Family drama...uugh!! Don't want it, how do I handle it?

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tesssie94

Guest
#1
#1
:confused:

My husbands family lives about six hours away from us. He has a mum, and two brothers who are married. We have been traveling for many years to see them (holidays, and throughout the year as well). Throughout the years however his family has become more and more difficult to deal with. We pack the car, the kids and make the six hour drive several times a year only to find that when we arrive, his brothers will drive to his mums house (the central meeting point) for a couple of hours to see us but then they "have stuff to do". They come and then are eager to leave, to do their "stuff". His mum who lives alone is grouchy and absorbed with her dog and spends little time with the kids. We in short don't want to go see them anymore.They don't understand why?? As a Christian I am truly struggling with turn the other cheek and giving til you bleed. My husband has had it and says his family is self absorbed and selfish, but I am struggling with this. Family means the world to me but I have tried in the past to talk to his mum and she cannot see her own selfish ways. I know I am not innocent and have apologized to her and she has "accepted apology". But as a supposed Catholic Bible study leader she does not see her own life and how selfish she has become. What DO I DO?? Have been praying about it but feel sad that I cannot make things better>>,,,
 
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gb9

Senior Member
#2
Jan 18, 2011
11,756
6,336
113
#2
this is not going to sound good, but sometimes things are going to be what they are going to be. my grandmother is 79 and grandfather passed away several years ago. she lives alone and complains about being alone but will not even consider moving. she wants me or my aunt to come up and hang out with her 5 or six times a week. we cannot do that, so I have learned to pray for her safety and well- being and try not to have a lot of concern. you can't make people be what they are not. we can't make grandmother be active and have a life of her own. God gave us free will , and sometimes people do not make good choices.
 
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Robbinette

Guest
#3
#3
Is she able to come to you? Maybe you two could meet in the middle on somethings? If she is disabled or too old to drive she may be that way(antisocial) because she's getting older and unable to do things anymore. She may just think why should I get excited about them being here, they are just going to leave me in a few hours anyway... I do understand where your coming from but I understand where she may be coming from also. My mother and father has moved in with my grandmother to keep her from going into the nursing home. My sister and I also help. But as far as the rest of the family they don't live near here and when they do come and visit they aren't any help at all they don't understand what we sacrifice daily to keep our grandmother comfortable during her last years and the ones that do live near always have something going on and "aren't able to help". The brothers may see you coming as a chance to get a break from mom and have some time to themselves that they usually don't have. I know that with my grandmother people really don't understand unless they've taken care of an elderly relative that's living their last years and is dependent on them for the simplest basic needs. Maybe she isn't this way and she is just selfish with her time and attention but it's just some food for thought :) I would suggest you looking into some books about it, there's a lot of stuff out there that could help.
 
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dashadow

Guest
#4
#4
I feel ya. I don't do family drama. That applies to my family and my wife's family. I don't cut them out, but I will cut them off when the nonsense starts.

Matthew 12:46-50
[SUP]46 [/SUP]While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. [SUP]47 [/SUP]Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”
[SUP]48 [/SUP]He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” [SUP]49 [/SUP]Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. [SUP]50 [/SUP]For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”
 
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tenderhearted

Guest
#5
#5
I understand what you're going through. 7 years ago we moved 5 hrs away from both of our families and my husband's family would never visit us. We would visit all the time and his mother wouldn't interact with us much. We decided we would just visit my family because they appreciated our time. Then his family would get upset with us. We tried to tell his mother that my family comes and visits us, so our kids our closer to my family. My husband's family didn't care they wanted everything their way. My husband would have to constantly chase after them, while they put no effort into the relationship. It was one sided. My husband became very hurt by the fact that she wasn't interested in his life. Even when he would call his mother, she would never ask about the kids and I. It was only what my husband could do for her. I think that you are doing the right thing by not wasting your time. Relationships are meant to be two ways. If your in-laws are not interested, there is nothing you can do. All you can do is pray for them. God will understand. He wants you to guard your heart. Build relationships with people who want to have a relationship with you. :)
 
Tommy4Christ

Tommy4Christ

Banned
#6
Feb 11, 2012
1,358
8
0
#6
The Lord is near!

Psa 145:18 The Lord is near all those who call on Him, all those who call on Him in truth.
Psa 145:19 He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry, and will save them.
Psa 145:20 The Lord watches over all those who love Him; but all the wicked He will destroy.
Yes the Lord is near; He is near to those who call on Him in truth, which means out of a pure heart, an obedient faith, along with a humble spirit that has been absolutely broken in repentance!
To fear God is to know Him, to respect His awesome power over sin and temptation, and also to obey and keep His commands as He wills His true followers to do!
And when the broken, repentant soul cries out as the whole city of Nineveh did, He will save them as they cried out for mercy and forgiveness because they were cut to the heart as to their great sin and disobedience to almighty God!
And now the best of the best of God! He watches over and protects His true saints, which are those who love and fear Him supremely, and have come to Him on His terms as commanded, which simply is repentance unto Him, followed by faith (obedience) unto His son Jesus Christ!
Act 20:21 Testifying both to the Jews, and also to the Greeks, repentance toward God and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ.
But there is a catch here, since many who profess Christ as their savior have failed to understand. Those who have failed to come to God on His terms, through the repentance process, and are still in great bondage to the world and sin, God will destroy, which doesn’t mean a slap on the wrist, to all who think you can be IN sin, and IN Christ at the same time!
The wicked are simply the ones who have the pride and arrogance to call themselves followers of Christ, but openly admit they are addicted to many vile sins, or admit they struggle constantly by falling into willful disobedience to God, trampling on the precious blood of Christ over and over again!
God is no respecter of any person, but gives His grace and mercy to the humble, who are not perfect, BUT perfectly obey His commands, keeping themselves unspotted from the world, and any willful sin and disobedience!
Psa 117:1 O praise the LORD, all ye nations: praise him, all ye people.
Psa 117:2 For his merciful kindness is great toward us: and the truth of the LORD endureth for ever. Praise ye the LORD!
Tommy 3-9-13






tesssie94 said:
:confused:

My husbands family lives about six hours away from us. He has a mum, and two brothers who are married. We have been traveling for many years to see them (holidays, and throughout the year as well). Throughout the years however his family has become more and more difficult to deal with. We pack the car, the kids and make the six hour drive several times a year only to find that when we arrive, his brothers will drive to his mums house (the central meeting point) for a couple of hours to see us but then they "have stuff to do". They come and then are eager to leave, to do their "stuff". His mum who lives alone is grouchy and absorbed with her dog and spends little time with the kids. We in short don't want to go see them anymore.They don't understand why?? As a Christian I am truly struggling with turn the other cheek and giving til you bleed. My husband has had it and says his family is self absorbed and selfish, but I am struggling with this. Family means the world to me but I have tried in the past to talk to his mum and she cannot see her own selfish ways. I know I am not innocent and have apologized to her and she has "accepted apology". But as a supposed Catholic Bible study leader she does not see her own life and how selfish she has become. What DO I DO?? Have been praying about it but feel sad that I cannot make things better>>,,,
Click to expand...
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#7
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#7
Most families have some kind of stress, unfortunately. Yes, selfish members can be very hard to get along with but they're still family. You probably don't want to hear this but it's what I finally told myself when I was really not wanting to visit our families anymore....don't let the hurt turn to resentment. Get rid of it. Make a conscience choice to get rid of the resentment...it'll take awhile. As you demonstrate unconditional love, good things will begin to happen. Then even when they do something that should irritate you, it doesn't matter. They are who they are. When we love our family unconditionally we truly let Christ's light shine through.

Maybe you can limit the visits? Especially if you're using vacation time to visit them. My husband and I are finally deciding to go do some fun stuff during vacation. We'll still drive to visit (our drives are like 11-15 hours one way!). This will probably make all of us much happier. Last Christmas, my mother-in-law really wanted us to leave and it was rather hurtful...she was trying to help me pack :(. Now it's just funny and I know a shorter visit will work better for everyone.
 
flowerof3

flowerof3

Senior Member
#8
May 1, 2011
864
10
18
#8
unfortunately we all have some sort of family drama from time to time but, my oldest sister always, always would start stuff with me , say things jut looking for drama nd not just me basically any or every family member until i STOPPED talking to her, no phone calls nothing, we eventually got over it but she realized i meant what i said about NO STRESS / NO DRAMA...

you have to think about your self sometimes stress can cause unnecessary health problems

i will keep you in prayer
 
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