Finding an Anchor in God

I am grieving right now. I’m grieving the loss of a damaging, unhealthy, and harmful friendship, but a friendship I held close to all the same. I’m grieving the loss of the familiar life I used to have, a life my old friend played a massive role in. I’m grieving myself, as it relates to this sudden and profound change in my life. In short, right now I feel like my foundation has cracked underneath me, and I’m falling.

And to make matters worse, the grief has reignited a firestorm of mental and physical health challenges, from stomach pain and weakness to a profound state of depression and lifelessness. I don’t want to eat, I sleep too much, and I feel a constant pit of emptiness in the center of my chest. Grief is a beast. It’s a jarring, painful reminder that this world isn’t how God intended it to be; a reminder of all that sin has wrecked upon His creation. And when you have Borderline Personality Disorder, like I do, the pain of grief can feel like you’re living a nightmare.

My emotions swing from rage from the betrayal I suffered, to a deep loneliness after adjusting to a world without my ex-friend, to a sense of relief the toxicity is finally over. I’ve learned to treat my emotions like weather. Florida’s weather, that is. If you live in Florida, you know the weather can change on a dime. My emotions work similarly. In the afternoon, I’m experiencing anger and indignation. In the evening, I’m feeling lonely and I’m facing crying spells. Just as a Floridian must prepare for an upcoming thunderstorm or a hurricane, I too must prepare for the pain of the day. And I do that by anchoring myself onto God, the only One Who will truly never leave or abandon us.

When a storm approaches, sailors put down an anchor so that their boats are not toppled over by the approaching tempest. The anchor doesn’t stop the storm from approaching; that’s entirely out of the sailor’s control. But what the anchor does is make it so that the boat can withstand the storm’s beatings and tumult without toppling over or sinking. When we are grieving, or going through a massively painful storm, we must anchor ourselves in God and in His Word.

Perhaps right now, as you read these words, you’re being pummeled by the storm above you. The rains rages on, and there’s no sunshine in sight. No matter how terrible in every way the storm is, and no matter how tragic your situation is, God is here for you, desiring to be your Anchor. Nothing else in this world can provide the solid foundation that you deserve. You need Someone Who can be there for you through thick and thin, without leaving you or abandoning you (Hebrews 13:5). God wants that for you. So anchor yourself along with me and let’s weather the storm together. I believe, despite the emotional pain I’m in right now as I read these words, that one day the clouds will part and the rain will cease — and that you’ll be here with me.

I am grieving right now. I’m grieving the loss of a damaging, unhealthy, and harmful friendship, but a friendship I held close to all the same. I’m grieving the loss of the familiar life I used to have, a life my old friend played a massive role in. I’m grieving myself, as it relates to this sudden and profound change in my life. In short, right now I feel like my foundation has cracked underneath me, and I’m falling.

And to make matters worse, the grief has reignited a firestorm of mental and physical health challenges, from stomach pain and weakness to a profound state of depression and lifelessness. I don’t want to eat, I sleep too much, and I feel a constant pit of emptiness in the center of my chest. Grief is a beast. It’s a jarring, painful reminder that this world isn’t how God intended it to be; a reminder of all that sin has wrecked upon His creation. And when you have Borderline Personality Disorder, like I do, the pain of grief can feel like you’re living a nightmare.

My emotions swing from rage from the betrayal I suffered, to a deep loneliness after adjusting to a world without my ex-friend, to a sense of relief the toxicity is finally over. I’ve learned to treat my emotions like weather. Florida’s weather, that is. If you live in Florida, you know the weather can change on a dime. My emotions work similarly. In the afternoon, I’m experiencing anger and indignation. In the evening, I’m feeling lonely and I’m facing crying spells. Just as a Floridian must prepare for an upcoming thunderstorm or a hurricane, I too must prepare for the pain of the day. And I do that by anchoring myself onto God, the only One Who will truly never leave or abandon us.

When a storm approaches, sailors put down an anchor so that their boats are not toppled over by the approaching tempest. The anchor doesn’t stop the storm from approaching; that’s entirely out of the sailor’s control. But what the anchor does is make it so that the boat can withstand the storm’s beatings and tumult without toppling over or sinking. When we are grieving, or going through a massively painful storm, we must anchor ourselves in God and in His Word.

Perhaps right now, as you read these words, you’re being pummeled by the storm above you. The rains rages on, and there’s no sunshine in sight. No matter how terrible in every way the storm is, and no matter how tragic your situation is, God is here for you, desiring to be your Anchor. Nothing else in this world can provide the solid foundation that you deserve. You need Someone Who can be there for you through thick and thin, without leaving you or abandoning you (Hebrews 13:5). God wants that for you. So anchor yourself along with me and let’s weather the storm together. I believe, despite the emotional pain I’m in right now as I read these words, that one day the clouds will part and the rain will cease — and that you’ll be here with me.

how are you feeling today?

Today has been an incredibly difficult day.

I am sorry to hear this. If it would help to have somebody to talk to, then I will be home from work at about 9:40 PM EST or at about 6:40 PM your time. I will check to see if you are online then, just in case you feel like talking.

I will pray for you while I am at work.

Today has been an incredibly difficult day.

“Ultimate hope constitutes the anchor of the soul.” ― Neal A. Maxwell

I believe, despite the emotional pain I’m in right now as I read these words, that one day
the clouds will part and the rain will cease — and that you’ll be here with me.

Psalm 34:7 Hebrews 1:14
I was thinking of you as I designed this panel. I was also listening to this Céline Dion song.
I chose the verses because of the lyrics. The song title is A New Day Has Come. I don't know
if you are familiar with Céline Dion. She is an amazing singer whose music has touched millions
for many years. She is not normally my taste in music and yet every once in a while, the synthesis
between the lyrics and the beauty and power of her voice totally captivate me. The song is from
twenty two years ago. All that to say I hope you find that the Light and Love of your life is not the
person who has betrayed you and left you feeling so much grief, though I do hope you allow
your feelings to further inform you of your need of Him Who will never leave you nor forsake you.

A new day
A new day
I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
Through the darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you
Hush, now
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun
A new day has come
Where it was dark, now there's light
Where there was pain, now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy
Hush, now
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears (and drown my fears)
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun
A new day has...
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun
A new day has come
Hush, now
I see a light in your eyes
All in the eyes of the boy (a new day)
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love (a new day, a new day)
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love (a new day)
Hush, now
A new day
Hush, now
A new day

I am still listening to this song... and just in case you do not know, it is Céline Dion in the panel...

Arg, I cannot put more than a like on this! My sister got to see Celine a couple years ago in concert. She said she was amazing. But it's so sad that she came down with that rare disease. There are not a lot of female singers I enjoy that I think are talented, but she is one and she has done Canada proud. She has a way of putting a song across that speaks to people. I know she is Catholic, I do hope she comes to know the Lord.

when you have Borderline Personality Disorder, like I do, the pain of grief can feel like you’re living a nightmare.