In this process of adopting, facing disappoints is difficult. It seems like most of the time, you’re in limbo, waiting, waiting, waiting, and then denied or told that they want to wait, even though you’re a possible match. Waiting, waiting, waiting.
It is hard to imagine how the children feel, not knowing that people actually are trying to adopt them, are trying to be matched with them, and being denied or placed on indefinite hold. Last year, we waited three months for two little girls, our home study tied up with them, willing to wait, and then finding out there were countless twists to the situation, things that changed it. So, three months waiting and then nothing to show for it. Now, waiting over a month for someone and hearing that though my mom and I are a possible match for the little girl, her caseworker doesn’t want to proceed just yet, as there are new things that have arisen, and so, once again, nothing. In fact, we are told that we have to wait indefinitely and then they’ll contact us later (no date given) to see if we’re still interested.
I don’t handle disappointments gracefully in my mind. Outwardly, I do very well, but in my mind, it is immediately questioned by the logical side of my brain. “Is this even what You want, God? Did I hear You wrong? Am I even supposed to be doing this?” Every time I go there, though, I just feel like He is saying, “Wait.” Ah, yes, back to waiting.
Many years ago, Jesus gave me a vision. I was facing Him, our foreheads nearly touching, as we looked down at my palm-up, opened hand, which had a small seed sitting upon it, dead center. I stared at it in sorrow and dismay and said, “This is my faith,”
Jesus, kindly as He is wont to do, said, “No, that is not your faith. That is your patience.” The scene enlarged and I discovered that I was leaning against a massive tree. “That is your faith.” Yes, my patience is the size of a mustard seed.
So, through the waiting for marriage (if and when that is supposed to happen), waiting for this adoption/placement, waiting for deliverance and freedom, well, it is all to water and pressure and encourage the little seed in my hand to grow and one day, that seed will be a massive tree like the tree of faith in my vision, and that will be a great reward indeed.
Thank You, Lord, that Your patience is so great and beautiful while You develop mine.
It is hard to imagine how the children feel, not knowing that people actually are trying to adopt them, are trying to be matched with them, and being denied or placed on indefinite hold. Last year, we waited three months for two little girls, our home study tied up with them, willing to wait, and then finding out there were countless twists to the situation, things that changed it. So, three months waiting and then nothing to show for it. Now, waiting over a month for someone and hearing that though my mom and I are a possible match for the little girl, her caseworker doesn’t want to proceed just yet, as there are new things that have arisen, and so, once again, nothing. In fact, we are told that we have to wait indefinitely and then they’ll contact us later (no date given) to see if we’re still interested.
I don’t handle disappointments gracefully in my mind. Outwardly, I do very well, but in my mind, it is immediately questioned by the logical side of my brain. “Is this even what You want, God? Did I hear You wrong? Am I even supposed to be doing this?” Every time I go there, though, I just feel like He is saying, “Wait.” Ah, yes, back to waiting.
Many years ago, Jesus gave me a vision. I was facing Him, our foreheads nearly touching, as we looked down at my palm-up, opened hand, which had a small seed sitting upon it, dead center. I stared at it in sorrow and dismay and said, “This is my faith,”
Jesus, kindly as He is wont to do, said, “No, that is not your faith. That is your patience.” The scene enlarged and I discovered that I was leaning against a massive tree. “That is your faith.” Yes, my patience is the size of a mustard seed.
So, through the waiting for marriage (if and when that is supposed to happen), waiting for this adoption/placement, waiting for deliverance and freedom, well, it is all to water and pressure and encourage the little seed in my hand to grow and one day, that seed will be a massive tree like the tree of faith in my vision, and that will be a great reward indeed.
Thank You, Lord, that Your patience is so great and beautiful while You develop mine.
