The Banned Game

I am banning Moses, Lanolin and JennyMae so that I can expand Rubyland

As a now-loyal Rubylander, I am banning Shittim, to further expand the lovely Rubyland... (Temporarily, you understand? muhahahahaha.....)

Moses, did you fall and hit your head??
A wicked leader, now turned a loyal Rubylander. Are you after my tyres?
I must ring the two Empresses and let them know.

Banning Ruby for ringing Empresses... Empresses don't like to be ringed, you know? Also, they may object to the Rubyland expansion.

Hmmm something suspicious going on, you avoided the main question. Are u up to something, are you after my tyres??

How much do ya want for 'em? ;-)

They are too precious to sell. They provide the main ingredient for my mascara empire.
I will sleep on it then contact my friends and fellow Empress's in the morning.

Excellent. I probably won't be interested in purchasing in the morning, though. I expect to have some new tyres arrive shortly... When you fall asleep, to be precise.

Looks like I better put the phone call through now.
Empress Ruby grabbed her phone and speedily rang the two Empress's.
Wake up Empress's!!!!!!
SOS, Emergency she yelled down the phone waiting for them to pick up.
As she was waiting, now seven times ringing her eyelids got rather heavy.
"Must stay awake" she murmured.
"Need more coffee" she wailed.
Within two seconds, the unthinkable happened. Yes that's right. She fell

The moment her eyes closed, 17 Mosestarian trucks pulled up to Ruby's used-tyre storage yard, and 17 Mosestarian truck drivers started loading the tyres into the back of their trucks. The Mosestarian chieftain/businessman rubbed his hands together gleefully as the tyre-laden trucks drove off. This transaction had been much cheaper than he expected. Better do what the lady asked.

He followed behind his business convoy, happy in the knowledge that Empress Ruby would awaken to an entire carton of iced coffee at her breakfast table in the morning. Frozen fresh, all the way from Antarctica. "A very good bargain indeed", he smiled happily.

President Lanolin was back in her office. The second she got back, the phone rang.

Oh no. She could see on the caller ID. Prank call from Rubyland AGAIN?!
What will it be this time?

Hello, said President Lanolin. Hello?

Nobody was on the other end. She heard a squishing noise then a dull thud. Had Empress Ruby drunk the blue milk?

It was all a fuzz.
The last thing Empress Ruby remembered was looking out her palace window and not seeing the delightful tyre mountains.
She immediately speed dialled Empress's Lanolin and JennyMae, opened her front door and ran outside to get a better look at her missing mountains.
However whilst doing so, she tripped on a carton of ice coffee and landed on the floor with a great thud.
She awoke to someone on the other end of the telephone. She did not recognise the voice as her friend Empress Lanolin.
It seemed the great fall she had had given her a case of amnesia.

It was, however, the great (figuratively speaking, mind you) Empress of Jennymaesia on the other end. She’d just fled from the gruesome dungeons of Mosestaria and was now trying to calm down. She called to tell Ms Ruby that she was planning on stepping down and put her sister Ella Mae on the throne. Poor Ms Ella had been named after a character in the show Beverly Hillbillies, though she wasn’t sure her parents had got the spelling right. The Empress herself was fixing to live in solitude inside the highest tower in Jennymaesia. She’d appear on the balcony every Wednesday. The tower was 500 ft high.

"I'm sorry E JennyMae, I am not quite sure who you are or who Ella Mae is'?
"I'm not even sure who I am" E Ruby explained rubbing her thumping head.
"Mosestaria you say, sounds absolutely terrible" E Ruby shuddered. Even though she did not recognise the females voice on the other end of the phone she sensed she was kind and therefore trusted her.
"Well I dont know where this JennyMaesia country is you talk about but locking yourself in a high tower does not sound like fun. Are you sure that is what you want to do," E Ruby asked concerned.
"Maybe you are just suffering some sort of post traumatic stress after that horrid experience in Mosestaria you had" E Ruby advised.

E-Ruby's phone call was interrupted by a loud knock at the door.
"I'm sorry E-JennyMae, I have to go. I will speak to you again later," she told the female voice on the other end of the phone.
When she opened the door, there was a familiar face, but she couldn't quite remember whose it was. He was smiling, and - was that a gold tooth that just twinkled its greeting to her in the morning sunlight? - she knew he must be a friend, because he seemed so... friendly.
"Ah, Ruby my dear! I see you enjoyed your iced coffee. But before you fell asleep, I forgot that you needed to sign this paper."
The handsome, kindly gentleman with the long beard and a nose that looked more like an eagle's beak, handed her a paper and an expensive looking pen. "I just need you to sign... here!"
Ruby was quite impressed at being offered the expensive looking pen, and almost signed where the man had indicated, but something distracted her... The hand that gestured where she should sign... It was metallic... Almost as if it were... iron... Surely she can't have had too many acquaintences with iron hands... iron fists... E-Ruby strained to remember more...

The fellow seemed friendly enough and remembered her name but the hooked arm frightened her.
She returned the paper back to the fellow and said "I am sorry sir but I cannot sign this. I dont even know who I am so I am unqualified to sign" she explained.
The fellow's face began to turn bright red, his blood pressure rising.
Out of nowhere appeared his beautiful Japovian wife who seemed rather clingy. "Moses", she interrupted "perhaps we should leave."
He pushed her hand aside and stormed off. E Ruby looked at them as they walked off. Poor woman, she thought. Perhaps they should get marriage counselling.
The Empress looked down at her hand and in it was that expensive pen that fellow had given her to sign with. "Oh good," she thought. "I rather did like that pen. Looks like I get to keep it" she thought.

E Ruby went upstairs to look around her palace, trying desperately to remember who she was. She walked into her bathroom where there were many eyelashes for her to choose from. "Marvelous" she thought. She walked to her open wardrobe where she saw such exquisite dresses. "What exceptional taste" she thought. "I could get used to this" she delighted.

Shitimmistans minister of defense does not take kindly to the banning of President-for -life-and-then-some, also Grand Poo-Bah of All, His Most High Excellency, the Highly Exalted one, Shittim.

Baroness Barry I mean Edna was getting ready for her date with the great Chieftain
She hummed 'Waltzing Matilda' as she loaded up on lipstick, eyeshadow, mascara and blusher. Then put together her most eye watering outfit of rhinestones, embroidery, feathers and furs, stockings and stilettos. If Dolly Parton ever needed to borrow an outfit, she could call the Baroness.

Her mauve hair was done and sprayed with hair spray to set, and she doused herself with eau de gladioli.
Her nails were also manicured, she had even done her toes. Every inch to impress the great chieftain.

She looked into the vast Jennymaesian mirrors. I look drop dead gorgeous if I do say so myself.
The mirror concurred.

The possums who were watching this transformation, massaged her shoulders of her backless dress.

'Will you come a waltzing matilda with me?' She hummed.
The chauffeur drove her all the way to her designated rendevous at the ice hotel.

The former Empress let her long hair flow. She was planning on growing her hair so long that it would reach all the way down to the ground. Until then, she would be staying in her cell having her sister take care of business. Luckily she had this remedy which made hair grow fast. Real fast. She reckoned that her hair would be long enough in two weeks time. Then she would let it flow all the way down to the ground. A magical elixir let her control her hair so she could make it slither on the ground to find somebody to catch. It was like going fishing, despite the fact that she had never actually been fishing.

The now-bright-red-faced fellow, and the beautiful-but-clingy Japovian woman E-Ruby had presumed to be his wife, took refuge behind a tree, away from the prying eyes of the amnesiac E-Ruby.

The handsome, kindly, but somewhat agitated man withdrew from his trenchcoat a two-way radio, and proceeded to make contact with another party.

"Eagle Two to Big Mama, do you copy?"

"Big Mama receiving, Eagle Two," his radio responded in a female voice. "Go ahead. How's my mother?"

"I told you not to send her with me," complained the man in the trenchcoat. "The Earlybird did not catch the worm. I repeat, the Earlybird did not catch the worm."

Back in Antarctica, the Chieftain was listening to the report of his number two clone, Eagle Two.

"So the Earlybird never even provided her signature?" asked Tzipora, back in the Antarctic base.

"Negative Big Mama", replied Eagle Two. "I think your mother raised too much suspicion, even if the Earlybird is suffering amnesia".

"We'll just have to move to phase B of the plan," the Chieftain told Tzipora kindly. "Having a recently-trained-but-still-certifiably-insane marriage celebrant on-hand for an impromptu elopement is enough to make even the most scatterbrained of empresses somewhat more suspicious than desired," he explained.

Elsewhere, Eagle Three was hiding behind a palm tree, a pair of binoculars to his eyes, watching an attractive empress with blazing red-hair, some 500 feet above the ground on the balcony of an ivory tower.

Also elsewhere, the Shitimmistanian minister of defense was not taking too kindly to the banning of President-for-life-and-then-some, the Grand Poo-Bah of All, His Most High Excellency, the Highly Exalted one, Shittim. He was drafting an insulting response to a diplomatic event that had occurred earlier with the Mosestarian leader.