Can't get over my ex

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cinnabon10

Guest
#1
#1
Hey guys. Long story short, it's been a year since I've gotten out of an immoral relationship and I've been able to rededicate my life to the Lord. However, I'm going to admit that since then, I've had the tendency to look her up on social media. Recently, I noticed that she was posting things relating to depression and suicide. I've tried to seek reconciliation with her in the past, but she basically told me to 'eff off' and 'get over it.' At this point I feel like everything I'm doing to please and honor God is meant to mask the leftover emotions I have from my failed relationship. Also, I feel like the lack of reconciliation with my ex results in my overall discontent and lack of closure. Any advice/encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
The relationship wasn't a relationship. It was an immoral union between two people. It failed for that reason. Obviously, she has "gotten over it", and despite telling you to do the same, you haven't. Being told to F off by her, IS closure. There is NOTHING about that union that you should even remotely want to hold onto. Stop looking her up on social media. Pay attention to your own life, forget your "relationship" with her, and focus on your relationship with GOD. :)
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#4
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#4
cinnabon10 said:
Hey guys. Long story short, it's been a year since I've gotten out of an immoral relationship and I've been able to rededicate my life to the Lord. However, I'm going to admit that since then, I've had the tendency to look her up on social media. Recently, I noticed that she was posting things relating to depression and suicide. I've tried to seek reconciliation with her in the past, but she basically told me to 'eff off' and 'get over it.' At this point I feel like everything I'm doing to please and honor God is meant to mask the leftover emotions I have from my failed relationship. Also, I feel like the lack of reconciliation with my ex results in my overall discontent and lack of closure. Any advice/encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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How long were you guys together and how serious were you? Were there more factors to your relationship ending than you coming back to the, Lord? I commend you for wanting to do right, but some things you just can't put back together. The best you can do for yourself (and her if talking to you provokes such anger and hurt in her), is to cut off all contact. Don't look her up, don't contact her, accept that it's over and never getting fixed. That's the best course even with amiable breakups. It is not your responsibility (nor within your ability) to fix her problems or make her life good. And if you've got a personality like mine that's really really hard to accept because you do care and you want to do something to help. Also give yourself time to properly grieve the loss of the relationship, doesn't matter if it was good or bad, it was an important and significant part of your life that you've lost. Only other advice I'd have is don't do the rebound thing, not with another girl and not with trying to prove your worth or how much you've changed by some sort of spiritual achievement. All the best to you, keep moving forward, and be kind to yourself when you have a bad day and aren't as over things as you wish you were. Then get up and keep going in the direction you know is good even if you don't much feel like it.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#5
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#5
Its easy to say the words goodbye but its it's hard to let the feelings die. You can't rush the healing of a broken heart but prayer and forgiveness helps. It's a stupid heart so you can't force it so just let it be. Next time just guard it with your life.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#6
#6
Yeah. Wake up to the fact that she doesn't want you and has made that plainly clear. The reason you aren't letting go is because you keep hoping things will work out. Until you accept she is not only done with you, but has rudely and harshly made it clear, and see the truth of her feelings and behavior, you will never be able to move on.
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#7
#7
You don't have to give up to move on, but you do have to move on. Besides, what would closure from her look like to you - and do you think it's realistic?

Good luck, man. I know what a lack of closure from a failed relationship feels like, and it pretty much sucks.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#8
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#8
Siberian_Khatru said:
You don't have to give up to move on, but you do have to move on. Besides, what would closure from her look like to you - and do you think it's realistic?

Good luck, man. I know what a lack of closure from a failed relationship feels like, and it pretty much sucks.
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From a guys perspective how do you feel and deal with lack of closure from a failed relationship? Being a guy don't you feel responsible to initiate just to have closure? Sorry for derailing, maybe this is a good topic for another thread.
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#9
#9
Tinkerbell725 said:
From a guys perspective how do you feel and deal with lack of closure from a failed relationship? Being a guy don't you feel responsible to initiate just to have closure? Sorry for derailing, maybe this is a good topic for another thread.
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Might make for a good thread in the Singles Forum. I'll PM you about it so we don't draw attention away from the OP.
 
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JustWhoIAm

Guest
#11
#11
cinnabon10 said:
Hey guys. Long story short, it's been a year since I've gotten out of an immoral relationship and I've been able to rededicate my life to the Lord. However, I'm going to admit that since then, I've had the tendency to look her up on social media. Recently, I noticed that she was posting things relating to depression and suicide. I've tried to seek reconciliation with her in the past, but she basically told me to 'eff off' and 'get over it.' At this point I feel like everything I'm doing to please and honor God is meant to mask the leftover emotions I have from my failed relationship. Also, I feel like the lack of reconciliation with my ex results in my overall discontent and lack of closure. Any advice/encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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You don't need anyone else in that space than God. He'll direct your paths, but it's very possible and even likely that it will hurt a bit. Granted, people were designed for companionship, but being single is an opportunity to grow with the Father. I find myself in the same boat, just working on my relationship with God. It's very productive, despite loneliness.

Being single is a lot less responsibility, anyway ^^
 
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cinnabon10

Guest
#12
#12
Thank you so much for you encouragement and support guys! It means a lot hearing from yall that are much more knowledgeable with this type of issue. I was able to find a passage in 1st Corinthians 7 about how being single is perfectly fine and acceptable to God. I came to the conclusion that my relationship with God must be solidified before I seek another companion :)
 
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AngelLove

Guest
#13
#13
Greetings in the wonderful name of Jesus.
Brethren let's not forget that God is Love and God wants us to Love, yes we all want to Love a Christian woman or man(for females) who is on the path of rightiousness or holiness but forget not the bible said what does it profit you to love someone saved and hate someone who isn't I can't quote the exact words but if you know thy bible you'll recognise the words.
I'm not here to judge you or her for her agression and reaction but we all have situations we can't control. If I were you and I really loved and cared for her I wouldn't try to get her back but as a born again christian be her friend find out what makes her so suicidal and let her know you're not trying to restart the fire but be there for her and fight through the demons tormenting her. I'm sure whatever it is that makes her suicidal is serious and I'm sure she wouldn't wanna hurt the one she loved unless she didn't know she was by cussing you. Pain makes us do bad things. I know I found myself suicidal once it was something very serious. When stuff like that face you you just need to focus on you fix that cause you can't be in a relationship when facing problems like that as if nothing is going on. So friend her "FRIEND" and if she fights and wins the war she's in... She might be grateful and if you belong together. She will be yours. If not don't think what you did was in vain.. Trust me...
I'm the guy who couldn't get over an ex who hurt me by sleeping with someone and leaving me. Now I'm in the best Christian relationship a living man can find. And I pray for my brothers and sisters they find the true Love I have...

Name's Jake.
 
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AngelLove

Guest
#14
#14
I read your message how you said you found a scripture that says its better to stay single. I agree it perhaps is BUT if you're strong enough. I found another scripture which I think its paul that he prefers we do stay single, indeed but if you believe you aren't strong enough and won't survive the desires of sexual immoralities you should get married so if you desire someone it be your wife and if you're not married you'll desire people who don't belong to you and that will be adultry.
And he was right cause when I was single I'd get the sudden desires at night which we all do I believe so and I made decisions that I will regret for the rest of my life and will aunt me for the rest of my life. Do what you think is best but don't end up having sex with someone you don't love when you're caught in the wrong place at the wrong time in the wrong situations and the devil triggers your desires... Which are easier to control if you are Loyal to someone in Gods name and Love.
 
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GAOH

Guest
#15
#15
Be a man.

Know that what she is doing is just crying out for attention and she doesn't have the huevos to do a thing about it she is just mad that nobody will give into her fits; What a cry baby.

She has every opportunity to seek the Lord like she is supposed to I would pray for her, but looking to console her will only make it worse because she is having a fit.

You go live your life and be happy.
 

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GraceRevelation

Guest
#16
#16
It's probably because she's shutting you off so blatantly, for some reason that's appealing to people. It can be a challenge or leave you feeling like someone didn't want you and so you feel unresolved about the whole thing. These kinds of feelings pass over time, it can hurt at first to be pushed away especially so harshly but you will get over it. She's no good for you and that is made clear, move on and let her go. Focus on other things :)
 
Mitchell1989

Mitchell1989

Member
#17
May 25, 2016
77
1
0
#17
Right around the time I started dating in my early teens someone told me to find someone who loves me just as much, if not more, than I love myself. The message I took from that is that you shouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want you as much as you want them.

Don't you feel worthy of being in a relationship with the feelings are reciprocated?
 
islandman

islandman

Junior Member
#18
May 24, 2016
19
0
1
#18
is tough trying to get over someone you have loved. it can feel like they are taking away apart of your very soul when they go. My advise:

Dont feel bad for loving her. its funny how Paul and Jesus gave men one primary responsibility when it comes to relationships, and that is to love her. sometimes people are broken. you have to accept that for what ever reason(could be a result of your actions) that she is broken.

Its been a year. you reaching out to her could be considered weakness or forgiveness but she made her choice. you have to let her go. and that may mean cutting her off. following her from any and all social media accounts. to fully cut her off you have to close any door the enemy can use to place her back into you life. Block her for the next 6-12 months no contact what so ever.

Lastly refocus your priorities on Jesus. its amazing the voids Jesus can fill. the people he can bring into your life when you embrace him. Remember that Jesus really does love you and wants you to be happy. ask him to help you let her go and guide you towards the happiness he has for you
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#19
#19
Pretty much what others have said but I'll add change your habits. Block her on social media for yourself. Change what you do what you listen to or anything that reminds you of her. Don't let the enemy lie to you about this ex. He will distract you from truth. I'll pray for you Hang in there
 
GOP

GOP

Senior Member
#20
Jul 12, 2015
1,668
91
48
#20
Peace be with you in JESUS NAME. Pray for her. Ask direction from GOD. If I may ask, was your ex your wife?
cinnabon10 said:
Hey guys. Long story short, it's been a year since I've gotten out of an immoral relationship and I've been able to rededicate my life to the Lord. However, I'm going to admit that since then, I've had the tendency to look her up on social media. Recently, I noticed that she was posting things relating to depression and suicide. I've tried to seek reconciliation with her in the past, but she basically told me to 'eff off' and 'get over it.' At this point I feel like everything I'm doing to please and honor God is meant to mask the leftover emotions I have from my failed relationship. Also, I feel like the lack of reconciliation with my ex results in my overall discontent and lack of closure. Any advice/encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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