Q
2 Timothy 1:7 "God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear) but one of power and of love and of self-discipline".
Notice that the spirit of "fear" is set up as the opposite of the spirit of "power, love, and self discipline". At the root of every bad decision I've ever made was the spirit of fear. Furthermore, every bad decision I ever made could have been avoided if I had accepted God's spirit of power, love, and self-discipline. Sound too simplistic? A little too weak? Ok, well, lets find out.
So why did you cheat on that test? Fear of failure.
Why did you lie about your virginity? Fear of condemnation.
Why did you marry that man who wasn't even faithful when you were dating? Fear that you didn't deserve a man who would be faithful.
Why did you casually point out your coworkers mistake to your boss when he's your best friend? Fear that you might be replaced.
Why did you get blasted with your buddies? Fear that you can't really cut it...in more areas then you want to think about. W
Why did you sleep with that guy when you weren't ready? Fear that false love (lust) was as good as you're gonna get.
Why did you torture that dork in school all those years? Fear that being feared was the closest thing you'd feel to being loved.
And WHY in the name of all that is good and Godly did I allow a narcacistic, sex addict who beat the hell out of me psychologically Monday through Saturday and preach love to the people on sunday, tell me who I was (and who I should be) for over 20 years? Simple. Fear that I wasn't anyone.
Living with the gift of God's spirit is a powerful life. Which makes sense. Because the life path that the spirit of power, love, and self-discipline lead us to and through is going to take some serious guts...and some serious power. Its going lead us into some territory thats familiar. Territory that has the world spitting at us and the church cheering us on. But sometimes, it will require us to do something that even your church, your brothers and sisters in Christ can not wrap their brain around. Sometimes, its going to cost us. We may lose friends. We may lose a job. We may even be abandoned by our church. But sweet friends I can tell you that whatever you may lose it will be worth the cost. It won't at first. It will totally suck at first and you will obsess about how you should have just taken the way everyone else wanted you to and kept the peace. But there is something waiting for you when you choose to live with the spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.
Freedom.
Fear will bring you all sorts of imitations of things you need but in the end they turn out to be just another form of bondage. But God's spirit will bring you the real thing...and it will lead you to freedom. Freedom from perfectionism. Freedom from deceit. Freedom from addiction. Freedom from stupid, stupid decisions. I've lived life with fear in the drivers seat and I've lived with God's spirit calling the shots. I've finally decided on the latter. After leaving my abusive and adulterous husband I now live in a tiny apartment after living in a large home. I am no longer able to attend my church because certain individuals believe I ended their beloved pastor's career by divorcing him. I lost my friends which one could argue weren't really true friends to begin with. I have to share my children with a man who lives in the place I called home. I lost a secure financial future and gained qualification for food stamps. I'm lonely. I'm broken. I'm poor. But I no longer hear a voice of criticism and disappointment declare my identity. I get to listen to the creator of the universe tell me and show me I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That I was created to do mighty works for the his Kingdom and for some insane reason I will never comprehend this side of heaven....I was worth dying for. That's freedom.
Thank you God for giving me the wisdom to know what you wanted me to do, the power to do it, the love to work towards forgiving those who didn't understand and the self-discipline to not seek justice. And most of all, thank you for telling me who I am. You are so good. In the name of my Jesus, Amen
I know God is faithful but during this transition period where I am having to leave behind the past and wait for God to show me my future it is lonely without human connection. New friendships are forming, true ones. But as you know friends who become sisters take time. And Limbo is just lonely. Is there anything I can pray for you? In Him, Grace