Need Advice

I need advice:
Preface: Strong Christian woman, Faith is important to me first and foremost. I’m a single mom, divorced my children’s father because of infidelity while I was pregnant with my youngest and he had a child with that person soon after my youngest was born. He chose to leave which lead to divorce ultimately. It’s been 6 years since my youngest was born.

I really like this guy I've been seeing for about 6 months and it's starting to be kinda a serious thing but he lives 3 hours away. I’ve seen him in person 5 times but talk everyday. I have no clue what the future holds but it's nice. He’s very easy going, we share interests but not everything which is nice. He’s not as motivated as I am, but he also lost his first wife 2 years ago to cancer. So he’s coming out of a grieving period which is completely understandable. Super creative and is following a passion he has even though it’s not super prosperous now, it definitely has potential. Plus he’s working a job on top of that.

A guy I dated before when I was just getting through my divorce crap suddenly starts messaging me again. We had an amazing connection unlike any other person I've dated. He’s a strong almost too strong Christian if that makes sense to anyone. Most of our issues stem from cultural differences and different views of Faith. He pushes me to be better, but can come across as controlling even though it really isn’t intended that way.

I don’t know how to navigate this because I care deeply for one that I’m afraid will end again. While hopeful of a future unknown with the new person.

Welcome!

Many people are going to give you much advice in this thread. Most of it will be wrong because there is no way we can know all the details.

Sorry about that.

The best advice I can give you is, stock up on ibuprofen and Tylenol. You're going to need it.

Hi searchingforinsight, welcome to the site! Very sorry for what you have been through, but it sounds like The Lord is keeping you in His care.

Regarding your dilemma, as Lynx said there's really not enough info to give great advice. But you might want to ask yourself some questions.

-Think back to why you and Mr. Intensity broke up. Are the issues that led to the breakup still issues? Are they even "issues" (things that can or should be worked on), or are they actually legitimate points of incompatibility?

-How did you feel after breaking up with him? My best guess would be "sad, but also kinda relieved" (of course you can correct me if I'm wrong). If so then the relief says a lot. Keep in mind that you met him during a very difficult period in your life, when you really needed some support. It's possible he was good for you for a season and that season is over.

-You said that he pushes you to "be better, but can come across as controlling even though it isn't really intended that way". Controlling people seldom acknowledge or even realize that they are being controlling. But regardless of how he "intends" the pushing, do you feel that it is truly making you a better person, or is it leaving you feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, and like you will never measure up?

Those are my main thoughts based on the information you provided, I hope I didn't overstep! It's possible that neither of these guys are right for you, but only God knows that answer. I'll pray that He helps you find it in His timing 🙏 💜

P.S. Just a thought because I think it's worth saying: Controlling or manipulative people can also be very charming and complimentary, it's one of their hallmarks. 😉

I can tell you one thing about the current guy. See him for who he is now (as well as his finances), because potential is just another way of saying you expect change in what you consider your favor. It's kind of like saying he's good enough if he...
If you look at him now and would not want to be with him in his current state (including finances) then don't get with him. Because you aren't interested in Him, you're interested in what you Think he Can be. And that's a wrong way to start a relationship.

I sit corrected. Mostly because I'm too lazy to stand corrected. There IS some good advice in this thread after all.

If I am reading you correctly, then you have more than one child, and the youngest is six years old.

How do these men treat your children?

Are either of these two men willing and prepared to be step-fathers to your children?

What do your children think of these men?

In my mind, the answers to these questions are of utmost importance, and you need to know the answers to them before proceeding in any direction.

I really like this comment from Lynx, lol.


To the OP... if you consider that God WANTS you to make the right decisions, then the key would be to stay close to God, and be prayerful.
And... stock up on ibuprofen.

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