The Banned Game

The plane descended slowly, or at least it felt like it was. Ms Jenny was thinking about the curse Mrs (now Ms since the good lady, promptly and swiftly, had divorced the “wealthy” Biloxi guy after discovering his financial mishaps) Betty-Rose had screamed at her whenever she was leaving her beloved antebellum home. “You’re going down in flames, trailer trash Jenny!” Now the evil forces had stepped up to help their protege to cast her antagonist into the lake of fire. Ms Jenny already could see the flames stretching out their intense claws to grab her.

“Charles! You have to wake up, we’re crashing!” Ms Jenny cried out. He wasn’t in his seat. The only one sitting there was Ms Betty-Rose. “Ahma gonna dra-ag ya de-own wi-ed me, trailer trash Jenny”, she barked at Ms Jenny. “Charles! Where are you?” Ms Jenny couldn’t muster up more than a whisper. Then, right before she was consumed by the flames, she heard somebody talking to her. “Jenny, you have to wake up, we’re landing in two minutes”, Charles said softly.

When Ms Jenny opened her eyes Ms Betty-Rose was no longer in Charles’ seat. The flames were gone and she could see the airport.

“Did you have a bad dream?” Charles asked, “I think they could hear you scream ‘trailer trash Jenny’ all the way to the back of the plane.”

Miss Greenlips Hine searched the Beehive and rooms where The Chipmunks had stayed. She tried to put herself in the chipmunks shoes and ask where she would have gone if she were a Chipmunk, or a Chippette, and newly arrived in Lanolinland.

She saw on the bed side table some tourist brochures open, they were of Sheepworld, Hobbiton and Rotovegas.

Uh President Lanolin? Are you thinking what Im thinking?

Looks like The Chipmunks have hitchhiked towards the tourist traps. Well that was too easy. Ive got the keys to the Kombi. Let's roll.

Miss Ruby was glad the Chieftan did not leave the ferry and step onto Eden Island. If he had, no doubt he would try to steal it from her instead of living amongst the bogans. Or perhaps he liked bogans, she was not sure.
Mr Jeckyl was a fascinating man and Miss Ruby believed he would do a fine job of producing some clones for her. She wanted an army of a dozen. Miss Ruby described what she wanted the clones to look like and Mr Jeckyl took notes. She wanted them to have long dark hair tied in a pony tail, feminine, elegant, fit and of course she wanted them to be dressed in an all red uniform with a cute silver belt and nice boots that were practical yet stylish. Mr Jeckyl wondered over to Miss Ruby's lagoon where he sat and sketched what she described.

Meanwhile Miss Ruby received a phone call from Miss Jenny. It seemed Miss Jenny was in trouble. All she could hear was something about her plane crashing. Miss Ruby gasped and Morty came running. Miss Ruby told him what she heard. Morty immediately rang Charles who explained that Miss Jenny was fast asleep next to him and was currently having a nightmare. Miss Ruby and Morty were greatly relieved.

"I wonder how Mr Jeckyl is coming along with the sketches" Miss Ruby said.
"I guess we are just about to find out, he is walking towards us now" Morty replied. Miss Ruby grinned feeling very anxious.

Miss Ruby should indeed have felt anxious. Mr Jeckyl may well have been the greatest scientist who had ever given birth (metaphorically) to an army of clones, but his sketching skills were appalling. Miss Ruby stifled a gasp of horror when she saw the figures he had produced. Although Tzipora's Bubba was not yet of age to hold a pencil, she wasn't altogether uncertain that he could have drawn better using stick figures. She had requested elegant, feminine, fit clones, with pony tails, red uniforms, nice boots and cute silver belts. What instead he had drawn was a group of oafish, overweight, masculine-looking clones who were bald, wore poorly-fitting blue uniforms, boots that were clearly too large for their small feet and silver stars on their chests. Miss Ruby had only asked for twelve clones, but Mr Jeckyl had drawn more than she cared to count. But none of them seemed to be doing anything other than standing around.

Miss Ruby sighed angrily. "I asked for a small army of beautiful clones that were somewhat like me, not a brute squad that were somewhat like the Victorian police commissioner and his mates!"

The stranger seemed to look a little worried. "I, errrr, I'm sorry ma'am. I never was much of an artist."

Miss Ruby frowned. "You didn't even get the colour scheme right. Look? These clones are wearing blue, not red!"

The stranger looked at his sketch a little more closely, as if he hadn't realised until Miss Ruby had just pointed it out. "Oh well, ma'am, I'm colourblind. I'll fix this as once."

"And they're men!" exclaimed Miss Ruby. "I asked for something feminine!"

"Oh, feminine, yes, but you didn't actually say female," the stranger pointed out. "This time, I'll do you something feminine *and* female."

Miss Ruby was not sure whether this was the point at which she should involve her alligators, but before she could make such a decision, Morty stepped in.

"I can draw, Miss Ruby," he announced. "I will draw what you're looking for, and then we can leave this... scientist... to continue with the cloning in his area of expertise."

Miss Ruby nodded her approval. She would prefer if Morty could somehow make this work, rather than go through the time consuming process of looking up and employing yet another mad scientist.

Miss Ruby hoped this mad scientist cloned better than he drew. If not she would feed him also to the alligators along with any clones he produced.
"So hard to find any good workers these days Morty" she said, relieved that Morty was indeed a good worker not to mention handsome and smart as well.
Morty sketched for four hours and showed Miss Ruby the final drawing.
Miss Ruby gasped. "Perfect Morty, you are full of surprises" she said with a big smile on her face.
Miss Ruby gave the sketch to Mr Jeckyl and he started on his first clone. Mr Jeckyl asked for a lock of Miss Ruby's hair, a finger nail and a test tube of blood. There would be ample DNA in that to start cloning, and so he did.
Word got back to the Eagle clone brothers and they were excited that there would be other clones on this planet. The Chieftan overhearing their conversation about Rubylander clones was not happy. In fact he seemed to be quite furious.

"This is outrageous!" the Great Chieftain exclaimed furiously, to Tzipora and Bubba, the two Mordecais and several bogans who had pulled sickies from work for the day in order to hang out with the Chieftain and his crew and get free fish and chips as part of the deal.

The Chieftain and the bogans were clearly different. They knew it and he knew it - but they respected each other. 'Though he might like to wear a black item of clothing or two on occasion, and he didn't really mind their cigarette smoke, or their endless quests to get something for cheaper or even for free, he never accepted their offers of beer or cigarettes, nor condoned their poor music choices. But the fact that he gave them unpatronising eye contact - the bogans could respect that. The Great Chieftain, in turn, could respect that the bogans, despite their (many) flaws, hadn't yet tried to stab him, or steal his wallet, and sometimes they even apologised for using crude language in his presence.

The Chieftain told his small band of listeners his tale of woe, how his arch-nemesis, the somewhat-respected-but-nonetheless-still-kind-of-devious-and-scheming Empress E-Ruby of Rubyland and Eden Island, had tricked him into sending her his clone-o-matic machine for her sick (or possibly deceased) alligator.

However, instead of replacing her deceased alligators and returning said clone-o-matic, word on the street was that she now intended to produce up to 12 clones like herself. "That's what I wanted to do!" he exclaimed bitterly.

"So what's the problem?" asked one of the bogans. "Now she's doing it for you. You just kick back and relax, man," he told the Chieftain, as he flicked his cigarette butt in the general direction of the nearest waste receptacle.

"No, you don't understand," explained the Great Chieftain. "I wanted clones like me, not like her."

"Well, we did make three clones like you already," noted Tzipora. "You've had your turn. Now it's Miss Ruby's turn."

"But my clones were defective!" exclaimed the Great Chieftain indignantly.

"Only one," corrected Tzipora. "And that's cause someone", Tzipora emphasised the word 'someone', as if she was accusing the Great Chieftain, "dropped him on his head too hard after he came out of the test-tube. But the Empress of Jennymaesia has fixed him up from that already."

"But this is the Empress E-Ruby of Rubyland we're talking about!" the Chieftain argued. "She's nefarious! Dastardly! A danger to the stability of the free world!"

"And you're not?" smiled Tzipora encouragingly.

The Chieftain could tell that this was a debate he was not going to win, not even with his new bogans and fish and chips. So after he had composed a somewhat angry letter to the Empress E-Ruby of Rubyland and posted it (no milk chocolates or flowers this time - it was that serious!), he decided to give the Empress of Jennymaesia a quick call. He didn't have her private telephone number, so instead, used the hotline to the Jennymaesian Empress that was listed in the Whitepages.

"Hello?" said an unfamiliar voice on the other end of the phone. "Acting Empress of Jennymaesia, Ellie-may."

"Oh, errr, hello," answered the Great Chieftain. "This is the Great Chieftain of Mosestaria speaking. I was hoping to get in touch with Miss Jenny, or if she's too busy, at a stretch, Charles, her, uhh... disabled, errr... manservant..." The Great Chieftain of Mosestaria didn't want to admit that he condoned the fixing of his broken clone by the Empress of Jennymaesia with her womanly wiles.

"Oh, I'm sorry Great Chieftain," the acting Empress of Jennymaesia explained. "Miss Jenny is still getting off a plane, so I'm still acting Empress of Jennymaesia for a few more minutes at least."

"Oh, well, this is kind of an emergency," explained the Great Chieftain. He went on to elaborate and embellish how the nefarious-and-dastardly-but-with-deceptively-beautiful-long-dark-hair Empress E-Ruby of Rubyland was (possibly) planning to take over the world, including (possibly) Jennymaesia, and could Ellie-may do anything about it at short notice.

"Sure," responded Elliemae amicably. She was keen for an opportunity to show Jennymae and Charles how good an acting-Empress she was, and thought the Great Chieftain's accent was kind of cute. "I'll have the Jennymaesian Feminine Division sent out to the Great Barry R Island forthwith, to defend against the threat of E-Ruby clones."

"Please ensure they're all wearing medical-grade gloves and an extra layer of protective Ruby-red lipstick," the Chieftain advised.

"Oh?" Elliemae sounded puzzled. "Is this Empress E-Ruby of Rubyland and Eden Island particularly prone to disease or other contagions?" she asked worriedly.

"No," explained the Great Chieftain. "The protection is needed because of the bogans. The Great Barry R Island is filled with them, and as we all know, bogans are probably some of the dirtiest creatures on the planet."

Elliemae nodded knowingly. "Understood Great Chieftain. I will have the JFD deployed immediately. And trust me - when I tell them about the bogans, I'm sure they will be double-gloving, *and* using the extra-heavy-duty, durable, waterproof lipstick."

Miss Zipmouth described Tatooine to her co-star.

Its somewhere, over the rainbow way up high. In a land I have heard of, once in a lulluby.
I think it was Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
Anyway, there, troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops...

Sounds wonderful. said her co-star. Lets go find it

Miss Zipmouth was surprised, She had only known her co-star for a day, and he was already proposing that they run away together. Maybe it was love at first sight?

He was very taken by the most beautiful bogan he had ever seen, and she liked his unusual Lanolinland accent.

Sir Peter is from Lanolinland too.

What? I never knew.

You dont know much about Lanolinland do you.

Miss Zipmouth had to admit she was extremely ignorant about Lanolinland and thought it was just a place full of gorse where they somehow raised baby lambs.

I have good news dear, said Dame Edna

Santa looked up from his picture book, he was reading 'The Chipmunks save Christmas'

What is it, I love hearing good news

The clone-o-matic has been fixed, and the Rubylanders are now using it to clone more helpers for you.

Santa clapped his hands Excellent!

They are all wearing red with boots and silver belts with shiny buckles. They look very stylish.

Thats even better!

Also the girls pile outnumbers the boys pile 3 to 1.

Santas face fell. What. That is not so good news...

Well I am at loss with what do about those naughty boys. They only have until the end of October to redeem themselves.

Im sure you'll come up with something dear with that big pineapple brain of yours.

Dame Edna thought hard. Knowing those lazy boys, they will probably take the easy way and disguise themselves as girls in order to get more presents.

Santa laughed. Well you know what they say, 'boys will be boys'

Meanwhile Charles contacted Rachel to check the coast was clear with the whole Tizzy situation. He had to make sure that when Miss Jenny arrived in Rubyland that she didnt automatically go on a rampage to kill Miss Tizzy. He wanted her to conserve her energy. He dialed the number Rachel had given him.

Rachel was busy filling in the reception at Shortland Street and answered the phone. 'Kia Ora Shortland Street, press 1 to speak to a non-robot, press 2 to order pizza, press 666 to get the emergency ambulance'

Miss Zipmouth decided she was going to educate herself about Lanolinland since the Chieftain had gagged her and kept her ignorant in Antarctica where they had no books and only trash TV to watch.

Now that she was free, things were so much better and her mind was clearer. The chieftain, or Mr whats his face as she now called him, was clearly under a delusion that she was still with him and often referred to her and bubba casually as he tried to get at Miss Ruby. But one of her allies, a lookalike Miss Bum Bum contestant had agreed to hang around Mr whats his face with a Baby Alive doll and he never knew the difference as he hardly checked on her, his dad skills were entirely absent. He didnt even know Bubbas real name.

All Miss Bum Bum had to to was pretend to agree with everything Mr Whats his face said and feed his ego, and show off her butt occasionally when he was looking at her.

“Elly-May, what have you done?” Ms Jenny was so mad that any anger issues on display in the Old Testament was like a sweet, southern breeze in comparison. “You have agreed to deploy MY JFD to the soil of a friendly country!” She had to pause before she went on scolding her so-called first cousin. “How could you fall for that sweet talkin’ silver tongue? Are you out of what ever is left of your brain? What will Ms Ruby think of me about Jennymaesia having boots on the ground in Rubyland?!?!”

Ms Elly-May wasn’t lost for words. She wouldn’t be akin to Ms Jenny if she was. “Says the freeloader who went on a leisurely trip back home instead of minding her country” Ms Elly-May shot back.

Ms Jenny almost pitched a fit. “Pull them back immediately or I’ll court martial you to the end of times!” Her face was now as red as her hair.

“You stubborn old hag”, Ms Elly-May responded, “beware, or I’ll side with the Chieftain to crush y’all all!”

“Who you callin’ old?” Ms Jenny exclaimed angrily. “Far as I know you’re older than me!” Ms Elly-May gasped. “Ain’t nobody that old you are. You’re friggin older than dirt!”

Wasn’t it for Charles and a male servant who coincidentally appeared on the scene, the two ladies would have gotten violent. Trailer trash don’t really ever change their ways.

DEAD school was thriving. Baz Luhrmann dropped in to see Dame Edna as he was planning to film an epic and needed some actors for his lead roles.

What is this? Most of my players are now tied up with Priscilla, Queen of the desert musical. I dont know if I can spare any.

Its going to be a sequel to Joseph and the amazing Techinicolour Dreamcoat.

Sequels? Im not sure it they ever do well.

Its going to be even bigger than the 10 commandments. Its going to be the 613 commandments.

Dame Ednas jaw dropped. For just one film?

No its going to be a pentology.

A ....pentology?

It will be filmed in 5 parts.

well that is quite ...ambitious.

Yes we just need some leads to play Moshe and Zipporah. They are going to be the main roles, as well as supporting players Aaron and Miriam. We are going to film in the Great Sandy Desert. and we'll then cross the Ruby Sea to the Promised Land.

The Promised Land? Is that... Evereverland?

No its Lanolinland. Dame Edna gasped. Thats where my Bridesmaid Madge came from. You cant be serious.

I am ma'am. Ive already arranged it with Sir Peter. But first we need to film the burning bush. Have you got any gum trees out the back?

Sir Peter was having some problems securing his band for the crowd scene it looked like AC/DC wasnt going to turn up and he thought it highly unlikely that INXS would come back from the dead. Or would they?

Sir Peter placed an urgent call to Dame Edna. What Aussie Band have you got that can draw a crowd of bogans? Thats available for tommorrow?

Oh dear what a bother. Let me look. Dame Edna put on her face furniture. Silverchair are out and also Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. hmmm
It looks like you can have Hillsong United.

Hillsong United? Do they play bogan music?

Im sure they do. Or you can have...The Wiggles.

Sir Peter wasnt that confident on The Wiggles. But maybe they could be the opening act.

Miss Ruby awoke to find an army of Jennymaesian's unboarding the ferry and stepping onto Eden Island. Miss Ruby looked for Miss Jenny amongst them. She was easily identified by her beautiful long red hair but she could see none. She asked who was in charge and one woman stepped forward. She explained to Miss Ruby that they were sent by Ellie May and the wicked Chieftan. Miss Ruby was confused and why were they wearing protective gloves and extra Red Ruby lipstick. She immediately rang Miss Jenny and placed Miss Jenny on speaker phone so that they could all hear.

Miss Jenny announced to her army that they had been misinformed and they were to get back on the ferry and sail to Barry Island where they were to arrest the Chieftan, gag him, tie him with rope and bring him to Eden Island where he will be promptly lowered into the snapping mouths of the alligators. The female army did as instructed. They did not mess with Miss Jenny.

Miss Ruby rang Miss Lanolin and Eagle Three to take photos of this event and to cover the story that they would sell to the press around the world and so Miss Lanolin an Eagle Three made their way over.

Miss Ruby eagerly anticipated the grand event. "I should have left him frozen that time as a feature in Rubyland Park" Miss Ruby said. "But unfortunately we had a week of very hot weather, the ice melted and he escaped and the rest is history" Miss Ruby said shaking her head.

Now that is funny!

How far is that from the Great Barry R Reef?

President Lanolin and Miss Greenlips Hine searched for the chipmunks at Sheepworld but they were not there. Miss Greenlips Hine bought some yarn anyway, so the trip was not wasted. Then they went on to Hobbiton, where they looked in all the hobbit holes, but no chipmunks. Lanolin bought a copy of the Hobbit, to replace the one she'd given away for the library. The owner of the Green dragon Inn said that they had just missed the chipmunks and was sure they were heading toward Rotovegas.

Then they drove further on to Rotovegas. Surely the Chipmunks would be somewhere here. Miss Greenlips Hine worried that maybe they had fallen into a boiling hot mud pool but Lanolin said I dont think they would go to the Polynesian spa to have mud treatment, that was more something the Chippettes would do.

What about the treetop walk in the Redwood forest? Im sure they would want to try ziplining.

Ok lets go.

Hold on said Miss Greenlips Hine, who was checking her phone. The Clones have just sent us free Groupon tickets to an Alligator Feeding Attraction in Eden Island.

Where is Eden Island? I've not heard of it. Do you think the Chipmunks have gone there? They dont eat chipmunks do they?!

I hope not. Unless its another of Miss Rubys pranks.

Why are The Clones sending you stuff? I thought you deleted them.

Miss Greenlips Hine didnt want to admit she'd joined The Clones fan club.

Sir Peter didnt think his crowd scene would work with The Wiggles. Instead of turning on Baba Yaga, the crowd might turn on The Wiggles. He would have to take a chance on Hillsong United, which he thought sounded quite similar to AC/DC and could probably pull it off.

He talked it over with his wife, who said what about The Clones. They were the biggest band on Tik Tok and she was sure they could imitate AC/DC ....they could do anyone.

Will the bogans like them though?

I'm sure The Clones biggest fans are all complete bogans dear.

It was somewhat of a messy situation. The Great Chieftain knew that he had no one to blame except himself. Instead of organising a scheme to get out of the international incident he had inadvertently created, he had accepted an invitation from the bogans for an evening coffee.

Actually, at first, it was an invitation for an evening alcoholic beverage, but he had explained to the bogans that poor Tzipora was unable to partake, as it might contaminate her milk and then Bubba might develop an addiction, and worst case, possibly grow up to be a bogan himself like them. The bogans were quite understanding, considering their own mothers obviously hadn't done them the same courtesy.

Anyhoo, it was later than the Great Chieftain had anticipated by the time he got back to his hut on the beach of the Great Barry R Island, and by this time, obviously, the beach was filled with beautiful, well-shaped ladies wearing the military uniforms of the Jennymaesian Feminine Division. At first, the Great Chieftain was pleased, as he believed the lovely JFD personnel had arrived to protect the Great Barry R Island from any unwelcome advances that might be taken by the leadership of Eden Island.

His dreams of military support from the JFD were dashed, however, when the leader of the JFD had advised to the Great Barry R Islanders on the beach, quite sternly, that she had orders to arrest the Great Chieftain of Mosestaria. "We don't want any trouble," she promised the crowd. "We just want to take in the Great Chieftain of Mosestaria."

The bogans could see that these delightful, well-spoken Jennymaesian females were looking to take away their newfound leader, and dare they say it? - friend.

One brave bogan - the Great Chieftain couldn't be sure if it was for love of the Great Chieftain, or interest in getting to know better a particularly attractive member of the JFD - shouted "I am the Great Chieftain of Mosestaria."

Then another bogan - "I'm the Great Chieftain!" Then a third bogan "No, I'm the Great Chieftain!" Still other bogans "No, we're the Great Chieftains!"

Within seconds, there were a multitude of bogans, all across the beach on Great Barry R Island, standing up and shouting loudly "I'm the Great Chieftain of Mosestaria!"

The Great Chieftain of Mosestaria had never been so happy to share his Great Chieftainship with so many bogans.

The leader of the JFD rolled her eyes, ensured her protective gloves were on tightly, and pursed her full, Ruby-red-lipstick protected lips. "I sure hope these gloves and the lipstick offer the protection they advertised," she told herself. It was going to be a long night.

It took some hours, but the JFD had eventually loaded all of the bogans claiming to be the Great Chieftain, and the Great Chieftain himself, onto their planes.

The JFD had started binding and gagging anyone claiming to be the Great Chieftain, but they had run out of rope and gags long before they got to the Great Chieftain. Tzipora fortunately had an old JFD uniform lying around in her hut that she was quickly able to slip into, and escorted the Great Chieftain onto one of the planes. One of the other JFD personnel eyed Tzipora suspiciously.

"Membership in our service is only for single women!" she snarled at her, watching at how greedily Bubba was availing himself of the free milk.

"I am single!" Tzipora snapped back, returning the JFD woman's snarl with a glare of her own. "Bubba was adopted after being rescued from a cultist. Are you discriminating against me because I'm part Jewish?"

Tzipora's JFD accuser seemed a little taken-aback at the sad information about the history of Tzipora's adopted child, and also the accusation of racism, and didn't bother Tzipora anymore. The two Mordecais, unfortunately, weren't feminine enough to feign being JFD personnel, and instead had to pretend to be eunuchs who had somehow lost their way from the Jennymaesian palace, inadvertently stumbled into the JFD military aircraft, and then had gone undetected all the way to the Great Barry R Island. Their story wasn't making much sense, but it had been a long night, and in the end, the leader of the JFD personnel decided to bring them back to Jennymaesia, and have the top brass in Jennymaesia conduct any further interrogations there.

The Great Chieftain smiled to himself that up until now, no one had recognised him. Miss Ruby had been asleep by the time of the arrests, so the JFD had decided against another ferry ride to wake her up and have her testify as to which one really was the Great Chieftain.

As the JFD and their prisoners headed back to Jennymaesia, the captain announced over the intercom "Empress Jenny of Jennymaesia is quite upset at the Great Chieftain, and she makes the anger issues on display in the Old Testament look like a sweet, southern breeze in comparison".

The (real) Great Chieftain gave Tzipora a questioning glance. Tzipora, being an expert in the Old Testament, whispered back "It means she's much, much madder than King Saul was with the philistines."

"So likely, we're all going to get a slap on the wrist, 'told not to be naughty again' and then basically, let off?" he asked hopefully.

Tzipora shook her head grimly. "King Saul was somewhat angrier than that," she explained.

Keisha answred the call and flew the rescue helicopter to Rotovegas, to search for the Chipmunks. She met up with Miss Greenlips Hine and President Lanolin who said we've recieved a tip off that the Chipmunks may be in Eden Island at their alligator attraction.

Oh no! cried Keisha. It might be a plot by the Mr Whats his face to feed them to Alligators I wouldnt put it past him. She had heard all about his dastardly deeds from Mrs Hairy.

Mrs Hairy had said Mr whats his face had stolen her husband away by conscripting him for his army to fight a fake war and she had never heard from him again.

Now where is Eden Island? Asked President Lanolin, confused. I have never heard of it.

Miss Greenlips Hine had not heard of it either.

Are you SURE theres an alligator attraction there? I know there is one at Butterfly Creek. We could go there first. Its near the airport.

Its supposed to be near Great Barrier Island.

All the way there? But thats ages away! Nobody hardly goes to Great Barrier Island. Only hippies live there.

There is a christian retreat centre.

I dont think the Chipmunks are a gospel group, although they do lots of Christmas songs.

Maybe they've never heard of the gospel, I mean they are from America. Folks there are usually into cults like American Idol.

The situation was becoming urgent. We need to pray that the Chipmunks get saved.

Empress Jenny had a hideous look on her face when the prisoners disembarked the plane. One of these villains supposedly was the Chieftain. She had her doubts, though, it wasn’t the Chieftains habit to get caught, and it wasn’t likely that he was going to break that habit today. He probably was someplace else. Well, be that as it may, but she would personally be inspecting the prisoners (somebody might would regard that micromanaging, but a dictator was at full liberty to micromanage anything) and hopefully find the one with a gold tooth.

She had inspected 25 prisoners when she found one with a gold tooth. “Mr Chieftain, we finally meet, she declared. The man in front of her was a long haired bogan, bushy bearded and a beer belly that indicated an abnormal intake of Fosters. The home rolled cigarette just completed the picture. “G’day”, he responded, “you got any plans for tonight, love?” Ms Jenny was appalled by the idea of executing “plans” with the “gentleman” in front of her. His vocabulary didn’t quite fit the description of the Chieftain. Neither did his appearance. She decided that this wasn’t the Chieftain.

When she had inspected 150 bogans, a man with a gold tooth was being guarded by an extremely beautiful soldier. She also was minding a little baby girl. That’s odd, Ms Jenny thought. Why did this guy have a personal guard? Was he extraordinary in any regard? And why was his personal detail minding a baby? She could hardly prevent him from doing anything if he decided to raise h***.

Of course, it was the Chieftain, Ms Tizzy and little Bubba.

“Welcome to Jennymaesia, Mr Chieftain, Ms Tizzy, Bubba”, Ms Jenny said sweetly, “I think we have some green lipstick on the agenda for the rest of the day.”