God loves you so much and cares for you so much. Repent and come back to Him. He loves you very much and understands all that you're going through. He's only waiting for you to make the move. He doesn't hate you at all
God is so forgiving
" Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is his body, and since we have a great pries over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. " Hebrews 10:19-23
Micah 7:18
Who is a God like You, Who forgives iniquity and passes over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He retains not His anger forever, because He delights in mercy and loving-kindness.