Does the church ignore single Christians? Where are we supposed to go?!?

[Elizabeth35]

I recently started going back to church (that's another story!) and I noticed that my church has a ton of groups and different ministries. They have groups for seniors, children, youth, young adults (18-30), young families, marriage events, Alpha, teaching groups, special needs kids, community outreach, etc. They have a lot and that's great! But there's one glaringly obvious group that's been left out. Singles over 30. It's as if we don't exist. And I'm not just talking about my church, all churches I've been to and have looked at attending in the past have absolutely diddly squat for singles.
I know we can join bible studies and such, but it's annoying when every other life stage has specific events and meetings for them but singles are forgotten.

What has been your experience with your church or previous churches and their attitude towards us "elderly" single people?

Second question. What are your thoughts on meeting a potential mate at church?
Personally, I believe as single Christians we're probably not going to be meeting our future spouse at a bar, so that's not really an option. And we all know online dating is pure torture. So where are single Christians supposed to meet each other?

 

[Lynx]

seoulsearch will be joining this thread in eight... seven... six... five... four...

 

[Tall_Timbers]

That church just might need someone to step up and lead a 30+ singles group. Our church staff tell members, if you can't find a group you'd like to join, start one.

I think meeting a future spouse in a church is a good place to meet that person. One needs to become active so they can meet and get to know other volunteers. Also volunteer positions outside of the church might also prove useful in finding a spouse. There are all kinds of clubs/groups a person can join. I'm a member of a running club, for example, so I get to know that subgroup of people. I often advise folks who would like a spouse to cast a wide net, so the more things one becomes active in the more one is likely to meet that special person.

 

[cinder]

Unfortunately, it seems to be a vicious cycle. Church has nothing for middle aged single adults, single adults stop going to church, church says hey we don't have any single adults so why would we need a ministry for single adults. And then there's the complicating factor that well if you're going to have a singles ministry then you have to start dealing very openly and honestly with sexual temptation, and if you think it's hard to get teens to obey God's commands on when sex is appropriate, just wait till you start calling older single adults out on their disobedience in that area.

So it is a challenge for churches and no they don't really know what to do with us, especially if we're those weird perpetual singles who don't have any children we need parenting advice for or bad past relationships we need healing from.

I've also noticed that being single and childless cuts us off from many of the day to day paths to community those with kids have. No meeting parents of your kids classmates or friends. No school events. Way less to small talk about when you get the opportunity to.

Bottom line (before this becomes a list of how crappy singleness is). Singleness has its challenges and since churches deal with so few singles (and have so few single leaders), those challenges are often invisible to them. Just like some of the challenges of marriage are invisible to us.

As for finding a Christian spouse, well if we were all experts on that we wouldn't be singles. But I understand that those who don't meet online often meet either in the places they go in real life or else through people they know in real life. That's the best I got.

 

[Snackersmom]

seoulsearch will be joining this thread in eight... seven... six... five... four...

Stand by, she "liked" the OP almost an hour ago so probly still typing 😜.

 

[Maori_Aussie]

I recently started going back to church (that's another story!) and I noticed that my church has a ton of groups and different ministries. They have groups for seniors, children, youth, young adults (18-30), young families, marriage events, Alpha, teaching groups, special needs kids, community outreach, etc. They have a lot and that's great! But there's one glaringly obvious group that's been left out. Singles over 30. It's as if we don't exist. And I'm not just talking about my church, all churches I've been to and have looked at attending in the past have absolutely diddly squat for singles.
I know we can join bible studies and such, but it's annoying when every other life stage has specific events and meetings for them but singles are forgotten.

What has been your experience with your church or previous churches and their attitude towards us "elderly" single people?

Second question. What are your thoughts on meeting a potential mate at church?
Personally, I believe as single Christians we're probably not going to be meeting our future spouse at a bar, so that's not really an option. And we all know online dating is pure torture. So where are single Christians supposed to meet each other?

I would endorse what Tall Timbers said and add two things. First, in my Church the 30+ men normally volunteer for the outdoor activities with action, excitement and adventure, and less so for (say) Sunday School. Secondly, those outdoor activities might well be multi-denominational, so like Tall Timbers said, fish the whole lake and not just a single bay... God Bless and God Speed!

 

[Texasgal]

I’m sometimes taking my grandkids to church (not their favorite grandma activity), and then Im somehow being elevated from being a dreaded single lady to a sweet old grandmother.😄

 

[Gideon300]

I recently started going back to church (that's another story!) and I noticed that my church has a ton of groups and different ministries. They have groups for seniors, children, youth, young adults (18-30), young families, marriage events, Alpha, teaching groups, special needs kids, community outreach, etc. They have a lot and that's great! But there's one glaringly obvious group that's been left out. Singles over 30. It's as if we don't exist. And I'm not just talking about my church, all churches I've been to and have looked at attending in the past have absolutely diddly squat for singles.
I know we can join bible studies and such, but it's annoying when every other life stage has specific events and meetings for them but singles are forgotten.

What has been your experience with your church or previous churches and their attitude towards us "elderly" single people?

Second question. What are your thoughts on meeting a potential mate at church?
Personally, I believe as single Christians we're probably not going to be meeting our future spouse at a bar, so that's not really an option. And we all know online dating is pure torture. So where are single Christians supposed to meet each other?

How about organising something yourselves? Since you are mature (hopefully) adults, get together and work out what you can do. You do not have to meet in a bar. Maybe a hike, visit a zoo, lunch at a nice park or go bowling. You could even (shock, horror) meet at someone's home as they did in the first days of the church.

 

[RodB651]

What has been your experience with your church or previous churches and their attitude towards us "elderly" single people?

Well, at some point you'll be expected to "volunteer" to help in children's church or maybe the youth group.

Something like that.. 🤦

 

[RodB651]

@seoulsearch ..

We're waiting on you to join this thread... 😀

 

[G00WZ]

I recently started going back to church (that's another story!) and I noticed that my church has a ton of groups and different ministries. They have groups for seniors, children, youth, young adults (18-30), young families, marriage events, Alpha, teaching groups, special needs kids, community outreach, etc. They have a lot and that's great! But there's one glaringly obvious group that's been left out. Singles over 30. It's as if we don't exist. And I'm not just talking about my church, all churches I've been to and have looked at attending in the past have absolutely diddly squat for singles.
I know we can join bible studies and such, but it's annoying when every other life stage has specific events and meetings for them but singles are forgotten.

What has been your experience with your church or previous churches and their attitude towards us "elderly" single people?

Second question. What are your thoughts on meeting a potential mate at church?
Personally, I believe as single Christians we're probably not going to be meeting our future spouse at a bar, so that's not really an option. And we all know online dating is pure torture. So where are single Christians supposed to meet each other?

I think you like most people in general overthink where you're "supposed" to be meeting people. A lot of christians think of and see church as their one stop shop for everything when really it doesn't work like that under most conditions.

You're going to meet people wherever you go and as far as the belief that you're not going to meet anyone in a bar goes that's a both a personal belief and a limiting one at that. I actually have friends who met their wives in bars and in clubs and nearly 20 years later they're still together.

Me personally i have never tried to date church folk because i see them as weird, fake and cringe, that's my own personal belief i know but i really don't care. Going to church to find a mate never settled well with me so i avoided women in the church like that when i did attend.

 

[kqr_anointed]

she’s watching the last comet pass by

 

[SirSolaScriptura]

Yeah singles are treated as separate caste or class. You have Couples Groups, and Single Groups. When you do not see this in the New Testament, everyone met together as one in houses. But now we break into circles.. and make certain people who didn't "get with program at the right time," feel out of place. Ugh.. this reason no. 66 that I do not attend church anymore.

 

[Edith]

You got

seoulsearch will be joining this thread in eight... seven... six... five... four...

me laughing

 

[Fillan]

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am (1 Corinthians 7:8)

Sadly sometimes I think many churches in today's modern world can drift away from a Biblical worldview and follow some kind of social philosophy, or teach what people want to hear. Biblical teaching, especially Jesus can be more fundamental and Apocalyptic than anything the church might be comfortable with. The church might prefer some sort of socially acceptable even Darwinian model, based on the writings of a celebrity author and therefore certain groups will be prioritized over others.


Luke 14: 12 Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. 13 But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, 14 and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”

God Bless All

 

[JohnDB]

Single groups are labeled "college and career" at church....

They are somewhat flakey at times with consistency in attendance. Older vx younger?

Mostly because people are using the group in an in appropriate fashion.

A vehicle is made for travel but if some act like its an entertainment center....they kinda missed the point. No different from going to a baseball game just for the food concessions for dinner.

The same can be said about the Bible and scriptures.

The Bible is misused often for a lot of things other than what it was intended for. It is a collection of books, letters, and songs that are to direct us into how to have proper relationships with God and each other. That's its major objective....

I've been a member of CC groups that simply evaporated due to everyone getting married or moving away for their careers. (Older and way past college) All inside a month 20+ people just gone. The leaders had to start from scratch again.

Young and old like to hang out together....although I do get that the younger ones can be very annoying to the more mature members. Fleas come with the dog and there isn't any fixing it.

Although what you have alluded to is also true. Sometimes churches throw their worst pastor or people at leadership when they don't care or really don't want to be known for singles groups. (Happens) Senior pastors want to be known for leading a generational family focused church. Just saying....
(Not my idea but it's often theirs)

Just keep desiring to make friends and encourage others who are single to be supportive of each other. Make your own pot luck group or something. Fun stuff.

 

[seoulsearch]

seoulsearch will be joining this thread in eight... seven... six... five... four...

Stand by, she "liked" the OP almost an hour ago so probly still typing 😜.

@seoulsearch ... We're waiting on you to join this thread... 😀

You got me laughing

LOL!!

I had to laugh at the fact that churches don't want to be known for focusing on singles...

Maybe because everyone -- and their mother -- knows that's apparently MY job!!!

@Snackersmom was right on the money, as usual -- I've just spent nearly an hour typing -- though for the sake of all the lovely people who have kindly responded here, I decided to do so in a different thread.

I hope all you trouble makers will feel better now.

 

[Fillan]

The power of the gospel breaks down all social barriers, in the church of Jesus Christ people of all backgrounds, ages and different social statuses come together as one new body, one family. The one big distinction now in society is between the saved and unsaved, those who belong to God and those who belong to the devil. There is no barrier between believers, we are one in Christ. How then does it benefit the cause of Christ to split his body up into cliques based on often artificial worldly characteristics? Where in the New Testament does the authority for splitting the body into these cliques come from? Many times in the New Testament it talks about one. One body, one place, one accord.

God Bless All

 

[seoulsearch]

The power of the gospel breaks down all social barriers, in the church of Jesus Christ people of all backgrounds, ages and different social statuses come together as one new body, one family. The one big distinction now in society is between the saved and unsaved, those who belong to God and those who belong to the devil.

There is no barrier between believers, we are one in Christ. How then does it benefit the cause of Christ to split his body up into cliques based on often artificial worldly characteristics? Where in the New Testament does the authority for splitting the body into these cliques come from? Many times in the New Testament it talks about one. One body, one place, one accord. God Bless All

I understand and truly appreciate what you're trying to say here.

But I was just curious...

What are your thoughts on pretty much every church having separate groups for married people? For people with kids? For widows and caretakers?

Where is the fine line between keeping the Body of Christ one body -- and then splitting it up into groups that have specific, but common needs?

 

[Lynx]

I understand and truly appreciate what you're trying to say here.

But I was just curious...

What are your thoughts on pretty much every church having separate groups for married people? For people with kids? For widows and caretakers?

Where is the fine line between keeping the Body of Christ one body -- and then splitting it up into groups that have specific, but common needs?

Yeah... It's pretty hard to preach a sermon that means something for elderly people, married people, single people and kids all at the same time. Somebody's going to be really bored.