divorce

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Why does the one girl I met from a secular website have to be getting a nonscriptual divorce. My luck right. I don't know how to tell her that she needs to tough out the "mental" abuse . Is physical abuse cause for a divorce? This site isn't very friendly for mobile user
 
Wow, that is a tough situation. I will pray for her. Hopefully that in her suffering, she will realize that she needs Jesus. This is an excellent time for you to witness the greatness of our Lord to her.
 
No one should ever 'tough out' abuse of any kind in marriage.

You said it was a secular site, so i'm assuming that the girl is a non-Christian. So why does she need to not divorce? There is no need to try to stop a non-Christian from sinning, because they're still not saved. Our goal as Christians is not to preach against sin and to stop sinners from sinning. Our goal is to bring people to Christ so they can then receive forgiveness, and once they are saved then thats when working at stopping sinful choices matters. But until she's saved, it does no good to try to stop a sinner from sinning.
 
Ugly said:
No one should ever 'tough out' abuse of any kind in marriage.

You said it was a secular site, so i'm assuming that the girl is a non-Christian. So why does she need to not divorce? There is no need to try to stop a non-Christian from sinning, because they're still not saved. Our goal as Christians is not to preach against sin and to stop sinners from sinning. Our goal is to bring people to Christ so they can then receive forgiveness, and once they are saved then thats when working at stopping sinful choices matters. But until she's saved, it does no good to try to stop a sinner from sinning.
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Interesting point.

I don't know if I agree or disagree. It really depends on the level of aggression in the attempt to stop not to mention the spirit of the attempt.

As Christians we are to be salt and light, and part of being salt and light is having the ability to give wise council on matters concerning sin, especially if it could potentially harm a friend or loved one.

For this situation I would veer away from advising. Divorce is serious and complex business and you're only receiving half the story.
 
Ritter said:
Interesting point.

I don't know if I agree or disagree. It really depends on the level of aggression in the attempt to stop not to mention the spirit of the attempt.

As Christians we are to be salt and light, and part of being salt and light is having the ability to give wise council on matters concerning sin, especially if it could potentially harm a friend or loved one.

For this situation I would veer away from advising. Divorce is serious and complex business and you're only receiving half the story.
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He wanted advice i gave it. End of story.
 
Divorce is not a sin and it is not the part of a believer to pass judgement.
 
Ow
jdc865 said:
Why does the one girl I met from a secular website have to be getting a nonscriptual divorce. My luck right. I don't know how to tell her that she needs to tough out the "mental" abuse . Is physical abuse cause for a divorce? This site isn't very friendly for mobile user
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Think about God. Think about His character, His nature. God allowed divorce because of the hardness of their hearts.Would God want or even encourage someone to be abused? THINK GOD.

Change the circumstances, would you say the same thing if it was a child being abused? How long should she "tough it out"? Years? How about when she has children and he turns on them or they watch her become less of a person.

How many good Christian women hide their abusive relationships in our churches out of embarrassment and shame?

Think.
 
Ugly said:
There is no need to try to stop a non-Christian from sinning, because they're still not saved. Our goal as Christians is not to preach against sin and to stop sinners from sinning.
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And I thought Christians are to preach repentance; which basically means to be sorry for your sins and stop doing them.
 
GOD_IS_LOVE said:
And I thought Christians are to preach repentance; which basically means to be sorry for your sins and stop doing them.
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Christians have but one purpose and that is to share the love of Christ. This is the theme of the bible from start to finish.
 
Ugly said:
No one should ever 'tough out' abuse of any kind in marriage.
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The way I see it, and the reason that I'm so adamant that people should not divorce, is that the Bible never really discerns between mental, physical, or emotional abuse, and so they are difficult to define. Yes, physical abuse is pretty clear-cut and it would be wrong to say that a woman should stay with a man who physically abuses her.

The danger of mental or emotional abuse is that someone can claim they are being abused in that way for practically anything (like "he makes me do all the housework...it's emotional abuse") and twist it in their own way so that others agree with them. It gets to the point where people will just start saying that they aren't "in love" anymore, and the other person annoys them, so staying with them would be mental abuse. In that case it's just like dating; you get sick of the person, then you leave. There is no incentive to work things out. I think this emotional/mental abuse thing, in most cases, is just an out for people who didn't value the sanctity of marriage in the first place and want to leave their spouse and justify it to themselves and/or the church. It is also done with the mindset that they'd be better off with someone else, i.e. getting remarried, which the Bible says makes you an adulterer.

I'm not saying mental/emotional abuse isn't a thing...I'm simply stating how dangerous that notion can be.

If there are problems in your marriage, yes, you should absolutely tough it out.
 
AAAPlus said:
The way I see it, and the reason that I'm so adamant that people should not divorce, is that the Bible never really discerns between mental, physical, or emotional abuse, and so they are difficult to define. Yes, physical abuse is pretty clear-cut and it would be wrong to say that a woman should stay with a man who physically abuses her.
The danger of mental or emotional abuse is that someone can claim they are being abused in that way for practically anything (like "he makes me do all the housework...it's emotional abuse") and twist it in their own way so that others agree with them. It gets to the point where people will just start saying that they aren't "in love" anymore, and the other person annoys them, so staying with them would be mental abuse. In that case it's just like dating; you get sick of the person, then you leave. There is no incentive to work things out. I think this emotional/mental abuse thing, in most cases, is just an out for people who didn't value the sanctity of marriage in the first place and want to leave their spouse and justify it to themselves and/or the church. It is also done with the mindset that they'd be better off with someone else, i.e. getting remarried, which the Bible says makes you an adulterer.

I'm not saying mental/emotional abuse isn't a thing...I'm simply stating how dangerous that notion can be.

If there are problems in your marriage, yes, you should absolutely tough it out.
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AAA Plus,

Have you ever seen prisoner of war movies? The kind where the prisoner is brainwashed into doing and thinking whatever their captor wants? That is mental/emotional abuse. Generally the captive is taught over time to have no worth at all. They are trained through fear to do the will of their captor. There is a very small chance at freedom and then IF they are brave enough to risk escape they have to try to learn how to think normally. The fear and trained responses take a long time to change. I would say it is similar to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Divorce is not something to be entered into lightly, but abuse is NOT in God's plan for marriage either. Most abused women go back to their abusers 7 times. This is not a subject to take lightly.

You wouldn't leave a POW behind. So why do we keep counseling our Christian women to "tough it out"?

Blooming_Violet
 
GOD_IS_LOVE said:
And I thought Christians are to preach repentance; which basically means to be sorry for your sins and stop doing them.
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If they aren't saved, what is the purpose in trying to convince them not to sin? Even if you convinced them to live a strong moral life and never sin again a day in their life, guess what? Their still going to hell if they haven't accepted Jesus and been saved.
So, answer me, if a person is not saved, not a Christian, why preach to them to stop sinning? Shouldn't we instead preach to them about Jesus and becoming saved, and let the sin end with Jesus?
Its not our job to tell people going to hell to stop sinning. It doesn't change anything. Its our job to preach Gods forgiveness of sins and living in the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
 
AAAPlus said:
The way I see it, and the reason that I'm so adamant that people should not divorce, is that the Bible never really discerns between mental, physical, or emotional abuse, and so they are difficult to define. Yes, physical abuse is pretty clear-cut and it would be wrong to say that a woman should stay with a man who physically abuses her.

The danger of mental or emotional abuse is that someone can claim they are being abused in that way for practically anything (like "he makes me do all the housework...it's emotional abuse") and twist it in their own way so that others agree with them. It gets to the point where people will just start saying that they aren't "in love" anymore, and the other person annoys them, so staying with them would be mental abuse. In that case it's just like dating; you get sick of the person, then you leave. There is no incentive to work things out. I think this emotional/mental abuse thing, in most cases, is just an out for people who didn't value the sanctity of marriage in the first place and want to leave their spouse and justify it to themselves and/or the church. It is also done with the mindset that they'd be better off with someone else, i.e. getting remarried, which the Bible says makes you an adulterer.

I'm not saying mental/emotional abuse isn't a thing...I'm simply stating how dangerous that notion can be.

If there are problems in your marriage, yes, you should absolutely tough it out.
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No one should ever 'tough out' abuse in marriage.

Its obvious you have not had any real experience with truly abused women. And obvious you have never had experience being abused yourself.

I find it funny how dominate and opinionated men are the first to say how people should accept abuse and that this is what God wants. Often in the course of this minimizing the actual abuse to nothing more than a whiny unhappy wife.

Honestly, i've yet to meet a single woman that's come from a bad marriage and claimed abuse of any kind of exaggerate when i hear the details of the treatment they receive. In fact, some women don't even notice how bad they are being treated. So if anything, more often than not, its the opposite of what you said. I'm sure there are some out there using it as an excuse, but i've yet to meet one.

I've dealt quite a bit with women who have dealt with various types of abuse. I have, and will continue to encourage these women (or men) to leave their spouses, unless i feel God directing me otherwise.
 
divorce is a terrible thing no matter what way you look at it, back in 91 when my ex walked out, I lost my mind, I even attempted suicide, I didn't want her to leave but she just didn't want to come back, I guess we were both young and she didn't want to be married anymore, it took me a very long time to realize God wasn't going to blame me for something I had no control over, I did everything I could to convince her to come home and she just wouldn't. I'm going through the same situation now with my wife of 12 years, she has walked out, I have put this in Gods hands and I want him to restore my marriage,if she wont come back I wont marry again
 
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