Choose to make

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Mitch2019

Mitch2019

Member
#1
Jul 3, 2019
92
22
8
Here
#1
Ok seeking sone advice
been separated for a year or so now from wife . We were unequally yoked , she believes in witchcraft and gos of the moon
Recently out of the blue she called me , we chatted about financial support thrn she said she misses me and wants to try again together
mad God is against divorce so I accept this ? I do love her dearly but our beliefs are so different , caused issues in marriage when I discussed my beliefs .

thoughts ??? Any suggestions ?
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#2
Aug 13, 2014
27,725
9,655
113
#2
Is she still playing for the other team? Did she say?

If she is, you must be a pretty good catch. She's deliberately returning to a situation where both of y'all are working against each other, just to be with you. :cool:
 
Sculpt

Sculpt

Well-known member
#3
Apr 18, 2021
1,147
368
83
#3
Mitch2019 said:
Ok seeking sone advice
been separated for a year or so now from wife . We were unequally yoked , she believes in witchcraft and gos of the moon
Recently out of the blue she called me , we chatted about financial support thrn she said she misses me and wants to try again together
mad God is against divorce so I accept this ? I do love her dearly but our beliefs are so different , caused issues in marriage when I discussed my beliefs .

thoughts ??? Any suggestions ?
Click to expand...
I would say go with the Apostle Paul's teaching on this (1 Corinthians 7:12-14)

You separated and she wants to try again -- that puts the ball in your court... and so you can make some prerequisites, such as if she wants to get back together, she needs to agree to going to counseling, I would make it a christian counselor. You need her to respect your beliefs, and you both have to respect each other. So a counselor can help set up the expectations and processes and see you through it. If she can't agree to the requirements you set, you can remain separated. The process is important.

You have to keep in mind even two christians can have a real difficult marriage... so don't fantasize about the grass being perfect with a christian.

You know the story, marriage partners can come to christ through their spouse. It's not something you count on, or force on your spouse, but it does happen.

Watch the documentary Case for Christ. Give it to her to watch.
 
Sculpt

Sculpt

Well-known member
#4
Apr 18, 2021
1,147
368
83
#4
Referring to my prior post: of course I mean marriage counseling for both of you. And the Case for Christ is about when a reporter's wife becomes a christian and the reporter sets out to research christ.
 
Mitch2019

Mitch2019

Member
#5
Jul 3, 2019
92
22
8
Here
#5
What If the relevant scriptures yo use are Hosea , God told him to marry a prostitute ! Perhaps I am to show Gods love for unsaved !
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#6
Aug 13, 2014
27,725
9,655
113
#6
Mitch2019 said:
What If the relevant scriptures yo use are Hosea , God told him to marry a prostitute ! Perhaps I am to show Gods love for unsaved !
Click to expand...
What if you use the verse about not touching the unclean thing? :p

Only you know what you want... Aaaaaaand only you know what you think is best. If what you want and what you think is best are the same thing, great! If they are two different things, then you got a choice to make.

If you choose what you want over what you think is best, you're gonna have some problems - but you'll also have what you want. If you choose what you think is best you'll probably be happier over the long run - but you also won't have what you want.
 
Sculpt

Sculpt

Well-known member
#7
Apr 18, 2021
1,147
368
83
#7
Mitch2019 said:
What If the relevant scriptures yo use are Hosea , God told him to marry a prostitute ! Perhaps I am to show Gods love for unsaved !
Click to expand...
I'll get to your question after I say this:

I'm just telling you what I understand to be wise, and what scripture says, about this specific situation as you described it. I can't tell you what God has told you to do. Pray about it and do what God says. If he isn't telling you, then do what's wise and scriptural.

You said you're a christian, you love your wife dearly and she wants to get back together; and since she's not a christian it causes problems. Any decent professional christian psychologist, marriage counselor and minister would tell you to tell her if she wants to get back together you both need to go to (christian) marriage counseling to teach you both how to make it work... without it you'd be going back to what doesn't work.

My sister has been married to a nonchristian for 17 years; they have two children. They make it work. He goes to church with them. He's on a journey. That doesn't mean a christian should marry a nonchristian; they should not. However if you are married to a nonchristian and they want to stay together, then try to make it work and show her christ's love. That's what scripture says.

To answer your question: God came to Hosea individually and told him to marry a prostitute. It's very clear in scripture God isn't telling anyone else to do it. Whereas in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 Paul is specifically talking about anyone in your situation. People have been following that teaching for almost two thousand years... and I have not heard of any debate about how people "really doubt that teaching because it never works out".

Have you watched the documentary Case for Christ yet?
 
Last edited:
Mitch2019

Mitch2019

Member
#8
Jul 3, 2019
92
22
8
Here
#8
My ex has made it clear she does not want to change , her beliefs are different . It was my trying to get her to change they eventually caused the split

Prayed about it but I don’t hear God speak so no idea

As yo video , yes watched it . Not sure what it is meant to be for me
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#9
Aug 13, 2014
27,725
9,655
113
#9
Mitch2019 said:
My ex has made it clear she does not want to change , her beliefs are different . It was my trying to get her to change they eventually caused the split
Click to expand...
Well then, you two will be playing for two opposing teams again.

Depends how much you want her. Do you want her bad enough to put up with the conflict it will bring? You can have what you want if you're willing to pay the price for it.
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#10
Jan 16, 2021
6,280
2,560
113
#10
Lynx said:
Well then, you two will be playing for two opposing teams again.

Depends how much you want her. Do you want her bad enough to put up with the conflict it will bring? You can have what you want if you're willing to pay the price for it.
Click to expand...
The husband is the spiritual leader of the household..."the two shall become one".

"I am she and she is we."
My wife can extremely accurately speak for me anywhere at anytime...because we are always one.

The cost of accepting her is your relationship with God. I couldn't accept that. Your mileage may vary.

You, as a single Christian man, without a debilitating vice is very rare...like a unicorn. A mythological creature only heard about but never seen in Christian circles.
There are literally thousands of Godly women in your area who are capable and able and willing to engage in a relationship with you. Many come with professional degrees and careers...no debt or baggage either. The single women outnumber the single men at church exponentially.

I can't tell you what to do with any sort of accuracy. But I can say that the likelihood of you wanting to restore what you lost is high. And where I can understand those feelings...don't replace a fake, plastic pearl necklace with a repaired one...it will break again because it's cheap. A real pearl necklace is made with much better materials and is much more valuable than any fake one.

And in the meantime, analyze yourself. Why do you really even entertain this notion of wanting an ungodly woman? Why would you want to put space between you and God this way? You know that she isn't going to help you or encourage you spiritually...in fact just the opposite.

Just something to think about. Especially for a person who is such a rare commodity...who would want to be common when they are prized and rare?
 
Sculpt

Sculpt

Well-known member
#11
Apr 18, 2021
1,147
368
83
#11
Mitch2019 said:
My ex has made it clear she does not want to change , her beliefs are different . It was my trying to get her to change they eventually caused the split

Prayed about it but I don’t hear God speak so no idea

As yo video , yes watched it . Not sure what it is meant to be for me
Click to expand...
You do understand that you two going to marriage counseling is not asking her to change her religion, right?

The counselor will present proven strategies that will keep the peace around this issue. They''ll help you both to create rules and ways of discussing issues that you both can agree on. If you care deeply about her, you can see if she's willing; and you can try it out and see if it works. What have you got to lose?
 
Mitch2019

Mitch2019

Member
#12
Jul 3, 2019
92
22
8
Here
#12
I asked and she said no to any Christian counselling . She is considering a secular one .
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#13
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#13
thoughts...

any children?
she wants to get back together ...why...is it for financial support? obviously she doesnt want to see things from your POV or believe, or accept the love of God which forgives our unbelief.....but actually changes us....so Im kinda questioning her motives
 
Sculpt

Sculpt

Well-known member
#14
Apr 18, 2021
1,147
368
83
#14
Mitch2019 said:
I asked and she said no to any Christian counselling . She is considering a secular one .
Click to expand...
I'm not sure how we're each defining "christian counselling". I hope you know I mean the simple fact that the marriage counselor is a christian. So I hope she knows it doesn't mean someone who is counseling her into being a christian. Or someone who would be on "your side"

I would suggest you tell her that: her demanding the counselor is not a christian is silly because the whole idea is finding a counselor who -- one, believes and values the spiritual world as both of you do; and two, who is familiar with your issue (and christian marriage counselors have two thousand years of experience). You want knowledgeable effectives in your situation, not someone inexperienced who thinks both your wife and your beliefs as silly or unimportant.

Most importantly -- You can tell her you will both first meet the marriage counselor and hear what they intend to do for you, and then the both of you can agree on who you're both comfortable with.

Perhaps she doesnt know christian scripture requires christians to love all people, be honest and not deceiving, support peace and be fair in dealing with people. In other words, scripture requires them to not deceive her or treat her unjustly.

See if you can find a marriage counselor who has experience with this. The first place you ask can ask around for you, as they probably know each other.

Remember this is in your court. Dont accept something you dont want. If she doesnt agree with what you require, then tell her you both can remain separated. Dont let her take the wheel from you. Make sure you're getting what you require to actually make this work
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#15
Sep 17, 2018
4,100
3,196
113
#15
Sculpt said:
I'm not sure how we're each defining "christian counselling". I hope you know I mean the simple fact that the marriage counselor is a christian. So I hope she knows it doesn't mean someone who is counseling her into being a christian. Or someone who would be on "your side"

I would suggest you tell her that: her demanding the counselor is not a christian is silly because the whole idea is finding a counselor who -- one, believes and values the spiritual world as both of you do; and two, who is familiar with your issue (and christian marriage counselors have two thousand years of experience). You want knowledgeable effectives in your situation, not someone inexperienced who thinks both your wife and your beliefs as silly or unimportant.

Most importantly -- You can tell her you will both first meet the marriage counselor and hear what they intend to do for you, and then the both of you can agree on who you're both comfortable with.

Perhaps she doesnt know christian scripture requires christians to love all people, be honest and not deceiving, support peace and be fair in dealing with people. In other words, scripture requires them to not deceive her or treat her unjustly.

See if you can find a marriage counselor who has experience with this. The first place you ask can ask around for you, as they probably know each other.

Remember this is in your court. Dont accept something you dont want. If she doesnt agree with what you require, then tell her you both can remain separated. Dont let her take the wheel from you. Make sure you're getting what you require to actually make this work
Click to expand...
As she's into witchcraft I'm guessing That alone is enough to deter her from wanting to see a Christian counselor, not a lack of understanding on what it means.

I'm not so sure calling her wants or demands "silly" is going to help anything.

"believes and values the spiritual world as both of you do"
They have completely opposing spiritual views, so a Christian counselor isn't going to be able to do this as the Christian counselor would be in Opposition of the wife's spiritual views. Which is probably why she doesn't want to go to a counselor whose personal spiritual views differ from hers and favor his. That seems, no doubt, she'd be starting at a disadvantage.
 
Mitch2019

Mitch2019

Member
#16
Jul 3, 2019
92
22
8
Here
#16
ThsbKs for input . I lonely so I think I need to accept bring with a witch and forget my own needs
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#17
Aug 13, 2014
27,725
9,655
113
#17
Mitch2019 said:
ThsbKs for input . I lonely so I think I need to accept bring with a witch and forget my own needs
Click to expand...
Like I said, you can have what you want if you're willing to pay the price.

It's gonna be a pretty steep price though. Good luck with that.
 
HealthAndHappiness

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
#18
Jul 7, 2022
10,606
4,533
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
#18
Mitch,

This is the Lord's view on the situation, my friend.
Believer and unbeliever

I don't like secular counseling and much of christian counseling is no better, but perhaps there's a trusted pastor you know who can recommend someone to meditate the reunion and help offer advice/ wisdom that may lessen the same problems that led to the failure of the relationship before.
I would bathe yourself in God's Word and prayer about this.

Here's a preacher that I've been impressed with this year. If you want to sample his sermons, there may be something right on the subject you need.

Pastor Bruce Mejia
 
You must log in or register to reply here.