R
Richard14
Guest
Let me share more about this so the background will be understood: The brain is the control center, so it makes logical sense that when it is effected, there are deeper impacts in the life of a person and those around the person. There is rarely mercy for a child who has this. Excuses... well not everyone handles mental illness like a perfect human. Especially when they are at a young age through it. I have suffered my whole life from mental illness that I inherited.
I have had to go to the psych emergency a few times, I had psychosis March 15-24, 2008 and manic episodes wherein I had said and done stuff I don't even remember doing and I was in self-hate and self-destruct mode always. I was the sole target to attack through my actions. Didn't need assistance from others, but got it. Mental illness from childhood up though..
The way I and others can experience it: drastically effected decision making, emotions, personality, perception, self-control, learning processes, communication ability, problem solving ability and all since elementary school in the formative years.. no excuse? Consider contrition like ashes. What about the desire for forgiveness? What about redemption? What about Mercy? Most of the time, you are not forgiven. I have mourned over my mistakes and fallen ways countless times. Some can feel the longing for forgiveness, redemption and reconciliation most likely will not be fulfilled in the court of public opinion which can cause many people in the same situation pain that may end badly for them and everyone around them.
What about injustices. More interesting than the idea of excuses. What about the priorities the world has for who are and who are not worthy of compassion, defense, rights and care? Someone elderly who gets lung cancer from smoking since they were 14 get treated with unequaled compassion, and yet very young people with inherited mental illness are just counted out most the time. A broken and contrite heart can be very despised, most unfortunately. The desire for mercy and forgiveness... most the time nothing can earn it. Move on to the things ahead, the chains of the past are dusted off sandals, and whatever others think do or blah, be free to care for everyone and make art.
There's many facets to the struggle of mental illness and don't even get me started on all the pharmakeia that is used to exchange symptoms.
Started.
I am glad that it helps some and some can afford it, but I was always so sensitive to medications and I would feel them in a few minutes sometimes. I had some bad side effects, and those too could potentially be a source of amusement for others. Just an interesting dynamic. They would shut me down and numb me out usually. Going off some cold turkey was intense. So many homeless people are in their position because they are unable to receive treatment and medications. The world is losing out on seeing more people contribute a verse in this world.
Different soldiers for different wars. Some, when they have no backup, have to remain in that foxhole and search for their own rations for the rest of their days. I've heard it said that an atheist becomes a Christian when they're in a foxhole.
I try my best to view the social condemnation and mocking of mentally ill folks from afar, and do my best to assess the depths of both sides.. and so..
This I have found, and from this I will not stray: defend the defenseless. Set free the captives. Mend the brokenhearted. Whatever is done to you, forgive. To struggle against each other is a waste of time as we struggle against greater things. Love everyone, your "enemies", in deed and in truth. Bitterness and anger clouds many things and prevents growth.
An artist can bear their soul before the whole world in many precious ways. The artist is the antennae, the seeker, the weatherman, the reporter and can become like a living symphony, bursting out of the soul of the human experience and of greater purposes. It is a fundamental facet in life. Someone has to do it. It is a duty that comes to certain people in certain ways and when the world is so messed up and fallen like it is, the most keen and sensitive antennae notice it before any other member and it distresses them more than most.
We are all fearfully and wonderfully made and we all have a certain uniqueness and have certain pearls of wisdom and experience that are treasures few others, if any, have- and it is a duty to share them for others in need of any sort of help.
Love covers a multitude of sins. Loving people is without thought of the return, without thought of what they think about you.. Love has a divine source. We don't struggle against flesh and blood, but greater things that we all, in one way or another, struggle with. We have to help one another up when they fall.
Unconditional love is a divine expression. Like the love a mother has for their child. To really get to know people is like unearthing a masterpiece of antiquity, haha. We are all here together, some more wonderfully made or more fearfully made than the other but we are all knit a certain way that no one else is. We all have a part to play. Something to contribute. Hold no one back from this, but encourage!
To have family members and family friends and true friends there by your side during all the rigors of the war with mental illness is just about irreplaceable.
Friendship is such a beautiful treasure, utterly irreplaceable.. I share all this also to voice the unseen perils that come from this insane desire: to love and be loved, and how certain life experiences and ailments can make things different for some.
I know that the only reason I am still alive is because I know that my Redeemer liveth and his mercy endures forever. I am now clothed and in my right mind.
Let me share with you a mystery: I became a Christian (oh no! I know..) in April 2013. Life changed forever. I then had a severe traumatic brain injury on March 22, 2014 and got baptized March 22, 2015. That had lined up in more ways than I have presently discovered. I actually have a better quality of life after the accident than before because what is impossible for man is possible with God.
This is impossible according to every medical article I have read. It is a 400+% chance of mental illnesses worsening. Patients before not experiencing mental illness are said to get ptsd, epilepsy or schizophrenia after a severe t.b.i., but my mental illness no longer controls my life. Or gets in the way ever. I can now experience life. Born again in many ways. I even had an anti-psy during my hospital visit and got a side effect that lies in the list of side effects you get when you do not have the conditions it treats.
I remember having the hospital chaplain read me psalms next to my bed because there were many, many verses that were the only reason I was able to get through a day when I first read them, and through this hospital experience I felt all joy and peace. In all times past, the experience of joy was always with a shadow in the background awaiting to resume its feast, but I was set free!
Here's a verse that gave me infinite hope the year before: "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance." Psalm 42:5
Look up the parable of the Prodigal Son and the story in Mark 5 and you get a close idea to my story. There are no pigs who fall into the sea, but that story felt similar in some ways of what happened.
Behold, the end of this rambling draweth nigh, so be of good cheer!
To be an artist is so fascinating: We have our reason and reasons, our intellects and curiosities, muses and passions, creativity and imaginations, and it is all cultivated and pressed together from out of the depths of each of our unique souls, and then fermented until bottling time.
Uncork! Give me a glass and some venison! I thirst.
Music and all forms of art are beautiful natural expressions of this inborn, ingrained desire most of us have to create and to lift our minds, souls and hearts up to greater beauty, truth, hope and wisdom. Heavenly things. A job with no earthly salary or benefits.. but treasures laid up in heaven no moth can touch and time cannot vanquish.
I talked with my Neurosurgeon on June 2nd to Dr. Chao. There is no stone left unturned in the matter of my severe traumatic brain injury. It was a miracle of the Lord Jesus Christ. I should have died. But Christ conquered death. The same power that raised Christ from the dead works in me.
So often do gifted surgeons give timely expert care to patients and yet they may die or be left disabled afterwards.
I wondered, why did he do this for me, a sinner in the eyes of sinners? It is because I believed in him for he called me to him. Not many mighty are called, but he chooses the weak things of the world to confound the mighty, the foolish things of the world to confound the wise.
It is because I had not yet accomplished his will for my life, and he has beautiful plans for everyone's lives, and know that his will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
I am thankful I do not live for myself, but for the Gospel and for others who need to know they are loved. Defend the defenseless, set the orphans into families, plea the case of the widows, set free the captives and mend the brokenhearted. Christ is the only way. A truth I found out the hard way!
I am alive because my Redeemer liveth and he wants everyone to come to know him! He is talking to you all through this troubled man's life. I was the Prodigal Son from the shores of Gadarene, and now I am clothed and in my right mind. The amount of miracles that have happened will take a lifetime to wonder after, and I have only been a Christian since April 2013! All time before then is like remembering a bad movie, and now the veil has been torn and now I see!
Last year on March 22nd I was in a pool of my own blood near death's doorstep. Miraculously there had been a psychiatric technician and an offduty cop nearby so was helped immediately. This year on March 22nd I shared my testimony standing in a baptismal pool! Glory to God! Credit must be given, not according to what is popular and accepted, but according to where it is due and what is true!
Oh mann, all the amazing love and support from all my friends, family and professional care... that is something everyone must have! The Lord would've had to do a much bigger miracle if I was without everyone who was there by my side.
I remember talking to the Hospital Chaplain a few times and kept making him read me the Psalms.. Never knew being in the hospital could be a victorious and joyful experience! What is impossible for man is possible with God! Hearing the scripture being read to me was simply just the Lord singing me his promises and sovereignty, my Redeemer humming overwhelming comfort and peace to his new child and restoring his soul.
So now, I sing unto him with an instrument of six strings, for the word of the Lord is right, and all his deeds are done in truth!
He loves us with an unimaginable love and died for us while we yet hated him and were in rebellion. His mercy endureth forever, his love endureth forever, his longsuffering endures while you still draw breath and he paid such a price to bring you back to the Father.
My life is based on true stories. My life has sustenance in true stories. My life was saved by true stories. The truth set me free! Finally!
My life is about Christ. He is my fortress, my shield, my high tower, my Redeemer, my Lord, my King, my Rock, my song, my salvation, my breath, my sanity, my strength, my joy, my wisdom, my inspiration, my creativity, my love, my hope, my talent, my light, my water, my desire.
Christ is awesome. Got it? =)
This Psalm is in the book that changed my life forever. I will clutch to my chest the eternal word, the greatest treasure on earth!
Psalm 30
1 I will extol thee, O Lord ; for thou hast lifted me up, and hast not made my foes to rejoice over me.
2 O Lord my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me.
3 O Lord , thou hast brought up my soul from the grave: thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.
4 Sing unto the Lord , O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness.
5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
6 And in my prosperity I said, I shall never be moved.
7 Lord , by thy favour thou hast made my mountain to stand strong: thou didst hide thy face, and I was troubled.
8 I cried to thee, O Lord ; and unto the Lord I made supplication.
9 What profit is there in my blood, when I go down to the pit? Shall the dust praise thee? shall it declare thy truth?
10 Hear, O Lord , and have mercy upon me: Lord , be thou my helper. Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
11 To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.
I visited the hospital I had been for the ICU. I shared my testimony with the chaplains and the priest in the Chapel there and visited the ICU crew and played them a song and gave thanks and shared my story.
Glory to God!
I have had to go to the psych emergency a few times, I had psychosis March 15-24, 2008 and manic episodes wherein I had said and done stuff I don't even remember doing and I was in self-hate and self-destruct mode always. I was the sole target to attack through my actions. Didn't need assistance from others, but got it. Mental illness from childhood up though..
The way I and others can experience it: drastically effected decision making, emotions, personality, perception, self-control, learning processes, communication ability, problem solving ability and all since elementary school in the formative years.. no excuse? Consider contrition like ashes. What about the desire for forgiveness? What about redemption? What about Mercy? Most of the time, you are not forgiven. I have mourned over my mistakes and fallen ways countless times. Some can feel the longing for forgiveness, redemption and reconciliation most likely will not be fulfilled in the court of public opinion which can cause many people in the same situation pain that may end badly for them and everyone around them.
What about injustices. More interesting than the idea of excuses. What about the priorities the world has for who are and who are not worthy of compassion, defense, rights and care? Someone elderly who gets lung cancer from smoking since they were 14 get treated with unequaled compassion, and yet very young people with inherited mental illness are just counted out most the time. A broken and contrite heart can be very despised, most unfortunately. The desire for mercy and forgiveness... most the time nothing can earn it. Move on to the things ahead, the chains of the past are dusted off sandals, and whatever others think do or blah, be free to care for everyone and make art.
There's many facets to the struggle of mental illness and don't even get me started on all the pharmakeia that is used to exchange symptoms.
Started.
I am glad that it helps some and some can afford it, but I was always so sensitive to medications and I would feel them in a few minutes sometimes. I had some bad side effects, and those too could potentially be a source of amusement for others. Just an interesting dynamic. They would shut me down and numb me out usually. Going off some cold turkey was intense. So many homeless people are in their position because they are unable to receive treatment and medications. The world is losing out on seeing more people contribute a verse in this world.
Different soldiers for different wars. Some, when they have no backup, have to remain in that foxhole and search for their own rations for the rest of their days. I've heard it said that an atheist becomes a Christian when they're in a foxhole.
I try my best to view the social condemnation and mocking of mentally ill folks from afar, and do my best to assess the depths of both sides.. and so..
This I have found, and from this I will not stray: defend the defenseless. Set free the captives. Mend the brokenhearted. Whatever is done to you, forgive. To struggle against each other is a waste of time as we struggle against greater things. Love everyone, your "enemies", in deed and in truth. Bitterness and anger clouds many things and prevents growth.
An artist can bear their soul before the whole world in many precious ways. The artist is the antennae, the seeker, the weatherman, the reporter and can become like a living symphony, bursting out of the soul of the human experience and of greater purposes. It is a fundamental facet in life. Someone has to do it. It is a duty that comes to certain people in certain ways and when the world is so messed up and fallen like it is, the most keen and sensitive antennae notice it before any other member and it distresses them more than most.
We are all fearfully and wonderfully made and we all have a certain uniqueness and have certain pearls of wisdom and experience that are treasures few others, if any, have- and it is a duty to share them for others in need of any sort of help.
Love covers a multitude of sins. Loving people is without thought of the return, without thought of what they think about you.. Love has a divine source. We don't struggle against flesh and blood, but greater things that we all, in one way or another, struggle with. We have to help one another up when they fall.
Unconditional love is a divine expression. Like the love a mother has for their child. To really get to know people is like unearthing a masterpiece of antiquity, haha. We are all here together, some more wonderfully made or more fearfully made than the other but we are all knit a certain way that no one else is. We all have a part to play. Something to contribute. Hold no one back from this, but encourage!
To have family members and family friends and true friends there by your side during all the rigors of the war with mental illness is just about irreplaceable.
Friendship is such a beautiful treasure, utterly irreplaceable.. I share all this also to voice the unseen perils that come from this insane desire: to love and be loved, and how certain life experiences and ailments can make things different for some.
I know that the only reason I am still alive is because I know that my Redeemer liveth and his mercy endures forever. I am now clothed and in my right mind.
Let me share with you a mystery: I became a Christian (oh no! I know..) in April 2013. Life changed forever. I then had a severe traumatic brain injury on March 22, 2014 and got baptized March 22, 2015. That had lined up in more ways than I have presently discovered. I actually have a better quality of life after the accident than before because what is impossible for man is possible with God.
This is impossible according to every medical article I have read. It is a 400+% chance of mental illnesses worsening. Patients before not experiencing mental illness are said to get ptsd, epilepsy or schizophrenia after a severe t.b.i., but my mental illness no longer controls my life. Or gets in the way ever. I can now experience life. Born again in many ways. I even had an anti-psy during my hospital visit and got a side effect that lies in the list of side effects you get when you do not have the conditions it treats.
I remember having the hospital chaplain read me psalms next to my bed because there were many, many verses that were the only reason I was able to get through a day when I first read them, and through this hospital experience I felt all joy and peace. In all times past, the experience of joy was always with a shadow in the background awaiting to resume its feast, but I was set free!
Here's a verse that gave me infinite hope the year before: "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance." Psalm 42:5
Look up the parable of the Prodigal Son and the story in Mark 5 and you get a close idea to my story. There are no pigs who fall into the sea, but that story felt similar in some ways of what happened.
Behold, the end of this rambling draweth nigh, so be of good cheer!
To be an artist is so fascinating: We have our reason and reasons, our intellects and curiosities, muses and passions, creativity and imaginations, and it is all cultivated and pressed together from out of the depths of each of our unique souls, and then fermented until bottling time.
Uncork! Give me a glass and some venison! I thirst.
Music and all forms of art are beautiful natural expressions of this inborn, ingrained desire most of us have to create and to lift our minds, souls and hearts up to greater beauty, truth, hope and wisdom. Heavenly things. A job with no earthly salary or benefits.. but treasures laid up in heaven no moth can touch and time cannot vanquish.
I talked with my Neurosurgeon on June 2nd to Dr. Chao. There is no stone left unturned in the matter of my severe traumatic brain injury. It was a miracle of the Lord Jesus Christ. I should have died. But Christ conquered death. The same power that raised Christ from the dead works in me.
So often do gifted surgeons give timely expert care to patients and yet they may die or be left disabled afterwards.
I wondered, why did he do this for me, a sinner in the eyes of sinners? It is because I believed in him for he called me to him. Not many mighty are called, but he chooses the weak things of the world to confound the mighty, the foolish things of the world to confound the wise.
It is because I had not yet accomplished his will for my life, and he has beautiful plans for everyone's lives, and know that his will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
I am thankful I do not live for myself, but for the Gospel and for others who need to know they are loved. Defend the defenseless, set the orphans into families, plea the case of the widows, set free the captives and mend the brokenhearted. Christ is the only way. A truth I found out the hard way!
I am alive because my Redeemer liveth and he wants everyone to come to know him! He is talking to you all through this troubled man's life. I was the Prodigal Son from the shores of Gadarene, and now I am clothed and in my right mind. The amount of miracles that have happened will take a lifetime to wonder after, and I have only been a Christian since April 2013! All time before then is like remembering a bad movie, and now the veil has been torn and now I see!
Last year on March 22nd I was in a pool of my own blood near death's doorstep. Miraculously there had been a psychiatric technician and an offduty cop nearby so was helped immediately. This year on March 22nd I shared my testimony standing in a baptismal pool! Glory to God! Credit must be given, not according to what is popular and accepted, but according to where it is due and what is true!
Oh mann, all the amazing love and support from all my friends, family and professional care... that is something everyone must have! The Lord would've had to do a much bigger miracle if I was without everyone who was there by my side.
I remember talking to the Hospital Chaplain a few times and kept making him read me the Psalms.. Never knew being in the hospital could be a victorious and joyful experience! What is impossible for man is possible with God! Hearing the scripture being read to me was simply just the Lord singing me his promises and sovereignty, my Redeemer humming overwhelming comfort and peace to his new child and restoring his soul.
So now, I sing unto him with an instrument of six strings, for the word of the Lord is right, and all his deeds are done in truth!
He loves us with an unimaginable love and died for us while we yet hated him and were in rebellion. His mercy endureth forever, his love endureth forever, his longsuffering endures while you still draw breath and he paid such a price to bring you back to the Father.
My life is based on true stories. My life has sustenance in true stories. My life was saved by true stories. The truth set me free! Finally!
My life is about Christ. He is my fortress, my shield, my high tower, my Redeemer, my Lord, my King, my Rock, my song, my salvation, my breath, my sanity, my strength, my joy, my wisdom, my inspiration, my creativity, my love, my hope, my talent, my light, my water, my desire.
Christ is awesome. Got it? =)
This Psalm is in the book that changed my life forever. I will clutch to my chest the eternal word, the greatest treasure on earth!
Psalm 30
1 I will extol thee, O Lord ; for thou hast lifted me up, and hast not made my foes to rejoice over me.
2 O Lord my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me.
3 O Lord , thou hast brought up my soul from the grave: thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.
4 Sing unto the Lord , O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness.
5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
6 And in my prosperity I said, I shall never be moved.
7 Lord , by thy favour thou hast made my mountain to stand strong: thou didst hide thy face, and I was troubled.
8 I cried to thee, O Lord ; and unto the Lord I made supplication.
9 What profit is there in my blood, when I go down to the pit? Shall the dust praise thee? shall it declare thy truth?
10 Hear, O Lord , and have mercy upon me: Lord , be thou my helper. Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
11 To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.
I visited the hospital I had been for the ICU. I shared my testimony with the chaplains and the priest in the Chapel there and visited the ICU crew and played them a song and gave thanks and shared my story.
Glory to God!