J
Jordache
Guest
I was barely a teen when I did something that at the time I didn't even realize I was doing. It ate at me my whole life. The other person involved didn't know it happened, but I knew I was the worst person in the world event though I didn't even realize what had been done until it was over. I vowed to myself that I would carry this to my death, and I ignore many instances when I could have confessed my guilt. I had confessed it to the Lord thousands of times. I NEVER was tempted to do it again. I NEVER imagined or dreamed of it. I NEVER accidentally did it either. Even with true repentance it ate at me.
I was involved in a group recently where we had a night of confession. In a secret act, I wrote what I had deemed my unpardonable sin on a card, never considering that I would actually share it. I was still determined to take it to my grave. However, in our small group time, my mind went absolutely blank and I had no other thoughts in my hwead except for that one instant. In between tears and heaving, I told my group what I had done in about 5 words. I couldn't talk afterward. I couldn't open my mouth. It was too shameful. It was too horrific, but I knew I'd done what God asked of me. Even though He had forgiven my impulsive youthful sin, I had not forgiven myself and let go of any guilt I felt. Because of that sin, I always though I was going to grow up into some kind of monster.
The next day I woke up and realized that it had no hold on me any more. I was not a monster and it wasn't going to define me.
I was involved in a group recently where we had a night of confession. In a secret act, I wrote what I had deemed my unpardonable sin on a card, never considering that I would actually share it. I was still determined to take it to my grave. However, in our small group time, my mind went absolutely blank and I had no other thoughts in my hwead except for that one instant. In between tears and heaving, I told my group what I had done in about 5 words. I couldn't talk afterward. I couldn't open my mouth. It was too shameful. It was too horrific, but I knew I'd done what God asked of me. Even though He had forgiven my impulsive youthful sin, I had not forgiven myself and let go of any guilt I felt. Because of that sin, I always though I was going to grow up into some kind of monster.
The next day I woke up and realized that it had no hold on me any more. I was not a monster and it wasn't going to define me.