When I cried out in gratefulness to You one fine day,
I said I was ready to face any trial and difficulty for You
My trial came so unexpectedly in a time when I least expected it
There in the library I sat , and I laughed at a thought
I didn't know that laugh was the beginning of many tears.
My strength became my weakness
Whatever I got from You ,
I started to slowly lose
From my laser focus on studies and being called a topper to a mind that a fellow Christian would call - "OCD" and thus a degradation that happened in my studies.
Yet , there were good results.
Every good result of my exams was all by Your grace, despite my weakness , whenever I walked by faith ,
You answered and made me excel and do well
Yet , my flesh wouldn't have it.
I wanted to sit and study and prove myself even though it was like fighting a strong wind destined to destroy me.
Before an exam , I thought not studying would be equal to tempting You
I thus, tried to study , but when I failed , You carried me through.
Yes, You carried me through my medical school.
Yet , I forget.
I forget I need You and will need You through similar times and many troubles.
I draw far away because I judge my thoughts as evil.
I draw away because I can't come to Your house , and have an evil thought.
I have drawn away too far now.
And I feel frail and dead
Yeah, I feel frail , tired by the many things I have seen happen ,
The many things I still see happen.
And so , even though I know when I told You that I would face any trial for You, and I know I meant it, I feel I have utterly failed.
And so , while my thoughts linger and my heart being dead out of exhaustion and depression, how could I sing "Happy day" at the Church today and clap when they asked everyone to clap and sing?
How could I fake a wide smile and a dance to a God who knows ? How can I mean some words that don't resonate with my deadness?
I can't lie to You.
I came with my misery and sat there and stopped singing when I perceived the dishonesty in it.
Thus has been the trial , that from a loud worshipper at Church, I was found at the last seat feeling nothing , perplexed at my state while everybody stood and clapped their hands and sang with joy.
I said I was ready to face any trial and difficulty for You
My trial came so unexpectedly in a time when I least expected it
There in the library I sat , and I laughed at a thought
I didn't know that laugh was the beginning of many tears.
My strength became my weakness
Whatever I got from You ,
I started to slowly lose
From my laser focus on studies and being called a topper to a mind that a fellow Christian would call - "OCD" and thus a degradation that happened in my studies.
Yet , there were good results.
Every good result of my exams was all by Your grace, despite my weakness , whenever I walked by faith ,
You answered and made me excel and do well
Yet , my flesh wouldn't have it.
I wanted to sit and study and prove myself even though it was like fighting a strong wind destined to destroy me.
Before an exam , I thought not studying would be equal to tempting You
I thus, tried to study , but when I failed , You carried me through.
Yes, You carried me through my medical school.
Yet , I forget.
I forget I need You and will need You through similar times and many troubles.
I draw far away because I judge my thoughts as evil.
I draw away because I can't come to Your house , and have an evil thought.
I have drawn away too far now.
And I feel frail and dead
Yeah, I feel frail , tired by the many things I have seen happen ,
The many things I still see happen.
And so , even though I know when I told You that I would face any trial for You, and I know I meant it, I feel I have utterly failed.
And so , while my thoughts linger and my heart being dead out of exhaustion and depression, how could I sing "Happy day" at the Church today and clap when they asked everyone to clap and sing?
How could I fake a wide smile and a dance to a God who knows ? How can I mean some words that don't resonate with my deadness?
I can't lie to You.
I came with my misery and sat there and stopped singing when I perceived the dishonesty in it.
Thus has been the trial , that from a loud worshipper at Church, I was found at the last seat feeling nothing , perplexed at my state while everybody stood and clapped their hands and sang with joy.
-
2
-
1
- Show all
