Am I good looking enuf?

[thimsrebma]

I know this sounds like a silly question but I think many of y'all may be able to relate.

Since I became a Christian I have been having issues with myself. LOL. Sounds silly rght, let me explain further. Personally I think I am attractive but then sometimes I see other women and think " Wow! she is really gorgeous. No wonder I am single, of course no one wants me when all these beauty queens are walking around."

I know that relationships are way deeper than that, but it is that initial attraction that generaly brings people together.The interesting thing is, I never had this problem before I became Christian. I rarely compared myself to other women. Now when I look at other Christian women I feel so inferior, in many ways, not just physically. Maybe they are "better" Christians than me. Maybe they are better cooks or better housekeepers, or maybe they have more scriptural knowledge, or more patient or understanding.

Does anyone understand this? Have you experienced it before? What helped you to break the inferiority complex?

 

[violakat]

I know I struggle with this a lot too. You're not alone.

 

[Liz01]

I have struggle with that too. After some things happened at my work i started to feel very bad about myself, so i went to search in the bible who i am, as a person, as a child or God, and as a woman and then i wrote those things to remind myself who i am when i feel bad about how i look.

Besides that a friend told me once, that when a man see a woman and she is very beautiful, then he is distracted in who she really is because he focus in her beauty (which disapears with the time and its not useful to have a strong marriage). This friend told me that when a woman is not so much pretty, then the man focus more in the personality of that woman so he gets to know her good and see if they really fit with themselves, so when a woman is not so pretty then is the perfect moment to find a husband that really fall in love of her and what she really is inside. So, when i start to feel bad about how i look, then i rememeber what he say and think that im in the best moment to find the perfect husband because im not so pretty and that makes me feel better too.

And i am convinced that God created us in a very wisely way that even our defects can match with someone else.

 

[kgl801]

I think most women struggle with comparing themselves to other women, but we really should 'nt. All women are flawed, inward and outward. The one we should be comparing ourselves to is JESUS. We need to strive to be more Christlike and not more like our friend or our neighbor or our co-worker etc.. The fact that you are convinced of your beauty tells me that you probably are a beautiful person on the outside, even though true beauty comes from within. Maybe the reason you are making these comparisons more as a Christian could be bcause you are now more critical of yourself and more aware of your sins. When we grow as Christians we are striving to be a better person, but always remember that God made you and you are beautiful in his sight. We all fall short of the glory of God. Just keep your head up, keep your eyes on God. He is the one and only true God. No one on earth is any better than you, sister!! Just keeping loving God and praying that He will help you through these things.

 

[karine___]

im with kgl801. whats happening to u is what the world is about , competition , comparison , i have experienced it before many a time. ask God to set u free from that as soon as possible because it can grow into resentment . u are unique and so is what God has to work and accomplish for u , there are many voices that push us to many directions but only one inside u that will direct u to where u should really go and do. i recently left a degree course that used to be "my dream" but when i finally got there there wasnt a day i asked myself what am i doing here... at last i decided to stop everything and listen to His voice and i could no longer keep on making an effort to gain the world's approval beliving it was God's will , i was going my own way and surviving only by making excuses in my head that wrestled with conscience. it's not very easy but it's needed if we want to be truly set free

 

[zeroturbulence]

I know this sounds like a silly question but I think many of y'all may be able to relate.

Since I became a Christian I have been having issues with myself. LOL. Sounds silly rght, let me explain further. Personally I think I am attractive but then sometimes I see other women and think " Wow! she is really gorgeous. No wonder I am single, of course no one wants me when all these beauty queens are walking around."

I know that relationships are way deeper than that, but it is that initial attraction that generaly brings people together.The interesting thing is, I never had this problem before I became Christian. I rarely compared myself to other women. Now when I look at other Christian women I feel so inferior, in many ways, not just physically. Maybe they are "better" Christians than me. Maybe they are better cooks or better housekeepers, or maybe they have more scriptural knowledge, or more patient or understanding.

Does anyone understand this? Have you experienced it before? What helped you to break the inferiority complex?

I think maybe you need to stop going to those singles ministries.

 

[thimsrebma]

I think maybe you need to stop going to those singles ministries.

Why do you say that?

 

[zeroturbulence]

...I rarely compared myself to other women. Now when I look at other Christian women I feel so inferior, in many ways, not just physically. Maybe they are "better" Christians than me..

Thats why.

 

[niceguyJ]

The right man for you will love and appreciate you inside and out just the way you are. Remember that and stop worrying already.

 

[AnandaHya]

two things really made me stop comparing myself to others. well three actually .

the first is that I realized it is a sin comparable to coveting your neighbors things. in this case not material things but qualities.

the second is that I got the message one night that God did not like it. Follow the conversation if you can. lol not feeling totally coherent today but anyways....

God made you right?

IF God made you, do you think He made a mistake?

Do you think you could make yourself better then what God has already made you?

therefore when you put yourself down, you are also insulting God because He is your creator.
Remember you are wonderfully and fearfully made. Satan would like us to believe we are paupers but we are children of the King. therefore when you start having doubts about your worth. Praise God and thank Him for your many blessings and watch as they flee from you.
"Praise The Lord" By Russ Taff - YouTube


Psalm 139

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

 

[Ugly]

I can relate as well. From a male standpoint anyways. Though maybe not so much in the 'physical' aspect. I have dated women who, physically, were way way way out of my league. Like, you ever look at that really gorgeous girl holding hands with that shmoe and think 'shes pretty she can do way better'. Well, yeah, thats been me haha. So i guess physically i worry less. But in the more 'masculine' areas, like financially, for example, i worry. I see guys with good jobs, good health, seem to have good walks, and think man, if they're single still... haha. So yeah, i guess its the male version of what you're feeling.

 

[J0Y]

What right do we have to say we are somehow inferior in physical appearance to another? Are we not inadvertantly saying that God has not made us as attractive as others?

I like what niceguyJ has to say. Shallow people don't see past the exterior. I have been surprised in my lifetime how many times I have been attracted to people I would never have initially found 'attractive.' I think that we spend WAAAAAY too much time comparing ourselves to others.

The blueprint we should be measuring ourselves against is the example of Christ. If you wish to attract a Christian man/woman then the best way to do so is to focus on your walk with the Lord. It is when we look up that we find our significance, it is when we look out towards the 'world' and in this case, other people that we begin to see ourselves in a worldly light - if that makes sense.

So, my advice....put God first, start reflecting/meditating on scripture that affirms who you are in Christ and reject those thoughts that would make you feel like that. ;-)
God bless

 

[thimsrebma]

Thanks everyone for responding.

I would like to point out that though the title of the thread has to do with outward beauty, if you read the entire initial post you will see it envolves much more than that.