnia until the light finally dawned. I admitted my error and I went to sleep immediately. I learned a tough lesson. If the other party is not interested (and she was not) it is not from God.

Just one example. I saw a huge rag doll in a shop window. I bought it for a Christmas present. She loved it. Ah, I thought, another confirmation. No, another set up from Satan. I had plenty of those. I was shattered, left my church, gave up leadership of the youth group and went into months of darkness. I was mad at God for letting it happen. It took me a long time to accept that I was entirely to blame. God was speaking alright. I was not listening. This is the word I got: (Isaiah 50:10 & 11)

Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the voice of His Servant? Who among you walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the LORD; let him lean on his God. Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who array yourselves with firebrands, walk in the light of your fire and of the firebrands you have lit! This is what you will receive from My hand: You will lie down in a place of torment.…

I was going by my own wisdom, not by God's. Other people tried to warn me but I refused to listen. I was lying down in torment. As soon as I repented, the torment stopped.

I'm thinking what to do is get on with your life and trust that if this is God he'll eventually bring the two of you together. I have no idea if God intends for you to be together or not, but I've learned to be cautious about trusting "signs" when it's something I really really want God to say yes to. But the other point of the question is IF God does intend the two of you to be together, when does he intend for you two to be together? And if it's not for another 10 or 20 years, what will you do with your life in the meantime?

So yeah my advice is, if he's not interested in a long term relationship now; plan and live your life as if it isn't going to happen.

It's easy to convince yourself God is speaking to you, especially about relationships. But it seems most that believe God is directing them to someone for romance, rarely does it happen.
Marriage is an option, not a requirement or promise, so it seems these ideas that God sends people to someone or sets them apart for one another is based more in wishful thinking than any fact.

Yep, and sometimes even when the other person is completely interested, it is still not from God.

Been there before, tried to rationalize it on my own, and even though I had doubts and no peace. I went against the leading of the Lord and it ended up being the most miserable time in my life.

Once I let myself get in that relationship, it took years to get out of it and it was the most difficult thing I ever faced. It was miserable and it took me far away from the Lord. I had and still sometimes have a hard time forgiving myself for going against the will of the Lord. I wish it would never have happened, but all I can do about it now is learn from it, thank God for forgiving me and helping me through it, and testify to others about it... in hopes, they will understand how important it is to wait on God and follow His leading in everything that we do.

Personal opinion is that people want different things out of a relationship at different times in their life. I think some people said that if he doesn't want a serious relationship right now then abandon him, but I don't think that's necessarily fair. I mean, this works both ways. Has he abandoned you because your interests don't align with his?

You can be just friends with someone and keep them in your life without throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Yes, set some firm boundaries of course, but see where it goes. I had to talk to my current romantic interest for a while before it really got to a point where I knew it was serious relationship material. I literally prayed for more friends and when I least expected it I met someone shortly after praying. So I do believe that God can hand-select highly compatible mates for people, but I don't think that is His primary goal. Of course, sometimes the answer seems to be "no" or "not yet" or "eventually." Just keep praying and nagging to Father you are ready for a relationship.

Thanks for replies. In all clarity, we just reconnected ( within a month ) and he has not said he doesn’t want long term relationship , but wants to approach slow and get to know each other better first, especially since we are long distance , which is reasonable. Another perspective I was told is he probably not use to praying about relationships ( ego) and not necessarily indicative of more. However, I do believe asking for God guidance early on is only beneficial, especially the 2nd time around. This is where we disagree. Ive taken all the replies in consideration. I’m going to be very prayerful and listen to the spirit. At best I’ve learned not to let my desire for a relationship block my hearing GOD. I pray to have the courage to walk away if I should or courage to stay if I should.

First of all, look at what you wrote (I put in bold type). Think about it... if someone had asked you to pray about the possibility of you two being together, can you imagine you saying "no"? Think about that deeply. I think you're missing something. Can you imagine where you would have to be say "no" to that; cause that is where he is. Does that sound like someone you should pursue right now?

Next, why are your only options "leave or wait"? Why are you imagining that things with this guy at this stage are so definite? I think you need to embrace operating in more "you don't know" areas. Accept that you don't have enough information to go "all in". Another option is being open to getting to know him as a friend, and also get to know anyone else at the same time.

You wrote, "I was convinced this was a man, Jesus picked." And that's why you have to be very careful. That was then. Rely on God day-by-day. After prayer, you reconnected. That happened. You may not know the purpose. Don't assume. That was yesterday. What's God saying now.

Nobody can tell you if God gave you any dreams about this guy (without a word from God). Even dogs dream, it's a normal brain function. Dreams can be helpful, but you have to know: just because some dreams have happened in real life, it doesn't mean they all will, or that they should happen. And we should be VERY cautious about believing any dream is a message from God.

Take a poll of Christians you trust (preferably longtime Christians) of how many believe every dream they have is a message from God. I would guess very few if any believe that. Some dreams, or none, may be from God; but how is that discerned? If you haven't already, I'd recommend you research that before you base important decisions on it. Ask your pastor about it.