First of all, JF, I want to say that I'm sorry you're going through this. I personally can't relate, because I've never really dated before. But I imagine there are many people here who can relate to having a broken heart.
One thing that stood out to me from what you said was this:
I know that had this breakup never happend I would not be as close to God as I have been in a long time. I know that through hard times I get closer to God and that is what he wants
And it brought to mind Romans 8:28. God is using this in your life, and eventually all of the pieces will fit together. Remember that He has a plan through it all.
Now, I know what you mean a bit about the praying and waiting on God. I was talking with a friend of mine a few weeks ago about the same thing. She's been trying to keep things open for the possibility of going down to Haiti for missions work as a nurse, and it'd be the perfect time because she has no other responsibilities to tie her here - her debt is all paid off and she lives with her parents again, right now. But there is a house that she absolutely loves, that is perfect for her, and not only has it been on the market for about two years with no takers, but she just recently looked at it again and the price dropped further. But, like you, she has been praying about both for a very long time and wasn't sure what to do.
I'm not sure if my talk with her had any impact, but here is what I pointed out to her. When it comes to situations like that, she has always had a hard time making decisions. But, God already knows the decisions we're going to make, and He's already figured out how to work them into the plan for our lives. I told her that she should try going for the house, and if it's not meant to be, God will shut the door. She did, and the sellers accepted her offer, but now she's waiting to hear from the bank because it's a short sale. If it doesn't go through, then it wasn't meant to be. So, she chose a direction to go, and she's made it a point to seek God's will through the whole process.
Now, another thing you mentioned is that you're still not ready to close the door on your ex. If it's truly over, then closing that door is the only way to move on. It's very possible that God has hinted at the direction you should go, but because you didn't want to "close the door" on your ex, you didn't hear God's voice or His will. Only you can make the choices for your life, and please don't take this as a lecture or that I'm trying to tell you what to do. I'm trying to offer a suggestion based on my limited experience. I think that, as hard as it might be, that maybe you should close that door and just choose one of your other options, either moving down south or accepting another job. If it's the wrong direction, God will shut the door and you'll know to try another path. But, if it's the right path, things might be bumpy and difficult along it, but God will be with you through it all and work all things for good, and in the end you'll be happier and you will have grown in your walk with Him. Plus, there could be unseen blessings you're missing out on as you hold on to your past with your ex.
I hope this helped a little. And remember, there are awesome people here to talk to when you're feeling sad, or frustrated with how things are going.
