sporadic thoughts - need help

If you haveva job, then you can separate living, if he commits adultery and continues adultery.

ciicii said:

I will try but tbh everyone who tells me that is single and I don't want that for my life I do not want to be alone i dont' think I should be alone.
I am 28 and gave a decade to someone who basically lied and I did everythign i could to follow Christ and still do, and hate that this is the result. I am focusing on God tha is not up for debate but beign alone is still devesating becuase I don't want to be stuck just servign God in isolation

Click to expand...

The reality is, we all have to pay consequences for our actions.
That's the reason it is better to reconcile with spouse if possible.

If not, it is really in God's hand. There is no guarantee God will give you another spouse soon.

ciicii said:

I don't blame God the pain comes from knowing God could have made things work and literally everything feel apart in the worst ways. That is where the fatigue comes from.

Click to expand...

That happened to me too, and so did slowly learning to appreciate His Word more than acknowledge It.
As long as you are honest with your inmost self you'll eventualy come to have those knots untangled.

ciicii said:

that's fair

Click to expand...

There's light at the end of the tunnel. it might take you a bit to travel through it, and maybe no on can say or do anything that will instantly teleport you to the end, but I've traveled through the dark tunnel myself and things have gotten better, wanting my life to end & all. Just don't go away from the Lord, keep asking for His whole presence.

@ciicii, I don't know your circumstances, but in my life when things got really hard, I would enter in to a period of prayer and fasting until there was resolution in my heart. God can heal your heart and take away the negativeness that seems to be eating at you.

ciicii said:

sorry you are going through similar trials.

Click to expand...

Where can we contact dear Cici? Can I send you a direct message?

ciicii said:

add on:

I have fallen into a very pesimistic mindset. I can see there is a hopeful natuer that always finds its way through but it is very painful to acknowledge becuase i still dont' beleive it or grieved over it i am not sure.

But I do have a lot of guillt becuase often i am told to take it easy and relax since thisis a hard time, but it has been a hard time for years at this point with further and further decline. now i find that i don't really help at church or when i do people see that i am angry, annoyed, detatched. like I am never happy or smiling or laughing in the way i used to. I am always wantign to help but I am too tired, either mentall physicall spirituall or all three (usually all three these days). and i frightens me and drians me. Am I beign selish when i say no, am i beign liek the hypocrites who go out of there way to make sure people know they are fasting nd suffering when I don't smile and say its okay or say they are not helping i am sufferign and there is nothing they can do for me atm?
like idk what to do or how to feel or think anymore and when i do find enocuragement it doesn't last long bc all i want is a family and kids at the end of the day and i keep on thinking that maybe i am not allowed those things becuase i am iodlizing them. but wanting somethign good is not idolization and a lot of the grief comes from fear of not findign someone who honros and loves the Lord becuase that is what comes first so it can't be idolization if God is still my main /top concern for that desire in my life and even adds more pain to it becuase that shrinks the pool signifcantly.

anyway yeah sorry for the typos

Click to expand...

Oh gosh , u r really going through it aren't u I'm so sorry . I have been in your shoes , like most people but not because if the exact same circumstances . I do know how it feels to have everything just come crashing down upon u . My advice ? First , stop thinking about what u want for the future and get your head in the present . Do u feel stuck ? Unable to move forward ? Powerless ? That has to change . Sort out what is going to happen between u and your husband . R u getting divorced ? Is he moving out ? Or r u ? U cannot move forward with the rest of your life until u sort the present out . That's between u and your husband , with God's help u will get through this . I don't believe that anyone , male or female , has to remain in a marriage that isn't a proper marriage . If u do get divorced and remain unmarried and childless for the rest of your life, is that the end of the world ? It shouldn't b . Plenty of people, some of them good Christians , don't get what they want in this life . We have to b willing to accept God's plan for us , whatever that may b . Maybe take a few weeks off from attending church if u r finding it to not b the right environment for u at this time. Get your emotional and spiritual strength back , spend plenty of time in quiet calm environments where there is no stress or pressure on u . Go for some long walks , do some things that make u feel happy and calm , whatever helps to relax u and declutter your thoughts . When u start to feel better , then take back your life , piece by piece at a nice steady pace . Sort your marriage , sort your living arrangements , become u again and don't look back but also , don't strain to look too far forward either . Trust in your God , He will get u through this but , He will do it at the pace that is right for u . U r a valuable , lovable human being with your own thoughts and feelings and , u r entitled to a life of peace and hope , which u will have with God through Christ . B calm , b patient and clear your head , keep it in the present and go through each day in the knowledge that , all things pass . God is with u for sure . Trust Him and wait for Him , He will bring u into a green pasture of peace and joy .