A friend of mine (my own age) died in a car accident some months back. I hadn’t “gotten around” to “catching up” with her since my wedding, some 8 years ago, which was shortly after high school. I found out at the funeral that for a time she had been living just down the road from me.
This is not a tribute to loneliness, or a criticism of long-distance friendship. Rather it’s a simple reminder, to myself most of all, that there is no complete substitute for valuing the things around us that we can’t get back after time passes, and that we ought to be making every determined effort possible to be surrounding ourselves with flesh-and-blood, face-to-face, close-enough-to-slap-you, can-smell-what-you-had-for-breakfast human beings, and letting them into our hearts and lives.
I’m not sure if this is a twist on some other quote, but a wise friend of mine once said
“...when we sacrifice a little friendship for a little order, we will lose both, and deserve neither.”
100 Things that you can’t (or shouldn’t, or shouldn’t have to) do without the physical presence of another person
1.)Give or receive a manicure, pedicure, facial, head massage or neck and shoulder rub.
2.)Push a friend on a swing
3.)Give or receive a hug
4.)Share a meal
5.)Move house (grrrr)
6.)Get home when you find yourself stuck in a car park with a flat battery at 3am
7.)Be completely transparent and vulnerable to the accountability and sense of community that comes with sharing life
8.)Truly share a moment or experience
9.)Physically give a gift and watch the receiver unwrap it
10.)Fill a beanbag without getting beans absolutely everywhere
11.)Get a kite into the air on a day when the wind is just a bit tricky
12.)Play “Cat’s Cradle” with a piece of string
13.)Say “I love you” without words
14.)Give a shoulder a reassuring squeeze
15.)Make someone’s cosy comfort on the couch complete and undisturbed by passing the remote, bringing a drink or answering the phone
16.)Take turns driving on long road trips
17.)Go paintballing
18.)Play murder-in-the-dark, sardines, spotlight....
19.)Creep up behind someone and scare them half to death
20.)Thumb wrestle
21.)Make Lazy Lemon Meringue without the extra egg white dilemma
22.)Get a couch up the stairs
23.)Gather free second-hand furniture at verge collection time
24.)Witness some changing or defining moment in another’s life
25.)Share the warmth of a bonfire
26.)Share the smell of wildflowers on a hiking trail
27.)Share the last cookie
28.)Make chicken soup when you’re too sick to get off the couch
29.)Be “shown” and “taught”, as opposed to simply “told” how to do something that is new to you
30.)Play “Heart and Soul” on the piano
31.)Have your demeanour noticed without being able to hide how you are really feeling today
32.)Wrestle; give or receive wedgies, noogies or Indian burns
33.)Change the headlight in a car (the one that’s behind the battery!)
34.)Do certain cheerleading moves
35.)Have a pillow fight
36.)Participate in a bring-and-share, costume party or progressive dinner
37.)Be with a friend in their time of grief, and have the discernment to do nothing more than sit with them in deep, meaningful silence
38.)Be rescued when you open a cupboard and a bunch of fragile things fall partially on top of you and hang in the balance between the cupboard and your head and outstretched hands
39.)Thoughtfully spread a blanket over some tuckered-out soul who has collapsed on the couch
40.)Wait, hiding in the bottom of the food pantry at the ready to grab the ankles of some unsuspecting snack-hunter
41.)Flick a poisonous spider off your back
42.) Remove a tick when you can’t bear to look at it
43.)Notice your wearing something back to front or inside out before you leave the house
44.)Receive a jacket when you are cold and someone else who’s wearing one is not.
45.)Play noughts and crosses is the sand
46.)Share a teabag when you only want a weak cup of tea
47.)Order chocolate fondue at a restaurant without wasting any of it or getting sick
48.)Lick the bowl without being the one to make a cake
49.)Enjoy something financially costly, that you could never afford to pay for, or bless someone with something financially costly to them that you can afford
50.)Properly appreciate the clinker colour guessing game
51.)Intervene when you’re choking
52.)Get a ride home when you’re simply too tired to walk any further
53.)Get very far in a paddle raft
54.)Have regular intelligent conversations without developing MPD, OCD, or delusional attachments to stuffed animals or a soccer ball named Wilson
55.)Stop drowning from occurring when you get a cramp while swimming
56.)Get a second opinion on the taste of something you just cooked
57.)Know for sure whether or not you are only hallucinating the cat that keeps setting off the security light
58.)Pay for one meal, but eat half and half of it and the other option you were considering
59.)Huddle close to get warm
60.)Acquire second hand clothing for free
61.)Hear “God bless you” when you sneeze
62.)Read a map, navigate and drive all at once, without pulling over, in an unfamiliar place with long, tricky street names
63.)Find out what that text message says, while you’re driving
64.)Avoid stepping in dog poo that you didn’t notice on the ground right in front of you
65.)Find something you somehow keep missing even though it’s been staring you in the face the whole time
66.)Playfully kick a trouble-maker under the table
67.)Remember not to forget something very important that you keep forgetting to remember
68.)Conjure up captain planet when you’re only wind, and are missing fire, heart, earth and water
69.)Be pleasantly surprised with the arrival of random DVDs and takeout
70.)Play truth or dare
71.)Celebrate Christmas without feeling horribly depressed
72.)Have the look on your face appreciated when you ride a rollercoaster that goes upside down
73.)See-Saw
74.)Sing in harmony, or sing a “round”
75.)Take a full-length photo of yourself with a webcam
76.)Jump rope (one of those really long ones where you need someone at either end)
77.)Have a staring contest
78.)Play rock-paper-scissors
79.)Clap out “Say-Say my playmate” or “Down by the banks of the Hanky Panky” (Hm. It’s never quite occurred to me how dodgy that is, lol)
80.)(For some of us)- Reach grocery items on a high shelf at the store
81.)”Coooo-ee!” your way out of being lost in the bush
82.)Lend
83.)Borrow
84.)Effectively collect trading cards
85.)Share a workload
86.)Develop patience by having to wait for your turn in the bathroom
87.)Have a good reason to call shotgun as you approach the car
88.)Notice when your audible self-talk has transitioned from using the odd made up word here and there into having invented an entire language no one else understands
89.)Obtain toilet paper that’s at the other end of the house when you’ve already done your business and suddenly realise that the bathroom supply is empty
90.)Climb a tree, when you need a boost
91.)Share a knowing look regarding a relevant secret or inside joke
92.)Effectively hold a hand
93.)Effectively shake hands
94.)Compare body temperatures, so that you can work out whether it really is as cold as you think or whether you’re just a big sooky-la-la
95.)Get a good kick up the backside when you need one
96.)Get squirted in the face with a water gun or hit with a water bomb on a hot day
97.)Have a food fight
98.)Discover completed chores that you didn’t complete
99.)Waltz
100.)Have your life sincerely witnessed by someone as screwed up as you are, who you can bless and be blessed by, simply by making an effort to often be in proximity of one another
-I’m sure this is the short list! So please add to it.-
xxx
This is not a tribute to loneliness, or a criticism of long-distance friendship. Rather it’s a simple reminder, to myself most of all, that there is no complete substitute for valuing the things around us that we can’t get back after time passes, and that we ought to be making every determined effort possible to be surrounding ourselves with flesh-and-blood, face-to-face, close-enough-to-slap-you, can-smell-what-you-had-for-breakfast human beings, and letting them into our hearts and lives.
I’m not sure if this is a twist on some other quote, but a wise friend of mine once said
“...when we sacrifice a little friendship for a little order, we will lose both, and deserve neither.”
100 Things that you can’t (or shouldn’t, or shouldn’t have to) do without the physical presence of another person
1.)Give or receive a manicure, pedicure, facial, head massage or neck and shoulder rub.
2.)Push a friend on a swing
3.)Give or receive a hug
4.)Share a meal
5.)Move house (grrrr)
6.)Get home when you find yourself stuck in a car park with a flat battery at 3am
7.)Be completely transparent and vulnerable to the accountability and sense of community that comes with sharing life
8.)Truly share a moment or experience
9.)Physically give a gift and watch the receiver unwrap it
10.)Fill a beanbag without getting beans absolutely everywhere
11.)Get a kite into the air on a day when the wind is just a bit tricky
12.)Play “Cat’s Cradle” with a piece of string
13.)Say “I love you” without words
14.)Give a shoulder a reassuring squeeze
15.)Make someone’s cosy comfort on the couch complete and undisturbed by passing the remote, bringing a drink or answering the phone
16.)Take turns driving on long road trips
17.)Go paintballing
18.)Play murder-in-the-dark, sardines, spotlight....
19.)Creep up behind someone and scare them half to death
20.)Thumb wrestle
21.)Make Lazy Lemon Meringue without the extra egg white dilemma
22.)Get a couch up the stairs
23.)Gather free second-hand furniture at verge collection time
24.)Witness some changing or defining moment in another’s life
25.)Share the warmth of a bonfire
26.)Share the smell of wildflowers on a hiking trail
27.)Share the last cookie
28.)Make chicken soup when you’re too sick to get off the couch
29.)Be “shown” and “taught”, as opposed to simply “told” how to do something that is new to you
30.)Play “Heart and Soul” on the piano
31.)Have your demeanour noticed without being able to hide how you are really feeling today
32.)Wrestle; give or receive wedgies, noogies or Indian burns
33.)Change the headlight in a car (the one that’s behind the battery!)
34.)Do certain cheerleading moves
35.)Have a pillow fight
36.)Participate in a bring-and-share, costume party or progressive dinner
37.)Be with a friend in their time of grief, and have the discernment to do nothing more than sit with them in deep, meaningful silence
38.)Be rescued when you open a cupboard and a bunch of fragile things fall partially on top of you and hang in the balance between the cupboard and your head and outstretched hands
39.)Thoughtfully spread a blanket over some tuckered-out soul who has collapsed on the couch
40.)Wait, hiding in the bottom of the food pantry at the ready to grab the ankles of some unsuspecting snack-hunter
41.)Flick a poisonous spider off your back
42.) Remove a tick when you can’t bear to look at it
43.)Notice your wearing something back to front or inside out before you leave the house
44.)Receive a jacket when you are cold and someone else who’s wearing one is not.
45.)Play noughts and crosses is the sand
46.)Share a teabag when you only want a weak cup of tea
47.)Order chocolate fondue at a restaurant without wasting any of it or getting sick
48.)Lick the bowl without being the one to make a cake
49.)Enjoy something financially costly, that you could never afford to pay for, or bless someone with something financially costly to them that you can afford
50.)Properly appreciate the clinker colour guessing game
51.)Intervene when you’re choking
52.)Get a ride home when you’re simply too tired to walk any further
53.)Get very far in a paddle raft
54.)Have regular intelligent conversations without developing MPD, OCD, or delusional attachments to stuffed animals or a soccer ball named Wilson
55.)Stop drowning from occurring when you get a cramp while swimming
56.)Get a second opinion on the taste of something you just cooked
57.)Know for sure whether or not you are only hallucinating the cat that keeps setting off the security light
58.)Pay for one meal, but eat half and half of it and the other option you were considering
59.)Huddle close to get warm
60.)Acquire second hand clothing for free
61.)Hear “God bless you” when you sneeze
62.)Read a map, navigate and drive all at once, without pulling over, in an unfamiliar place with long, tricky street names
63.)Find out what that text message says, while you’re driving
64.)Avoid stepping in dog poo that you didn’t notice on the ground right in front of you
65.)Find something you somehow keep missing even though it’s been staring you in the face the whole time
66.)Playfully kick a trouble-maker under the table
67.)Remember not to forget something very important that you keep forgetting to remember
68.)Conjure up captain planet when you’re only wind, and are missing fire, heart, earth and water
69.)Be pleasantly surprised with the arrival of random DVDs and takeout
70.)Play truth or dare
71.)Celebrate Christmas without feeling horribly depressed
72.)Have the look on your face appreciated when you ride a rollercoaster that goes upside down
73.)See-Saw
74.)Sing in harmony, or sing a “round”
75.)Take a full-length photo of yourself with a webcam
76.)Jump rope (one of those really long ones where you need someone at either end)
77.)Have a staring contest
78.)Play rock-paper-scissors
79.)Clap out “Say-Say my playmate” or “Down by the banks of the Hanky Panky” (Hm. It’s never quite occurred to me how dodgy that is, lol)
80.)(For some of us)- Reach grocery items on a high shelf at the store
81.)”Coooo-ee!” your way out of being lost in the bush
82.)Lend
83.)Borrow
84.)Effectively collect trading cards
85.)Share a workload
86.)Develop patience by having to wait for your turn in the bathroom
87.)Have a good reason to call shotgun as you approach the car
88.)Notice when your audible self-talk has transitioned from using the odd made up word here and there into having invented an entire language no one else understands
89.)Obtain toilet paper that’s at the other end of the house when you’ve already done your business and suddenly realise that the bathroom supply is empty
90.)Climb a tree, when you need a boost
91.)Share a knowing look regarding a relevant secret or inside joke
92.)Effectively hold a hand
93.)Effectively shake hands
94.)Compare body temperatures, so that you can work out whether it really is as cold as you think or whether you’re just a big sooky-la-la
95.)Get a good kick up the backside when you need one
96.)Get squirted in the face with a water gun or hit with a water bomb on a hot day
97.)Have a food fight
98.)Discover completed chores that you didn’t complete
99.)Waltz
100.)Have your life sincerely witnessed by someone as screwed up as you are, who you can bless and be blessed by, simply by making an effort to often be in proximity of one another
-I’m sure this is the short list! So please add to it.-
xxx
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