Previously on JFSurvivors testimony: She was born in Russia, was adopted and went to a camp where she learned about Jesus.
Alright so we're still at the camp. I learned about Jesus and I accept him into my life.
Fast forward to me at age 12 at this camp
At this time I was a Catholic. The more I read the Bible and the more I learned about Jesus I realized that it didn't quite line up with the Bible. So I dropped Catholicism and went to Christianity.
I say that I accepted Jesus when I was seven because, well I did. However I became a Christian at age 12.
Fast forward to fifteen-year-old JFSurvivor.
I got Baptized on Easter.
Rewind to 8th Grade
8th grade what when me and my parents made the worst possible decision. We decided that I should to a school called CMA. I can't tell you what the real name of the school is because if I did I would get sued.
I don't live in a gigantic house, so it's saying something when I tell you that my school was smaller than my house! My school was smaller than my house. Imagine a busy street with a small house and a circular gravel driveway with a makeshift parking lot. As you walk up to the house you look to your left and you see a green dumpster hiding behind a small fenced in area. The house looks overgrown with weeds and if you go around to the side you will see two white vans. Once inside you see kids ranging from ages 2-18. Some running and some walking.
There was a pre-primary classroom, a primary classroom and an erd kinder class room (which was the basement). The basement had two rooms: Upper erd kinder and lower erd kinder. Erd kinder is basically middle school through high school. Lower is middle school and upper is high school.
Enough description.
At this school there was a man by the name of Mr. L. He would yell and scream at us. I got yelled and screamed at because I got bad grades. We didn't learn until my junior year that I had learning disabilities.
Anyways it was really hard because as a freshman, all the grades were lumped together, I was taking classes with seniors so that made things REALLY hard and then when I became a senior things were still hard because I didn't learn anything.
While I was going there I was sexually assaulted by one of the students and when Mr. L heard about it, he covered it up. I was sexually assaulted again by a different student, only this time, no one found out. There was also sexual bullying that occurred.
Add all that to the yelling and screaming and I came out of there with PTSD.
The whole time I was going to that school I wasn't allowed to talk about Jesus and I was being pressured to accept and believe all five religions of the world. This really put a strain on my faith and eventually in my senior year I was so lonely and so frustrated and sad and broken I got angry at God. Like extremely angry. I didn't know why I was put in this situation, I had been told that if I prayed more everything would be better. Well I did pray and nothing changed. Then people told me that God allows us to go through trials. So I figured that all my misfortune was Gods fault. I almost left him.
My past with the church
While I was going to CMA I went to a mega church. I begged anyone to listen to me and to help me and to be my friend. But no one would. I felt so isolated in that church.
After I graduated from CMA I got the courage to leave the mega-church and hooked on to a campus ministry at my college. It was called ICOC. They showed me that God was this evil dictator who didn't care about us. They had me write down my sins on a piece of paper and then read it to a group of girls. And these were some of my WORST sins. After the list was read, Jess, the leader, read a complete medical account of Jesus's death on the cross. By this time I am in tears because the account was so graphic. She looked at me and said, "your sins put him on that cross."
I left ICOC after that and unfortunately my relationship with God was all but broken and my PTSD was getting worse and worse.
Over the summer I was sexually assaulted again.
Stay tuned for part three!
Alright so we're still at the camp. I learned about Jesus and I accept him into my life.
Fast forward to me at age 12 at this camp
At this time I was a Catholic. The more I read the Bible and the more I learned about Jesus I realized that it didn't quite line up with the Bible. So I dropped Catholicism and went to Christianity.
I say that I accepted Jesus when I was seven because, well I did. However I became a Christian at age 12.
Fast forward to fifteen-year-old JFSurvivor.
I got Baptized on Easter.
Rewind to 8th Grade
8th grade what when me and my parents made the worst possible decision. We decided that I should to a school called CMA. I can't tell you what the real name of the school is because if I did I would get sued.
I don't live in a gigantic house, so it's saying something when I tell you that my school was smaller than my house! My school was smaller than my house. Imagine a busy street with a small house and a circular gravel driveway with a makeshift parking lot. As you walk up to the house you look to your left and you see a green dumpster hiding behind a small fenced in area. The house looks overgrown with weeds and if you go around to the side you will see two white vans. Once inside you see kids ranging from ages 2-18. Some running and some walking.
There was a pre-primary classroom, a primary classroom and an erd kinder class room (which was the basement). The basement had two rooms: Upper erd kinder and lower erd kinder. Erd kinder is basically middle school through high school. Lower is middle school and upper is high school.
Enough description.
At this school there was a man by the name of Mr. L. He would yell and scream at us. I got yelled and screamed at because I got bad grades. We didn't learn until my junior year that I had learning disabilities.
Anyways it was really hard because as a freshman, all the grades were lumped together, I was taking classes with seniors so that made things REALLY hard and then when I became a senior things were still hard because I didn't learn anything.
While I was going there I was sexually assaulted by one of the students and when Mr. L heard about it, he covered it up. I was sexually assaulted again by a different student, only this time, no one found out. There was also sexual bullying that occurred.
Add all that to the yelling and screaming and I came out of there with PTSD.
The whole time I was going to that school I wasn't allowed to talk about Jesus and I was being pressured to accept and believe all five religions of the world. This really put a strain on my faith and eventually in my senior year I was so lonely and so frustrated and sad and broken I got angry at God. Like extremely angry. I didn't know why I was put in this situation, I had been told that if I prayed more everything would be better. Well I did pray and nothing changed. Then people told me that God allows us to go through trials. So I figured that all my misfortune was Gods fault. I almost left him.
My past with the church
While I was going to CMA I went to a mega church. I begged anyone to listen to me and to help me and to be my friend. But no one would. I felt so isolated in that church.
After I graduated from CMA I got the courage to leave the mega-church and hooked on to a campus ministry at my college. It was called ICOC. They showed me that God was this evil dictator who didn't care about us. They had me write down my sins on a piece of paper and then read it to a group of girls. And these were some of my WORST sins. After the list was read, Jess, the leader, read a complete medical account of Jesus's death on the cross. By this time I am in tears because the account was so graphic. She looked at me and said, "your sins put him on that cross."
I left ICOC after that and unfortunately my relationship with God was all but broken and my PTSD was getting worse and worse.
Over the summer I was sexually assaulted again.
Stay tuned for part three!
