Hi ki - So sorry to read that you truly are in a bad place @ this time, my Friend. But I've always maintained that, in a way, it's to our advantage that bad things happen for good can only come from bad & unless we've experienced bad stuff, how can we appreciate the good stuff?!
But it does & will get better for you - & you are so lucky to have your boyfriend fighting your corner.
Everything will be right. It may take a wee while but the healing takes time & from time comes healing. I don't have any answers for you ki - Just an unshaken belief that our God is quite sneaky & there will be some mysterious reasons for this. But let your boyfriend in. He's obviously there to help fight the bad dreams & from winning that battle (which you will do!) will come your reward. I can tell, from the context of your words, that you have the strength & courage to do battle. And from there it's a walk in the park
If things still get tough before they get better, just PM me. It's no bother.
Take care; God bless; My prayers are with you both.
J+