I'm up at 5:41am on a Monday, it's the 22 of December, and now that you know, I'll share!.
I was raised in a "Christian" home, I love my mom for what she's done for me. She at the time only had good intentions, but as a single mother, she struggled fighting against the traditionalism that my grandma and her siblings had been soaking in, and also a environment she had been raised up in. So when she had a child out of wedlock she had become a dis-appointment from what I gather, she's I think the only child out of 8 that had done so. So with that she didn't receive a lot of comfort during the time she had me and was left. She desired to raise me up in the best environment, so she attempted to go to church and she even went to the extent of teaching me how to pray every time before we ever turned the engine on our car to go anywhere.
So my mom's heart was right, she was doing her best to give me a relationship that she desired. As a child I had a passion, and love for my mom, I wanted to please her. I wanted to be obedient submitted. I was good kid. I made mistakes like others, and I continued to make mistakes like other children. I went through the whole thing, and she did raise me up in a good Godly home. It was maybe around the age of 9 I think possibly younger like eight or seven I had a desire to give my life to Christ. I had gone to Sunday school for a long time, since I was a child, many people know me now, and remember at that age, and I did give my life to Christ at a young age...I even witnessed a adult giving his life to Christ also at a young age. Which at the time felt good, but now I wish I had never stopped!
As time went along, I grew and matured more in Christ. Learned more about what Christianity entailed, and I became a sort of control freak, I would confront my mother if I thought she was messing up, or not living correctly, and I would bring up biblical support, but being the child, and her being the mother it was not my place to act as the head of the house. At first my mom was OK with it, after a little while she got tired of her child picking at areas of her life that were between her and God. So she told me to stop, and of course me being on fire for God I didn't. So after a while I was brought before a youth pastor and he talked to me about submittance and how it wasn't my place to say anything. I was totally appaled, I felt that what I was doing was helping and that he didn't like it or even if God didn't like it I was not happy. So I kinda just got irratted with Christianity. If people didn't want to do it right, and I wasn't allowed to "help" I'm done.
SO I backslid didn't really have a heart for God. I did my own thing tried different religions mostly because of the fact that I didn't want to listen to my mother. I felt like she didn't appreciate me, and my good "counsel", so in return I would reject everything she had to say, whether it was on key or not. I just wanted her to feel irratated. Eventually it was far beyond me being christian like. So i had another meeting the Youth Pastor. Talked about submittance again. I didn't care i told him no, and rejected him, but he wasn't so much of a push over. So he talked about God, and how my relationship would be effected if I did this to my mom. For some reason I all the sudden valued a relationship with God, and I'm its mostly due to the fact that I was up to that point doing everything independant of him, so when the Youth pastor brought it to my attention that God has a love for me and the he cared, and all those great things that God does. I wanted to be good again. So I began to go to church there, without resistance, I was still a punk, but none the less I was going.
After some time of agony of me not doing the relationship with God completely right even after that discussion I made some poor choices, nothing too extreme, but I wasn't totally changed. Our church just so happend to get a vision, given my Christ, known as the G12 Vision, or Cellular Vision. No not a phone, but a vision about multiplication. Matt 28:19, Go and make disciples, and thats the vision, every believer a leader. With the vision there are steps to success. Part of getting to know God is encountering God, so obviously we had "Encounters" they were maybe like every 4 months. I went to one eventually, we talked about so so much, it was amazing all of you that haven't gone through one, or even some of you that buTT heads with me time to time. you could definitly use a encounter. Because God will open up your eyes! for real. I went there got a revelation of the cross, forgiveness, love, family, purpose, and passion. Along with others, I understood salvtion, and the value it had, and what a REAL Relationship with God could do to people, to my friends. So I was changed, and forever have been changed.
I'm not perfect, but I am aware, I may not always hold true to what I've been taught, but I've been taught, and now I'm accountable for my actions or at least I feel more acountable. I 'm not perfect, I thought I should say that again. But I'm being perfected, I'm learning. I've purposed in my heart to be completely holy for God, totally set apart. I've realized the way we grab hold of things, small things, things we don't notice until encountering God. From my perspective, they are the enemy. They aren't sin, but they can be our downfall. So I try to refrain from messing up, by not allowing idols in my life, or distractions. I'm still normal, by God's standards, but honestly how normal should you seem, if you've been crucifed...brought back to life, and now you're life is not your own? Pretty abnormal. Thats my testimony. I love you guys
It's worth it
I was raised in a "Christian" home, I love my mom for what she's done for me. She at the time only had good intentions, but as a single mother, she struggled fighting against the traditionalism that my grandma and her siblings had been soaking in, and also a environment she had been raised up in. So when she had a child out of wedlock she had become a dis-appointment from what I gather, she's I think the only child out of 8 that had done so. So with that she didn't receive a lot of comfort during the time she had me and was left. She desired to raise me up in the best environment, so she attempted to go to church and she even went to the extent of teaching me how to pray every time before we ever turned the engine on our car to go anywhere.
So my mom's heart was right, she was doing her best to give me a relationship that she desired. As a child I had a passion, and love for my mom, I wanted to please her. I wanted to be obedient submitted. I was good kid. I made mistakes like others, and I continued to make mistakes like other children. I went through the whole thing, and she did raise me up in a good Godly home. It was maybe around the age of 9 I think possibly younger like eight or seven I had a desire to give my life to Christ. I had gone to Sunday school for a long time, since I was a child, many people know me now, and remember at that age, and I did give my life to Christ at a young age...I even witnessed a adult giving his life to Christ also at a young age. Which at the time felt good, but now I wish I had never stopped!
As time went along, I grew and matured more in Christ. Learned more about what Christianity entailed, and I became a sort of control freak, I would confront my mother if I thought she was messing up, or not living correctly, and I would bring up biblical support, but being the child, and her being the mother it was not my place to act as the head of the house. At first my mom was OK with it, after a little while she got tired of her child picking at areas of her life that were between her and God. So she told me to stop, and of course me being on fire for God I didn't. So after a while I was brought before a youth pastor and he talked to me about submittance and how it wasn't my place to say anything. I was totally appaled, I felt that what I was doing was helping and that he didn't like it or even if God didn't like it I was not happy. So I kinda just got irratted with Christianity. If people didn't want to do it right, and I wasn't allowed to "help" I'm done.
SO I backslid didn't really have a heart for God. I did my own thing tried different religions mostly because of the fact that I didn't want to listen to my mother. I felt like she didn't appreciate me, and my good "counsel", so in return I would reject everything she had to say, whether it was on key or not. I just wanted her to feel irratated. Eventually it was far beyond me being christian like. So i had another meeting the Youth Pastor. Talked about submittance again. I didn't care i told him no, and rejected him, but he wasn't so much of a push over. So he talked about God, and how my relationship would be effected if I did this to my mom. For some reason I all the sudden valued a relationship with God, and I'm its mostly due to the fact that I was up to that point doing everything independant of him, so when the Youth pastor brought it to my attention that God has a love for me and the he cared, and all those great things that God does. I wanted to be good again. So I began to go to church there, without resistance, I was still a punk, but none the less I was going.
After some time of agony of me not doing the relationship with God completely right even after that discussion I made some poor choices, nothing too extreme, but I wasn't totally changed. Our church just so happend to get a vision, given my Christ, known as the G12 Vision, or Cellular Vision. No not a phone, but a vision about multiplication. Matt 28:19, Go and make disciples, and thats the vision, every believer a leader. With the vision there are steps to success. Part of getting to know God is encountering God, so obviously we had "Encounters" they were maybe like every 4 months. I went to one eventually, we talked about so so much, it was amazing all of you that haven't gone through one, or even some of you that buTT heads with me time to time. you could definitly use a encounter. Because God will open up your eyes! for real. I went there got a revelation of the cross, forgiveness, love, family, purpose, and passion. Along with others, I understood salvtion, and the value it had, and what a REAL Relationship with God could do to people, to my friends. So I was changed, and forever have been changed.
I'm not perfect, but I am aware, I may not always hold true to what I've been taught, but I've been taught, and now I'm accountable for my actions or at least I feel more acountable. I 'm not perfect, I thought I should say that again. But I'm being perfected, I'm learning. I've purposed in my heart to be completely holy for God, totally set apart. I've realized the way we grab hold of things, small things, things we don't notice until encountering God. From my perspective, they are the enemy. They aren't sin, but they can be our downfall. So I try to refrain from messing up, by not allowing idols in my life, or distractions. I'm still normal, by God's standards, but honestly how normal should you seem, if you've been crucifed...brought back to life, and now you're life is not your own? Pretty abnormal. Thats my testimony. I love you guys
It's worth it