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I am calling to all my Christian brothers for your prayers of support so my soul can be saved. I come to you as a supplicant
I am serious depressed and suicidal. I am close to being admired to hospital. I function and do what I need to do but once that is done I collapse - a wretched creature. I am speaking to a crisis councilor several times a day just to keep going. Often for several times a day I pretty much get anxious seizures where I can't function. I think about practical ways to end my life. I am a martial artist and could really put some grit in it and just do it. I don't really want to but the pain is so intense sometimes I don't really see an alternative. Im used to pushing myself but i am just about spent. Due to my martial arts background I'm used to sucking it up and I am familiar with how to use psychology to build yourself back up and I used to have nightly sessions with a crisis councilor specifically to assist this process I lasted longer under this stress than the average man could take.
In truth these last few months the only salve for my soul has been The Lord. I don't want pity just your prayers of support as much as possible. This could be a story of triump or tragedy. Sorry but its a long one.
Tonight I got in this state and was absolutely falling apart. I started thinking Jesus hates me (as i have been reading the bible of late) and on the way home passed a few churches and thier slogans of walking with Jesus and stuff made me think of The Lord. Then when I got something to eat they had these Christian flyers for prayers so I grabbed one and called them for a prayer. What a prayer it was- I cried my heart out but in the end I felt cleansed- I spent time with my son and felt joy and I was filled with love. I am writing this in the love of that moment
Basically I've been in a toxic situation in my work which I need to support my family. It has nearly destroyed me but the good in this situation is that it has turned me back to God through the pain that I have endured
But it is a slender hope at best. I was brought up as a Christian as a child but boy have I fallen. I have poisoned my soul with sin in particular fornication, blasphemy and pretty much everything else though I haven't killed anyone. I've even worshiped the old gods and cursed God and Jesus.
I believe that ultimately the enemy has led me to this situation and has dug his hooks in deep empowered by my sin. Looking back as I Pre teen I was commited to God and his rules. I wanted a Christian life- all I wanted was salvation. But a combination of my environment and temptation has driven me in to a life of sin
I have to radically change my life to fully accept God and I need to bring The Lord to my 5 year old.
Due to the toxic situation at work I can barely be around other people including my son and it is his birthday tommorow and I wasn't even sure if I can bear to be around him and I had an hour of pure magic with him because of that prayer.
A thought occurred to me that I could go into battle tommorow with Jesus at my side and I will be invincible. I need your prayers to pray for me am support me as I try to turn back to God even as the Devil circles see
I am serious depressed and suicidal. I am close to being admired to hospital. I function and do what I need to do but once that is done I collapse - a wretched creature. I am speaking to a crisis councilor several times a day just to keep going. Often for several times a day I pretty much get anxious seizures where I can't function. I think about practical ways to end my life. I am a martial artist and could really put some grit in it and just do it. I don't really want to but the pain is so intense sometimes I don't really see an alternative. Im used to pushing myself but i am just about spent. Due to my martial arts background I'm used to sucking it up and I am familiar with how to use psychology to build yourself back up and I used to have nightly sessions with a crisis councilor specifically to assist this process I lasted longer under this stress than the average man could take.
In truth these last few months the only salve for my soul has been The Lord. I don't want pity just your prayers of support as much as possible. This could be a story of triump or tragedy. Sorry but its a long one.
Tonight I got in this state and was absolutely falling apart. I started thinking Jesus hates me (as i have been reading the bible of late) and on the way home passed a few churches and thier slogans of walking with Jesus and stuff made me think of The Lord. Then when I got something to eat they had these Christian flyers for prayers so I grabbed one and called them for a prayer. What a prayer it was- I cried my heart out but in the end I felt cleansed- I spent time with my son and felt joy and I was filled with love. I am writing this in the love of that moment
Basically I've been in a toxic situation in my work which I need to support my family. It has nearly destroyed me but the good in this situation is that it has turned me back to God through the pain that I have endured
But it is a slender hope at best. I was brought up as a Christian as a child but boy have I fallen. I have poisoned my soul with sin in particular fornication, blasphemy and pretty much everything else though I haven't killed anyone. I've even worshiped the old gods and cursed God and Jesus.
I believe that ultimately the enemy has led me to this situation and has dug his hooks in deep empowered by my sin. Looking back as I Pre teen I was commited to God and his rules. I wanted a Christian life- all I wanted was salvation. But a combination of my environment and temptation has driven me in to a life of sin
I have to radically change my life to fully accept God and I need to bring The Lord to my 5 year old.
Due to the toxic situation at work I can barely be around other people including my son and it is his birthday tommorow and I wasn't even sure if I can bear to be around him and I had an hour of pure magic with him because of that prayer.
A thought occurred to me that I could go into battle tommorow with Jesus at my side and I will be invincible. I need your prayers to pray for me am support me as I try to turn back to God even as the Devil circles see
