Does anyone else worry...

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Amjet10

Guest
#1
#1
Does anyone else worry about never attaining a relationship due to the wait for marriage? Because I sure do. Every day. I mean, yes, it should be all nice and "When you meet the right guy they'll have waited too and everything will be rainbows and butterflies!", but really, I've only met like 4 guys in my life who wanted to wait and they all bro-zoned me right quick. I don't know. I just worry that I'll be lonely forever because I have no experience or desire to have sex before marriage and I'll never get any experience so it will be a neverending cycle.

I just with more good christian guys existed in the world.

Also- does anyone worry that God really doesn't have a perfect match picked out for all of us? It's a very optimistic way to see things, but I feel sometimes like God is just too big and busy to be concerned with designating a husband for me, you know? I don't know. I've just felt really lonely lately I guess.
 
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Amjet10

Guest
#2
#2
And also, I constantly feel like when there's the off day that someone DOES show an interest in me and I don't know if they'd accept my wanting to wait, I just want to be like "Hey, you don't want to date me anyway. I'm a prude." So then that just leaves me with nobody. I just feel like because I won't have sex with a guy there's no reason for him to want to even date me at all. Grumph!!
 
TheAristocat

TheAristocat

Senior Member
#3
Oct 4, 2011
2,150
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#3
Amjet10 said:
Does anyone else worry about never attaining a relationship due to the wait for marriage? Because I sure do. Every day. I mean, yes, it should be all nice and "When you meet the right guy they'll have waited too and everything will be rainbows and butterflies!", but really, I've only met like 4 guys in my life who wanted to wait and they all bro-zoned me right quick. I don't know. I just worry that I'll be lonely forever because I have no experience or desire to have sex before marriage and I'll never get any experience so it will be a neverending cycle.

I just with more good christian guys existed in the world.

Also- does anyone worry that God really doesn't have a perfect match picked out for all of us? It's a very optimistic way to see things, but I feel sometimes like God is just too big and busy to be concerned with designating a husband for me, you know? I don't know. I've just felt really lonely lately I guess.
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There are a lot of men out there who have never had sex, nor do they want a woman who is "experienced." Maybe you're just living on the wrong side of hell. o_0 Even the commy-atheists here in China don't believe in sex before marriage. It's sort of refreshing.

I'm really surprised you haven't found better yet.
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#4
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
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#4
Amjet10 said:
Also- does anyone worry that God really doesn't have a perfect match picked out for all of us? It's a very optimistic way to see things, but I feel sometimes like God is just too big and busy to be concerned with designating a husband for me, you know? I don't know. I've just felt really lonely lately I guess.
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Well first of all, speaking from experience, don't have sex. I wouldn't say my life has been "ruined" by sex, but I will say that even girls that seemed to 'want sex' really didn't. If you truly can hold on to your virginity, you will be a rare and special person. Many religions and cultures, through history and even today, greatly value virginity. Save it, no matter how "sure you are" that a guy is sent from God, no matter how sure you are that you are going to marry him, wait.

That said, your view of God could use a little adjustment. :) The God that the Jews knew, the God that Jews today know, is distant; he's "too big and busy" to be concerned with the little things. The reason for that is simple, they don't know Jesus. No matter how pure they try to be, their sin has driven a wedge between themselves and God, and only Jesus can bridge that gap. And Jesus does an amazing job of it. He came here, came to earth as an example of what our relationship with God would be from that point on. God's son, Jesus lives in each of us. He is with each of us, how could he be too busy if he's focusing on you every minute of every day? As for whether he does or does not have a perfect match, I'm pretty skeptical of that idea. I think God brings people together, and guides them through life together, but sin prevents perfection. Perfection in love especially is beyond humanity's grasp for now.

Please don't worry, please don't be afraid. Fear is the enemy of God, live pure, no matter what pressure comes. You will not look back and regret it.

God Bless.
 
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Stuey

Senior Member
#5
Aug 17, 2009
892
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Good on you Amjet, a guy who doesn't want to wait isn't worth your time. Stick to your morals and hang in there, there are guys around who are worth it and will treat you right.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#6
Jun 23, 2011
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Amjet... there's guy that are willing to wait... I'm one... there's a bunch of em at my church... so theres guys.

Look the thing is I think your looking for guys in the world... so yeah there's a whole bunch more guys... that are willing to have sex before marriage but thats no good... Look in the church.

Also I think your perfectly fine waiting, it's beautiful, your beautiful and heck I'd date you haha but I imagine your uber far

God Bless mmkay
 
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SpaceCowboy

Guest
#7
#7
What's bro-zoned mean?...In all honesty I worry about finding a mate that's compatible in all senses of the word, aswell as sexually. I used to be promiscuous but I've changed and been celibate for going on two years now. Which I think is quite the accomplishment for the heathen I used to be lol. Once you've had sex and lived that lifestyle and then switch to celibacy is when It's difficult I think because you've already had the forbidden fruit sort to speak. So it adds all sorts of factors to the equation. The Holy Spirit is having to rewire my system to look at women in a different light and to acknowledge sex and love for what it is in light of God. I don't lust like I used to but I definitely get lonely and start longing. For companionship. For the whole 9, not just sex. And when I do meet someone I'm not concerned with things getting carried away because I don't plan on dating a non-christian any time soon, and even if I did I'm going to make sure whoever it is knows that Jesus is the most important thing in my life and I'm not willing to compromise. I figure as long as I'm controlled then she'll be controlled. If I'm not pushing or falling into temptation, then she won't fall either. I figured if my grounds built on the rock of Christ, and I live that way, then she'll respect Christ, my rock, and respect me as a result and follow suit in celibacy and the pursuit of the Lord.

That being said, there are PLENTY of men who totally respect the fact your a virgin and are waiting for marriage. There are those that will see the develpment of the friendship and relationship is of first importance and anything sex related can wait for its proper time.
I don't think it's unreasonable to hope for a companion from God. But just don't start to think that if the Lord is going to bless you with a mate that he's going to fit your list of what you want. Sometimes what you don't want you need. So whoever the Lord blesses you with will be better for you and your growth then you might think.
 
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Amjet10

Guest
#8
#8
Thank you everyone for giving a crap about my 3 am post of frustration :)

One of the things I love about this site is the willingness of others to care when I feel like not a lot of people around me do or have to words to say :) You all rock my socks. Maybe I'm just too young to know guys who are what I'm looking for. Perhaps I have to wait until they mature. Sometimes I wonder if what I perceive as loneliness is just time that is actually a gift from God to develop patience, self control, and a stronger relationship with Him.

So yes, thank you all.

Also- being bro-zoned is the female version of being friend-zoned. c:
 
Nattmaran

Nattmaran

Banned [Reason: ongoing "gay Christian" agenda and
#9
Mar 31, 2012
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The most important thing for you is to do what you want. If they guys can't accept who you are then they are probably not the right candidates for marrige either.

With that said, God will not love you less if you are not a virgin, and any man that would love you less becasue you were not a virgin is as bad as the guys we discussed earlier. So you should do the thing you are comfortable with.

Perhaps the best place to find guys that want to wait for marrige until sex is sites like this so... check out the singles forum or just chat around with possible candidates. It is a small world after all.

I wish you the best of luck.

/a
 
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Ugly

Guest
#10
#10
There is nothing biblical to support the idea that there is 'one perfect match' for each person. So, no, there is no guarantee you will be married. But, you're also not even out of your teens and already worried that you'll never be married? Thats insane. And you're talking about the few guys you have been involved with only wanting sex. Of course, they're teenage boys. You want a man, look at men, not boys.
But the real question here is, how sure are you that you've actually ready for marriage? We all think we are. Many of us are not, in reality. Don't believe me, look at the 50%+ divorce rate among Christians. I might suggest less time worrying about getting married and utilize your time to find out what marriage is actually about. What is the role of a wife? A husband? Learning how to spot red flags in a potential spouse and not being afraid to act on them. Etc...
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#11
#11
Ugly said:
There is nothing biblical to support the idea that there is 'one perfect match' for each person.And you're talking about the few guys you have been involved with only wanting sex. Of course, they're teenage boys. You want a man, look at men, not boys.
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Aye! *knuckle bump*

"Take therefore no thought for tomorrow: for tomorrow shall take thought of the things for itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." -Mathew 6:34
 
TheAristocat

TheAristocat

Senior Member
#12
Oct 4, 2011
2,150
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#12
Amjet10 said:
Thank you everyone for giving a crap about my 3 am post of frustration :)

One of the things I love about this site is the willingness of others to care when I feel like not a lot of people around me do or have to words to say :) You all rock my socks. Maybe I'm just too young to know guys who are what I'm looking for. Perhaps I have to wait until they mature. Sometimes I wonder if what I perceive as loneliness is just time that is actually a gift from God to develop patience, self control, and a stronger relationship with Him.

So yes, thank you all.

Also- being bro-zoned is the female version of being friend-zoned. c:
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Friend-zoned? Is that where you go on a date with a woman and the woman completely blows you off for her friends and then forgets that you even went out with her that day?
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#13
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
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Sometimes I wonder something similar though not physical in nature. Emotional purity.

There is such thing as investing too much in a relationship and there are times I wonder if the reason I have had little relational success so far has to do with that. At the end I come to realize that waiting for the right girl is the best course, because in the meantime God is teaching me how to deal with suffering, impatience, loneliness, etc.

You'll get through this. It will take time and patience, but whoever you marry will thank you for it. I'm fairly certain you'll thank yourself too.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#14
#14
I've learned that a guy who won't date you if you don't have sex with him is probably only dating you to have sex with you anyway, even if they claim to be christians.

I also believe that women and men who have the strength of character and self-respect NOT to have sex with the people they date are far more likely to have the strength of character not to cheat on you in a relationship. They know better how to handle temptation and/or other situations that can arise than those who are led by their libidos. A guy who knows how to say no is a guy you can trust.

Also, the fairytale thing is great, but real, healthy, long lasting relationships are made of sterner stuff.
 
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Amjet10

Guest
#15
#15
You are all wonderful :)
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#16
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
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#16
Do you really want to know how much hope there is to find a partner who is willing to put off sex before marriage?

If so, just count how many people you know of who didn't have sex until they were married. Parents? Aunts? Uncles? Married friends? Cousins? Pastors? Celebrities? Politicians? etc... Then divide that number into how married people you know of who didn't wait until marriage and you'll have your answer.

For example, if you know 2 people who waited until marriage and 100 people who didn't, 2 divided by 100 = 0.02 which is 2%, or a 1 in 50 chance.

Of course, if you don't know anyone who waited...well then its a good way to stay single.
 
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AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#17
Aug 2, 2011
601
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Jullianna said:
I've learned that a guy who won't date you if you don't have sex with him is probably only dating you to have sex with you anyway, even if they claim to be christians.

I also believe that women and men who have the strength of character and self-respect NOT to have sex with the people they date are far more likely to have the strength of character not to cheat on you in a relationship. They know better how to handle temptation and/or other situations that can arise than those who are led by their libidos. A guy who knows how to say no is a guy you can trust.

Also, the fairytale thing is great, but real, healthy, long lasting relationships are made of sterner stuff.
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Agree 100%.

There are guys willing to wait...I don't know, maybe you just go to a patchy church or something? I can't say. Of course, there are patchy folks at any church. But yeah, you're still young, and most guys your age (even Christian guys) are probably too immature to see the value in waiting for marriage. That's just something characteristic of this part of life for you, and it will pass. God DOES see the value in you finding a husband; He's the one that created the idea of marriage in the first place, thusly a pure marriage is VERY important to Him, especially because it is so rare today.

Keep praying it up! And have (female) friends pray for you too. Don't be deceived, and keep fighting the good fight.
 
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TVA_Josh

Guest
#18
#18
Hi Amjet,

A couple of months back i wouldv'e been one of those guys who would of shown intrest in you, but if you wern't putting out wouldve lost intrest quite quickly. Things in my life have changed drastically these past few months and my opinions have changed, I believe that you waiting till marriage to have sex is an amazing descion and I wish I too had made that choice in my life. Sex before marriage has caused many problems in my life so far, some very personal and some that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I have made a vow now to wait until marriage until I have sex again but this will not undo what I have already done. As others have said before me any guy who isn't willing to wait and respect your choice as a christian isn't a guy you want to be with. I am 21 and I know society sees sex as a play thing, nothing to serious, but keep waiting and the one man who is right for you will come along and he too will wait, and you will be rewarded for your loyalty to God.
 
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