Well, a lot has happened since my last post on the forums, and I've changed a lot, so I was thinking that it may be a good idea for me to post my testimony. I hope that you guys won't judge me for who I was, but for who I am now and who I am living my life to be.
I was born into a Christian family, with 2 sisters, and a mom and dad. Everything seemed alright for the first 8 or 9 years of my life. I lived in California from birth to age 2, and then moved to Oklahoma from age 2 to age 7. When I was 7, we moved back to California to be with my grandmother, who was in poor health.
When I was 8 or 9, I was exposed to the dangers of Lust for the first time. My father had inadvertently exposed me to porn on the family computer, and I was hooked. My parents eventually caught me, and my mother grounded me for a week. My dad, however, taught me to delete my internet history, so I wouldn't get caught again.
Years passed, and I grew, and my addiction grew with me. I grew socially awkward, and then to add to it, I skipped 6th grade, so I left all my friends behind from me going from Elementary school to Junior High. Through Junior High and High School, I had very few friends, and health problems gave me a reputation for not being at school. I had two comforts, my Church group, and porn. It was something where viewing porn was almost a daily thing, and I just thought going to church every Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday would offset it. I was "Bible-smart" but I didn't truly apply it to my life.
Through all this time, I never drank, never smoked, never did drugs, but as I learned, that one sin you let into your life will eventually come back to haunt you...
When I was a Junior in High School, my lusts started to get out of hand. I started talking with the guys in my church group, and they didn't help me too much... I didn't want to talk with the leaders yet, so I started to talk with some of the church group girls around my age, hoping they would tell me that I was wrong, and that I needed to get this out... I talked with the wrong girls. They told me that "it was fine, it was natural" and they started flirting with me about it. A couple of the girls tried to get me to hook up with them, but no matter how I flirted, I always intended on saving myself for marriage. I thought there was no harm in flirting...
When I got to be a Senior in High School, a few of those girls cut off contact from me, and left my church. I had the thoughts that they were my friends, and was depressed when they left. In addition, with all my health problems, my only viable option for my education was to get a GED. I got my GED on my 18th birthday in April and was finally out of school. I also had a part time job working for one of my friends in a good company. Things were starting to look up, and I was starting to move away from my lusts...
Then, a few weeks after I turned 18, one of my friends (from church group) younger sister started flirting with me... I didn't know her age at the time, and I assumed she was about 13 or 14. She then started asking me some dirty questions because she said that "her mother started teaching her about the birds and the bees before she died of cancer, and she wasn't getting any answers from her father"... I drew from my past, and the pasts of others, and I reasoned in my mind that it didn't hurt to "help" her by answering her questions... Things then starting going down a slippery slope, and I learned that she was 11 years old, but in my reasoning that had been completely screwed up because of my lusts, I couldn't fully register how wrong that was... I just decided that as long as she was satisfied, I can imagine an older person in my head, and it would be "fine"... Then one day, she essentially blackmailed me into sending a bad picture of myself, so I felt cornered and I sent the picture, and then after that, I had a reality trip on how wrong I was, and I stopped talking to her...
I was starting to get my lust under control, and I felt that God was starting to bless me. I was made a counselor in my church's Junior High Ministry, though it was somewhat awkward seeing that girl in the group, but I was getting over that, and she seemed unfazed. However, I still help onto the occasional porn viewing, thinking that less often would be okay.
However, one of the girls around my age started to come into my life. She was suffering from an eating disorder, and she needed a friend to comfort her. I did my best to comfort her, and prayed some for her, and she started improving. She then was trying to "reward me" by having me sleep with her. I told her I was waiting until I was married, but she was persistent... I still held true, and said no and stopped talking to her
A few days later, I received a call from the Junior High pastor (who I had known for almost ten years), asking to talk to me about something that came up... I drove to the church, where I was put into a meeting with three of my church's pastors, all of who I'd known since my childhood. They told me that they had heard about me sending texts to girls, and were questioning me about it. I was completely honest, about every girl I had sent texts to and flirted with. When I mentioned the young girl, they had told me that they had to contact the police regarding that. I was scared out of my mind.
I was taken to the police station, and the police officer questioned me, and then put me under arrest. I spent two days in jail, but strangely, I was at peace about it. I was given a bible, and I spent all my time sleeping, crying, praying, and reading. I read through the full book of Isaiah, and I was just completely broken. I begging with God to help me through this trial, and to give me another chance.
God honored my request. Although I was convicted in March of this year, he made the punishment lighter than it could have been. I can truly see him working in my life now, and this major struggle has brought me much closer to God. I can truly say I've heard him, and have felt a peace beyond understanding through these struggles. I can't say I'm perfect, I've backslidden a little, and I've faced doubts still, and am ashamed of what I did, but I can not say that there is ANYTHING better than being close to God.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope that this will bless someone going through a similar struggle somehow. I just want to say that lust is a VERY dangerous sin, and you just need to put your confidence in God that he will choose the right person for you to spend your life with, and just put your trust in Him.
I was born into a Christian family, with 2 sisters, and a mom and dad. Everything seemed alright for the first 8 or 9 years of my life. I lived in California from birth to age 2, and then moved to Oklahoma from age 2 to age 7. When I was 7, we moved back to California to be with my grandmother, who was in poor health.
When I was 8 or 9, I was exposed to the dangers of Lust for the first time. My father had inadvertently exposed me to porn on the family computer, and I was hooked. My parents eventually caught me, and my mother grounded me for a week. My dad, however, taught me to delete my internet history, so I wouldn't get caught again.
Years passed, and I grew, and my addiction grew with me. I grew socially awkward, and then to add to it, I skipped 6th grade, so I left all my friends behind from me going from Elementary school to Junior High. Through Junior High and High School, I had very few friends, and health problems gave me a reputation for not being at school. I had two comforts, my Church group, and porn. It was something where viewing porn was almost a daily thing, and I just thought going to church every Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday would offset it. I was "Bible-smart" but I didn't truly apply it to my life.
Through all this time, I never drank, never smoked, never did drugs, but as I learned, that one sin you let into your life will eventually come back to haunt you...
When I was a Junior in High School, my lusts started to get out of hand. I started talking with the guys in my church group, and they didn't help me too much... I didn't want to talk with the leaders yet, so I started to talk with some of the church group girls around my age, hoping they would tell me that I was wrong, and that I needed to get this out... I talked with the wrong girls. They told me that "it was fine, it was natural" and they started flirting with me about it. A couple of the girls tried to get me to hook up with them, but no matter how I flirted, I always intended on saving myself for marriage. I thought there was no harm in flirting...
When I got to be a Senior in High School, a few of those girls cut off contact from me, and left my church. I had the thoughts that they were my friends, and was depressed when they left. In addition, with all my health problems, my only viable option for my education was to get a GED. I got my GED on my 18th birthday in April and was finally out of school. I also had a part time job working for one of my friends in a good company. Things were starting to look up, and I was starting to move away from my lusts...
Then, a few weeks after I turned 18, one of my friends (from church group) younger sister started flirting with me... I didn't know her age at the time, and I assumed she was about 13 or 14. She then started asking me some dirty questions because she said that "her mother started teaching her about the birds and the bees before she died of cancer, and she wasn't getting any answers from her father"... I drew from my past, and the pasts of others, and I reasoned in my mind that it didn't hurt to "help" her by answering her questions... Things then starting going down a slippery slope, and I learned that she was 11 years old, but in my reasoning that had been completely screwed up because of my lusts, I couldn't fully register how wrong that was... I just decided that as long as she was satisfied, I can imagine an older person in my head, and it would be "fine"... Then one day, she essentially blackmailed me into sending a bad picture of myself, so I felt cornered and I sent the picture, and then after that, I had a reality trip on how wrong I was, and I stopped talking to her...
I was starting to get my lust under control, and I felt that God was starting to bless me. I was made a counselor in my church's Junior High Ministry, though it was somewhat awkward seeing that girl in the group, but I was getting over that, and she seemed unfazed. However, I still help onto the occasional porn viewing, thinking that less often would be okay.
However, one of the girls around my age started to come into my life. She was suffering from an eating disorder, and she needed a friend to comfort her. I did my best to comfort her, and prayed some for her, and she started improving. She then was trying to "reward me" by having me sleep with her. I told her I was waiting until I was married, but she was persistent... I still held true, and said no and stopped talking to her
A few days later, I received a call from the Junior High pastor (who I had known for almost ten years), asking to talk to me about something that came up... I drove to the church, where I was put into a meeting with three of my church's pastors, all of who I'd known since my childhood. They told me that they had heard about me sending texts to girls, and were questioning me about it. I was completely honest, about every girl I had sent texts to and flirted with. When I mentioned the young girl, they had told me that they had to contact the police regarding that. I was scared out of my mind.
I was taken to the police station, and the police officer questioned me, and then put me under arrest. I spent two days in jail, but strangely, I was at peace about it. I was given a bible, and I spent all my time sleeping, crying, praying, and reading. I read through the full book of Isaiah, and I was just completely broken. I begging with God to help me through this trial, and to give me another chance.
God honored my request. Although I was convicted in March of this year, he made the punishment lighter than it could have been. I can truly see him working in my life now, and this major struggle has brought me much closer to God. I can truly say I've heard him, and have felt a peace beyond understanding through these struggles. I can't say I'm perfect, I've backslidden a little, and I've faced doubts still, and am ashamed of what I did, but I can not say that there is ANYTHING better than being close to God.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope that this will bless someone going through a similar struggle somehow. I just want to say that lust is a VERY dangerous sin, and you just need to put your confidence in God that he will choose the right person for you to spend your life with, and just put your trust in Him.
