Allways messing up

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L

LAR

Guest
#1
#1
Why is it that it seems like I always mess things up with my family. I think im doing the right thing then it blows up. I love my wife and daughter but it seems like they fight and i try to be the middle guy only gets them more mad. My wife says we need our emotions so let us be. I understand but im always trying to fix it. I feel like im such a loser as a husband and father
 
T

tinatackitt

Guest
#2
#2
I have found staying out of middle is best cause one of them or the other is going to turn it around and then be mad at you they will figure it out,
 
D

dyingeveryday

Guest
#3
#3
I'm a peace maker. I believe what you are doing is right. I wouldn't want to just let that occur in my home. I definitely would not say you are a loser. You are someone who dislikes anger and pride etc... the things that cause arguments. They want to have their, "emotions" of anger. You have a right to peace and I would think that love should always win. There is nothing wrong with love.
 
H

hattiebod

Guest
#4
#4
Are you saved? Because if you are....how could you ever be a loser, in any way? :) you can listen to God, not to the great deciever, who would have you beaten, lost, hopeless. Assuming you are safe with Christ, you need to remind yourself that you are victorious, through Him. Did Christ fail at the cross? You are His son!! How can you be a loser....its impossible! Get under His authority, get your home under His authority. If these 'emotions' in your home are causing distress, they are not of God. Look at the Fruits of the Spirit, these are a good starting point! We ought to be displaying these if we have the Holy Spirit in us. ' Live a life worthy of the Lord...please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God. Col.1:10
Pray in and over your house. Read and study the Word together, so you will know the way you should go. You need just a tiny scrap of faith, given to you by the Lord, He will then grow it in you....as you are obedient to Him. Full trust and faith in the Lord, not your circumstances! Obedience is the fruit of faith! He will guide you, listen to Him.
You are not alone, " You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me". Ps.139:5
He wants you to have peace, He needs you to act in faith. God Bless you and your precious family, in His name <><
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#5
#5
You might oughta put your foot down, so to speak, and not allow this in your house anymore. You're the head of the household- step in when they're fighting and "send them to their rooms" until they can talk about it calmly.

If that doesn't work...muzzles...

No, really, I'm sorry you feel this way. I do think you need to be the one to say "Enough!" though.
 
homwardbound

homwardbound

Senior Member
#6
Oct 24, 2012
15,026
106
63
#6
LAR said:
Why is it that it seems like I always mess things up with my family. I think im doing the right thing then it blows up. I love my wife and daughter but it seems like they fight and i try to be the middle guy only gets them more mad. My wife says we need our emotions so let us be. I understand but im always trying to fix it. I feel like im such a loser as a husband and father
Click to expand...
Turn to God and learn discernment of ecclesiastes, because there is a time for everything and only God can discern for you if you will ask and seek to hear.
Getting into the midlled oft whether goodor bad intenmtions is not working nor has it. So maybe take a look from the outside as if to be a spectator sitting inthe bleachers and observing what is going on in the game. Maybe then getting a better view might help in when to say something or not
Now I ahve found out oin my own Marriage is tolet the other spout off without interupting, until she is exhausted, relieved of the stress that caused this outburst to begin with. Just some sage advice taht I am stilllearning to do and it has worked far better than in the past
Hoping and praying for you to see?
One thing for sure when a fire is burning if no wood is added to it it can't continue to burn now can it?
 
homwardbound

homwardbound

Senior Member
#7
Oct 24, 2012
15,026
106
63
#7
When things are calmed down is really the only time or chance for resolving it, by force ony creates rebellion and fear of is not freedom to uderstand what has caused this or how to overcome this
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#8
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#8
You´re not a loser! Your are trying your BEST and, according to many, we seldom achieve OTHER´s standards.
I stopped my self from self pity. I´ll do the best I can (if I want)
 
sandtigeress

sandtigeress

Senior Member
#9
Apr 29, 2013
526
16
18
#9
Hi, you are not messing it up.
When people are emotional and fighting, they are in a mindset, that is set in fight.
So whoever gets in the middle is drawn into the fight.

One question is the way they fight, if that realy is "only" a differnent way to communicatie between two persons, that
love to fight, you can let them and just ask them to do the fighting in an extra room, for example, so that
you need not be part of it.
So all 3 of you find a way, where none of you is hurting. At present you hurt, because
you do want them to be happy, which for you means no fighting. To then fighting might
make them happy.

So say, if you (wife & daughter) want to yell, go to the kichen (f.ex.) and close the door, untill you
are finished and then reasure me (you), that all is ok. Because they have to understand, that
you need (!) that reasurance.

If they are realy fighting (without having fun about is), that is different.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#10
Apr 18, 2013
9,367
2,444
113
#10
The problem Lar, is you're surrounded by estrogen, great clouds of estrogen.
It's a well known fact that estrogen makes people crazy.
: )

Seriously though, are your wife and daughter saved?
If they are, then you need to lead them into a more spiritual focus,
and that will take care of the conflict.
Proverbs says contention (fighting) comes from pride.
When we focus back on God, our pride ebbs away, and we naturally become less contentious.

A few things you could try are: family bible studies, more involvement at church, family prayer time, Christian music around the house, or just about anything to get people focused back on God. If they both won't do these things, then just start with one of them, whoever will listen. It takes two people to have a fight.

If you think you need to improve your relationship skills, or leadership skills, or just your own personal walk with God, you could probably do some individual counseling with a pastor. I'm sure a pastor could give you a lot of good advice.
 
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