"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you[c] are the temple of the living God" (2Corinthians 6:14-16).
Someone recently said in another post that it's hard to know if the sense and feelings you get about potential mates in church (etc.) are coming from you or from some other place. I want to start with some realities that precede choosing a mate.
The entire Bible needs to be redefined today. What I mean is that many wrong meanings and interpretations and views have been assigned to the Bible through the years and that is militating against christians' spiritual growth, progress, and success. I'll give two examples:
1. Fellowship. christians define this word basically as 'two or more people gather and talk about the Bible'. To those who may not go to church many christians quote, "Do not forsake the assembling of yourselves together as some are in the habit of doing" (Hebrews 10:25). By the current definition of this word, it means that every church in America is in God's will and pleasing to God on Sundays, even churches that disagree and fight with each other. Anyone can go to church; many non-christians go to church as do occultists. Does God consider that 'fellowship'? No. The Bible's definition of fellowship is when two or more people gather around God as the central focus, seeking Him and waiting on Him to see how He leads, and God is also present. So, not only do two or more people need to be present and seeking God together in unity but God has to be present with them as well (and He will be when people centralize and seek Him)-- Malachi 3:16; Matthew 18:19-20; 1John 1:3. That is what the Bible calls fellowship. "Do not forsake the assembly" is not telling christians, "You better go to church" because that is what most christians think of that verse. So, if someone wrongly defines 'fellowship', then how can they actually have fellowship? They can't. You can't because you're doing something that by definition isn't what it's supposed to be: you're in the house on the left side of the road thinking you're in the house on the right. You're in the wrong house and can't be in both houses simultaneously. The same applies to marriage and equal yokes.
2. Marriage. You shouldn't trust your intuition, discernment, or feelings if you're constantly obsessed with what you can get and how you can benefit [in marriage]. 2Cor. 6 says not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. But if a christian is also an unbeliever in their daily lives, then they cannot apply this to themselves. The Bible isn't talking simply christian vs. non-christian or two christians from different denominations. The Bible is talking about those who are sanctifying themselves to God not yoking themselves with anyone else. God was sanctifying Israel (setting them apart for Himself) but wasn't sanctifying any other nation; therefore, He told Israel not to partake with other nations. 1Cor. 6 is about those who are separating themselves to God not being yoked with those who aren't. There are some in the churches who are sanctifying themselves and many who aren't. Those who are sanctifying themselves should not be yoked with those who aren't because that relationship will not and cannot work. So, in churches and christian circles, there are men and women who are trying to find a spouse who will be 'equally yoked'. The problem here is if both of them aren't yoked to Jesus (ie. being sanctified, living holy lives), then what is 'an equal yoke' in that equation? What is usually happening in churches is that people are marrying and being 'yoked' together in the flesh; ie. their yoke is their yoke, not Jesus's yoke. When you yoke two people together who are not being sanctified (ie. dying to the flesh), what you get is two parties each serving their own best interests (instead of the best interests of God). What can you expect from that? Just what you have in most christian marriages: strife, lust, confusion, chaos, performance, fear, anxiety, unfaithfulness, greed, etc. The christian divorce statistics bear some witness to this.
The point of what I'm saying here is that "it takes two to tango". "Like attracts like." If a woman 'loves' or/and marries a carnal or prideful or selfish man, it is because she is those things too or because she loves her sins and so loves his as well (and vice versa). I have been around women who were all about what they want or don't want, what they like or don't like. I couldn't get along with them no matter how I tried, and sometimes they outright hated me. We had nothing in common spiritually speaking: they were constantly chasing a good time 24/7 and I wasn't. Men and women are usually (but not always) drawn together by their commonalities; if they both are carnal (ie. live life based on your likes, wants, needs, and preferences), then their relationships will show it.
Paul told Timothy, "In the last days perilous times will come, for men will be lovers of themselves... having a form of godliness but denying its power. From such people turn away! For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts" (2Tim. 3).
Perilous (dangerous) times come about because people are self-centered and self-absorbed (carnal, fleshly). One person's self-centeredness creates pain for others; but when basically everyone is self-centered, then it turns to peril and 'real and present danger' for others. These self-centered ministers have a form of godliness (ie. church, ministry, preaching, and talking some more) but do not have the corresponding effects/power that comes only from obedience (eg. holiness in their churches, spiritual refreshing/renewal/revival, miracles and church members' needs met, answered prayers, etc.). These self-centered ministers "are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins." These self-centered/carnal ministers are able to seduce only women who are also sinful. Those women are "loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts" which is why those sinful men have access to them. On the other hand, Solomon says:
"I find more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, but the sinner shall be trapped by her" (Ecclesiastes 7:26).
The principle applies for both men and women: if you are carnal (self-centered, etc.), you will be drawn to carnal relationships (you might complain later when it doesn't work out or you get beaten or cheated on but you were at fault too); but if you are sanctifying yourself, you won't be drawn into carnal relationships. This is all simply saying, "Birds of a feather flock together. Like attracts like. Etc." Two flesly christians yoked together are indeed equally yoked; but they aren't equally yoked the way God wants them to be (which is that two sanctified believers are yoked together), so it's important to be careful when interpreting the Bible for everyday life issues. I reiterate that church is usually not a good place to look for a spouse unless you are fine with being set on your own interests, because you will get someone in marriage who is set on their interests (just as you are set on yours instead of someone who's set on God's interests as you are)-- and the two colliding interests will inevitably and eventually conflict.
Someone recently said in another post that it's hard to know if the sense and feelings you get about potential mates in church (etc.) are coming from you or from some other place. I want to start with some realities that precede choosing a mate.
The entire Bible needs to be redefined today. What I mean is that many wrong meanings and interpretations and views have been assigned to the Bible through the years and that is militating against christians' spiritual growth, progress, and success. I'll give two examples:
1. Fellowship. christians define this word basically as 'two or more people gather and talk about the Bible'. To those who may not go to church many christians quote, "Do not forsake the assembling of yourselves together as some are in the habit of doing" (Hebrews 10:25). By the current definition of this word, it means that every church in America is in God's will and pleasing to God on Sundays, even churches that disagree and fight with each other. Anyone can go to church; many non-christians go to church as do occultists. Does God consider that 'fellowship'? No. The Bible's definition of fellowship is when two or more people gather around God as the central focus, seeking Him and waiting on Him to see how He leads, and God is also present. So, not only do two or more people need to be present and seeking God together in unity but God has to be present with them as well (and He will be when people centralize and seek Him)-- Malachi 3:16; Matthew 18:19-20; 1John 1:3. That is what the Bible calls fellowship. "Do not forsake the assembly" is not telling christians, "You better go to church" because that is what most christians think of that verse. So, if someone wrongly defines 'fellowship', then how can they actually have fellowship? They can't. You can't because you're doing something that by definition isn't what it's supposed to be: you're in the house on the left side of the road thinking you're in the house on the right. You're in the wrong house and can't be in both houses simultaneously. The same applies to marriage and equal yokes.
2. Marriage. You shouldn't trust your intuition, discernment, or feelings if you're constantly obsessed with what you can get and how you can benefit [in marriage]. 2Cor. 6 says not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. But if a christian is also an unbeliever in their daily lives, then they cannot apply this to themselves. The Bible isn't talking simply christian vs. non-christian or two christians from different denominations. The Bible is talking about those who are sanctifying themselves to God not yoking themselves with anyone else. God was sanctifying Israel (setting them apart for Himself) but wasn't sanctifying any other nation; therefore, He told Israel not to partake with other nations. 1Cor. 6 is about those who are separating themselves to God not being yoked with those who aren't. There are some in the churches who are sanctifying themselves and many who aren't. Those who are sanctifying themselves should not be yoked with those who aren't because that relationship will not and cannot work. So, in churches and christian circles, there are men and women who are trying to find a spouse who will be 'equally yoked'. The problem here is if both of them aren't yoked to Jesus (ie. being sanctified, living holy lives), then what is 'an equal yoke' in that equation? What is usually happening in churches is that people are marrying and being 'yoked' together in the flesh; ie. their yoke is their yoke, not Jesus's yoke. When you yoke two people together who are not being sanctified (ie. dying to the flesh), what you get is two parties each serving their own best interests (instead of the best interests of God). What can you expect from that? Just what you have in most christian marriages: strife, lust, confusion, chaos, performance, fear, anxiety, unfaithfulness, greed, etc. The christian divorce statistics bear some witness to this.
The point of what I'm saying here is that "it takes two to tango". "Like attracts like." If a woman 'loves' or/and marries a carnal or prideful or selfish man, it is because she is those things too or because she loves her sins and so loves his as well (and vice versa). I have been around women who were all about what they want or don't want, what they like or don't like. I couldn't get along with them no matter how I tried, and sometimes they outright hated me. We had nothing in common spiritually speaking: they were constantly chasing a good time 24/7 and I wasn't. Men and women are usually (but not always) drawn together by their commonalities; if they both are carnal (ie. live life based on your likes, wants, needs, and preferences), then their relationships will show it.
Paul told Timothy, "In the last days perilous times will come, for men will be lovers of themselves... having a form of godliness but denying its power. From such people turn away! For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts" (2Tim. 3).
Perilous (dangerous) times come about because people are self-centered and self-absorbed (carnal, fleshly). One person's self-centeredness creates pain for others; but when basically everyone is self-centered, then it turns to peril and 'real and present danger' for others. These self-centered ministers have a form of godliness (ie. church, ministry, preaching, and talking some more) but do not have the corresponding effects/power that comes only from obedience (eg. holiness in their churches, spiritual refreshing/renewal/revival, miracles and church members' needs met, answered prayers, etc.). These self-centered ministers "are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins." These self-centered/carnal ministers are able to seduce only women who are also sinful. Those women are "loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts" which is why those sinful men have access to them. On the other hand, Solomon says:
"I find more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, but the sinner shall be trapped by her" (Ecclesiastes 7:26).
The principle applies for both men and women: if you are carnal (self-centered, etc.), you will be drawn to carnal relationships (you might complain later when it doesn't work out or you get beaten or cheated on but you were at fault too); but if you are sanctifying yourself, you won't be drawn into carnal relationships. This is all simply saying, "Birds of a feather flock together. Like attracts like. Etc." Two flesly christians yoked together are indeed equally yoked; but they aren't equally yoked the way God wants them to be (which is that two sanctified believers are yoked together), so it's important to be careful when interpreting the Bible for everyday life issues. I reiterate that church is usually not a good place to look for a spouse unless you are fine with being set on your own interests, because you will get someone in marriage who is set on their interests (just as you are set on yours instead of someone who's set on God's interests as you are)-- and the two colliding interests will inevitably and eventually conflict.
