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AmandaRose

AmandaRose

New member
Sep 22, 2025
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Hey all. You don't know me, but... I could really use prayer. I grew up in church, hearing the truth, and being the stereotypical "good girl" that everyone expected me to be. But I got wrapped up in some bad stuff a few years ago, and I'm still struggling with getting out of it. On top of that, I now have the added stress of my senior year of high school, having to do college classes, helping my mom with her soccer team (she coaches), and relationships😒 Every single one of my friendships/relationships seems to be going up in smoke in one way or another and it's throwing me for a loop. Some friends that I've been close to for years... We're drifting apart, and I just can't find the motivation to fix it, even though that's all I want to do. My other friend and are just miscommunicating almost all the time, and she's my safe place for a lot of my drama, and I've just realized she still doesn't feel safe allowing me to be that for her in return, so I'm reeling a lil from that. And there's a guy friend I have who's... been very not subtle about being interested in me, but we've just been friends for so long I've been kinda ignoring it, hoping he won't bring it up, and he picks now OF ALL TIMES to start legitimately making a move. Now, when I'm already insanely stressed out and scared for most of my friendships, now I gotta deal with this too, and the last thing I wanna do is hurt him, but the more he does, the more impossible to not do that's going to be. I just can't handle it all. I'm not nearly as capable as I pretend to be.
If I really sit down and try to categorize what I'm feeling... I'm scared, lonely, ashamed, broken, and just... so done. Done with all of it. I've considered, well... Suffice it to say I've considered. The only thing stopping me is that I care too much about the people I'd be leaving behind to do that to them.
Just pray for me. Please. I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to spiral. The put together version of me that I've been displaying to the world is finally crumbling, and there's not a single thing I can do about it, and that scares me to death.
 
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AmandaRose said:
Hey all. You don't know me, but... I could really use prayer. I grew up in church, hearing the truth, and being the stereotypical "good girl" that everyone expected me to be. But I got wrapped up in some bad stuff a few years ago, and I'm still struggling with getting out of it. On top of that, I now have the added stress of my senior year of high school, having to do college classes, helping my mom with her soccer team (she coaches), and relationships😒 Every single one of my friendships/relationships seems to be going up in smoke in one way or another and it's throwing me for a loop. Some friends that I've been close to for years... We're drifting apart, and I just can't find the motivation to fix it, even though that's all I want to do. My other friend and are just miscommunicating almost all the time, and she's my safe place for a lot of my drama, and I've just realized she still doesn't feel safe allowing me to be that for her in return, so I'm reeling a lil from that. And there's a guy friend I have who's... been very not subtle about being interested in me, but we've just been friends for so long I've been kinda ignoring it, hoping he won't bring it up, and he picks now OF ALL TIMES to start legitimately making a move. Now, when I'm already insanely stressed out and scared for most of my friendships, now I gotta deal with this too, and the last thing I wanna do is hurt him, but the more he does, the more impossible to not do that's going to be. I just can't handle it all. I'm not nearly as capable as I pretend to be.
If I really sit down and try to categorize what I'm feeling... I'm scared, lonely, ashamed, broken, and just... so done. Done with all of it. I've considered, well... Suffice it to say I've considered. The only thing stopping me is that I care too much about the people I'd be leaving behind to do that to them.
Just pray for me. Please. I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to spiral. The put together version of me that I've been displaying to the world is finally crumbling, and there's not a single thing I can do about it, and that scares me to death.
Click to expand...
Good. Before God can work His best, we need to come to an end of ourselves. God can't help those who are independent. He will move heaven and earth to help those who call upon His name.

It's easy to grow up in church thinking that you are a Christian by upbringing. This is not true. Only those who have an encounter with the risen Lord Jesus can be saved. Only Lord Jesus can forgive your sins and make you a new person. He can cleanse you from all the shame and guilt and set you on the right path. But you must receive Him as Lord and Saviour.

The following article will help you:

 
You've got to be straightforward and assertive towards your peers about yourself. You've also got to be assertive with yourself.
You can't go your whole life beating around the bush, and expect to get what's in the shrub.
What you want is what your word should be. This whole trying to force yourself to be a 'good girl' thing is a lie. Yes, you can be a good person as a lady, but people are after the person you really are, not a steryotype.

And if there's anyone who thinks otherwise, well, there's a good chance they eventually won't exist.
 
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Gideon300 said:
Good. Before God can work His best, we need to come to an end of ourselves. God can't help those who are independent. He will move heaven and earth to help those who call upon His name.

It's easy to grow up in church thinking that you are a Christian by upbringing. This is not true. Only those who have an encounter with the risen Lord Jesus can be saved. Only Lord Jesus can forgive your sins and make you a new person. He can cleanse you from all the shame and guilt and set you on the right path. But you must receive Him as Lord and Saviour.

The following article will help you:

Click to expand...
I appreciate you bringing this up, but yes, I know I am saved. I made the decision to follow Christ years ago, it's just been a little hard to keep running the race, you know? I'm working on it. Thank you for that link, i'll definitely take a look
 
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Ceph said:
You've got to be straightforward and assertive towards your peers about yourself. You've also got to be assertive with yourself.
You can't go your whole life beating around the bush, and expect to get what's in the shrub.
What you want is what your word should be. This whole trying to force yourself to be a 'good girl' thing is a lie. Yes, you can be a good person as a lady, but people are after the person you really are, not a steryotype.

And if there's anyone who thinks otherwise, well, there's a good chance they eventually won't exist.
Click to expand...
Thank you :) I'm working on it. It's just the parts of myself that I usually choose to assert are the ones that fit the given situation, i.e., the mask. I haven't taken the time to really dig beneath that and find the real me God made to be, because doing that honestly scares me a little bit. I don't want to know what's beneath the mask. It's not something anybody's gonna like.
But you're right. It needs to happen
 
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AmandaRose said:
Hey all. You don't know me, but... I could really use prayer. I grew up in church, hearing the truth, and being the stereotypical "good girl" that everyone expected me to be. But I got wrapped up in some bad stuff a few years ago, and I'm still struggling with getting out of it. On top of that, I now have the added stress of my senior year of high school, having to do college classes, helping my mom with her soccer team (she coaches), and relationships😒 Every single one of my friendships/relationships seems to be going up in smoke in one way or another and it's throwing me for a loop. Some friends that I've been close to for years... We're drifting apart, and I just can't find the motivation to fix it, even though that's all I want to do. My other friend and are just miscommunicating almost all the time, and she's my safe place for a lot of my drama, and I've just realized she still doesn't feel safe allowing me to be that for her in return, so I'm reeling a lil from that. And there's a guy friend I have who's... been very not subtle about being interested in me, but we've just been friends for so long I've been kinda ignoring it, hoping he won't bring it up, and he picks now OF ALL TIMES to start legitimately making a move. Now, when I'm already insanely stressed out and scared for most of my friendships, now I gotta deal with this too, and the last thing I wanna do is hurt him, but the more he does, the more impossible to not do that's going to be. I just can't handle it all. I'm not nearly as capable as I pretend to be.
If I really sit down and try to categorize what I'm feeling... I'm scared, lonely, ashamed, broken, and just... so done. Done with all of it. I've considered, well... Suffice it to say I've considered. The only thing stopping me is that I care too much about the people I'd be leaving behind to do that to them.
Just pray for me. Please. I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to spiral. The put together version of me that I've been displaying to the world is finally crumbling, and there's not a single thing I can do about it, and that scares me to death.
Click to expand...
I will pray for you :) My advice is try be yourself and be host with people.
We are all sinners and need Jesus in our life ans too accept your own weakness and imperfection makes Jesus, that more perfect and able too be your strength.
 
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AmandaRose said:
I haven't taken the time to really dig beneath that and find the real me God made to be, because doing that honestly scares me a little bit. I don't want to know what's beneath the mask. It's not something anybody's gonna like.
Click to expand...
What makes you say that? This is already coming from behind the mask, isn't it?
Behind the 'mask', you're an honest person who can admit they think they wear a mask. Maybe that 'mask' isn't much of a mask after all; but there's someone you really want to be, and you have to try and 'bend the truth' a little to attain to that.
And there's a frustration that you can't hold it all together before everybody. But the origin of that 'mask' is from within you, nobody else created that for you.
I say put off the things that will wear you out, like trying to pretend than you're open to more than you really are, and find the good things God put in you, in your imagination and your will, and find a way to apply them to the mysterious life you have to live, so that you can always keep moving and never risk building something up that's just going to collapse.
 
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AmandaRose said:
I appreciate you bringing this up, but yes, I know I am saved. I made the decision to follow Christ years ago, it's just been a little hard to keep running the race, you know? I'm working on it. Thank you for that link, i'll definitely take a look
Click to expand...
Cool, it won't hurt, that's for sure. We must remember that apart from Jesus, we can do nothing. Some of us, and that included me, think that there is something that we still must do. What Lord Jesus asks of us is to allow Him to do the living in place of us. He said, "Apart from me, you can do nothing." It gets so much easier when we ask Jesus to live instead of us. He has no trouble living the Christian life.

A fellowship raised money to buy a vehicle for a needy village in Africa. One of the fellowship people went to see how it was going. They found the people pushing the vehicle while the village elder sat at the wheel. They had the vehicle but no idea how to run it. Many Christians are like that. We think we have to push when we have the mighty power of Christ and His Holy Spirit to be our "engine" (Jesus) and our "fuel" (the Holy Spirit). Christ is our life. (Colossians 3:4). He will live in our place, but it's not automatic. We have to ask Him. That is our responsibility. Then we need to keep on depending on Jesus. Every day. All the time.​
 
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Gideon300 said:
Cool, it won't hurt, that's for sure. We must remember that apart from Jesus, we can do nothing. Some of us, and that included me, think that there is something that we still must do. What Lord Jesus asks of us is to allow Him to do the living in place of us. He said, "Apart from me, you can do nothing." It gets so much easier when we ask Jesus to live instead of us. He has no trouble living the Christian life.

A fellowship raised money to buy a vehicle for a needy village in Africa. One of the fellowship people went to see how it was going. They found the people pushing the vehicle while the village elder sat at the wheel. They had the vehicle but no idea how to run it. Many Christians are like that. We think we have to push when we have the mighty power of Christ and His Holy Spirit to be our "engine" (Jesus) and our "fuel" (the Holy Spirit). Christ is our life. (Colossians 3:4). He will live in our place, but it's not automatic. We have to ask Him. That is our responsibility. Then we need to keep on depending on Jesus. Every day. All the time.​
Click to expand...
Wow, I love that analogy! That's a really good way to think about it
 
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AmandaRose said:
Hey all. You don't know me, but... I could really use prayer. I grew up in church, hearing the truth, and being the stereotypical "good girl" that everyone expected me to be. But I got wrapped up in some bad stuff a few years ago, and I'm still struggling with getting out of it. On top of that, I now have the added stress of my senior year of high school, having to do college classes, helping my mom with her soccer team (she coaches), and relationships😒 Every single one of my friendships/relationships seems to be going up in smoke in one way or another and it's throwing me for a loop. Some friends that I've been close to for years... We're drifting apart, and I just can't find the motivation to fix it, even though that's all I want to do. My other friend and are just miscommunicating almost all the time, and she's my safe place for a lot of my drama, and I've just realized she still doesn't feel safe allowing me to be that for her in return, so I'm reeling a lil from that. And there's a guy friend I have who's... been very not subtle about being interested in me, but we've just been friends for so long I've been kinda ignoring it, hoping he won't bring it up, and he picks now OF ALL TIMES to start legitimately making a move. Now, when I'm already insanely stressed out and scared for most of my friendships, now I gotta deal with this too, and the last thing I wanna do is hurt him, but the more he does, the more impossible to not do that's going to be. I just can't handle it all. I'm not nearly as capable as I pretend to be.
If I really sit down and try to categorize what I'm feeling... I'm scared, lonely, ashamed, broken, and just... so done. Done with all of it. I've considered, well... Suffice it to say I've considered. The only thing stopping me is that I care too much about the people I'd be leaving behind to do that to them.
Just pray for me. Please. I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to spiral. The put together version of me that I've been displaying to the world is finally crumbling, and there's not a single thing I can do about it, and that scares me to death.
Click to expand...
Humility is a great thing . A few of the right words at the right time can fix so many things .
U have to talk to your friends the way u have talked to us on here . Tell them that u r sorry , sorry for the way your relationship with them is going at the moment . Tell them , each one , individually , that u r feeling stressed out at the moment and u need them very much but , u might not b the best person to b around at the moment , ask them to give u a bit of space and grace for a while . A true friend will hear u and still b there for u when u start to feel better .
It's often very very hard to talk to people that know u , face to face , about your feelings but , I have found that , if u pick your time and your words , being open and honest and humble , will always win out .
All of your problems that u have talked to us about on here , can b fixed by u talking to the people concerned . If u have wronged anyone , or behaved foolishly , say so ! Apologise ! A true friend will forgive and move on and , if they don't want to do that , that's their right . But , they will think better of u because u have opened your mouth and tried to fix things by being humble and honest , even if they don't want u as a friend any more , they will respect u for your honesty .
Open , honest , humble communication , it's truly undefeatable . Try it .
 
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Suze said:
Humility is a great thing . A few of the right words at the right time can fix so many things .
U have to talk to your friends the way u have talked to us on here . Tell them that u r sorry , sorry for the way your relationship with them is going at the moment . Tell them , each one , individually , that u r feeling stressed out at the moment and u need them very much but , u might not b the best person to b around at the moment , ask them to give u a bit of space and grace for a while . A true friend will hear u and still b there for u when u start to feel better .
It's often very very hard to talk to people that know u , face to face , about your feelings but , I have found that , if u pick your time and your words , being open and honest and humble , will always win out .
All of your problems that u have talked to us about on here , can b fixed by u talking to the people concerned . If u have wronged anyone , or behaved foolishly , say so ! Apologise ! A true friend will forgive and move on and , if they don't want to do that , that's their right . But , they will think better of u because u have opened your mouth and tried to fix things by being humble and honest , even if they don't want u as a friend any more , they will respect u for your honesty .
Open , honest , humble communication , it's truly undefeatable . Try it .
Click to expand...
Yeah. I've done that with a few, and it has helped. I'm still avoiding the big ones tho... Truth hurts, so I don't want to say it. I think I just need to tell him I need time. My relationships with Charis and Becca and Ruth have definitely improved since talking. We're actually communicating now rather than assuming what each other is thinking... We used to do that all the time, i don't know when it stopped. But we're getting it back now. But I'm at a loss when it comes to Nehemiah. I don't want to shoot it down completely because I am interested in seeing where things could go between us, but... This is so not the right time. Problem is, I can't say that without opening a whole new can of worms cuz nothing has legit been expressly stated between us. I just know he's had a crush on me since he was fourteen, and for years I thought he'd gotten over it but he'd still drop a random hint every now and then... But over the last few weeks it's gotten impossible to ignore. Everyone is teasing us (good naturedly, yes, but... it still starts the mind down trains of thought that aren't needed right now.), and now... the way he talks to me has changed. We still enjoy each other's company greatly, but he's turned all sappy on me, and his hints have become straight up smoke signals. And he knows I know. But he still won't say anything and it's driving me crazy. It's just the elephant in the room that he greatly enjoys alluding to, and I'll admit, it is fun, but... It's horrible timing. I just need a little space there for a little while, but he's a really sweet and sensitive young man, and I'm scared of saying the wrong thing, because if i do he'll probably be scarred for life :(
I just wish if he was actually gonna make a move, it would be a little more able to be talked about then randomly deciding to start sitting with us in church. Like... You know how everyone in church has their seats they sit in. That's where your family or friends are. You have a reason for sitting there. So him leaving both family and best friend to come sit on my side of the room... is a statement. Which causes tongues to wag. After he did that, I had like three people ask me what was up, and all I could say is that I was not expecting that. He's done it twice now. But still has not said a word about legit making a move. Like bruh. Either make a real move so we can talk about this, or back off. But I can't say that without sounding mean. It's just complicated. I do need to talk straight with him. It needs to happen at some point, but I only see him in person on sundays because he works all the time, and there's only so much time in a sunday, especially when he usually leaves shortly after service ends... for work. He's only off tuesdays and thursdays and those are generally the only days I actually get to be home, so it's a little inconvenient. We'll talk eventually... I just need to make it happen
 
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Let us pray to understand, it is not uncommon to go through "seasons" in our life
journey as people, places and things do change as life moves from one phase to another.
Attempting to adjust to changes can perhaps become overwhelming. Be calm, focus on what is at hand
each day with God and a positive outlook, and with humility and gratitude be thankful for what you do have.
And to pray all is well.
Amen

man-praying - Copy - Copy - Copy.jpg
 
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