P
I have posted on her before that my wife and I have intimacy issues. But here I just wanted to express my frustration with just not being able to ever communicate about these issues without it turning into a fight.
We are both in late 30's, both previously married and on our second marriage. Both of us had unfaithful spouses whom we divorced. We are both Christians and we were both attending and involved in our churches before we met. We dated for a year and then we got married. So we have been married about 2 1/2 years and we have known each other for almost 4 years.
I have my kids every other weekend, so its not as though we don't have alone time together - we do.
My wife has had a lot of health issues since we have been married, from heart issues to gastro intestinal issues.
I think that should be enough as a background. My wife by her own admission to me and in counseling we have had in the past - can be a moody and critical person. She acknowledges that am the one that is more postiive more often - but she says thats just because I let things run off my back and she doesnt.
Every time we talk about issues about intimacy, no matter how softly I try to speak or bring it up...she breaks down crying or gets angry or some combination of two - she will say things like "if I am such a horrible wife why do you stay with me" - note - I have never ever said she was a horrible wife and try to praise her for all the areas she is great in.
I try to tell her that it is possible to love someone and want to be with them, but be unsatsified in a certain area and need a little more.
I will say that she had made some progress - we used to make love 3 times a week when we were first married and then after the first year it went down to about 3 to 4 time a month. Even on those 3 to 4 times a month there was rarely any foreplay and I oral became a semi-annual thing.
I started a conversation by asking her what romantic things I have done in past that she would like more of, and admiting I had fallen off the wagon a bit in the romance area - she said I was fine and started crying. She said "this is really about me is'nt it? you are still not satifisfied with our sex life are you?" to that I replied I just wanted to do more for her, to try and put her in the mood better. She said it has nothing to do with putting her in the mood, that she is fine and that I should be fine with things as they are.
She said she knows there are some things I would like and someday she wants to be able to try and do them, but she is most distressed by the fact that every few months I bring this up. I told her I struggle as a man and I was sharing my feelings and issues I struggle with.
I am beside myself - I don't know what to do - I love her and I am Christian and I believe in commitment in marriage. And for those of you who will say have I tried to playfully and postively suggest different things - I have done so - ad nausem..to no avail.
Ok girls - nail me to wall.
We are both in late 30's, both previously married and on our second marriage. Both of us had unfaithful spouses whom we divorced. We are both Christians and we were both attending and involved in our churches before we met. We dated for a year and then we got married. So we have been married about 2 1/2 years and we have known each other for almost 4 years.
I have my kids every other weekend, so its not as though we don't have alone time together - we do.
My wife has had a lot of health issues since we have been married, from heart issues to gastro intestinal issues.
I think that should be enough as a background. My wife by her own admission to me and in counseling we have had in the past - can be a moody and critical person. She acknowledges that am the one that is more postiive more often - but she says thats just because I let things run off my back and she doesnt.
Every time we talk about issues about intimacy, no matter how softly I try to speak or bring it up...she breaks down crying or gets angry or some combination of two - she will say things like "if I am such a horrible wife why do you stay with me" - note - I have never ever said she was a horrible wife and try to praise her for all the areas she is great in.
I try to tell her that it is possible to love someone and want to be with them, but be unsatsified in a certain area and need a little more.
I will say that she had made some progress - we used to make love 3 times a week when we were first married and then after the first year it went down to about 3 to 4 time a month. Even on those 3 to 4 times a month there was rarely any foreplay and I oral became a semi-annual thing.
I started a conversation by asking her what romantic things I have done in past that she would like more of, and admiting I had fallen off the wagon a bit in the romance area - she said I was fine and started crying. She said "this is really about me is'nt it? you are still not satifisfied with our sex life are you?" to that I replied I just wanted to do more for her, to try and put her in the mood better. She said it has nothing to do with putting her in the mood, that she is fine and that I should be fine with things as they are.
She said she knows there are some things I would like and someday she wants to be able to try and do them, but she is most distressed by the fact that every few months I bring this up. I told her I struggle as a man and I was sharing my feelings and issues I struggle with.
I am beside myself - I don't know what to do - I love her and I am Christian and I believe in commitment in marriage. And for those of you who will say have I tried to playfully and postively suggest different things - I have done so - ad nausem..to no avail.
Ok girls - nail me to wall.
THANKK YOU REDTENT IT IS REALLY GOOD TO HAVE MATURE ADVICE. STAY WELL AND STICK AROUND.