Fiance upset because I said hi to a coworker and called her Miss

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Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,023
853
113
I don't care about rock drummers or what you did @Karlon

Lord knows if He has saved you - then you know what the right thing to do is.

I was reading this book written by Private Investigator, and he said that he was always investigating rock bands and gigs for women who were trying to find out how to trace the fathers of their love children.

It takes no great talent to drum really...anyone can bash a drum with a stick and keep the beat. They even have automatic drum machines these days so there's no really no need for a human drummer. I don't quite understand why women would be attracted to one lol
lanolin, your words are antagonistic & unfriendly, especially your opening statement. let's discuss with joy & amicability, please. i didn't asked if you cared. learning to play a musical instrument is 1 of the most difficult occupations in the world. especially when someone can play like me which is quite syncopated, playing many off-time signatures & fills the way i do. it is very difficult. no, anyone can not play the drums. even eddie van halen said he couldn't play drums. he was 1st a drummer, but couldn't play at all. i'm not proud at all that i misbehaved for 1 week with the girls. but that's pretty darn good, only 1 week when it easily could have been decades. so, i beseech you, lets converse friendly. enjoy the weekend. blessings to you.
 

ResidentAlien

Well-known member
Apr 21, 2021
7,671
3,238
113
lanolin, your words are antagonistic & unfriendly, especially your opening statement. let's discuss with joy & amicability, please. i didn't asked if you cared. learning to play a musical instrument is 1 of the most difficult occupations in the world. especially when someone can play like me which is quite syncopated, playing many off-time signatures & fills the way i do. it is very difficult. no, anyone can not play the drums. even eddie van halen said he couldn't play drums. he was 1st a drummer, but couldn't play at all. i'm not proud at all that i misbehaved for 1 week with the girls. but that's pretty darn good, only 1 week when it easily could have been decades. so, i beseech you, lets converse friendly. enjoy the weekend. blessings to you.
I have to agree with Lanolin. Whether it was decades or a week, who cares.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
25,353
8,382
113
lots of people care: the ones that will learn a lesson from my mistake.
Ignore resident alien. He and shittim have made a flipping CAREER out of finding ways to put people down, so they can feel good about themselves.

So you tried it and found out how hollow it is. That's good. A lot of people are not that self-aware. They will keep trying it over and over because those around them tell them that is the way to find happiness. It's good that you were able to see through it.
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,023
853
113
Ignore resident alien. He and shittim have made a flipping CAREER out of finding ways to put people down, so they can feel good about themselves.

So you tried it and found out how hollow it is. That's good. A lot of people are not that self-aware. They will keep trying it over and over because those around them tell them that is the way to find happiness. It's good that you were able to see through it.
yes, i have seen lanolin to be troublesome in the past. well, we can always pray for peace & joy in this person's life. it's very rare that someone is only involved in that sin for 1 week. Jesus was protecting me. i was not born again then, a catholic. thank you Lynx.
 

ResidentAlien

Well-known member
Apr 21, 2021
7,671
3,238
113
Ignore resident alien. He and shittim have made a flipping CAREER out of finding ways to put people down, so they can feel good about themselves.
LOL, you're clever; a lot more clever than I gave you credit for.
 

Ted01

Well-known member
May 14, 2022
1,055
447
83
your fiance needs a lot of prayer and assurance she seems very insecure
Does she need the prayer, or does the other?

The world is what it is... is it not?
We just sojourn here and greet everything as it is. Without prejudice.

It should be no surprise that things are "wonky" in this life... and it should be no shame when others are a bit "off the mark".
The question that remains is how will we deal with the absurdities of life as they present themselves?

A complicated relationship is merely "par for the course".
Love and Truth will always prevail... it's a promise from God.

If OP loves... God will provide where her failings persist.
Provided that that is in Christ, himself.
Is it not a matter of OP submitting himself to God's will for his going forward in this relationship?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
25,353
8,382
113
Y’all all forgotten about the fiancé?
Are you highlighting the fact that this relationship is not yet set in stone? Yes I am keeping that ever in mind. Not sure if everybody is though.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
25,353
8,382
113
LOL, you're clever; a lot more clever than I gave you credit for.
I spoke up in that miscellaneous thread because shittim was wrong in his accusations against you. But you really do cut people down an awful lot...
 
J

jennymae

Guest
Are you highlighting the fact that this relationship is not yet set in stone? Yes I am keeping that ever in mind. Not sure if everybody is though.
I’m not sure about anything regarding the OP’s post, but whatever it is, or whatever it isn’t, it’s not, or not yet, set in stone.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,428
2,669
113
Her not wanting to talk about her past doesn’t sit well with me. Unresolved issues aren’t solved by getting married. They actually amplify.
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,023
853
113
"unresolved issues aren't solved by begetting married" that made me laugh!!!
 

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2022
8,543
3,539
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
OK my fiance and I have been having some good times and some rough times. Right now we are in a rough patch. We have been in a relationship for two years.

I will do full disclosure because I want some good advice.

In the past, I have been reluctant to:
-Remove female friends from Facebook
-Remove old phone numbers from phone
-Stop talking to two female friends

Now I didn't communicate with the women on Facebook, and I didn't call any of the numbers in my phone. But I understand that I should have taken care of these things sooner. Because of this, there have been some trust issues. She thinks I sometimes want to reach out to women in my past.

The other day I was on the phone with my fiance while getting in the elevator at the garage. I saw one of my co-workers and said, "Oh, there's Miss Kirra." Then I got in the elevator with her and said hi to her. At first my fiance said I sounded a little too excited to see her and that I was probably checking her out. I told her that no, that's how I sound when I say hi to everybody at work. We didn't really talk that day. Later on when I brought it up, she said she didn't like the fact that I called her "Miss Kirra". She said that was a term on endearment between us and I ruined it by calling another woman Miss. She is now saying that she didn't have an issue with me saying hi, she only had an issue with me saying "Miss Kirra" before saying hi. One issue may be that we are on the phone every morning when I walk in to work and maybe I should let her go before I go in as that isn't professional anyway (I work in IT).

What are your thoughts about using the word Miss? Is it OK to use it with another woman at work? Is it OK to say it in front of your fiance? Is it considered flirting? Does it depend on if you have made some mistakes in your relationship? I was under the impression that it was being polite, but if it is considered flirty I will never do it again.

So, did you have a heart to heart and ask your bride to be why she felt the way she did about your greeting to that miss at work?
That's what I think would be a good place to start. Ladies see things from different perspectives than we do sometimes. We also can't make generalizations about the way guys or girls think, but try to learn how she thinks. It's tougher for us guys, but women are normally better at subtle cues and have a harder time being forthright... usually.

This issue might be rooted in something like a lack of communication, emotional closeness or do you haven't realized. Something that seems small to you might be a big deal to her because of underlying factors. Example, a woman who is explaining something meaningful to us doesn't want a "K" as a response in a text message.
Likewise, if you greet her with a monotone "Hi" or "Hey", when you see your fiancee; then speak in a excited to see you tone of voice to the other single available coworker you see more than her while at work, that won't normally set well. That's a red flag to her even if it isn't to you in intent. I don't know if that's the case, but it's something I would suggest asking about.

My married buddy and i went to Earn Park . We were talking shop when one of his single women friends showed up and then sat down as I was leaving. They are just friends and I have questions as to whether she is even attracted to men. She's the butch type. Anyhow the next week I asked what his wife thought of that? I wasn't being judgemental, but I want him to consider his wife in a situation that many wives would not take well at all. He needed to know that if he didn't think anything about the woman other than plutonic friends. He said that his wife knows him. Granted he's an older friend who's been married a long time. However, we are to avoid all appearance of evil, Tex.

Your fiancee is going to need proof that you are not going to hang out with other women and likewise of her with men. I figure you both know that and are of course on the same page with that. If she showed some kind of favoritism toward a dude at church or somewhere, you'd be ready to pick him up and punt him over the hill like a football. She might feel the same under the right circumstances.

That's enough to share and I hope it all works out for you both.

Best regards

H&H
 

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2022
8,543
3,539
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
OK my fiance and I have been having some good times and some rough times. Right now we are in a rough patch. We have been in a relationship for two years.

I will do full disclosure because I want some good advice.

In the past, I have been reluctant to:
-Remove female friends from Facebook
-Remove old phone numbers from phone
-Stop talking to two female friends

Now I didn't communicate with the women on Facebook, and I didn't call any of the numbers in my phone. But I understand that I should have taken care of these things sooner. Because of this, there have been some trust issues. She thinks I sometimes want to reach out to women in my past.

The other day I was on the phone with my fiance while getting in the elevator at the garage. I saw one of my co-workers and said, "Oh, there's Miss Kirra." Then I got in the elevator with her and said hi to her. At first my fiance said I sounded a little too excited to see her and that I was probably checking her out. I told her that no, that's how I sound when I say hi to everybody at work. We didn't really talk that day. Later on when I brought it up, she said she didn't like the fact that I called her "Miss Kirra". She said that was a term on endearment between us and I ruined it by calling another woman Miss. She is now saying that she didn't have an issue with me saying hi, she only had an issue with me saying "Miss Kirra" before saying hi. One issue may be that we are on the phone every morning when I walk in to work and maybe I should let her go before I go in as that isn't professional anyway (I work in IT).

What are your thoughts about using the word Miss? Is it OK to use it with another woman at work? Is it OK to say it in front of your fiance? Is it considered flirting? Does it depend on if you have made some mistakes in your relationship? I was under the impression that it was being polite, but if it is considered flirty I will never do it again.

You might need this.

 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,179
113
lanolin, your words are antagonistic & unfriendly, especially your opening statement. let's discuss with joy & amicability, please. i didn't asked if you cared. learning to play a musical instrument is 1 of the most difficult occupations in the world. especially when someone can play like me which is quite syncopated, playing many off-time signatures & fills the way i do. it is very difficult. no, anyone can not play the drums. even eddie van halen said he couldn't play drums. he was 1st a drummer, but couldn't play at all. i'm not proud at all that i misbehaved for 1 week with the girls. but that's pretty darn good, only 1 week when it easily could have been decades. so, i beseech you, lets converse friendly. enjoy the weekend. blessings to you.
ok
you have confessed your sin and repented
but please dont pretend it was anything to be proud of, as the consequences may have been a lifetime of anguish for those girls who may have got pregnant Lord knows even if you say 'it was only a week'

Personally I am not impressed with drummers, or indeed any musicians who boast. If God gives you a gift, its not necessarily learned. And He can give gifts to whomever He chooses.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,179
113
Does she need the prayer, or does the other?

The world is what it is... is it not?
We just sojourn here and greet everything as it is. Without prejudice.

It should be no surprise that things are "wonky" in this life... and it should be no shame when others are a bit "off the mark".
The question that remains is how will we deal with the absurdities of life as they present themselves?

A complicated relationship is merely "par for the course".
Love and Truth will always prevail... it's a promise from God.

If OP loves... God will provide where her failings persist.
Provided that that is in Christ, himself.
Is it not a matter of OP submitting himself to God's will for his going forward in this relationship?
well as I have indicated in other posts he needs to wake up as well, if hes engaged

Every fiance needs to feel secure that her intended isnt fancying someone else. Obviously she isn't