today is my first day here. I am feeling very overwhelmed as I begin my recovery for the millionth time. I start work with my sponsor today. I went through an outpatient program 6 years ago. I called my case worker daily sobbing because I couldnt do it. I am filled with: anxiety, fear, doubt, and already want to quit. I doubt that I can do this. I'm feeling like this is my last attempt because Ive tried so many times before. It never sticks. I cannot go through these overwhelming feelings ever again. I am happily married for 20+ years. My husband is a great man. I attend CR at my local church. Yesterday, I emailed my pastor and therapist. I definately feel like I have achieved Step 1 but am terrified of climbing the mountain again. I have some very serious things going on in my family, facing losing my job, mom has undiagnosed dementia. I feel very unbalanced. Ive been a believer since 8/9/2003. I love my JESUS. I hate recovery as it is so hard. My biggest fear is facing someone that I've known for 20+ years. I have been actively drinking for the last 5 years while she thinks I have been sober. I am so afraid of telling her that I have been lying to her, even though she has been a part of CR for a long time. I know there is a step that deals with amends but when the time comes, I hope that she will forgive me. Anyhow, this is starting to turn into a book. God Bless
-
3
-
1
- Show all