Deferred Gratification

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T

tdrew777

Guest
#1
#1
Marshmallow test reproduced by Dr David Walsh @ wcco - YouTube

Children are offered a marshmallow. If they can spend 10 minutes with the marshmallow and don't eat it, they get two marshmallows. Children who are able to wait long enough to get the second marshmallow do better on SAT's, have fewer problems in adolescence, etc. How do we teach children to defer gratification?

We often tell our children "yes, but wait". If they pout too much, the "yes" can turn into a "No". What can be done to teach and model deferred gratification to children?
 
P

Powemm

Guest
#2
#2
As a patent of two grown boys .. 21 and 24 I understand the values you are tryingto instill in them.. The flesh is a hungry giant isn't it ? :) in a world where self gratification is becoming all to easily accommodating, instilling these values is still possible ...not easy but possible .. Kids these days
Have many things attjeit fingertips with the
Punch of a button
, flick of
A switch and even as easy
As pulling up to a drive through window for a meal..
What I found as a single
Mother was chaos with such gratifications
Being met so easily.. Higher demands and way
More temper tantrums .. instilling old fashioned values back into the home
Like my grandfather taught me seemed to be the solution to curb such monstrous
Cravings ... At your age I know you know where I'm coming from when I say this ...

If you want something earn it ...
If your hungry cook it ..
if you need clean clothes wash it
If you want to eat on a clean dish scrub it

When my boys were young I involved them in the cookin process .. Tv and games were put up until the kitchen was cleaned up.. We did this in a family strictured setting.. Even as a single parent this can be tricky .. rejection in participating happened for a while by when they learned mom wasn't kidding the attitudes changed ..
Responses to such attitudes are important too, as well as helping them achieve success ..

My oldest son hated doing laundry ..I knew in order for him to be a partner to a wife down the road these skills to help out in his parenting role would be important .. so , I taught them
How to do their laundry.. If they didn't wash it it didn't ge cleaned .. Eventually and as difficult as it was for me to let it go.. He caught on that it was his choice not mine .. As the boys got older , they threw threats at menif running away.. Again responses are important ..
My responses in these situations were... " man it won't be the same around here without you and I sure hope you change yoir mind , but if you choose to go I his want you to know, I'll love you no matter where you live"

He tried it one time.. And found that home was the better alternative and returned .. Of course o was delighted and treated him with open arms when he did ...

I remember when I was struggling with parenting .. In that time Gof revealed to me ... " you know
Michelle, I am the perfact father.. And my first two children disobeyed me as well"

Sometimes the creativity of parenting had to
Change , but the more things stay the same , the easier kids van adjust to tue roles each has within the family structure
 
P

Powemm

Guest
#3
#3
As a patent of two grown boys .. 21 and 24 I understand the values you are tryingto instill in them.. The flesh is a hungry giant isn't it ? :) in a world where self gratification is becoming all to easily accommodating, instilling these values is still possible ...not easy but possible .. Kids these days
Have many things at their fingertips with the
Punch of a button
, flick of
A switch and even as easy
As pulling up to a drive through window for a meal..
What I found as a single
Mother was chaos with such gratifications
Being met so easily.. Higher demands and way
More temper tantrums .. instilling old fashioned values back into the home
Like my grandfather taught me seemed to be the solution to curb such monstrous
Cravings ... At your age I know you know where I'm coming from when I say this ...

If you want something earn it ...
If your hungry cook it ..
if you need clean clothes wash it
If you want to eat on a clean dish scrub it

When my boys were young I involved them in the cookin process .. Tv and games were put up until the kitchen was cleaned up.. We did this in a family strictured setting.. Even as a single parent this can be tricky .. rejection in participating happened for a while by when they learned mom wasn't kidding the attitudes changed ..
Responses to such attitudes are important too, as well as helping them achieve success ..

My oldest son hated doing laundry ..I knew in order for him to be a partner to a wife down the road these skills to help out in his parenting role would be important .. so , I taught them
How to do their laundry.. If they didn't wash it it didn't ge cleaned .. Eventually and as difficult as it was for me to let it go.. He caught on that it was his choice not mine .. As the boys got older , they threw threats at menif running away.. Again responses are important ..
My responses in these situations were... " man it won't be the same around here without you and I sure hope you change yoir mind , but if you choose to go I his want you to know, I'll love you no matter where you live"

He tried it one time.. And found that home was the better alternative and returned .. Of course o was delighted and treated him with open arms when he did ...

I remember when I was struggling with parenting .. In that time Gof revealed to me ... " you know
Michelle, I am the perfact father.. And my first two children disobeyed me as well"

Sometimes the creativity of parenting had to
Change , but the more things stay the same , the easier kids van adjust to tue roles each has within the family structure
 
Last edited by a moderator:
homwardbound

homwardbound

Senior Member
#4
Oct 24, 2012
15,026
106
63
#4
tdrew777 said:
Marshmallow test reproduced by Dr David Walsh @ wcco - YouTube

Children are offered a marshmallow. If they can spend 10 minutes with the marshmallow and don't eat it, they get two marshmallows. Children who are able to wait long enough to get the second marshmallow do better on SAT's, have fewer problems in adolescence, etc. How do we teach children to defer gratification?

We often tell our children "yes, but wait". If they pout too much, the "yes" can turn into a "No". What can be done to teach and model deferred gratification to children?
Click to expand...
Do not know if this might help but what was instilled in me was to think about first what the other person is saying and keep from condemnation be understanding and that is not the same as accepting or taking on thier beliefs but converse in the Love of God. I was taught when I got in a fight with my Sister My Mom as I was telling on her would ask me what did I do? I would say nothing and she would say it takes two to tangle and I would have to go to my room to think about what I might have done to cause the fight. I learned how to avoid and see when it was about to begin, and steer clear of flesh arguements
Hope this helps, oh and I had a mixture of love and discipline but more love than discipline
 
P

Powemm

Guest
#5
#5
Yep love is the key
 
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