Relationship advice
- Thread starter LanceR
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When someone comes to Christ after years in a relationship, especially with children involved, it creates a tension you feel in your spirit:
You want to honor God
You want to protect your children
You want to love your partner
You want to walk in obedience
You don’t want to be unequally yoked
Those are real concerns. And God sees every one of them.
Scripture speaks directly to your situation: “If any woman has a husband who is not a believer, and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.” (1 Corinthians 7:13)
Paul is saying:
Your new faith does not require you to leave him.
Your new faith does not make your family invalid.
Your new faith does not mean you must break your home.
You are not in sin for being with him. You are not required to separate. You are not forbidden from marrying him.
Many believers have seen this happen:
A wife comes to Christ
Her life changes
Her peace grows
Her character deepens
Her love becomes more patient
Her hope becomes more steady
And the husband begins to see Christ through her.
Peter says: “They may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.” (1 Peter 3:1)
Your transformation is a testimony.
If he is willing to stay, Scripture encourages you to stay.
If he is willing to marry, Scripture does not forbid you from marrying him.
The warning about being “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14) is about entering a relationship knowingly with an unbeliever — not about continuing one that already exists.
You didn’t choose this relationship as a believer. You became a believer inside it.
That’s different.
Paul says: “The unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife… otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.” (1 Corinthians 7:14)
This means:
Your faith brings blessing into your home
Your children are spiritually covered
God honors your presence in that household
Your kids are not spiritually “lost” because their father isn’t saved. Your faith brings God’s presence into their lives.
Here’s what I’d encourage:
Pray for him daily
Live out Christ in front of him
Don’t pressure him
Don’t preach at him
Let your transformation speak
Keep your home stable
Keep your heart gentle
Keep your walk consistent
If he ever becomes open, invite him gently to learn about Christ.
If he becomes resistant or hostile, we can talk through how to handle that biblically.
You said: “I don’t see us being married if he doesn’t follow Christ.”
I understand that feeling deeply. But marriage itself is not sinful, forbidden, or spiritually dangerous in your situation.
If he is:
loving
committed
stable
willing to marry
willing to honor the relationship
Then marriage can actually protect your family and give your children a stable foundation.
GOD is asking you to:
walk faithfully
walk gently
walk wisely
walk lovingly
walk prayerfully
And trust Him with the rest.
Your situation is not a mistake.
Your salvation is not a threat to your home.
Your children are not spiritually abandoned.
Your partner is not beyond God’s reach.
You are exactly where God can use you.
You don’t owe anyone a rushed answer. You don’t owe anyone a yes before you have peace. You don’t owe anyone a marriage built on uncertainty.
If he asks you to marry him and you don’t feel ready, you can respond with love, honesty, and calm confidence — and still honor God in the process.
Ummmm
You have been married and living as married without ANY legal protections usually afforded to married couples.
That's the reality of your situation.
You do anything to try and induce him to marry you (with hold sex, restrain from household duties) and essentially you become the villain. He will walk away claiming you have lost your mind....and he would be right.
And so....what you need to do is approach your needing to be marry through his legal obligations to his children....as well as you and for himself.
Stuff happens in people's lives. Having a spouse to speak for you is ALWAYS recognized by hospitals as having legal standing....also if one of you dies the bank accounts and assets go immediately to a spouse without going through probate. Otherwise....get a lawyer and get ready for a huge fight.
Look, I get you want him to become a committed Chrustian and lead the Family....that ship has sailed. Not accessible from where you are at. Miracles happen and a praying spouse is a strong ally in this.
Love thy neighbor as thyself....meaning look at things as if you were on the receiving end. Sure, he may not be a Christian....but you can influence things in a gentle and kind fashion. Not doormat....but firm, resolute without judgementalism or hate.
Mmmmmkkkaaaayyyyy