Well, lets put it this way. Before I knew Christ, I was obviously living in sin. I had a lust problem. I'm pretty sure you've heard about the furry fandom. Yeah, I was into that. I'm not gonna get too much into detail about it simply because I don't wanna dwell too much in the past and don't wanna bring up more memories or images in my mind, but I was so fixated on a fetish for that stuff. I didn't get into the pornography side of it but it was still lust. And this furry fetish actually went as far as using actual animals. Yes, it was that bad. But lets put it this way, I had voices that came in my dreams:
"Aaron, please repent of your sin."
I really thought it was God's voice, but wanted to make sure. It definitely made sense to say it was God's voice. At first I thought I repented just by feeling guilty about it and praying about it....but eventually getting back into it. Nope. But one day, I felt so scared, then I heard another voice come to me saying:
"You must confess to your mother." This was after I felt scared about doing this specific thing to her cat. My mom definitely forgave me, and I never did anything to animals ever again, but the fetish continued with fantasizing about it. So I asked God "How do I stop this fetish?" Then the voice came to me in a dream saying:
"You must remove it from your life completely." I still had skepticism on whether or not that was God's voice, but I still had the problem with the fetish and got more intense. Until I started to get recurring tornado dreams. This is when it gets scary. REALLY SCARY. But each tornado dream, the tornado got closer and closer, till the tornado got like right in front of my face one night. I asked God what these dreams meant to me. And so that time I had the same voice say to me saying:
"You will soon be rejected"
Then I woke up with great alarm. I had the thought of "Rejected? I don't wanna be rejected. I wonder what that meant." Until I read a verse in Romans 1 about God giving people over, and that's when the real kicker hit me. It hit me so hard it knocked me off my feet. I was soo much in trembling of my sin, it was so scary. That's when I went up into my room and I thought to myself "Just get rid of everything, EVERYTHING that has something to do with the fetish. OUT OUT OUT NOW!!! Don't even look at it, just get it OUT NOW!!!" Then once I got everything out, I picked up my Bible and started reading.....and reading....and reading....and reading. I didn't stop reading the Bible. I kept asking God for forgiveness, as I kept reading and bathing myself in scripture and then I now understood about the fact about repentance, but also crucifying myself to the cross.
I didn't stop reading. I would actually call off work just to stay home and read and get connected with God.
Then one day, I felt this fire inside me. A sense of joy. It felt like the Holy Spirit of God. It was a sense of joy greater than I can ever imagine. I could feel in my spirit that I was forgiven and that everything was OK. This joy was so great. I am so much closer to God than ever before.
Then I read this verse:
John 14:15- 17 “If you love Me, keep My commandments. And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.
And that's when I knew it WAS the Holy Spirit of God.
And I tell you, God's love is greater than you can ever imagine. I love Jesus more than ever now. I love what He did for us. And to this day I still am addicted to His word.
I went from an addiction to lust, to an addiction to our Savior Jesus, and obedience to His word.
"Aaron, please repent of your sin."
I really thought it was God's voice, but wanted to make sure. It definitely made sense to say it was God's voice. At first I thought I repented just by feeling guilty about it and praying about it....but eventually getting back into it. Nope. But one day, I felt so scared, then I heard another voice come to me saying:
"You must confess to your mother." This was after I felt scared about doing this specific thing to her cat. My mom definitely forgave me, and I never did anything to animals ever again, but the fetish continued with fantasizing about it. So I asked God "How do I stop this fetish?" Then the voice came to me in a dream saying:
"You must remove it from your life completely." I still had skepticism on whether or not that was God's voice, but I still had the problem with the fetish and got more intense. Until I started to get recurring tornado dreams. This is when it gets scary. REALLY SCARY. But each tornado dream, the tornado got closer and closer, till the tornado got like right in front of my face one night. I asked God what these dreams meant to me. And so that time I had the same voice say to me saying:
"You will soon be rejected"
Then I woke up with great alarm. I had the thought of "Rejected? I don't wanna be rejected. I wonder what that meant." Until I read a verse in Romans 1 about God giving people over, and that's when the real kicker hit me. It hit me so hard it knocked me off my feet. I was soo much in trembling of my sin, it was so scary. That's when I went up into my room and I thought to myself "Just get rid of everything, EVERYTHING that has something to do with the fetish. OUT OUT OUT NOW!!! Don't even look at it, just get it OUT NOW!!!" Then once I got everything out, I picked up my Bible and started reading.....and reading....and reading....and reading. I didn't stop reading the Bible. I kept asking God for forgiveness, as I kept reading and bathing myself in scripture and then I now understood about the fact about repentance, but also crucifying myself to the cross.
I didn't stop reading. I would actually call off work just to stay home and read and get connected with God.
Then one day, I felt this fire inside me. A sense of joy. It felt like the Holy Spirit of God. It was a sense of joy greater than I can ever imagine. I could feel in my spirit that I was forgiven and that everything was OK. This joy was so great. I am so much closer to God than ever before.
Then I read this verse:
John 14:15- 17 “If you love Me, keep My commandments. And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.
And that's when I knew it WAS the Holy Spirit of God.
And I tell you, God's love is greater than you can ever imagine. I love Jesus more than ever now. I love what He did for us. And to this day I still am addicted to His word.
I went from an addiction to lust, to an addiction to our Savior Jesus, and obedience to His word.
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