Just got dumped

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I'm sorry for the hurt you're feeling now, but it sounds like you just had a near miss and before you make a bad choice there's a few things that need to be said.

You don't need to wait for someone to rescue you from your current abusive situation; you just need to find the courage to be your own hero. Google a local women's shelter and contact them. Even if they can't give you a safe place to stay, they should be able to put you in touch with resources so you can start getting help and breaking the cycle of abuse.

Also all signs are that you're in danger of going from one abusive situation to another. You're looking for a guy who is content to let you be a stay at home wife / mother and one of the classic signs of an abuser is wanting to isolate you from the world. That's not to say that all men with stay at home wives are abusive, but when you tell potential partners you want to stay home, the likely abusers will be very supportive of that because it will make it easier to control you.

Running from something is a good way to end up blindly running into a bad situation out of desperation. So please for your sake make getting out of an abusive situation a separate goal from getting married. I'm sure it sounds scary now, but as many of us can testify, life on your own is better than being in an abusive situation or relationship.

And finally, if you want to know what a guy's character is really like, look at how he treats female relatives, waitresses, cashiers, etc. He may be on his best behavior with you now, but eventually he will treat you like he treats them.
 
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SadGotDumped said:
I'm very sad. I just got dumped by the second man I thought was the love of my life. I don't know if I can fall in love again. Also he was going to take me out of my abusive family situation. Yesterday he was promising to be with me forever and today he helps me. Honestly, I just need some help. And even more honestly, I want a date. IDK what to do. 20 year old Female
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Boundaries boundaries BOUNDARIES!

Oh I get you have a desire....a VERY noble desire.....one I think is all that and a bag of chips with a cookie.

Honey....you are 20 and in a big hurry. Too big a hurry and already making mistakes.

You want a CHRISTIAN man....one dedicated to being a Christian. Also one with a college education or some means of providing for you and your 12 children you want to have. (Just cracking a joke here)

So you want something unique and different from what everyone else wants....that's gonna take time to find. Be picky and careful...
 
Snackersmom said:
Hello and welcome to the site! I'm sorry that you are in pain, but I promise it will pass.

If you are wondering where God is right now, perhaps He is right beside you, protecting you from a man who is "kind of violent and not very Christian". The same man who has also demonstrated that his promises mean nothing. Your dreams would have turned into nightmares, trust me. Look to Jesus, He always has your back and He loves you more than you could know ❤
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I just feel like those nightmares were the only chance at my dream. I'm scared that even though he is bad, I'll never find someone better
 
Anchorite said:
Sounds like God is protecting you from a violent unsaved man who might have cheated on you or killed you. You probably were not with him long enough to really know him.

You did not love him anyway, you loved the easy life you thought he could give you as a stay at home wife, which in today’s economy is not as common as it was in the 1950s.
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Honestly, you are right. I just adored the life I was going to live. He bothered me and made me unhappy as a partner, I just was excited for that life and now it is gone
 
Anchorite said:
Never look to any man to give you all your goals and dreams. Look to God for that.
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I feel like God doesn't talk to me though. I'm scared he isn't going to give me those dreams. I may be miserable like my mother, she is divorced, hates me, and hates her job, but she is Christain. I don't want that life. Many Christans live lives they don't like and I'm scared of that
 
TabinRivCA said:
I've been around the block a few times and have made some bad choices. I can't blame God if I put trust in someone without knowing them well enough. As Christians we don't let emotions control us, but the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. I suggest you get into the New Testament and find that God is Love and loves us but ideally it's up to us to seek Him in everything we do first, esp relationships. I certainly cannot blame God for any decisions I made on my own.
You're 20 and sound worried about marriage, you should slow down and build yourself up in Jesus. Then you'll be ready to know a good Christian man and be equally yoked.
Btw my attitude has always been if me and someone didn't work out....why force it or be sad. There's no point in wasting time. Live your life to serve the Lord in whatever your capacity is. The Bible says 'Seek you first the Kingdom of Heaven and all things will be added unto you'.
Take it easy, Rome wasn't built in a day, lol. Blessings😊🙏💕
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I just feel like, when I read the bible I get nothing, so I stop reading it. Why should I have to read a book, be patient, and wait weeks for my friend to "reveal his plan". What kind of friend is that? I can text or call all my other friends when I have an emergency. Why can't I do that with him?
 
JohnDB said:
Boundaries boundaries BOUNDARIES!

Oh I get you have a desire....a VERY noble desire.....one I think is all that and a bag of chips with a cookie.

Honey....you are 20 and in a big hurry. Too big a hurry and already making mistakes.

You want a CHRISTIAN man....one dedicated to being a Christian. Also one with a college education or some means of providing for you and your 12 children you want to have. (Just cracking a joke here)

So you want something unique and different from what everyone else wants....that's gonna take time to find. Be picky and careful...
Click to expand...
Ha, I don't want any kids, maybe I would adopt but I have health issues so I wouldn't want bio kids. Im scared Christan men my age (20-30) who wait till marriage would want kids, or want me to work. I can't be picky about anything else. He was perfect for my future life
 
cinder said:
I'm sorry for the hurt you're feeling now, but it sounds like you just had a near miss and before you make a bad choice there's a few things that need to be said.

You don't need to wait for someone to rescue you from your current abusive situation; you just need to find the courage to be your own hero. Google a local women's shelter and contact them. Even if they can't give you a safe place to stay, they should be able to put you in touch with resources so you can start getting help and breaking the cycle of abuse.

Also all signs are that you're in danger of going from one abusive situation to another. You're looking for a guy who is content to let you be a stay at home wife / mother and one of the classic signs of an abuser is wanting to isolate you from the world. That's not to say that all men with stay at home wives are abusive, but when you tell potential partners you want to stay home, the likely abusers will be very supportive of that because it will make it easier to control you.

Running from something is a good way to end up blindly running into a bad situation out of desperation. So please for your sake make getting out of an abusive situation a separate goal from getting married. I'm sure it sounds scary now, but as many of us can testify, life on your own is better than being in an abusive situation or relationship.

And finally, if you want to know what a guy's character is really like, look at how he treats female relatives, waitresses, cashiers, etc. He may be on his best behavior with you now, but eventually he will treat you like he treats them.
Click to expand...
I don't know how to escape by myself. I wouldn't have any money if I did. I can wait 3 years and finish law school, but then I need a job, and a place to live, and if I go no contact with my mom she won't help me. That's why I always thought I needed to get married soon. I just want to leave
 
Anchorite said:
Never look to any man to give you all your goals and dreams. Look to God for that.
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Yeah but God hasn't told me what I'm meant to do with my life. I don't have any type of calling besides being a stay at home wife. So untill he does I have to figure out on my own what to do, and I'm aiming for the life of my personal dreams.
 
SadGotDumped said:
How can I every trust a man again, especially enough to have kids or stay at home, if I can be so easily discarded
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If you put your faith in people, you will be let down. There is always a possibility you will be disappointed by people, especially unbelievers.

At 20 you are capable of working and providing a home for yourself. If you want someone else to provide, you are putting them in authority over you. Choose wisely.
 
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Levib said:
If you put your faith in people, you will be let down. There is always a possibility you will be disappointed by people, especially unbelievers.

At 20 you are capable of working and providing a home for yourself. If you want someone else to provide, you are putting them in authority over you. Choose wisely.
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I don't want to work 40 hours a week all my life and have no time for friends, hobbies, and housework. I just fundementally don't want that
 
Honestly everyone. How am I supposed to be friends and talk to someone who makes all these "wonderful" plans for me in secret? There is no garentee I will even have a good life. Like God won't talk to me? Honestly I feel like reading the Bible and going to Church manipulates me into thinking I have a relationship with you. What kind of friend with all the time in the world sees you crying and begging to talk to him (not just today but often) and just say nothing? Or at least doesn't say anything in a way you will understand as him? Why do I need to go through other people and books and institutions for my friend to say "Hi, I'm here, I exist".

I kind of just want to kill myself. Like what else do I have to live for? I'm have one more year of undergrad then law school then I have to get a job and when I'm 60 I can finally retire and live the life of my dreams for like 20 Years before I did, all while having medical issues and being single/with some guy who can leave me whenever.

Also its very manipulative, if God is doing that, to take away everything I love more than Him or spend more time on than Him. What the heck? If he wants me to love him but refuses to talk to me, and instead just puts me in situations where I fail or refuses to guide me out of these situations when I ask to be guided out, how am I supposed to love him? How am I supposed to be is friend?

IDK. I don't even know if I believe in God anymore, not because of the breakup but because of all the times I asked to talk to Him leading up to this break up and I was ignored. I was ignored and ignored and now that my hopes and dreams are gone I am being told I should have put my hopes and dreams into the silent void I had been talking to and calling God instead of the person right in front of me

I just want the life of my dreams as soon as possible and now I'm not going to get it till the end of my life.
The average person gets married around 28-30 so I guess I have to wait a decade.
But its going to be hard to find a Christian man that age who I find attractive, tall, is willing to wait till marriage, doesn't want natural children, and has enough money to support me financially. So I may have to settle for a man who wants me to work and retire at 60, again just not living my dream till the end of my life.

What's the point of me being alive if I hate it. I know working 40 hours is the normal thing to do but I hate it. I have an internship now and I hate this feeling that I am wasting my life not enjoying it.

IDK that's all I had
 
SadGotDumped said:
Honestly everyone. How am I supposed to be friends and talk to someone who makes all these "wonderful" plans for me in secret? There is no garentee I will even have a good life. Like God won't talk to me? Honestly I feel like reading the Bible and going to Church manipulates me into thinking I have a relationship with you. What kind of friend with all the time in the world sees you crying and begging to talk to him (not just today but often) and just say nothing? Or at least doesn't say anything in a way you will understand as him? Why do I need to go through other people and books and institutions for my friend to say "Hi, I'm here, I exist".

I kind of just want to kill myself. Like what else do I have to live for? I'm have one more year of undergrad then law school then I have to get a job and when I'm 60 I can finally retire and live the life of my dreams for like 20 Years before I did, all while having medical issues and being single/with some guy who can leave me whenever.

Also its very manipulative, if God is doing that, to take away everything I love more than Him or spend more time on than Him. What the heck? If he wants me to love him but refuses to talk to me, and instead just puts me in situations where I fail or refuses to guide me out of these situations when I ask to be guided out, how am I supposed to love him? How am I supposed to be is friend?

IDK. I don't even know if I believe in God anymore, not because of the breakup but because of all the times I asked to talk to Him leading up to this break up and I was ignored. I was ignored and ignored and now that my hopes and dreams are gone I am being told I should have put my hopes and dreams into the silent void I had been talking to and calling God instead of the person right in front of me

I just want the life of my dreams as soon as possible and now I'm not going to get it till the end of my life.
The average person gets married around 28-30 so I guess I have to wait a decade.
But its going to be hard to find a Christian man that age who I find attractive, tall, is willing to wait till marriage, doesn't want natural children, and has enough money to support me financially. So I may have to settle for a man who wants me to work and retire at 60, again just not living my dream till the end of my life.

What's the point of me being alive if I hate it. I know working 40 hours is the normal thing to do but I hate it. I have an internship now and I hate this feeling that I am wasting my life not enjoying it.

IDK that's all I had
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also, at this point I am just living for my friend. She and I have a lot of plans to do things and grow as people. If we stop being friends for some reason, which will probably happen because I will spend more time on her than myself, I'm just going to end it all.
 
I need so much help and just have no where to get it from. Everyone says God, but He doesn't talk to me. He just doesn't. I shouldn't have to solve a riddle or look for hidden clues or open my heart or third eye for whatever for God to tell me he is with me with WORDS. Or with a sign or something.

Secondly, why won't he tell me what is in store for my life? Why does it have to be this big surprise?? Why can't he just tell me. "You should do this carrer" "You are going to get married at this age" "You can trust this person" "You won't really be attracted to your husband but you will be a stay at home wife so you will be happy" "You can survive childbirth don't worry" like no. It's all some big secret. Someone with full ability to talk to me and tell me exactly what to do when I am asking, begging, for guidence chooses not to, just for fun I guess. What the heck
 
One wise saying, you will always get what you want, but be careful of what you want.

What you want might not be good for you.

Little practical advice, focus building yourself to be independent, joyful.

Pray to God for a good job, pray to God to help you do a good job. Continue to be involved in good biblical church, fellowship with believers, join Bible study. Practice these for 6 month, see where God lead you.
 
Churchgoer said:
One wise saying, you will always get what you want, but be careful of what you want.

What you want might not be good for you.

Little practical advice, focus building yourself to be independent, joyful.

Pray to God for a good job, pray to God to help you do a good job. Continue to be involved in good biblical church, fellowship with believers, join Bible study. Practice these for 6 month, see where God lead you.
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I have asked for a passion, a carrer I want, I can't find one. There are some things I like. Video editing, flyer making, dancing, gardening, Spanish, swimming, but none of those are carrer paths that can pay well enough for me secure, and there is no point in going to law school and not having a carrer

I don't understand how what I want could be bad for me. I would never be unhappy on a yacht, that's just what the rich say so we don't take their money. If I didn't have to work and could do my passions and work on something I wanted, I would be happy. It not about the man per say, I just want the money and lifestyle. I would be happy if I had that lifestyle, and there is no point in pretending I would still have some deep emptiness or something, I wouldn't. Any emptiness that God could fill with his company, he is chosing not to. If I had the money to support myself without working, and live for passion projects like video editing or something, I would be happy. I wouldn't be missing anything.

We always say that money can't buy happiness but that's a lie made up by the rich to stop the working class from uprising. I know for a fact I would be happy if I had money. If I'm wrong I wish God could prove me wrong then we could talk
 
Honestly now I'm not even upset about losing the man, I plan to find another one. I'm upset about this sudden shift in lifestyle. I'm upset because part of me feels like God is telling me to get a job, the one thing I have never wanted to do. That may make me entitled but honestly I would rather die, I would kill myself, if I felt like I have to work a 30+ hours a week every day just to come home and do housework and live only on weekends. That life would suck and it's not worth it. Heaven or silence (eternal death) would be better than that. Hell would be bad, but if I'm going to Hell for desperately calling out to a God who ignores me and forces me to live a life I have always hated, and never asked for, then what can I do. I genuinely wish my mother had an abortion.
 
SadGotDumped said:
I just feel like, when I read the bible I get nothing, so I stop reading it. Why should I have to read a book, be patient, and wait weeks for my friend to "reveal his plan". What kind of friend is that? I can text or call all my other friends when I have an emergency. Why can't I do that with him?
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Hello,

There was a man, Acts 16:30 KJV , who asked, "Sirs what must I do to be saved?"
Why did he need saved?
A: because he about died and was not going to Heaven.
Before a person can get saved, they need to understand that they need saved so they can receive God's gift of everlasting life.

When I was around my early-mid teens someone cared enough to share the following Bible truth with me. God is not hiding it from us. In fact, He's showing this to you right now, so please pray seriously for understanding and an open Bible. Follow along with the preacher and pause/rewind where necessary.
I'll check back to answer your questions as I have time today.
Praying for you.

 
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