A new thought on not getting asked out

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Ugly

Guest
#1
#1
So, ladies, many of you seem to wonder why men may seem so reluctant to ask women out. This subject has been covered quite a bit in the forums, i know. But while watching the chats tonight, something dawned on me. I've seen the same thing happen over and over and it just hit me tonight how common that women do this particular thing.. You complain about being asked out.
Almost every time i've hear women bring this subject up, its mostly filled with negative comments and attitudes and stories about being asked out. Many times to one degree or another the guy is put down. His approach is put down. And not to mention, being told no to top it off.
Consider the mixed signals that attitude sends to men. One minute you're complaining your single, the next you have a list of stories complaining about being asked out. No guy wants to put himself out there, just to be shot down and end up as forum fodder.
And before anyone complains, i know this is not all women. And i know some guys really do or say some dumb things. This is about a generalization of this attitude that i have witnessed for years.
 
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Hava91

Guest
#2
#2
That is a very good observation =)....partially why i don't believe in complaining about being single OR participating in the whole "kiss and tell" thing (in terms of being asked out as well lol)......us ladies tend to have a problem relaying our experiances to other women - and men- never really thinking of the effect it has other than conversation, humor, or banter. I must admit, I do feel sorry for the young men today. so much pressure is put on them, from how and when and why to ask ladies out, to even the part where THEY have to be the ones to ask!! lol. sorry guys!!
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#3
Feb 26, 2012
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#3
Truly, I don't want to be asked out. I am waiting for God's best and I have no intention of dating the rest while doing so. I am completely unapproachable for this reason. I don't flirt, put myself out there to meet men, I am just content to walk with my one true love, Jesus Christ, and live out the life He has for me. As He prepares me for marriage, if that is what He has for me, I'd rather not be distracted by dating. Thankfully, God has enclosed me in a hedge of protection, a walled garden, and so I am not asked out. I am loving my single life, loving saving myself, all of myself, for my future husband, if there is one. I know this is probably off point, but just wanted to share. :)
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#4
#4
The only time I've ever been annoyed about being asked out was when it was done in a very crude manner. I make it a point to be extremely polite to guys who ask, even if the answer is no. Most guys who know me well enough to ask know that I like to be friends first anyway.
 
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Liz01

Guest
#5
#5
To me a "date" is a fast relationship with an stranger that is asking for monogamy since he meet you.
So, i dont date, but if a friend ask me to go out i accept and i think that most women would be glad to go out with a man in who they trust, that put effort in knowing us better and is able to befriend us first.
 
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kayem77

Guest
#6
#6
I don't get asked out that often, but when I do I only tell my close friends or just one friend....unless the guy was a stranger and he said something ridiculous worth sharing :) (you know, those pick-up lines or stuff like that). Whatever my answer is, I will try to be polite.
I won't say yes just for the sake of being polite, and honestly most people know that I don't date total strangers...so I don't see any need to tell everybody about my business especially when it involves a friend, or someone I know and my friends know.

If I say no, I will still respect that person and I won't go out telling everybody how I rejected him and how he dared asking me out:rolleyes:. I think the biggest problem here is gossip, not so much that a girl rejects a guy, but the way the girl portraits the guy as a loser and she portraits herself as the ''unreachable one'' . In that case, the guy was lucky she said no :p.

To be honest though, I haven't seen many girls complaining about guys asking them out, and generally they share those occasions when a guy said something extremely stupid (and even offensive) and they simply had to say no.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#7
#7
I wish I could say that, kayem. :( You, fortunately, must know far nicer women than I do. :)

I've seen women tease guys and lead them on, and then say something belittling for fun when a guy approaches them. It's an ego boost for them that they can snicker about with their friends, sometimes even in front of the poor guy. The mean girls thing. It's awful. :(

I'm sure it stings those guys, but they have no idea how lucky they are that such a woman told them "no", are they? :)
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#8
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
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#8
kayem77 said:
If I say no, I will still respect that person and I won't go out telling everybody how I rejected him and how he dared asking me out:rolleyes:. I think the biggest problem here is gossip, not so much that a girl rejects a guy, but the way the girl portraits the guy as a loser and she portraits herself as the ''unreachable one'' .
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Jullianna said:
I've seen women tease guys and lead them on, and then say something belittling for fun when a guy approaches them. It's an ego boost for them that they can snicker about with their friends, sometimes even in front of the poor guy. The mean girls thing. It's awful. :(
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This has always bothered me, too. There was a girl in college who seemed to think herself to be quite the "catch". She said one day, "Scott actually asked me out! I was so offended, later he actually took me aside to APOLOGIZE, and I was like, 'Now you're just making it WORSE.'"

I was, honestly, grossed out by her behavior. Asking her out wasn't exactly an insult...

I would get absolutely no satisfaction whatsoever from making a guy feel like garbage. And while I also won't date someone just to keep from turning them down, I have had guys, after I said no, thank me for taking their feelings into consideration. That made me feel so much better than raking them over the coals ever would have.
 
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Justdavid

Guest
#9
#9
mystdancer50 said:
Truly, I don't want to be asked out. I am waiting for God's best and I have no intention of dating the rest while doing so. I am completely unapproachable for this reason. I don't flirt, put myself out there to meet men, I am just content to walk with my one true love, Jesus Christ, and live out the life He has for me. As He prepares me for marriage, if that is what He has for me, I'd rather not be distracted by dating. Thankfully, God has enclosed me in a hedge of protection, a walled garden, and so I am not asked out. I am loving my single life, loving saving myself, all of myself, for my future husband, if there is one. I know this is probably off point, but just wanted to share. :)
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While i try to respect your view I confess it is difficult. Its a similar attitude to .... I won't look for a job I will just wait for God to provide me with one. I won't shop for groceries God will ensure someone drops some off. If you make yourself unapproachable I think God sees that as a choice to remain single and so He won't necessarily send you His best because God respects your freedom of choice. After all we would not have freedom of choice if He had not provided it to us.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#10
#10
Yeah, a persons attitude reflects in their body language. If you make a conscious effort to keep men at bay, it will reflect in your body language, and you will send out 'signals' that you are closed off. Men pick these signals up and don't bother trying. Same thing happens with, let say, sexually abused girls. Its quite common that girls who are sexually abused by older men, have a tendency to attract older men once they become adults. Often the women are turned off by the idea of an older man at that point, and can't understand why only older men approach them. Its because they abuse has had such an effect on their brains that they develop such a habit of putting out those signals at the site of the older man, that it continues into adulthood. To change this they have to become aware of the habit, and make purposeful changes in their thinking and quite possibly therapy to help them retrain.
So really you can dictate your body language to send out signals that helps gear certain types to or away from you.
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#11
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
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#11
Justdavid said:
While i try to respect your view I confess it is difficult. Its a similar attitude to .... I won't look for a job I will just wait for God to provide me with one. I won't shop for groceries God will ensure someone drops some off. If you make yourself unapproachable I think God sees that as a choice to remain single and so He won't necessarily send you His best because God respects your freedom of choice. After all we would not have freedom of choice if He had not provided it to us.
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To me, it isn't the same at all. I know that I need a job and so I went out and found one. I do not need to date nor to marry in order to be used by God, in order to be complete, in order to be happy and fulfilled, and so I wait on God, trusting Him completely. My Father knows best and either way, I trust Him completely.
 
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Justdavid

Guest
#12
#12
mystdancer50 said:
To me, it isn't the same at all. I know that I need a job and so I went out and found one. I do not need to date nor to marry in order to be used by God, in order to be complete, in order to be happy and fulfilled, and so I wait on God, trusting Him completely. My Father knows best and either way, I trust Him completely.
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All I am saying is God might have already sent someone great to you and you rejected him by being closed off.
 
R

rainacorn

Guest
#13
#13
Just for some levity-

A guy asked me out once and then immediately threw up on me.

I guess he was nervous.

Call me gross if you'd like, but I don't know how you say 'no' after that.
 
S

Sarawr

Guest
#14
#14
I agree with Ugly on the mixed signals thing, I think women are awful at it. This includes myself!

Most recently I've developed an attraction to a guy in the office. We have been exchanging e-mails often and have had some great conversations and spoke of our common interests such as travel and food etc. He has put himself out there and come over to my desk to say hello a few times even though we work in different departments but each time I've got very shy and embarrassed and not made much (if any!) of an attempt to chat back.

The poor guy must be thinking all sorts. I mean I'm just a shy person but to him I'm probably sending a lot of mixed signals! This is probably why he hasn't tried to ask me out yet.
 
Elizabeth619

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
#15
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#15
Ugly said:
So, ladies, many of you seem to wonder why men may seem so reluctant to ask women out. This subject has been covered quite a bit in the forums, i know. But while watching the chats tonight, something dawned on me. I've seen the same thing happen over and over and it just hit me tonight how common that women do this particular thing.. You complain about being asked out.
Almost every time i've hear women bring this subject up, its mostly filled with negative comments and attitudes and stories about being asked out. Many times to one degree or another the guy is put down. His approach is put down. And not to mention, being told no to top it off.
Consider the mixed signals that attitude sends to men. One minute you're complaining your single, the next you have a list of stories complaining about being asked out. No guy wants to put himself out there, just to be shot down and end up as forum fodder.
And before anyone complains, i know this is not all women. And i know some guys really do or say some dumb things. This is about a generalization of this attitude that i have witnessed for years.
Click to expand...
will you go out with me?
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#17
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
136
63
#17
Ugly said:
OK, thats twice now. *eyeballs you suspiciously haha
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Well, you didn't say no... don't leave the girl hanging!

Everyone stare at Ugly until he makes up his mind.

 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#18
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
48
#18
Justdavid said:
All I am saying is God might have already sent someone great to you and you rejected him by being closed off.
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I can tell you with 100% accuracy that this has not happened. My relationship with God has left no room for error here. In fact, He and I just spoke about 'dating', as it were, yesterday. Yet again, He has assured me. I have no fears of missing 'the one'. I can trust my Father. I know His voice. I am waiting, one way or the other. If it is His will for me to marry, I will. If not, I won't. And, truly, I am good whatever my Father desires for my life. Add to this that I have no rejection, no past boyfriends tracking me down on Facebook, no relationships to tell my future spouse about (if I am to marry), no broken hearts in the realm of dating (broken hearts can't be avoided entirely), and total peace about my future.
 
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