H
Hello,
I am new to this site. I am looking for some advice and prayer for my current situation. Sorry if this is long, but I just wanted to make the situation clear.
Let me start off by saying I love my husband with all of my heart. We met in high school, dated for most of high school and went off to college together. We then transferred colleges together, and around that time is when we got engaged. We were both 20 years old. I won't pretend that our relationship didn't have ups and downs, but I was ready to commit to a lifetime with this man and when he asked me I said yes. We planned our wedding along with our families and got married in August 2012. Since we lived away from where we were getting married, we couldn't do the whole session of pre-marital counseling. We listened to a few tapes from the pastor and had 1 or two meetings before the wedding. My mom was choosing to be baptized the Sunday after the wedding and my brother and I wanted to do it with her since we have never been baptized. My husband is a Christian, believes in God, but has always been a reserved person who doesn't like to talk about a lot of things. Anyways, he decided on his own after learning more about it that baptism was something he would also like to do. So we all did it together. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life. Surrounded by people I love, vowing to God to love this man for the rest of my life. I meant every word.
Our first year of marriage had struggles just as any does. Getting used to being together, the stress of both being in school and working, we had fights but nothing we couldn't move past quickly. Let me fast forward to the present: about two weeks ago, my husband and I got into a little argument about something trivial. Usually we just give each other space for a few hours or whatever, then make up and go on. This time, he continued to be mad and I didn't understand why. The argument was nothing important. I decided to give him space and we didn't really talk much over the next 3 days or so, but we both work so it wasn't that big of a deal. One night I overheard him talking to a friend over the phone downstairs. He was telling his friend that sometimes he just wasn't sure about "us". He feels like he loves me, but he wonders if he rushed into things too soon. What if I wasn't the one for him? He expressed much confusion. The next part of the conversation is what made my blood run cold. He starts telling his friend that there's this girl he has been texting, and she makes him feel good. He gets excited to hear from her, he wants to spend more time with her, he feels like a little kid giddy with excitement. I was in complete shock. I went back to bed but couldn't sleep. When he came to bed later that night and I still couldn't sleep, I decided to search for some answers. I got on his iPad downstairs and looked at the messages. I was in complete shock and my stomach dropped when I saw that the girl he had been talking to was one of my best friends. I read through the messages, tons of them, spanning the last 3 days. It was sickening. It was nothing horrible, he started out by telling her how he kept having these dreams about her. He would wake up thinking about her and didn't know why. Then he tells her about his insecurities about our marriage. In her defense, she did try to discourage it at first. She says I think that is going to be the biggest challenge for you guys. I've been here before, guys think they like me or think there is something better out there and eventually realize where they belong. I think you can get past this. But he didn't stop! He tells her he wants to see her. He can't get her out of his head. He even brought her coffee at work the next day. Only later did she bring up me and the fact that she didn't want to hurt me. He said that he feels guilty and feels bad, but at the same time he wants to keep talking to her. I was shocked and sick to my stomach. I went to sleep, barely sleeping that night. The next day when I got home from class I tried to confront him. I said to him, I think we need to talk. Is there anything going on that you want to tell me about? You seem very distant lately and I'm just trying to figure out what's going on, I have a bad feeling. Please talk to me. He denies that anything is going on and says he doesn't feel like talking. So I leave it alone until the next morning when he texts me at work: if you knew why didn't you just say it. Blah blah blah and we decide to talk later that night. The heartbreaking part is that I believe he is being very honest with me and his feelings. He tells me he doesn't understand why these thoughts keep going through his head. He doesn't want to hurt me and he does love me, but he cant get this desire out of his head. I kept my composure as he talked and I said I choose to stand by you unconditionally and that's what I intend to do. We talk a bit more, sit in silence. He then asks can I please hold you? And I said if that's what you want and choose to do. So we embrace and he tells me he is so sorry. I have always been there for him and he cant believe he didn't see what was right in front of him. He says he does love me and he's so sorry. He doesn't know why this is happening but he wants to get past it and move on. So the next few days were very close for us. He was honest and said some thoughts lingered the next day, but they day after that was better. He continued to say he loves me and that he'll be honest.
Fast forward to today, which is about two weeks later. I have tried my hardest not to be suspicious about things because I trust my husband. However, I discovered that his iPad now had a lock code on it. When he was asleep later I also checked his phone and it did too. So I asked him about it and said it worried me that he was hiding something since he had never had locks on his phone and stuff. He denied it and got a little mad and said I don't want to talk about this now we can talk later tonight. So this is where the real heartbreak begins. I can tell that whatever he is going to say is hard for him to spit out and it takes awhile to get going. I had to ask questions to begin. I say is there someone else who has your feelings involved? Yes. Is it her, still? Yes. I can tell he is somewhat ashamed, and I can't even begin to process all this. He says they've been talking a little bit and he still can't help that he has feelings for her. She is also returning these feelings. He says that he has always wondered if we got married too young, and he feels like maybe he forced himself into it because it was the "right" thing to do. It was what everyone expected. Even in high school he says everyone expected us to be the perfect couple. He says that I do a lot for him and he appreciates it, but he can't go through his life thinking "what-if". So I say basically you are telling me I'm great, but I'm not the love of your life. He just shrugged his shoulders. I asked him what this means, what does he want. He says he doesn't know. But that you shouldn't have to force someone to be together. That's basically the jist of the conversation, I was getting very emotional and wanted it to end. We slept in separate rooms and I haven't talked to him for 2 days. I am so in shock and so broken...I love this man so much. I CHOSE to spend the rest of my life loving him. And I am happy with that choice. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him, but how can I continue to love someone who doesn't love me? There isn't any bitterness in this which makes it so much worse. I am so broken hearted. I don't know what to do. I am ashamed because I don't believe in divorce. It was never and option for me. I have been praying today for God to give me peace and lead me to the right place. I have prayed for God to hold my husband's heart and send these devil-induced thoughts from his head. Please pray for us that our marriage may somehow be saved
thank you all so much.
I am new to this site. I am looking for some advice and prayer for my current situation. Sorry if this is long, but I just wanted to make the situation clear.
Let me start off by saying I love my husband with all of my heart. We met in high school, dated for most of high school and went off to college together. We then transferred colleges together, and around that time is when we got engaged. We were both 20 years old. I won't pretend that our relationship didn't have ups and downs, but I was ready to commit to a lifetime with this man and when he asked me I said yes. We planned our wedding along with our families and got married in August 2012. Since we lived away from where we were getting married, we couldn't do the whole session of pre-marital counseling. We listened to a few tapes from the pastor and had 1 or two meetings before the wedding. My mom was choosing to be baptized the Sunday after the wedding and my brother and I wanted to do it with her since we have never been baptized. My husband is a Christian, believes in God, but has always been a reserved person who doesn't like to talk about a lot of things. Anyways, he decided on his own after learning more about it that baptism was something he would also like to do. So we all did it together. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life. Surrounded by people I love, vowing to God to love this man for the rest of my life. I meant every word.
Our first year of marriage had struggles just as any does. Getting used to being together, the stress of both being in school and working, we had fights but nothing we couldn't move past quickly. Let me fast forward to the present: about two weeks ago, my husband and I got into a little argument about something trivial. Usually we just give each other space for a few hours or whatever, then make up and go on. This time, he continued to be mad and I didn't understand why. The argument was nothing important. I decided to give him space and we didn't really talk much over the next 3 days or so, but we both work so it wasn't that big of a deal. One night I overheard him talking to a friend over the phone downstairs. He was telling his friend that sometimes he just wasn't sure about "us". He feels like he loves me, but he wonders if he rushed into things too soon. What if I wasn't the one for him? He expressed much confusion. The next part of the conversation is what made my blood run cold. He starts telling his friend that there's this girl he has been texting, and she makes him feel good. He gets excited to hear from her, he wants to spend more time with her, he feels like a little kid giddy with excitement. I was in complete shock. I went back to bed but couldn't sleep. When he came to bed later that night and I still couldn't sleep, I decided to search for some answers. I got on his iPad downstairs and looked at the messages. I was in complete shock and my stomach dropped when I saw that the girl he had been talking to was one of my best friends. I read through the messages, tons of them, spanning the last 3 days. It was sickening. It was nothing horrible, he started out by telling her how he kept having these dreams about her. He would wake up thinking about her and didn't know why. Then he tells her about his insecurities about our marriage. In her defense, she did try to discourage it at first. She says I think that is going to be the biggest challenge for you guys. I've been here before, guys think they like me or think there is something better out there and eventually realize where they belong. I think you can get past this. But he didn't stop! He tells her he wants to see her. He can't get her out of his head. He even brought her coffee at work the next day. Only later did she bring up me and the fact that she didn't want to hurt me. He said that he feels guilty and feels bad, but at the same time he wants to keep talking to her. I was shocked and sick to my stomach. I went to sleep, barely sleeping that night. The next day when I got home from class I tried to confront him. I said to him, I think we need to talk. Is there anything going on that you want to tell me about? You seem very distant lately and I'm just trying to figure out what's going on, I have a bad feeling. Please talk to me. He denies that anything is going on and says he doesn't feel like talking. So I leave it alone until the next morning when he texts me at work: if you knew why didn't you just say it. Blah blah blah and we decide to talk later that night. The heartbreaking part is that I believe he is being very honest with me and his feelings. He tells me he doesn't understand why these thoughts keep going through his head. He doesn't want to hurt me and he does love me, but he cant get this desire out of his head. I kept my composure as he talked and I said I choose to stand by you unconditionally and that's what I intend to do. We talk a bit more, sit in silence. He then asks can I please hold you? And I said if that's what you want and choose to do. So we embrace and he tells me he is so sorry. I have always been there for him and he cant believe he didn't see what was right in front of him. He says he does love me and he's so sorry. He doesn't know why this is happening but he wants to get past it and move on. So the next few days were very close for us. He was honest and said some thoughts lingered the next day, but they day after that was better. He continued to say he loves me and that he'll be honest.
Fast forward to today, which is about two weeks later. I have tried my hardest not to be suspicious about things because I trust my husband. However, I discovered that his iPad now had a lock code on it. When he was asleep later I also checked his phone and it did too. So I asked him about it and said it worried me that he was hiding something since he had never had locks on his phone and stuff. He denied it and got a little mad and said I don't want to talk about this now we can talk later tonight. So this is where the real heartbreak begins. I can tell that whatever he is going to say is hard for him to spit out and it takes awhile to get going. I had to ask questions to begin. I say is there someone else who has your feelings involved? Yes. Is it her, still? Yes. I can tell he is somewhat ashamed, and I can't even begin to process all this. He says they've been talking a little bit and he still can't help that he has feelings for her. She is also returning these feelings. He says that he has always wondered if we got married too young, and he feels like maybe he forced himself into it because it was the "right" thing to do. It was what everyone expected. Even in high school he says everyone expected us to be the perfect couple. He says that I do a lot for him and he appreciates it, but he can't go through his life thinking "what-if". So I say basically you are telling me I'm great, but I'm not the love of your life. He just shrugged his shoulders. I asked him what this means, what does he want. He says he doesn't know. But that you shouldn't have to force someone to be together. That's basically the jist of the conversation, I was getting very emotional and wanted it to end. We slept in separate rooms and I haven't talked to him for 2 days. I am so in shock and so broken...I love this man so much. I CHOSE to spend the rest of my life loving him. And I am happy with that choice. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him, but how can I continue to love someone who doesn't love me? There isn't any bitterness in this which makes it so much worse. I am so broken hearted. I don't know what to do. I am ashamed because I don't believe in divorce. It was never and option for me. I have been praying today for God to give me peace and lead me to the right place. I have prayed for God to hold my husband's heart and send these devil-induced thoughts from his head. Please pray for us that our marriage may somehow be saved
thank you all so much.