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I think christians would benefit from courses in dating. Learning how to behave around the other gender. Both in groups and in pairs.
I have seen marriage used far more as a heavy burden heaped on young people in christian circles than anything else.
For example, I think it'd be really healthy for a church with 5 guys and 5 girls in the youth group to arrange casual dates over 5 weeks rotating couples each week. No pressure or expectation of a relationship. Learning how to interact with the opposite gender without awkwardness. Each person knowing it is simply social, not some unwritten contract to marriage. Knowing that next week, they don't posses or own each other because there will be another purely platonic date with someone else.
Preceded with basic explanation of human psychology and physiology, they needn't be afraid of natural physical, chemical and hormonal changes. Rather, they will learn how to be master of them instead of being mastered by them.
Dates would be public, chaperoned depending on age and encouraged to discuss a wide range of topics. Those teens involved would be taught to learn mutual respect, boundaries and how to be confident in themselves and around others.
In life, we learn and grow from a basic level and then mature to greater things. No one is born knowing how to run, ride a bike, spell or read. We learn all these things. Why do we treat such an important area as marriage as though it's an exception.
Friends should be able to be friends without having pressure or heartbreak if they don't get married. Friendship is just that. But if it develops to mutual attraction, then it should be treated as such. A time to learn about each other within a healthy context of respect, love and boundaries. If they then grow to find they are compatible, then marriage could come up to be discussed.
The disney version of love at first sight then happily ever after is so destructive in the real world.
Just a brief overview of my observations and opinions.
I have seen marriage used far more as a heavy burden heaped on young people in christian circles than anything else.
For example, I think it'd be really healthy for a church with 5 guys and 5 girls in the youth group to arrange casual dates over 5 weeks rotating couples each week. No pressure or expectation of a relationship. Learning how to interact with the opposite gender without awkwardness. Each person knowing it is simply social, not some unwritten contract to marriage. Knowing that next week, they don't posses or own each other because there will be another purely platonic date with someone else.
Preceded with basic explanation of human psychology and physiology, they needn't be afraid of natural physical, chemical and hormonal changes. Rather, they will learn how to be master of them instead of being mastered by them.
Dates would be public, chaperoned depending on age and encouraged to discuss a wide range of topics. Those teens involved would be taught to learn mutual respect, boundaries and how to be confident in themselves and around others.
In life, we learn and grow from a basic level and then mature to greater things. No one is born knowing how to run, ride a bike, spell or read. We learn all these things. Why do we treat such an important area as marriage as though it's an exception.
Friends should be able to be friends without having pressure or heartbreak if they don't get married. Friendship is just that. But if it develops to mutual attraction, then it should be treated as such. A time to learn about each other within a healthy context of respect, love and boundaries. If they then grow to find they are compatible, then marriage could come up to be discussed.
The disney version of love at first sight then happily ever after is so destructive in the real world.
Just a brief overview of my observations and opinions.
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N
Thank you for your opinion, In most cases the person who decides to get into courtship, is someone who has experienced dating for them selves. The mature level is already with them because if a young immature person decides to courtship they will not last because the need to have a partner(dating boyfriend/girlfriend) is more then they can handle. I believe the maturity is there, in my opinion I would not have any of my youth go on to dates, to me it doesn't seem right to date different people in that manner.
That is true. Some people don't have the maturity to be friends with the opposite gender. Thus the idea of teaching them in such an environment and format as above. Of course, even then, some demographics would still have issues handling it in a wholesome way.
Anyway, I think I misunderstood this posts intentions. I will excuse myself here.
Anyway, I think I misunderstood this posts intentions. I will excuse myself here.
Thanks. It's a very brief overview of course. But it's the basic idea of what I think would be a cool way to teach and encourage wholesome relationships. Instead of demonizing the whole issue and turning Christianity into a celibacy club instead of building strong principles of God's Kingdom and righteousness. It's a concept work in progress.
I'm not sure if I could disagree with you more on this. I think if we were trying to enable of a culture of promiscuity then having youth type people go on round robin dating cycles would be okay. The patterns they establish are going to follow them into adulthood.
Teenagers are going to develop crushes. Just saying relationally that anything goes emotionally and you can date whoever or whenever is a bad precedent to set. People are going to get hurt a lot, because nothing is sacred and nothing is special.
I believe much the opposite approach should be taken. They should be treated and taught to treat each other as peers and do things together, without the weight of calling anything a date. Like playing Ultimate frisbee with a mixed group of guys and girls. Or staying up and playing cards in large mixed groups is okay too. Everyone knows the rules.
The only thing bad that comes out of a person stem from their own mind. It is when the heart sees every person of the opposite sex as a potential mate, then dating them all seems okay and somehow justifiable. But its not the truth. The truth is people aren't likely to marry anyone from their youth group.
I don't want to have a sit down discussion with a bunch of my church youth and talk about why going to 2nd base is not okay. And how to open a door for a lady. The problems arise when Christians try to be like people of the world. When we who know the truth, play with fire, everyone gets burned. Love does not equal romance. A person can get married without ever having been awkward with the opposite sex.
Innocence should be protected and the virtues of love should be elevated. True love does not seek for itself or pine for the things of this world but, longs to give everything of itself.
Christian culture already has its fingers in enough of what we should and should do and for how long and with whom. Hardly any of it is Biblical. The only person I've found that had a boyfriend in the bible was the woman at the well, that Jesus talked to. We as Christians should be like children and innocently pursue love without fear of shame. And where love is not the goal we should treat our brothers and sisters in Christ as brothers and sisters.
P
I am interested in courtship in a way! Im so relieved that there are more people out there who have my views! I have one friend (girl) who i have "converted" if you could say, to this. And a guy friend who "converted". me in a way. I think it is a great idea. Dating someone is a distraction from school and my relationship with God. I have never dated anyone. Though i came close once. That relationship is probably one of the reasons i decided not to date. It ended badly and im still trying to find peace with the guy and myself. But courtship is way better! One of my friends comments that she dates to see what kind of characteristics and personalities she wants in her husband. I just think that you can get to know someone really well just being friends with them. Im close to a few guy friends and we are just friends! It gets hard though because besides me, there are only a few others who have my beliefs in dating. Even some of my other strong Christian friends think its a far fetched idea!
N
It can be hard! Lol i will admit that, but in my opinion it is worth it. To me dating is like giving a peace of your heart away to everyone whom you may date. At the end your 'true love' husband/wife will only be able to have so much of your heart because it is all giving to your ex's. That is just my prospective though. I have dated and it was true, you give a little of your heart away each time. This (Courtship) seems much more romantic and real then dating to me! 