Hey bra-tex, sorry to hear you are having a hard time. You know God is awesome, He knows us. He heals our hearts. I've had a depression for several years. I cried a lot and felt miserable. Far mostly because I felt I was not worth anything. And I still have a hard time believing that I am worth to be here and be a gorgeous woman for God. But you know, WE ARE! We are wonderful, loveable and a vision of the motherheart of God. And so are you. I will pray for you! That God will stange your depression into happiness. You know He did it for me! After one prayer I was never the same. Does not mean that I don't have hard times sometimes. I do! I still feel depressed once in a while because something happened. But God took away the "real" depression I had in those last years. I feel happy and healthy.
But I want to give you some small advice. A depression is mostly build up out of insecurities and anxieties. We a children of God can take these things and bring them to God. It begins with a state of mind, a fight in your mind as you will. I still have fights against the depression. Not that it is here, but sometimes I get these thoughts back: "your not worht it, you're going to end up all alone, nobody loves you, you can't do anything right". I have to CHOOSE not to let these thoughts in my hart. Because when they are in your thoughts they don't have to be in your heart yet. I try to tell myself that those thoughts are lies and that God is my Provider and that He made me perfect in Jesus and that their will be a guy who will fight for me. And I keep holding on to those promises. Maybe you can try that as well. When thoughts of depression comes into your mind...don't only say NO to them in your mind...but start speaking GOOD things in your life. True things, like the word of God. God's word is as sharp as a sword and it is TRUTH!
I can really recommend The Power of Speaking God's Word of author Joyce Meyer. There she lined up all kind of biblical verses for different situations as looking for God, health, anger, pain, depression, anxiety and so on. It's really good and not that expensive. When you have thoughts of depression we can not only say NO to them but also say; NO because THIS is the truth (and then speak out those verses from the bible which apply for them).
So my dear dear sister! I will pray that God will help you in this hard time, because I know it can be so hard. But have hope! God is not only my provider but also yours. You are a beautiful woman in His eyes! He already chose you before the earth was here. He designed you. He knows you! He knows your troubles, your flaws, your weaknesses but He also has declared His rightheouss over you and He knows what you need to become more and more that sparkeling woman He designed you to be. Keep hope! I also recommend you to listen to some of Joyce Meyer her teachings. Google her name and you will see her ministries. It really helped me with my troubles with emotions.
God bless!
