Are Christian Men Cowards?

[Ritter]

Timidity of Christian men has a lot of roots. Some of the blame can be placed on postmodern culture that more or less blurs distinctions between males and females. We are no longer sure how to act because we are not sure how these actions will be taken within the context of dating.

Is it a brilliant excuse? No people still date, get married, and procreate...especially in Muslim communities and and American states that vote Republican.

 

[Pheonix]

Phoenix
I don't blame your for being terrified of women. We can be horrible, horrible people. This is something between you and God and if you want to change the way you feel about women then ask God to help you put yourself out of your comfort zone and ease your fear of (wo)man. Caution: He WILL do it!! I've struggled with anxiety around men and social situations... it's not fun!

I'm sure you've heard the saying, "Behind every great man there is a great woman". Well I don't think alot of women realize how much power they have in relationships and that may be why so many treat dating like a game. Women have the power to make the men in their lives better than they are. Their encouragement can build us up and drive us to do great things. Conversely they can also completely and utterly obliterate us. I'm not anxious around women the way I think you mean. Its more complete apathy. I don't care anymore, and just assume women are already in a relationship which I will not interfere with. I've had that happen to me and I'm not going to do it to someone else. And I have yet to meet a woman who thinks I'm worth the effort of waiting till I learn she's not an evil monster out to chew me up and spit me out. I also haven't met a woman who is willing to tell me she's interested in me period and no one else will do it for her.

To many people are willing to settle for just anyone, probably because as a society we are so disconnected despite all the technology that is supposed to be bringing us together. I guess the conclusion is that one person is as good as another.

 

[Liamson]

Whoa..... I realize my response was about the page before and.... I'm not the people I was talking about.


I'm not the good christian anything. I have no problem asking women out. I'm not a virgin and I don't really drink a lot of Mt Dew. I can't play a musical instrument to save my life. I'm also not very shy.

I'm not expecting people to have everything in common, even though that is the measure by which we usually see if we are compatible. I would like to have everything in common with someone and for that to be natural, so that we can have a mutual respect about each other's values. I don't want someone to do a bunch of things they don't want to do just so they can try and be mine. I think that is just silly.

If a woman doesn't WANT to do athletic stuff, that is okay. I mostly do it because I don't want to die young because I was chased down by a bear and eaten. I want to be able to out run the bear. If she doesn't feel comfortable talking in public with people about Jesus, that is also her battle. Some women like older men, not that there is anything wrong with that but, I think its strange. Some women like Chihuahuas, convertible cars, the color pink, eating Carl's Jr/Hardees or whatever, we all have lives and preferences.

Also preferences have a lot to do with whether or not I will approach someone at all. Like If I'm waiting in the church parking lot for my friends and silver Mercedes SLR convertible drives up with a tall woman wearing 5 inch heels and a fancy red dress, I'm probably not going to do anything but take note. There is nothing there to tell me that she is even my type or that I am her type either. If Dragon tattoo girl walks into church, take note, not asking her out either. If Suzie the longing but often overlook home-maker and cookie baker walks in, I'm taking note and not asking her out. In a sense its kind of like brand identification. People who like apple products, often hang out with people who like apple products. Its a very validating feeling to hang out with people who like the same stuff, the same can be said of dating or even marriage.

So before you go thinking that maybe all of the good guys in church are cowards, maybe realize that you are not their type and they are sparing you from a life of cheesy guitar licks and a fridge full of Mt. Dew.

 

[agirlandherguitar]

Phoenix
I'm sorry, but I don't think I do understand what you mean. You describe yourself as feeling apathetic towards women, yet your comments sound like you're more of a defeatist in regards to them. You quit before you've given somebody a chance. If that were the case then why should a girl go out of her way to prove to you that she's not a "monster" or expresses any interest in you if you refuse to express yourself to her? Relationships are a two-way street. I'm sorry if that sounds a little harsh and I don't mean to be! The truth is that I don't know you and maybe I just don't understand and will assume that you were very hurt at one point in your life and that is why you've adopted this attitude. Maybe I'm reading too much into what you said but I feel a lot of hurt coming from you...

Liamson
Well now I'm completely confused and have no idea what you're talking about. All I can assume is that there must be a lot of bear attacks where you live.
Ok, I'm just kidding.
I'm well aware of the fact that I'm not a lot of guys type, which is fine because I would rather not be drooled over and have some guy throw himself at me. On the surface a lot of girls think that's flattering but deep down it's emotionally confusing for both the guy and the girl when things don't work out. There just needs to be one guy and I'm being very patient. The internet allows me to vent to random people who humour me with their opinions. Anyways, I don't push myself on guys, not sure if that's what it sounded like by something I said before, and would rather let them be men and step up to the plate. All I'm saying is that I don't bite and neither do my friends. The cheesy guitar licks, however, would most likely come from me... and maybe one can of Mountain Dew in the fridge is fine.

 

[LightningClap0002]

Timidity of Christian men has a lot of roots. Some of the blame can be placed on postmodern culture that more or less blurs distinctions between males and females. We are no longer sure how to act because we are not sure how these actions will be taken within the context of dating.

Is it a brilliant excuse? No people still date, get married, and procreate...especially in Muslim communities and and American states that vote Republican.

And politics are brought into yet another completely unrelated discussion. LOL.

 

[GreenNnice]

'coward' carries a negative connotation, therefore, that is not a right word to use to describe/bash men.

A better descriptive is 'courage,' and, a lack thereof. But guys christian are another 'c' word, and, psst, draw closer miladies, for this one though beware, for it might startle you, but guys, not ladies, think about sex every 7 minutes, so.....

Be thankful that the Lord is in CONTROL of their life, and, no, that is not the 'c' word . Guys who want their life after God, a life modeled after Paul, after David, after men of valor and men of mission, want to be, OH!, and don't forget the providence by God for Joseph, guys like that citizen to emulate too and, hmm, where was I?

Ah, yes, cautious. Men are this 'c' word around ladies they like because they realize their libido thinking is real and really there all the time and it is FRIGHTENING for a guy to dive in when he sees controlling his urges is going to be tough to do.

But, that said, a good guy of God will call on God's power when seeing a girl liked and he will be a gentleman to her and find courage deep within, but until that right message is received from within The guy will see a pretty and likely do what Joseph did, fleeeeeeeee .

A girl can help The good christian guy have courage by being brave once she sees he is a GREAT PERSONALITy, Lord leading you, miladies, by laughing at things he says or connecting with his saying, 'I like Toby Mac song, Lose My Soul.' This lets you go a number of directions in the coversation.

Communication is a two-way street and IF you already know guy is Christian then get bold and help his courage quicken.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I am very curious to hear what you guys have to say!

I haven't dated much, actually I could count on one had the amount of dates I've had in the past five years, no joke! So I don't have much experience with dating but it seems as though all the guys that fit the good Christian archetype are afraid of me!

Now I don't expect anyone to analyze me since you don't know me but I can briefly say that I'm not this crazy girl with tons of emotion baggage, nor am I covered in scales or addicted to drugs. I have great relationships with friends and family, yet somehow I feel shortchanged in the dating scene. I feel like the only guys who come up to me and actually have to guts to ask me out (or let alone flirt with me for crying out loud) are non Christians. On the other hand the Christian guys I've met seem to just shy away and avoid eye contact when I try to talk to them.

I could say maybe it's because I'm not bubbly and super girly and maybe that's what initially attracts men or something. I'm more laid back and casual and yeah, I can be shy and a little standoffish when I'm around people I don't know but yeesh. I feel like I have to do all the work when it comes to establishing something with a guy who looks like he wants to run away in the opposite direction as fast as he can.

I have a couple of Christian girlfriends who experience the same problem.

I want a cool Christian dude but only if it pleases God.

Ahh... really I don't even know. I'm more than willing to give a nice guy a chance but it's very frustrating!

So uh... thoughts? Single ladies, have you experience something similar? Single dudes... defend yourselves!

From what I've seen, a lot of christian men are indeed very afraid to ask a girl out or even just talk to girls that they like. I think its because they put women up on a high pedestal and so they feel inadequate or inferior or just too scared of rejection.