Can't win

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Kaykel

Kaykel

New member
#1
Dec 26, 2020
28
13
3
#1
Hi there. I need some serious advice. I have a step sister who is utterly horrible to me , alot. I'm not going to break down and tell you how undeserving I am to be treated badly , because i probably do deserve it. I know God put me qith these people cos he has a plan , and not because he is mean. But i cant, she is physically , and verbally abusive , she steals my stuff, damages property, tells lies about me sometimes, makes me angry and i dont know...I'm also rude to her at times, and i do fight back
... i know im just causing trouble for myself by acting like this, but i cant take it, i dont know what to do. Now that i am attempting to be good, i know that figting won't help, but letting myself get tortured isn't great, but o domt know how to deal with this Gods way. That option seems long closed
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#2
Jul 3, 2015
55,820
25,997
113
#2
Hello Kaykel :) I am so sorry to hear you have to deal with this step sibling who delights in torturing you. It sounds very challenging and demoralizing as well, and I can understand how difficult it must be for you, for I have been attached to people who were extremely abusive as well, and one thing I know for sure about such people is: they rarely if ever take responsibility for their actions or admit any wrongdoing on their part. So you are already one step ahead by acknowledging your culpability. The other may not change for a very long time, and engaging on their level usually only exacerbates the situation. In your circumstance, since she is a step sibling, escaping the relationship does not sound feasible if you are living together, which it sounds like you are. One viable recourse is to try to detach from engaging on an emotional level with her. I do not mean be cold to her, but just don't let her push your buttons. She is trying to get a rise out of you for reasons she may not even be aware of herself. Is she younger or older than you are? Regardless, she is acting out some inner trauma and wants to draw you into her turmoil. If you can begin to address that, which she will no doubt deny as well, and stay calm while under fire, you will feel better about your interactions with her even if she does not relent in her assaults on you. Addressing such things is often best done by identifying with the underlying feelings through your own painful experiences. She may even be jealous of you. Don't be discouraged if she does not listen at first, for it is not likely she will want to hear your side of anything, but it is inevitable that things you say in compassion and with love will eventually have some impact on her, even if her behavior does not change for a long time.
 
Kaykel

Kaykel

New member
#3
Dec 26, 2020
28
13
3
#3
Magenta said:
Hello Kaykel :) I am so sorry to hear you have to deal with this step sibling who delights in torturing you. It sounds very challenging and demoralizing as well, and I can understand how difficult it must be for you, for I have been attached to people who were extremely abusive as well, and one thing I know for sure about such people is: they rarely if ever take responsibility for their actions or admit any wrongdoing on their part. So you are already one step ahead by acknowledging your culpability. The other may not change for a very long time, and engaging on their level usually only exacerbates the situation. In your circumstance, since she is a step sibling, escaping the relationship does not sound feasible if you are living together, which it sounds like you are. One viable recourse is to try to detach from engaging on an emotional level with her. I do not mean be cold to her, but just don't let her push your buttons. She is trying to get a rise out of you for reasons she may not even be aware of herself. Is she younger or older than you are? Regardless, she is acting out some inner trauma and wants to draw you into her turmoil. If you can begin to address that, which she will no doubt deny as well, and stay calm while under fire, you will feel better about your interactions with her even if she does not relent in her assaults on you. Addressing such things is often best done by identifying with the underlying feelings through your own painful experiences. She may even be jealous of you. Don't be discouraged if she does not listen at first, for it is not likely she will want to hear your side of anything, but it is inevitable that things you say in compassion and with love will eventually have some impact on her, even if her behavior does not change for a long time.
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Ok, thanks
 
EternalFire

EternalFire

Well-known member
#4
Jan 3, 2019
644
341
63
#4
Report her to the police for stealing stuff and damaging property.
 
Lisamn

Lisamn

Active member
#5
Dec 29, 2020
795
229
43
#5
Kaykel said:
Hi there. I need some serious advice. I have a step sister who is utterly horrible to me , alot. I'm not going to break down and tell you how undeserving I am to be treated badly , because i probably do deserve it. I know God put me qith these people cos he has a plan , and not because he is mean. But i cant, she is physically , and verbally abusive , she steals my stuff, damages property, tells lies about me sometimes, makes me angry and i dont know...I'm also rude to her at times, and i do fight back
... i know im just causing trouble for myself by acting like this, but i cant take it, i dont know what to do. Now that i am attempting to be good, i know that figting won't help, but letting myself get tortured isn't great, but o domt know how to deal with this Gods way. That option seems long closed
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O Lord, I ask that you help Kaykel with her problem. We know that we can come to you with anything in our lives..and you even say that you care for us so cast our cares upon you. I lift up Kaykel‘s problems to you Lord and ask that you would help her with what she should do in this situation that she finds unbearable, knowing that you love her and will help her. I pray that you would give her comfort and hope and a way out of this or if in your wisdom...help her draw closer to you. In Jesus name I pray, amen.
 
Kaykel

Kaykel

New member
#6
Dec 26, 2020
28
13
3
#6
Update: So , i was taking out the trash and in a very unchristian manner, i just ignored her when she spoke to me( but i apologised this morning). She told her mom, and i told her about the things she was doing. Its all sorted out BUT , I'll try to stay away from her' but still love.
 
Lisamn

Lisamn

Active member
#7
Dec 29, 2020
795
229
43
#7
Kaykel said:
Update: So , i was taking out the trash and in a very unchristian manner, i just ignored her when she spoke to me( but i apologised this morning). She told her mom, and i told her about the things she was doing. Its all sorted out BUT , I'll try to stay away from her' but still love.
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Thank you Lord :)
 
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