Broken Marriage

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
B

broken1123

Guest
#1
Help! The other day my huband and I got into a huge argument. He was at work and I told him I was going to lunch w/ a friend. He sd he would be home at 1130. 1130 came and went. So I got worried. I called his coworker looking for him (he doesn't have a cell) and she told me he went to lunch w/ some coworkers, but she would have him call me. He never called and didn't come home till 1:30. While waiting, I became increasingly upset at his total disregard for my lunch appt. (Fyi...we have 18 month old twins and a 9 year old dtr. We never go out b/c we don't have a sitter. Both work f/t. I travel for work a lot.)So, when he arrived home, the first thing he sd to me was, "Oh, so now you're mad?" It made me even more upset that this is the 1st thing he sd. He didn't think to explain, apologize, nothing! So, we began to argue and I just blew up. Out of nowhere, I felt like every negative feeling I,ve ever fealt during our marriage filled me at this very moment. I demanded he give me the keys so I could leave and I sd I was taking my eldest dtr to lunch w/ me. He would not give me the car keys b/c he didn't want me to take me dtr. He sd he couldn't watch the twins alone! I proceeded to try and get the keys ferom him multiple times. He kept pushing my arm away. Finally, all those feelings made their way out and I began to dig my nails into him while reaching for the keys. We did this for a while. Finally, he stood up and had this crazed look in his eyes and sd enough of this s***, grabbed my arms as hard as he could and threw me to the floor. I got scared b/c this wasn't the first time he'd done this while upset. So, I called the police to help mediate or diffuse the situation. They arrived and embarrasingly enough, I knew the responding officers. We went over what happened. I told them I was scared. But, I didn't want to press charges. They explained to me that their protocol would be to take us both into custody and the kids would go w/ social svcs. But b/c they knew me, they asked what I wanted to do. They ended up leaving and just giving me their direct cell #s. I left for the entire day w/ my dtr and stayed at a friend's house. My husband and I haven't spoken in 3 days. We alternate sleeping on the couch. We just avoid each other completely. He is a fairly new christian. I've been praying about this. But, I just can't seem to get over the extremely hurtful things he said to me. I want this to work. But, I don't think he does. He sd he was fine with a divorce during the argument and called me a tramp b****. I tell myself to initiate some conversation b/c I lknow this silence is deadly. But, I can only feel the pain and see the bruises on my arms. Is this all my fault?
 
Feb 27, 2007
3,179
19
0
#2
you only have control over you and how your respond to anger. You asked were you wrong. You were both wrong, especially to have behaved in this way with the children present. No time is right but especially when the children are present. I understand your frustration as your husband seemed to disregard you. If it was me, (i cant go to bed with an unresolved issue) I would apologize for my part in it... for raging and digging the nails in. Dont do this expecting an apology from him, he is in control of him. I'm thinking that his pushing you away and you falling was a reaction to being attacked. If this is not the case then you need to not be keeping yourself and your children with someone who is an abuser. If, however he was just trying to stop you from inflicting injury on him, well, it is what it is. He behaved badly and so did you. Keep in mind in the future to not allow the sun to go down on your anger as you give satan a foothold. Ephesians 4:26. Its a tough deal to say you are sorry for your part in it, I know but it is necessary I think. Remember your love or your anger will take over and the negative thoughts will fester. I dont know the resources you have available but is there any way you both can be refered to learn how to channel your anger and to council your marriage? Please dont get offended by this, you are speaking to someone who as a teenager used to get angry and throw stuff plus your story may not include information pertinate to how your reacted. Now my husband tells me it is NEVER ok to hurt a woman no matter what she does physical or otherwise and I happen to agree, but I also think that applies the other way too. Anyway I pray that you guys will resolve this in a positive way and that it makes you stronger and with the Lord as the head of your household you can pray together for the healing of your marriage. I dont know if I was any help but I really do hope you are ok. God Bless you & your beautiful little family.
 
B

broken1123

Guest
#4
Thank you so much for your input. I greatly appreciate it. I don't think my falling was a reaction to the attack. I really did fall from the force that was applied. I"m unsure of the intent, though. I've grown up in church my whole life and have back slid many times as an adult. We recently started going back to church. I know everything I must do. I just can't bring myself to resolve this because of the hurt that I feel.
 
Feb 27, 2007
3,179
19
0
#5
I've prayed for you & your family for peace and joy and contentment for your home to be a safe place for all who reside there. A place where you can feel the Lord. Satanic attacks will happen, especially when you try to get into the will of God. Please, though dont allow yourself to be hurt ok. I'll look for you in the room & pm you. I've had experience with a gf & domestic violence and if it starts to escalate at all dont just stay and get used to it, ok. btw she ended up with her bf killed, her daughter shot & her house burned down... I know thats the extreme of the way things can go, but still it is real it does happen. For her story google bonnie mooney. God bless you and do follow the link that lukechick gave.
 
B

broken1123

Guest
#6
Will do. Thanks. Please fo keep me in prayer. I thought to maybe send my husband an email saying simply, "I Love You. I'm sorry. No Buts," since I think I escalated it. But, then I started to remember the hurtful things he said again. In no way am I excusing either of our behavior. I guess I just need to know if all this was my fault and what exactly should I do to make amends? Apologizing is so difficult for me. But, I know when I'm wrong.
 
Feb 27, 2007
3,179
19
0
#7
no all of it wasnt your fault... for sure... but dont let satan whisper reminders in your ear when you have thoughts of reconcilliation and making amends for your part in it. Get behind me satan!! (hmmm i should probably heed my own advice in certain areas LOL) Anyway all the best to you girl!!
 
B

broken1123

Guest
#8
Thank you so much for your last reply. I often forget that it really is Satan turning my thoughts against reconciliation. You've really helped!