Dating a girl with kids - help!

[loveforgod29]

So I've been friends with this girl for a couple years now. I'm 21 and she is 20 & she has a 8 month old baby. We've started hanging out more and I've developed quite strong feelings for her. We are both christian... although we have both made our fair share of mistakes (not to say her baby is a mistake, she is the cutest little baby). We have both given ourselves over to God, and both live life for God.

Since she had her baby, a lot of people in her church have given her the cold shoulder. She has lost a lot of friends from church, due to her baby. This reaction has kind of got me nervous. I can see a future with this girl.... but is it a sin to start dating. What's the bible say about it?

Keeping that in mind..... I realize I'm still young.... I'm not planning on going and getting married with her, in any kind of rush. But if that happens after dating, then that's cool. I'm just confused about it all.... like... I feel like the church "rules" would tell me to not go there.

I've been stressing quite a bit about it, and now just can't stop pondering it.
Please help me!!
Bless you guys

 

[IBDesmond]

It's not a sin to date this girl. Why would it be? I mean, if you was a female then that would be a whole other argument but you're not.
Think of it like this: Just because she's had a baby and made that mistake (like we said, the baby herself is not a mistake. She is the beautiful bi-product of a mistake), does that mean she she should be shunned for the rest of her life? does that me that from now on she has to be a single parent and raise the baby on her own? That baby needs a man in her life and so for this girl to be single for the rest of her life...that can't possibly be right. There's no grace in that. And it's because of God's grace that this girl doesn't have to be single, and you are perfectly fine dating this girl.

 

[zaoman32]

Number one, don't stress out. It sounds like her church is being stuck up, and if that is indeed the case she's better off finding a new one. I know it's not easy, but if her friends are turning their backs on her anyway, what's the point? Jesus died for our condemnation and sin, and their "snubbing" is pointless and immature. It's not their opinion that matters it's God's, and since Jesus died for ALL of our sins, what does that tell you and her?

Number two, the best advice I can give, and it seems like I do this an awful lot on here, is pray your butt off. Pray, pray, and pray again, and when you've done that pray some more. If you guys are building a good relationship that's getting romantic more power to you, congratulations for your fortune, but never stop praying about it, and pray together as much as you possibly can.

If indeed you both have repented and given your lives over to God as you said, then I don't think there is anything wrong you are doing in having a relationship with each other. The only way you are going to go wrong is if you forget to make God a part of your relationship. Again, pray together, and read your bible together it will only help you grow together as a couple.

Don't let a few holier than thou church goers get you guys down, again their opinion has no bearing on either one of your lives. Jesus died for you, and God loves you and has accepted you and that is what matters.

 

[Ritter]

It sounds like the people at church are being jerks. If she's repentant of the sexual sin of the past, then they should welcome her with open arms.

Not everyone would be willing to date a girl with a child. So think of it this way: they would have her mire in both sin and the appearance of evil. Someone like you would give the child a presumably good father and a socially acceptable situation for to have a child in.

 

[Stuey]

Don't stress. But before you enter things make sure you know what you are getting yourself into. Are you ready to be a Dad in these kids lives?

Honestly I would also take things slowly and cautiously. - Get to know this girl, work out if she is headed towards God.

 

[Ugly]

Are you ready to be a Dad in these kids lives? ''I'm 21 and she is 20 & she has a 8 month old baby.''

Get to know this girl, ''So I've been friends with this girl for a couple years now.''

work out if she is headed towards God. ''We have both given ourselves over to God, and both live life for God.''

...........

 

[zaoman32]

Listen to Ugly, he usually knows what he's talking about.

 

[Ugly]

Listen to Ugly, he usually knows what he's talking about.

0.0 How can i not give that a 'like'? haha

 

[Stuey]

...........

Hmm... Sorry Ugly but I want to stick with what I've said here.

Being friends with someone doesn't equate to knowing them well. And there is knowing someone reasonably and really knowing them, knowing what they are really like, their motivations and such.

Also, having given your life over to God can mean a lot of things. You're a Christian? Wonderful! But I'd be wanting to see some genuine STRONG desire for Christ in this situation, and not the sort of been going strong for a month type thing. Which is great... but you need to be wary in this situation.

I don't mean to be judgemental, but if someone has had a child 8 months ago that means (barring horrible circumstances) they were sleeping with someone out of wedlock less than 18 months ago - and quite possibly less time than this. Now this doesn't mean that a person wouldn't be a wonderful wife, nor that they aren't Godly now and seeking Jesus with all their heart. But they are warning signs and it would be foolish to avoid them.

But - it does mean that I would be extremely cautious - I would want to make certain that she was genuine in her faith - and it does mean that I would want to take things slower than normal, especially considering there is a kid involved.

Obviously you in no way snob the Lady and love her and treat her right regardless of what you decide. There is no place for snobbery in Christianity. But yeah, there is wisdom.

Thoughts Ugly?

 

[Stuey]

And please don't misunderstand me, I'm not like saying don't enter it, I'm just urging a fair amount of caution.

 

[BarlyGurl]

James 1:27

 

[a2jchase]

Wow.. I'm new here.. but as I remember Jesus always went to help or be with those others walked away from. If you are drawn to her then maybe God has a reason for that feeling. Remember first she sinned, but we all do; second she did the right thing and didn't get an abortion, which should tell you a lot about her morals. Find a different church to attend that doesn't treat her that way if need be. But, really you had great advice from everyone.. but God knows what is best, pray that you make a choice with wisdom and God's spirit showing you the way. God Bless.

 

[dadalinda]

People make mistakes and thank God we have a heavenly father that says come lets reason together. We are also not under condemnation for us who are in Christ Jesus. Having said that I believe my bible says she is forgiven. Like the workers in the vineyard (Matthew 20:1-17) the workers went to work different times of the day but were each paid the same. We too have received the same grace in forgiveness irrespective of how long we had lived in sin. So would it have made a difference is the girl had repented and the baby is now three years old? And how different is that from 8 months ago?
About your relationship... seek the will of God through prayer, examine yourself and be honest if you have sufficient grace and strength to live with the knowledge she had a baby before your marriage... god forgave and loved her and you too forgave and loved her... if you can also be friends and seek for Godly counsel to what God could be wanting for both of you. Spend time with God to know his will.

 

[Searching4Truth]

Just date the girl and see what happens. Updates are appreciated.

 

[kessy001]

Pray about it. If afterwards you have peace, go ahead. But be honest with her, don't give her the impression you are ready for marriage when you're not.