Marriage and Young People

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RaceBoy

Guest
#1
#1
(Note: I know that this doesn't apply to every one, so don't take this as such. This is not an attack against parents giving advise on when their children should get married. This is just simply questioning why some people think a certain way, or why society in general is a certain way towards teens and young adults getting married.)

It seems common that the millennial (86-97), gen Z (97-2010 i think), and maybe even the gen x (70s) generations are discouraged from marriage and having children by either their parents or other society norms. Excluding any financial problems or anything else that maybe occurring in an individual's life, It seems that (mostly) parents don't really want their children getting married or having kids until they're well into their 20s or even 30s, claiming young adults are still immature and are not capable of rasing kids, even though they themselves got married and had kids in the early 20s or even late teens. Society also has deemed young people getting married as inappropriate. I don't know if this is true or not, but I read somewhere that said teenagers having kids was the norm 50, 60, 70 years ago, and that only just these past few decades has marriage been out of reach for the early 20s age. So my question is why does it have to be this way ? Why are parents seemingly against young marriages ? Why does society think teens getting married is inappropriate or dangerous or destine to fail ?
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#2
#2
RaceBoy said:
Why are parents seemingly against young marriages ? Why does society think teens getting married is inappropriate or dangerous or destine to fail ?
Click to expand...
The main question that comes to mind is, how is the young teenage couple going to support themselves? In order to support themselves, they need good jobs. Financial issues are one of the major causes of divorce. Parents (especially in the West) do not want the young couple moving in with them.

Nowadays most parents want their kids to at least graduate from high school, and preferably obtain higher education so they are more employable. Back then, it was possible for a high school graduate (even a dropout) to get a decent job and support the family. A college education would be nice but not necessary. Also back then, women did not want to, and also were not expected, to work. However, this is not the case any longer (in most places), you basically need a college degree just to get a job with benefits. Sure, a couple can get married and go to school at the same time, but then there is a higher risk than one or both of the couple may drop out of school or change to a worse career path just to graduate quickly.
 
JStates

JStates

Banned
#3
Jan 5, 2022
1,224
620
113
36
"A higher plane," hehe
www.youtube.com
#3
Depends on the parents. There's a lot of the "humanity is a blight on the planet" nonsense going around these days too, so population growth - despite what God says about it - is seen as an evil thing.

My sister and her husband married in their late 20's - fairly normal these days. My brother and his wife married in their early 20's - not so common (21 and 22 I think). They both had good jobs though. My parents didn't really have any serious issues with either.
 
R

RaceBoy

Guest
#4
#4
JStates said:
Depends on the parents. There's a lot of the "humanity is a blight on the planet" nonsense going around these days too, so population growth - despite what God says about it - is seen as an evil thing.

My sister and her husband married in their late 20's - fairly normal these days. My brother and his wife married in their early 20's - not so common (21 and 22 I think). They both had good jobs though. My parents didn't really have any serious issues with either.
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Yeah not every parent is against an early marriage but a lot of parents are.
 
R

RaceBoy

Guest
#5
#5
TheIndianGirl said:
The main question that comes to mind is, how is the young teenage couple going to support themselves? In order to support themselves, they need good jobs. Financial issues are one of the major causes of divorce. Parents (especially in the West) do not want the young couple moving in with them.
Click to expand...
Good point, but even excluding money society still doesn't seem to look fondly upon an early marriage even if they can afford rent for a house and have a car. Parents especially who say we don't understand how hard child rasing is (understandable as some people simply should not have kids) But that doesn't mean we can't do it.

TheIndianGirl said:
Nowadays most parents want their kids to at least graduate from high school, and preferably obtain higher education so they are more employable. Back then, it was possible for a high school graduate (even a dropout) to get a decent job and support the family. A college education would be nice but not necessary. Also back then, women did not want to, and also were not expected, to work. However, this is not the case any longer (in most places), you basically need a college degree just to get a job with benefits. Sure, a couple can get married and go to school at the same time, but then there is a higher risk than one or both of the couple may drop out of school or change to a worse career path just to graduate quickly.
Click to expand...
Also a good point. Society has locked people out of certain jobs based on the school system and other factors (such as age). Making it nearly impossible to live without being over 21, with a high school dp (or GED) or some kind of college education. But this is the result of the previous generations setting the rules.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#6
#6
RaceBoy said:
Good point, but even excluding money society still doesn't seem to look fondly upon an early marriage even if they can afford rent for a house and have a car. Parents especially who say we don't understand how hard child rasing is (understandable as some people simply should not have kids) But that doesn't mean we can't do it.
Click to expand...
I think parents say this thinking about their own lives; the norm in our parents' generation and especially in our grandparents' generation was early marriage. They may believe they weren't ready, or would have liked to traveled, or pursued education or other things before settling. I don't think the age guys marry has really changed, they marry at a latter age when compared to girls/women. In fact it may have decreased. For example my grandma and grandpa were teenager and mid 40s, respectively, and the age gaps of other couples of her generation were similar like this. Sure there are teenage boys who marry (I believe this is fostered by the dating culture in the U.S. and in the West sparking teenage romances which later spread to other cultures. This is evident in even old shows like Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best). But generally speaking, guys think about marriage/settling down at a latter age and then they pursue a young girl/woman. What has really changed in the age women first marry. I would say at least late 20s now.
 
Mission21

Mission21

Pathfinder
#7
Mar 12, 2019
897
793
93
#7
I wrote an essay/paper about the 'teenage marriage'..many years ago.
- in high school class.
* I was 18..
---
My main point was...it is not a good idea.
- Because.. the maturity level/issue, life experience, etc..
---
I got..A.
 
K

Kamefur

New member
#9
Mar 23, 2022
4
1
1
#9
RaceBoy said:
(Note: I know that this doesn't apply to every one, so don't take this as such. This is not an attack against parents giving advise on when their children should get married. This is just simply questioning why some people think a certain way, or why society in general is a certain way towards teens and young adults getting married.)

It seems common that the millennial (86-97), gen Z (97-2010 i think), and maybe even the gen x (70s) generations are discouraged from marriage and having children by either their parents or other society norms. Excluding any financial problems or anything else that maybe occurring in an individual's life, It seems that (mostly) parents don't really want their children getting married or having kids until they're well into their 20s or even 30s, claiming young adults are still immature and are not capable of rasing kids, even though they themselves got married and had kids in the early 20s or even late teens. Society also has deemed young people getting married as inappropriate. I don't know if this is true or not, but I read somewhere that said teenagers having kids was the norm 50, 60, 70 years ago, and that only just these past few decades has marriage been out of reach for the early 20s age. So my question is why does it have to be this way ? Why are parents seemingly against young marriages ? Why does society think teens getting married is inappropriate or dangerous or destine to fail ?
Click to expand...
It depends on their parents and what happened to them when they married. Most parents were pretty young when they married, so they were not fully prepared for married life and children's coming. Nowadays, their children have better education and mature at a younger age. So when they decide to step into marriage, they know what's coming next. If a young couple wants to get married when strongly objected to by their parents, perhaps they didn't show their parents the ability of independence. I got engaged when I was 24, and we got support from our parents. They knew us well, my FH and I can be responsible for ourselves.
 
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