A
Feel free to skip to the poem 
I don't want to sleep.. I'm afraid I'll start a whole nother process tomorrow. Of waking up: mind focused on God. (if mind not focused on God.. become sad, focus it on Him and try to do better next morning) All listening to good music & pondering & discussing Him with others who understand.. then BAM memories, recent ones, old ones, ones i hadnt thought of since they happened.. then comes temptation for all sorts of things. i'm already weakened so it's hard not to give in. I listen to some more music to drown things out.. then it still doesnt help.. bam bam bam-there goes more trouble. So i give in knowing what I'm doing is wrong. Question if God has given up on me.. try to earn forgiveness. Then try to do better. Everyday. I havent had 'rest' from it in a long time. I haven't had rest from constant temptation since i gave up my life. Is it suppose to be 24/7?
Tomorrow is another day
I hope to see no reminders of yesterday
It's hard to believe my sins are washed away
When I sin too many times for even myself to remember
I'm alone in this
When I look around I see people without a mess
They have no struggles and live perfect lives
For me, it feels like I'm alone in this fight
One soldier against everything that breaks her down
I'm not strong and I have no weapons
I look to God, but sometimes I don't want Him to listen
Why remind Him of all the mistakes I have made?
Why tell Him I'm just not going to turn out okay
Give up on me, I would say
I'm not worth the effort
I want His big warm arms for comfort
And His words of reassurance
But if it means I have to be weak.. I'm too afraid
Too afraid I'm going to turn out a certain way
My past is always haunting and it leaks into my present
My future seems dark and gloomy
I've been fighting myself(?) for what seems like forever
Is all hope gone?
But His name will be hope for all the nations..
Still I'm a sinner
I love God with all my heart
But in Christ I'm just a beginner
His other children he's had for years
They've had time to grow
If someone asked me about the bible
My frequent answer is 'I don’t know'
I sin everyday.. Often more than once
How can I be this way?
I'm not worth your only son
Tell me He'll forgive me.. It's what I long to hear
But truth is when I sin I know what I'm doing
So I doubt God wants me near
Not belonging to Him,
Is my greatest fear
-Jasmyne
I don't want to sleep.. I'm afraid I'll start a whole nother process tomorrow. Of waking up: mind focused on God. (if mind not focused on God.. become sad, focus it on Him and try to do better next morning) All listening to good music & pondering & discussing Him with others who understand.. then BAM memories, recent ones, old ones, ones i hadnt thought of since they happened.. then comes temptation for all sorts of things. i'm already weakened so it's hard not to give in. I listen to some more music to drown things out.. then it still doesnt help.. bam bam bam-there goes more trouble. So i give in knowing what I'm doing is wrong. Question if God has given up on me.. try to earn forgiveness. Then try to do better. Everyday. I havent had 'rest' from it in a long time. I haven't had rest from constant temptation since i gave up my life. Is it suppose to be 24/7?
Tomorrow is another day
I hope to see no reminders of yesterday
It's hard to believe my sins are washed away
When I sin too many times for even myself to remember
I'm alone in this
When I look around I see people without a mess
They have no struggles and live perfect lives
For me, it feels like I'm alone in this fight
One soldier against everything that breaks her down
I'm not strong and I have no weapons
I look to God, but sometimes I don't want Him to listen
Why remind Him of all the mistakes I have made?
Why tell Him I'm just not going to turn out okay
Give up on me, I would say
I'm not worth the effort
I want His big warm arms for comfort
And His words of reassurance
But if it means I have to be weak.. I'm too afraid
Too afraid I'm going to turn out a certain way
My past is always haunting and it leaks into my present
My future seems dark and gloomy
I've been fighting myself(?) for what seems like forever
Is all hope gone?
But His name will be hope for all the nations..
Still I'm a sinner
I love God with all my heart
But in Christ I'm just a beginner
His other children he's had for years
They've had time to grow
If someone asked me about the bible
My frequent answer is 'I don’t know'
I sin everyday.. Often more than once
How can I be this way?
I'm not worth your only son
Tell me He'll forgive me.. It's what I long to hear
But truth is when I sin I know what I'm doing
So I doubt God wants me near
Not belonging to Him,
Is my greatest fear
-Jasmyne