CRA Christians in Recovery (anonymous)
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I do like both of them... and even love... they have such a warmth to their preaching style that sets them
apart in my mind from someone like Johnny Mac... Adrian has been gone for many years now, and Charles...
a lot less time has passed since his passing... just over two years now! Wow, times goes by so quickly... and
Adrian departed this world almost twenty years ago, though both can still be heard on kari55.com (<= link)
along with an assortment of other teachers whom I benefit from listening to...
WHAT MATTERS TO GOD MATTERS TO US . . .Sunday May 18, 2025
Making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves – sorting out right from wrong, good from bad, and our part in past events – is an important foundation for building our life in recovery. God’s Word as recorded in the Bible is the standard against which all of us must measure our behaviour. Reviewing our thoughts, actions, and deeds against God’s standards will show us where we have gone our own way rather than following God’s way.
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world— the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life— is not from the Father but from the world. The world is passing away, along with its desires; but whoever does the will of God remains forever. 1 John 2:15-17
James 1 verses 14-15; 1 John 2 verse 16 Each one is tempted when by his own evil desires he is lured away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. For all that is in the world- the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life- is not from the Father but from the world.
In our addiction, we participated in habits and lifestyles that were destructive because we either didn’t know, or didn’t want to obey God’s principles for life. We feared pain, craved pleasure, desired power, and simply wanted to have our own way in whatever we chose to do. We tried whatever we thought would bring us satisfaction and joy. Nothing we tried brought us lasting fulfillment.
A fearless and moral inventory of ourselves requires honest asking, honest reflecting, and honest assessment, of the values we currently hold compared with God’s principles. We review how our thinking and actions fell short of God’s standards. God sent Jesus into the world not to condemn us for what we have done, but to save us from it. We truly matter to God! As we practice God’s principles in all our affairs, we will build a meaningful and contented life with God’s blessing upon us.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there
is any offensive way in me; lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24
Partners in Hope Society / used with permission
Making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves – sorting out right from wrong, good from bad, and our part in past events – is an important foundation for building our life in recovery. God’s Word as recorded in the Bible is the standard against which all of us must measure our behaviour. Reviewing our thoughts, actions, and deeds against God’s standards will show us where we have gone our own way rather than following God’s way.
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world— the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life— is not from the Father but from the world. The world is passing away, along with its desires; but whoever does the will of God remains forever. 1 John 2:15-17
James 1 verses 14-15; 1 John 2 verse 16 Each one is tempted when by his own evil desires he is lured away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. For all that is in the world- the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life- is not from the Father but from the world.
In our addiction, we participated in habits and lifestyles that were destructive because we either didn’t know, or didn’t want to obey God’s principles for life. We feared pain, craved pleasure, desired power, and simply wanted to have our own way in whatever we chose to do. We tried whatever we thought would bring us satisfaction and joy. Nothing we tried brought us lasting fulfillment.
A fearless and moral inventory of ourselves requires honest asking, honest reflecting, and honest assessment, of the values we currently hold compared with God’s principles. We review how our thinking and actions fell short of God’s standards. God sent Jesus into the world not to condemn us for what we have done, but to save us from it. We truly matter to God! As we practice God’s principles in all our affairs, we will build a meaningful and contented life with God’s blessing upon us.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there
is any offensive way in me; lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24
Partners in Hope Society / used with permission
so complete of an answer! reminds me of my lesson: Admit, Identify, Recognize & Correct!WHAT MATTERS TO GOD MATTERS TO US . . .Sunday May 18, 2025
Making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves – sorting out right from wrong, good from bad, and our part in past events – is an important foundation for building our life in recovery. God’s Word as recorded in the Bible is the standard against which all of us must measure our behaviour. Reviewing our thoughts, actions, and deeds against God’s standards will show us where we have gone our own way rather than following God’s way.
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world— the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life— is not from the Father but from the world. The world is passing away, along with its desires; but whoever does the will of God remains forever. 1 John 2:15-17
James 1 verses 14-15; 1 John 2 verse 16 Each one is tempted when by his own evil desires he is lured away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. For all that is in the world- the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life- is not from the Father but from the world.
In our addiction, we participated in habits and lifestyles that were destructive because we either didn’t know, or didn’t want to obey God’s principles for life. We feared pain, craved pleasure, desired power, and simply wanted to have our own way in whatever we chose to do. We tried whatever we thought would bring us satisfaction and joy. Nothing we tried brought us lasting fulfillment.
A fearless and moral inventory of ourselves requires honest asking, honest reflecting, and honest assessment, of the values we currently hold compared with God’s principles. We review how our thinking and actions fell short of God’s standards. God sent Jesus into the world not to condemn us for what we have done, but to save us from it. We truly matter to God! As we practice God’s principles in all our affairs, we will build a meaningful and contented life with God’s blessing upon us.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there
is any offensive way in me; lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24
Partners in Hope Society / used with permission
My Heart is Open Today
I met someone new recently. It was a completely unexpected event. As I spent time with this person,
my heart was touched in a way that it hadn’t been in quite some time. A cascade of feelings came up
afterwards, and I was a little unsettled for a while. I continued to work Steps One through Three and
Ten through Eleven, every day, as I walked through all the feelings.
One thing I came to see is that meeting this new person and having my heart open up brought up other
times in my life when I opened my heart for someone, but that someone was just not available to me.
When I was a young girl growing up in alcoholism, my father was the first person who was unavailable
to me. He remained unavailable until he got into Alcoholics Anonymous and tried to reach out to me
when I was in my 30s. By then, my heart had been hurt so badly that I was not able to let him back
into my life. That was before I found my way to Al-Anon.
My mom was also not available. She was very focused on my father in the way that we all focus on the
alcoholic when they are suffering in their disease. Unfortunately, the family I was born into has been
deeply impacted by alcoholism. Although my father has long since passed away from the disease,
my mother, brother, and I have not yet found our way back to each other.
I know that I have also had my heart open in romantic relationships where the other person was
not available. I also know that before I found my way to Al-Anon, I was not available either.
I am available today, though. My heart is open, thanks to Al-Anon. Meeting this new person has
helped me to see that I have some grieving to do for the times I gave my heart to someone who
was not in a position to receive it. I am grateful for Al-Anon’s book, Opening Our Hearts,
Transforming Our Losses (B-29), which I can refer to as I work through my grief.
The gift of this experience is that my Higher Power is giving me an opportunity to see some of my past
patterns in relationships more clearly, and to do another layer of healing. It feels good, today, to have
the capacity to be in relationships with people who are available to be with me. I am very grateful
to the Al-Anon fellowship for these gifts.
By Anonymous July, 2016
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA. source
I met someone new recently. It was a completely unexpected event. As I spent time with this person,
my heart was touched in a way that it hadn’t been in quite some time. A cascade of feelings came up
afterwards, and I was a little unsettled for a while. I continued to work Steps One through Three and
Ten through Eleven, every day, as I walked through all the feelings.
One thing I came to see is that meeting this new person and having my heart open up brought up other
times in my life when I opened my heart for someone, but that someone was just not available to me.
When I was a young girl growing up in alcoholism, my father was the first person who was unavailable
to me. He remained unavailable until he got into Alcoholics Anonymous and tried to reach out to me
when I was in my 30s. By then, my heart had been hurt so badly that I was not able to let him back
into my life. That was before I found my way to Al-Anon.
My mom was also not available. She was very focused on my father in the way that we all focus on the
alcoholic when they are suffering in their disease. Unfortunately, the family I was born into has been
deeply impacted by alcoholism. Although my father has long since passed away from the disease,
my mother, brother, and I have not yet found our way back to each other.
I know that I have also had my heart open in romantic relationships where the other person was
not available. I also know that before I found my way to Al-Anon, I was not available either.
I am available today, though. My heart is open, thanks to Al-Anon. Meeting this new person has
helped me to see that I have some grieving to do for the times I gave my heart to someone who
was not in a position to receive it. I am grateful for Al-Anon’s book, Opening Our Hearts,
Transforming Our Losses (B-29), which I can refer to as I work through my grief.
The gift of this experience is that my Higher Power is giving me an opportunity to see some of my past
patterns in relationships more clearly, and to do another layer of healing. It feels good, today, to have
the capacity to be in relationships with people who are available to be with me. I am very grateful
to the Al-Anon fellowship for these gifts.
By Anonymous July, 2016
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA. source
PRAYER: FOR HEALING AND RESTORATION
Loving God, Thank You for rescuing us from the dark power of Satan and bringing us into loving
relationship with Your Son, Jesus. We ask for wisdom and understanding from Your Spirit in order
to live as people who honour You. Heal us. Make us new. Make us strong followers of Christ. Root
us deeply in Your love. We place our trust in Your power that can do far more in us than we dare
ask or imagine. Amen.
JUST FOR TODAY
Just for today I will try to live in conscious contact with God praying
only for knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out.
Just for today I will strengthen my mind. I will take a few minutes to read and meditate on
God’s word, seeking God’s perspective for my life today. I will take note of one helpful thing
God is saying to me and seek to behave accordingly.
Just for today I will be joyful, optimistic, and grateful. I will take time to notice
the gifts in me, in others, and in my surroundings and let the rest go.
Just for today I will adjust myself to what is and not try to adjust everything
else to my desires. I will trust that God is working all things for good in my life.
Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself to relax and enjoy all that God is giving me.
Just for today I will be unafraid, believing that as I trust in God with all my heart
and lean not on my own understanding, He will lead me along a good path.
Just for today I will seek to serve others with kindness,
doing what is right, and walking humbly with God.
Ephesians 2 verse 10
I can no longer find updated Partners In Hope Daily Meditations.
Interesting. My parents were alcoholics. I was pretty much an alcoholic myself. I came close to death from alcohol poisoning. Jesus saved me just in time. I found that I no longer needed alcohol and I hated the fuzzy feeling that I once depended on.
Al Anon left my parents dependent. They still considered themselves one drink away from a relapse. I was, after two years, able to have a glass of wine and stop there. My parents were not saved.
The reason people drink or/and do drugs is the desperate pointlessness of life without God. I started because it was just what a young man would do, especially with the example of my father. I kept going because it was an escape, one that nearly killed me. Al Anon is great, but it only deals with the symptoms. How much better to know Jesus and so deal with the root cause of the problem.
There was alcoholism in my family as well, especially on my father's side. He came from a large family also, six boys and six girls. One of my aunts was such a raging alcoholic that my mom took in my cousin when she was close in age to my second oldest sister, so they were in their mid teens at the time, and that raised our number from 13 to 14 for a while. I still remember the Easter she spent with us... anyways, I went to a couple of ACOA meetings at some point in my recovery but they were not for me, nor was al-anon, really, or any of those other support groups for the support groups. But I loved AA and attended for years before crying out to God for help, which resulted in me losing the desire to use mind and mood altering substances. Not what I was asking for help with... I just wanted the pain to stop. But I was delivered from the snare of alcoholism and addiction after 24 years of use and abuse, and continued going to AA and started attending NA where I felt much more at home, so much so that even though I attended AA all those years and had home groups here and there and did various service work, I never took a cake until seven years and then again at eight, after which I relapsed, having not yet come to believe. Still all those years had improved my life in many ways... and I did eventually get clean and sober again, and surpassed my former milestone when I took a nine year cake at the end of 2019. I had never really invited people to a cake before but that time I did, and it was so special with some from my church family there! And then a few months later covid changed everything... Now I feel more at home in AA. There is such a very strong recovery community here and the AA meetings I attend are a lot like going somewhere to listen to people testify for an hour while they tell of all the wonderful things God has done and continues to do in their lives.
Amen!
Thanks for sharing. Real-time testimonies are powerful reminders that help is available.
While there is no formal list of promises in the Big Book, some A.A. members refer to
the following passage from the Big Book, Chapter 6: Into Action, as "The Promises":
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us —
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
******************************************************************************************************************
In the context of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), "this phase of our development" refers to the period of spiritual growth and recovery experienced by individuals as they work through the 12 Steps, particularly the steps that focus on self-reflection, making amends to restore relationships, and service to others. This phase is characterized by a shift in attitude, a growing sense of freedom and happiness, and a diminishing of negative emotions like fear, shame, and self-pity.
Making amends is a process of actively repairing the harm caused by addiction, fostering self-forgiveness, and rebuilding relationships. By taking responsibility for past actions and seeking to make things right, individuals in AA can find freedom from guilt and shame, strengthen their recovery, and contribute to a healthier community .
The promises are not a one-time event but a continuous process of growth and development
as individuals continue to work the steps and apply the principles of AA to their lives.
the following passage from the Big Book, Chapter 6: Into Action, as "The Promises":
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us —
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
******************************************************************************************************************
In the context of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), "this phase of our development" refers to the period of spiritual growth and recovery experienced by individuals as they work through the 12 Steps, particularly the steps that focus on self-reflection, making amends to restore relationships, and service to others. This phase is characterized by a shift in attitude, a growing sense of freedom and happiness, and a diminishing of negative emotions like fear, shame, and self-pity.
Making amends is a process of actively repairing the harm caused by addiction, fostering self-forgiveness, and rebuilding relationships. By taking responsibility for past actions and seeking to make things right, individuals in AA can find freedom from guilt and shame, strengthen their recovery, and contribute to a healthier community .
The promises are not a one-time event but a continuous process of growth and development
as individuals continue to work the steps and apply the principles of AA to their lives.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. The Promises from the Big Book of AA Chapter 6.
Trusting people
"Most of us would have had nowhere else to go if we could not have trusted NA groups and members." Basic Text, p. 84
Trusting people is a risk. Human beings are notoriously forgetful, unreliable, and imperfect. Most of us come from backgrounds where betrayal and insensitivity among friends were common occurrences. Even our most reliable friends weren't very reliable. By the time we arrive at the doors of NA, most of us have hundreds of experiences bearing out our conviction that people are untrustworthy. Yet our recovery demands that we trust people. We are faced with this dilemma: People are not always trustworthy, yet we must trust them. How do we do that, given the evidence of our pasts?
First, we remind ourselves that the rules of active addiction don't apply in recovery. Most of our fellow members are doing their level best to live by the spiritual principles we learn in the program. Second, we remind ourselves that we aren't 100% reliable, either. We will surely disappoint someone in our lives, no matter how hard we try not to. Third, and most importantly, we realize that we need to trust our fellow members of NA. Our lives are at stake, and the only way we can stay clean is to trust these well-intentioned folks who, admittedly, aren't perfect.
Just for Today: I will trust my fellow members. Though certainly not perfect, they are my best hope.
"Most of us would have had nowhere else to go if we could not have trusted NA groups and members." Basic Text, p. 84
Trusting people is a risk. Human beings are notoriously forgetful, unreliable, and imperfect. Most of us come from backgrounds where betrayal and insensitivity among friends were common occurrences. Even our most reliable friends weren't very reliable. By the time we arrive at the doors of NA, most of us have hundreds of experiences bearing out our conviction that people are untrustworthy. Yet our recovery demands that we trust people. We are faced with this dilemma: People are not always trustworthy, yet we must trust them. How do we do that, given the evidence of our pasts?
First, we remind ourselves that the rules of active addiction don't apply in recovery. Most of our fellow members are doing their level best to live by the spiritual principles we learn in the program. Second, we remind ourselves that we aren't 100% reliable, either. We will surely disappoint someone in our lives, no matter how hard we try not to. Third, and most importantly, we realize that we need to trust our fellow members of NA. Our lives are at stake, and the only way we can stay clean is to trust these well-intentioned folks who, admittedly, aren't perfect.
Just for Today: I will trust my fellow members. Though certainly not perfect, they are my best hope.
AUGUST 16 MAKING GOOD ON OUR PROMISES
In his distress, the person who wrote the following Psalm is making many promises to God. Most of the promises he made are good, but he is human like any one of us, and subject to failure. Even so, he appears to see himself as having the will and strength to do whatever he says. He appears to be seeking to please God and to control others so that God will show him favour and come to him.
I will sing about love and justice. Lord, I will sing to you. I will be careful to live a pure life. I will live in my house with complete honesty. When will you come to me? I will not even look at anything shameful. I hate all wrongdoing. I want no part of it! I will not be involved in anything dishonest. I will have nothing to do with evil. I will stop anyone who secretly says bad things about a neighbor. I will not allow people to be proud and think they are better than others. I will look throughout the land for those who can be trusted. Only such people can live with me. Only those who live pure lives can be my servants.
(Psalm 101:1-6 ERV)
How many of us, both in addiction and in recovery, have prayed to God like that? We have been in trouble and prayed to God for help. We have made promises to live good lives in return for God’s favour. The problem is, unless we have the Power greater than ourselves living in us, God knows we would never be able to fulfill our promises. When a crisis dies down, we often forget about God and just carry on in our self-serving existence. God tells us to call on Him in our time of trouble.
The Scriptures say that His eyes roam throughout the whole earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him. God knows when our hearts are fully committed to Him and, when they are, we have His favour, and He will hear and answer our prayers.
Prayer: Loving God, Forgive me for the promises I have made and not kept. My desire is to be fully
committed to You and to practice Your principles in all my affairs. Please help me! Amen
2 Chronicles 16 v 9a The eyes of the LORD roam to and fro over all the earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose hearts are fully devoted to Him.
In his distress, the person who wrote the following Psalm is making many promises to God. Most of the promises he made are good, but he is human like any one of us, and subject to failure. Even so, he appears to see himself as having the will and strength to do whatever he says. He appears to be seeking to please God and to control others so that God will show him favour and come to him.
I will sing about love and justice. Lord, I will sing to you. I will be careful to live a pure life. I will live in my house with complete honesty. When will you come to me? I will not even look at anything shameful. I hate all wrongdoing. I want no part of it! I will not be involved in anything dishonest. I will have nothing to do with evil. I will stop anyone who secretly says bad things about a neighbor. I will not allow people to be proud and think they are better than others. I will look throughout the land for those who can be trusted. Only such people can live with me. Only those who live pure lives can be my servants.
(Psalm 101:1-6 ERV)
How many of us, both in addiction and in recovery, have prayed to God like that? We have been in trouble and prayed to God for help. We have made promises to live good lives in return for God’s favour. The problem is, unless we have the Power greater than ourselves living in us, God knows we would never be able to fulfill our promises. When a crisis dies down, we often forget about God and just carry on in our self-serving existence. God tells us to call on Him in our time of trouble.
The Scriptures say that His eyes roam throughout the whole earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him. God knows when our hearts are fully committed to Him and, when they are, we have His favour, and He will hear and answer our prayers.
Prayer: Loving God, Forgive me for the promises I have made and not kept. My desire is to be fully
committed to You and to practice Your principles in all my affairs. Please help me! Amen
2 Chronicles 16 v 9a The eyes of the LORD roam to and fro over all the earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose hearts are fully devoted to Him.
CO-DEPENDENCY Saturday September 13, 2025 (a day late)
Co-dependence is an addictive relationship. People who are co-dependent form relationships that are normally one-sided, emotionally destructive, and often abusive. A co-dependent person bases their personal value on who they identify themselves to be within the relationship. They often interact with the other person in a way that is harmful to their own well-being.
Ephesians 2 v 10 We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
Contentment in life does not come from controlling or trying to please someone, or from hoping they will meet our needs so that we may feel secure. Another person cannot love us enough or touch us deeply enough to satisfy the longing in our hearts. Only God can satisfy those longings. In a relationship one person has only a limited responsibility for the other person’s happiness. We have our desires and dreams, and we need to allow others to have theirs. We make our mistakes and others make theirs. We need to forgive ourselves and others for past mistakes and determine to learn from them.
Fullness of life and real freedom from co-dependency can only be found when we are first rooted in a relationship with our Heavenly Father. God made us in His image, and we have great value in His sight. When we base our worth and identity around this truth, rather than on the opinions of others, we begin to experience peace, freedom, and security.
From Ephesians 1 verses 4-6 ~ He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless in His presence. In love He predestined us for adoption as His sons through Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the Beloved One.
Prayer: Heavenly Father, I ask You to show me how to live in a way that honours You and honours others. Help me to love You with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and to love others as myself. Fill me with Your love and give me the knowledge and wisdom to follow Your way in all my relationships. Amen
© 2008 - 2025 All rights reserved • Partners in Hope Society - shared with permission
Co-dependence is an addictive relationship. People who are co-dependent form relationships that are normally one-sided, emotionally destructive, and often abusive. A co-dependent person bases their personal value on who they identify themselves to be within the relationship. They often interact with the other person in a way that is harmful to their own well-being.
Ephesians 2 v 10 We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
Contentment in life does not come from controlling or trying to please someone, or from hoping they will meet our needs so that we may feel secure. Another person cannot love us enough or touch us deeply enough to satisfy the longing in our hearts. Only God can satisfy those longings. In a relationship one person has only a limited responsibility for the other person’s happiness. We have our desires and dreams, and we need to allow others to have theirs. We make our mistakes and others make theirs. We need to forgive ourselves and others for past mistakes and determine to learn from them.
Fullness of life and real freedom from co-dependency can only be found when we are first rooted in a relationship with our Heavenly Father. God made us in His image, and we have great value in His sight. When we base our worth and identity around this truth, rather than on the opinions of others, we begin to experience peace, freedom, and security.
From Ephesians 1 verses 4-6 ~ He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless in His presence. In love He predestined us for adoption as His sons through Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the Beloved One.
Prayer: Heavenly Father, I ask You to show me how to live in a way that honours You and honours others. Help me to love You with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and to love others as myself. Fill me with Your love and give me the knowledge and wisdom to follow Your way in all my relationships. Amen
© 2008 - 2025 All rights reserved • Partners in Hope Society - shared with permission
Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. It also describes a relationship that enables another person to maintain their irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behavior.
The following is a list of symptoms of codependency and being in a codependent relationship.
You don’t need to have them all to qualify as codependent.
Low self-esteem.
Feeling that you’re not good enough or comparing yourself to others are signs of low self-esteem. The tricky thing about self-esteem is that some people think highly of themselves, but it’s only a disguise — they actually feel unlovable or inadequate. Underneath, usually hidden from consciousness, are feelings of shame. Guilt and perfectionism often go along with low self-esteem. If everything is perfect, you don’t feel bad about yourself.
People-pleasing.
It’s fine to want to please someone you care about, but codependents usually don’t think they have a choice. Saying “No” causes them anxiety. Some codependents have a hard time saying “No” to anyone. They go out of their way and sacrifice their own needs to accommodate other people.
Poor boundaries.
Boundaries are sort of an imaginary line between you and others. It divides up what’s yours and somebody else’s, and that applies not only to your body, money, and belongings, but also to your feelings, thoughts and needs. That’s especially where codependents get into trouble. They have blurry or weak boundaries. They feel responsible for other people’s feelings and problems or blame their own on someone else.
Some codependents have rigid boundaries. They are closed off and withdrawn, making it hard for other people to get close to them. Sometimes, people flip back and forth between having weak boundaries and having rigid ones.
Reactivity.
A consequence of poor boundaries is that you react to everyone’s thoughts and feelings. If someone says something you disagree with, you either believe it or become defensive. You absorb their words, because there’s no boundary. With a boundary, you’d realize it was just their opinion and not a reflection of you and not feel threatened by disagreements.
Caretaking.
Another effect of poor boundaries is that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself. It’s natural to feel empathy and sympathy for someone, but codependents start putting other people ahead of themselves. In fact, they need to help and might feel rejected if another person doesn’t want help. Moreover, they keep trying to help and fix the other person, even when that person clearly isn’t taking their advice.
Control.
Control helps codependents feel safe and secure. Everyone needs some control over events in their life. You wouldn’t want to live in constant uncertainty and chaos, but for codependents, control limits their ability to take risks and share their feelings. Sometimes they have an addiction that either helps them loosen up, like alcoholism, or helps them hold their feelings down, like workaholism, so that they don’t feel out of control. Codependents also need to control those close to them, because they need other people to behave in a certain way to feel okay. In fact, people-pleasing and care-taking can be used to control and manipulate people. Alternatively, codependents are bossy and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. This is a violation of someone else’s boundary.
Dysfunctional communication.
Codependents have trouble when it comes to communicating their thoughts, feelings and needs. Of course, if you don’t know what you think, feel or need, this becomes a problem. Other times, you know, but you won’t own up to your truth. You’re afraid to be truthful, because you don’t want to upset someone else. Instead of saying, “I don’t like that,” you might pretend that it’s okay or tell someone what to do. Communication becomes dishonest and confusing when you try to manipulate the other person out of fear.
Obsessions.
Codependents have a tendency to spend their time thinking about other people or relationships. This is caused by their dependency and anxieties and fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they’ve made or might make a “mistake.” Sometimes you can lapse into fantasy about how you’d like things to be or about someone you love as a way to avoid the pain of the present. This is one way to stay in denial, discussed below, but it keeps you from living your life.
Dependency.
Codependents need other people to like them to feel okay about themselves. They’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned, even if they can function on their own. Others need always to be in a relationship, because they feel depressed or lonely when they’re by themselves for too long. This trait makes it hard for them to end a relationship, even when the relationship is painful or abusive. They end up feeling trapped.
Denial.
One of the problems people face in getting help for codependency is that they’re in denial about it, meaning that they don’t face their problem. Usually they think the problem is someone else or the situation. They either keep complaining or trying to fix the other person, or go from one relationship or job to another and never own up the fact that they have a problem. Codependents also deny their feelings and needs. Often, they don’t know what they’re feeling and are instead focused on what others are feeling. The same thing goes for their needs. They pay attention to other people’s needs and not their own. They might be in denial of their need for space and autonomy. Although some codependents seem needy, others act like they’re self-sufficient when it comes to needing help. They won’t reach out and have trouble receiving. They are in denial of their vulnerability and need for love and intimacy.
Problems with intimacy.
By this I’m not referring to sex, although sexual dysfunction often is a reflection of an intimacy problem. I’m talking about being open and close with someone in an intimate relationship. Because of the shame and weak boundaries, you might fear that you’ll be judged, rejected, or left. On the other hand, you may fear being smothered in a relationship and losing your autonomy. You might deny your need for closeness and feel that your partner wants too much of your time; your partner complains that you’re unavailable, but he or she is denying his or her need for separateness.
Painful emotions.
Codependency creates stress and leads to painful emotions. Shame and low self-esteem create anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected or abandoned; making mistakes; being a failure; feeling trapped by being close or being alone. The other symptoms lead to feelings of anger and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and despair. When the feelings are too much, you can feel numb. Source
The following is a list of symptoms of codependency and being in a codependent relationship.
You don’t need to have them all to qualify as codependent.
Low self-esteem.
Feeling that you’re not good enough or comparing yourself to others are signs of low self-esteem. The tricky thing about self-esteem is that some people think highly of themselves, but it’s only a disguise — they actually feel unlovable or inadequate. Underneath, usually hidden from consciousness, are feelings of shame. Guilt and perfectionism often go along with low self-esteem. If everything is perfect, you don’t feel bad about yourself.
People-pleasing.
It’s fine to want to please someone you care about, but codependents usually don’t think they have a choice. Saying “No” causes them anxiety. Some codependents have a hard time saying “No” to anyone. They go out of their way and sacrifice their own needs to accommodate other people.
Poor boundaries.
Boundaries are sort of an imaginary line between you and others. It divides up what’s yours and somebody else’s, and that applies not only to your body, money, and belongings, but also to your feelings, thoughts and needs. That’s especially where codependents get into trouble. They have blurry or weak boundaries. They feel responsible for other people’s feelings and problems or blame their own on someone else.
Some codependents have rigid boundaries. They are closed off and withdrawn, making it hard for other people to get close to them. Sometimes, people flip back and forth between having weak boundaries and having rigid ones.
Reactivity.
A consequence of poor boundaries is that you react to everyone’s thoughts and feelings. If someone says something you disagree with, you either believe it or become defensive. You absorb their words, because there’s no boundary. With a boundary, you’d realize it was just their opinion and not a reflection of you and not feel threatened by disagreements.
Caretaking.
Another effect of poor boundaries is that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself. It’s natural to feel empathy and sympathy for someone, but codependents start putting other people ahead of themselves. In fact, they need to help and might feel rejected if another person doesn’t want help. Moreover, they keep trying to help and fix the other person, even when that person clearly isn’t taking their advice.
Control.
Control helps codependents feel safe and secure. Everyone needs some control over events in their life. You wouldn’t want to live in constant uncertainty and chaos, but for codependents, control limits their ability to take risks and share their feelings. Sometimes they have an addiction that either helps them loosen up, like alcoholism, or helps them hold their feelings down, like workaholism, so that they don’t feel out of control. Codependents also need to control those close to them, because they need other people to behave in a certain way to feel okay. In fact, people-pleasing and care-taking can be used to control and manipulate people. Alternatively, codependents are bossy and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. This is a violation of someone else’s boundary.
Dysfunctional communication.
Codependents have trouble when it comes to communicating their thoughts, feelings and needs. Of course, if you don’t know what you think, feel or need, this becomes a problem. Other times, you know, but you won’t own up to your truth. You’re afraid to be truthful, because you don’t want to upset someone else. Instead of saying, “I don’t like that,” you might pretend that it’s okay or tell someone what to do. Communication becomes dishonest and confusing when you try to manipulate the other person out of fear.
Obsessions.
Codependents have a tendency to spend their time thinking about other people or relationships. This is caused by their dependency and anxieties and fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they’ve made or might make a “mistake.” Sometimes you can lapse into fantasy about how you’d like things to be or about someone you love as a way to avoid the pain of the present. This is one way to stay in denial, discussed below, but it keeps you from living your life.
Dependency.
Codependents need other people to like them to feel okay about themselves. They’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned, even if they can function on their own. Others need always to be in a relationship, because they feel depressed or lonely when they’re by themselves for too long. This trait makes it hard for them to end a relationship, even when the relationship is painful or abusive. They end up feeling trapped.
Denial.
One of the problems people face in getting help for codependency is that they’re in denial about it, meaning that they don’t face their problem. Usually they think the problem is someone else or the situation. They either keep complaining or trying to fix the other person, or go from one relationship or job to another and never own up the fact that they have a problem. Codependents also deny their feelings and needs. Often, they don’t know what they’re feeling and are instead focused on what others are feeling. The same thing goes for their needs. They pay attention to other people’s needs and not their own. They might be in denial of their need for space and autonomy. Although some codependents seem needy, others act like they’re self-sufficient when it comes to needing help. They won’t reach out and have trouble receiving. They are in denial of their vulnerability and need for love and intimacy.
Problems with intimacy.
By this I’m not referring to sex, although sexual dysfunction often is a reflection of an intimacy problem. I’m talking about being open and close with someone in an intimate relationship. Because of the shame and weak boundaries, you might fear that you’ll be judged, rejected, or left. On the other hand, you may fear being smothered in a relationship and losing your autonomy. You might deny your need for closeness and feel that your partner wants too much of your time; your partner complains that you’re unavailable, but he or she is denying his or her need for separateness.
Painful emotions.
Codependency creates stress and leads to painful emotions. Shame and low self-esteem create anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected or abandoned; making mistakes; being a failure; feeling trapped by being close or being alone. The other symptoms lead to feelings of anger and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and despair. When the feelings are too much, you can feel numb. Source
CO-DEPENDENCY Saturday September 13, 2025 (a day late)
Co-dependence is an addictive relationship. People who are co-dependent form relationships that are normally one-sided, emotionally destructive, and often abusive. A co-dependent person bases their personal value on who they identify themselves to be within the relationship. They often interact with the other person in a way that is harmful to their own well-being.
Ephesians 2 v 10 We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
Contentment in life does not come from controlling or trying to please someone, or from hoping they will meet our needs so that we may feel secure. Another person cannot love us enough or touch us deeply enough to satisfy the longing in our hearts. Only God can satisfy those longings. In a relationship one person has only a limited responsibility for the other person’s happiness. We have our desires and dreams, and we need to allow others to have theirs. We make our mistakes and others make theirs. We need to forgive ourselves and others for past mistakes and determine to learn from them.
Fullness of life and real freedom from co-dependency can only be found when we are first rooted in a relationship with our Heavenly Father. God made us in His image, and we have great value in His sight. When we base our worth and identity around this truth, rather than on the opinions of others, we begin to experience peace, freedom, and security.
From Ephesians 1 verses 4-6 ~ He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless in His presence. In love He predestined us for adoption as His sons through Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the Beloved One.
Prayer: Heavenly Father, I ask You to show me how to live in a way that honours You and honours others. Help me to love You with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and to love others as myself. Fill me with Your love and give me the knowledge and wisdom to follow Your way in all my relationships. Amen
© 2008 - 2025 All rights reserved • Partners in Hope Society - shared with permission
'Amen'
I came to share support, encouragement, and hope for those who may be struggling with an addiction.
There are many addictions aside from alcohol. I firmly believe the principles outlined in the AA program
have been instrumental in the lives of many, worldwide.
Compulsion (in OCD): In the context of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), a compulsion is a repetitive
behavior performed to reduce intense anxiety or distress caused by an obsessive thought. The person usually
recognizes their actions are irrational or excessive but feels driven to perform them for temporary relief, not pleasure.
Obsessive thoughts that trigger one's actions and behavior, causing family, job, and/or relations with others
can surely bring about depression, anxiety, and confusion. Selfishness, jealousy, and resentment, if not controlled
can lead to a dysfunctional life and destroy family unity.
A spiritual reconciliation with God (a higher power), greater than one's self, has proved to have changed
many lives, mine for sure, for the past twenty-six years. In essence, this thread is to support, encourage, and pray
for anyone experiencing an addiction or behavior that is troublesome. Fellowship, together with the right attitude
and intentions, has the power to bring change in troubled lives. One often helps oneself when helping others.
-I have learned acceptance is the "key" to letting go and letting God be an integral part
of my life, one day at a time. With acceptance comes a commitment to strive to live by
the principles of life. The principles of the "fruit of the Holy Spirit" surely coincide with
basic principles and the spiritual aspect coming from the life and story of Bill W., and the
"spiritual awakening" that forever changed his life and surely being instrumental in changing many
lives across the lands, far and near.
-This thread is not intended to take anything away from the "inspired teachings" of Christ.
All should surely know about God's nature, and the lessons and instructions are meant to be known.
Each can choose their path, so long as it seems compatible. One should be aware of the warnings about Complanacy.
-I have learned from personal experience that the heartfelt sharing of real-time, real-life testimonies of how a
troubled life was profoundly changed by applying and acting upon the principles of life in all of one's coming and going.
-Not all, but many have found a "spiritual awakening" to be the beginning of a renewed way of life, here in the now.
God is not a commercial commodity to be mocked and/or used in a way for personal acclaim or to attempt
to gain an audience. The multitudes may hear, but only a few are likely to truly experience "a spiritual awakening."
-This is a place to be away from the rhetoric of Christians attempting to explain things that are out of
the element of actual witnessing and/or knowing what took place with people, places, and things
in the times of the Bible's historical events. Unknowns are simply not meant to know, and I can accept that.
The things known surely should center around the love of God, and to be earnest in sharing one's love of God,
and how a life can be changed, when "willing to change."
-Let us come to support, encourage, respect, and pray for one another with brotherly love.
